by Terina Adams
Rather than look at him, I glanced to the open door of the gaming room. From here I could see the white walls and the mat. Sitting out here, it was easy to believe the lie that none of the last few hours had happened. The surreality lay in becoming my avatar and joining the game, the physicality of each move, the complexity in the detail. When inside Dominus, it became more a reality than a fabrication.
Drawn to the sound of his return, I flicked a glance to the tattoo behind his right ear, although I couldn’t see much of it from this angle. It was there because of the rules of Dominus, a means of knowing everyone’s factional nature, a rule of the game, not a necessity in real life, and yet Jax, as well as Tyren—and I’d bet Elva too—had bothered to brand themselves Aris, had chosen their family and wore their loyalty for all to see.
Jax handed me a glass of water. He sat on the coffee table in front of me and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “You look pale. Make sure you drink.”
“I’ve never experienced anything like that before. I rarely get headaches.”
After staring at his hands, clasped in front, he said, “It can be a side effect of the game.”
“You’re joking?”
“It happens at times.”
“That’s dangerous. Shouldn’t you do something about it? You could really mess with people’s minds.”
“It only happens initially, then you adjust.”
“Or grow a tumor.”
“Ironically, it’s the strongest who suffer. It’s how we know who’s worth keeping in the game.”
“That’s after you fry their brains.”
He huffed a laugh. It was the first time I’d seen him in any way amused, or inching to it. I’m sure my face relayed my shock. And there was something else there as well, but I was not willing to assess the feeling. The headache burned the anger away, and Jax’s bizarre mood, acting like he cared, then sort of laughing, and I needed to leave. I wasn’t here to learn another side of his nature, especially one that made him appear more human, with a smidgeon of compassion.
“You must be shocked I was one of them.”
“I would not have asked you to play if I didn’t suspect you’d succeed.”
Given his persistent stalking of me, it was a creepy thing to say. “I don’t understand why you were in the convenience store?”
“You don’t think it was a coincidence?”
“You suddenly turn up everywhere in my life, so, no, it wasn’t a coincidence.”
“What about Holden? The fact we know each other and him appearing in your life at the same time, is that a coincidence?”
My mouth dried. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying you don’t always know who your friends are, or enemies, for that matter.”
He was crazy. “I think you’re still lost in your game.” It was complex enough, and if they were virtual most of the time, surely they would start to think and act like their avatars.
“What if the game was not just a game?”
Oh, god, I was right. “I’d say you have issues that need addressing. But I’m not qualified to help you.”
Again with the half laugh. All of a sudden, I was funny, or a joke, probably the latter.
“You’re not what I expected.”
“I wasn’t expecting you at all. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I would have been happier if you’d never showed up. Nothing about you makes sense. And I haven’t forgotten you threatened my brother.”
“I wasn’t after him. But you needed to be pushed.”
“Why was it so important? It’s just a game.”
“There’s a right time to reveal things.”
I sat back heavy into the couch. Here we went again on a cryptic merry-go-round. “Maybe I should ask Holden.”
“Holden will give you a distorted version of the truth.”
“Distorted according to whose perception?”
“Holden can’t be trusted. His loyalties are questionable.”
“I wanted to ask him about your mental health.”
Jax puffed out a breath, leaning away like he wished to escape the conversation. His sudden out breath released the elastic band stretched between us, which threatened to fling back and smack me in the face.
“You need me.”
“No I don’t.”
“I’m the GM. It’s up to me whether you survive.”
“But I don’t want to be a part of Dominus.”
“It’s too late. You already are.”
“Is this you threatening my brother again?”
Jax sunk his head into his palms. “I thought it would be different. Easier.”
“To threaten me, manipulate me?”
When he closed his eyes, his black eyelashes dusted his skin. I waited immeasurable moments for him to open them and look at me. Normally I couldn’t wait to escape his unrelenting gaze, but this time it felt like his eyes, staring into mine, would be a lifeline, or at least the link to a mystery that would possibly save me.
“To be truthful. But it’s the hardest thing to do.”
“I have to leave. Am I free to go?” My sarcasm dripped from each word.
I stood, not waiting for an answer. Jax joined me, making our proximity between the couch and the coffee table tight. “I planned on telling you everything.”
“Why don’t you?”
“I shouldn’t want to protect you.”
I couldn’t help it, I laughed in his face. “You think this is protection?” I couldn’t find enough adequate words. “You’re stuck in your world of Dominus, Jax. It’s twisting your mind. I wonder if you know what reality is anymore.”
“No, Sable, my world is reality. You just don’t realize it yet.”
Instead of salvation, his eyes plunged me into a turbulent sea.
Chapter 14
Jax was a lunatic, unstable and obsessed with dragging me into his delusional world. Wasn’t being stripped of dignity enough? Not according to whatever dice had rolled against me.
“Cheer up. The problem won’t be there forever.”
I forced my face into something resembling calm neutrality as I glanced to the lady sitting beside me. Looking at her sorrowful smile and smelling her stale odor, like her clothes had been scrunched in the washing basket too long, I needed space. “True, but I may not survive its short duration.”
