by Terina Adams
All too soon, Jax set me back, keeping ahold of my upper arms. “We’ve been here long enough. It’s time we went back.”
“What happens if we stay here too long?”
“We lose our way. Finding home becomes impossible. We’ll end up drifting through the in-between for eternity