I stood as I reached for the button. “Sorry,” I said as I maneuvered past her into the aisle.
“My thoughts and prayers are you with, my child.”
I couldn’t even muster a smile for her kind words.
The bus left me on the side of the road, staring ahead as the cars flashed past me. The arguments in my head circled back to Jax’s fixation with having me play Dominus. Everything he’d done so far had steered me to this point, to his game. That’s how crazy he was. He was so lost he thought it was real.
Maybe I should speak to Holden. There were no guarantees he knew anything about what Jax was up to now, but there was history between them. Holden would know some of Jax’s past and possibly what drove him to be such a lunatic.
I skipped through the traffic and up the curb, then wove through a scatter of tables with bright polka-dot tablecloths and a vase of daisies in the center of each table. The place brimmed with cheery chatter, laughter, and the smell of cheap floral soap from the pollen.
Catching sight of a woman’s profile, I stalled my dash, only to be bumped by someone from behind, followed by the chink of glasses and a cold wash flooding across my back.
“Oh, god, sorry,” the waitress said as I jerked away from the cold and turned to face her.
Rather than bothering to answer, I shook my head and waved my hand. Being soaked in wine was not my main problem. Mum was. What was she doing here? And who was she with? The cold from the drink seeped through my skin, all the way through until it reached my heart.
Perfectly trimmed mustache, good-looking for an old guy, strong features, square jaw, gray at his temples,
dressed casual but neat, he looked at Mum like someone looks at a piece of succulent meat. I clenched my fist as I envisioned marching up and slapping him in the face.
Mum loved Dad. She’d never betray him, which meant this meeting was worse than a date. She was fishing for a job and this guy had to be an acquaintance from Dad’s past. I wouldn’t know because Dad had kept his secret life separate from his real life, us, or was it the other way around?
My world would not fall apart any more than it already had—already was. I marched over and stood at the head of their table.
“What’re you doing, Mum?”
“Sable.” Mom’s cheeks flooded. “What are you doing here?”
“I asked first.” I didn’t want to interrogate Mum; neither did I blame her for what she was doing. She’d finally woken from her dark pit, which was fantastic, but she was climbing into an abyss she’d be lost in and we’d be dragged down too. Dad was at fault for treating us all like precious glass and keeping us locked away from the harshness of life. Mum had no idea the trap she was in, and I had no idea how to save her.
“And this must be your beautiful daughter.” The guy rose from his seat, the perfect gentleman, with an outstretched hand. I looked at his hand and the thick gold band on his wedding finger, the manicured perfection of his nails, then up into his green eyes as a dozen phantom insects crawled underneath my skin. He was a shark, having sharp eyes that cruised with leisure, watching, analyzing, formulating a way to turn a situation to his advantage. I felt like I was waiting for the gallows and only this man’s clemency would set me free, which of course would never happen unless he devised a use for me.
I ignored his polite welcome and turned back to Mum.
“I think it’s time we left.”
“But…honey…” she struggled to explain. “This is Carter.” She looked at the shark, waiting quietly in the depths.
I refused to look at him. Instead I fed all my intentions, which were to get my mum as far from him as possible, into my stare. “It’s time we left, Mum.”
“Sable. You’re being rude. This is not like you. I will come as soon as I’ve finished my conversation with Carter.”
I could hardly drag my mum away, could I? I grabbed her hand. “Come on, we’re off.”
“Stop this.” She pulled me back close to her. “You’re embarrassing me.” She sighed. “At least let me say goodbye to Carter.”
I released her hand and folded my arms across my chest as a wall to his gloating expression.
“I’m sorry, Carter, but I must go.”
“I understand.” Carter extended his hand for hers, so obviously ready to kiss it. His lips would pucker next.
I pulled her hand away. “She doesn’t need your slobber all over her.”
“Sable!” Mom’s shocked gasp wasn’t enough to make me stop.
I pulled her along, drawing the eyes of the diners.
She hissed. “Stop this.” She glanced back at the shark. “I’m so sorry, Carter.”
“Don’t worry yourself, Lila. We can finish our discussion another time.”
Like hell they would.
Once we’d left the café, Mum yanked her hand away. “I don’t know what’s got into you, young lady.”
Neither did I. That was not me back there. I was polite. I’d never argued with teachers or talked back to my parents. I followed rules. I had followed rules, until my life slid out of my control; now my personality slid the same way—desperation made a devil out of anyone.
“Who is he?”
“Honey, it has nothing to do with you.”
“He’s an old contact of Dad’s, isn’t he?”
“Sable…I’m not having this conversation in the street.”
“Please, Mum. Don’t do this. Dad’s in jail because he dealt with these sorts of people.”
“Look at us. Look what we’ve been reduced to. We’re not a family anymore.” She sucked in a breath, then covered her hand as if to hold back the sobs. With a swallow, she straightened and wiped at one eye. Calmer now, she continued. “We can’t continue to live like this. We’ve barely any money and what we do have will run out real soon, and then where are we going to be? We need to pay rent, buy food.” She palmed her forehead and spoke from behind her hands. “You have no idea how hard this is. No one is going to hire me. What can I do?”
I felt my own tears grow. The pain in Mum’s voice killed me. That’s why I couldn’t be angry with her. She was trying her best to find a solution. Unfortunately her solution was all wrong. “I really think we should talk to Dad.”
She grabbed me by the upper arms. “No. We’re not telling your father. It would hurt him too much.”
“All right, but will you promise me you won’t see Carter again?”
She straightened and looked down the street, her fragility evident in the thin cotton material of her dress and the hollowness of her face pronounced by the dusting of a soft pink blush on her cheeks.
“He’s offered me a job.”
“What…Mum…no. He’s a lying cheat. You can’t trust him.”
“He’s a very wealthy businessman. He’s offered me a job in the office. I don’t know a thing about being a secretary, but he’s willing to train me.”
“Why?”
“I think he feels bad for everything that’s happened.”
One look at the guy and I didn’t trust him. His eyes were too shrewd. Nothing about his smile was genuine. We were desperate, but were we that desperate?
“I’ve got to do this, honey. You understand that, don’t you? It pains your dad to see us like we are. This is a respectable job. I’m doing paperwork and typing and answering phones. That’s all. And I can start on a good wage. Normally you have to work for years before you start earning anything you would call decent, but Carter understands our situation and he’s willing to help where he can.”
I stared at Mum, at the fine lines creasing the corners of her eyes, a few running like forks on her upper lip. She looked like an innocent child, fragile, vulnerable, empty inside except for her fear, searching for her way home, for a savior. I was no longer the child in this relationship, but I wasn’t her savior either. Instead I was contaminated, dirty, about to be swallowed whole by a secret, just like my dad.
Someone bumped into me from behind, sending my awareness back out into the street, the traffic crawling alongside us with the occasional horn blaring, to the pedestrians hurrying past us, moving in unison like robots, like bots.
A coldness wrapped around my heart as I looked without focus at the crowd, feeling the enemy inside. Lies, secrets, and betrayal had ripped our family apart and would do so again.
Chapter 15
All I saw was Carter’s green eyes leering at me like he wanted to suck me up and spit me out, that smile on his face greedy. My stomach shrank to the size of a pea just thinking about it. He loved this, loved playing the hero, loved having power over us, having us desperate and needy for his benevolence.
And how much did we know about the guy? Dad had kept that side of his life wrapped tight. We knew nothing about him, what he himself was capable of.
Jax snapped out his left leg and sent me flat on my back. Two steps and he stood over me. “Your mind’s not on task.”
A hot spike of adrenaline heated my core. Teeth clenched, I stared up at him.
“I’m not here to waste my time. If you’re not going to concentrate, we go in.”
I pushed away from his towering form and climbed to my feet. “I never asked for us to train for hours on end.”
“Tell me, how do you expect to win?”
“Who said anything about winning? I’m here, aren’t I? I came back to play your stupid game to fulfill my end of the bargain. I don’t care if I win or not. I just want this over with so I can get out.” I turned my back on him now that my fury had burned a hole through my core. Remembering more kindling for the fire burning within, I spun back. “You haven’t fulfilled your side of the bargain.”
“There will never be a time, because you never intended to keep your side of the bargain. You’re not going to give me answers.”
“Do I really have to baby you through this? I expected you to be more resilient, stronger, smarter. It disappoints me to see I was wrong.”
He could’ve punched me hard and it wouldn’t have had as strong of an effect. “I’m happy to disappoint. Now maybe you’ll leave me alone.” The thickness in my throat had me turn away. I paced to disguise the hurt and make it look like frustration.
“You came here again of your own free will.”
“I came here with the belief in your promise.”
“I never made a promise.”
Never…what? “I can’t believe you said that.”
“Think back, Sable. I never promised to tell you anything.”
“That’s right, you threatened my family. That’s why I am here. Well, you know what, you’ll have to stand in line.” It was none of his business, so why had I said it?
That stopped him. The smallest crease appeared between his eyes, the first twitch of a frown. “What’s going on?”
“Oh, now you’re interested in what’s diverting my attention.”
The tension and frustration pulling his muscles rigid snapped, sucking the fight from his body. He rubbed at his brow as he turned from me and walked away. The door to the games room flew open. Tyren filled the cavity. His eyes settled on me before tracking Jax as he paced across the mat.
“Tuesday.”
Jax glanced over his shoulder at Tyren, nodded once, then turned his back. Tyren gave me one last look, wearing a solemn expression, not the cheerful eyes and smile of the guy I had first met.
I stared at Jax’s back, his slumped shoulders, the defeat in the way he held himself, as Tyren backed out the door.
“You’re probably not interested, but Mum has found herself a job.”
Jax slowly turned around to face me.
Before I knew it, the rest of the story came out. “Sounds great, sure, especially since she’s finally managed to get herself out of bed and dressed before sunset. It’s one of Dad’s associates, some guy called Carter. And I don’t like it. Dad was mixing with some bad people. People capable of murder.” My breath came out heavy. “Just like him. I’m worried she’s getting herself mixed up with some bad people. It’s like we’re never going to escape.”
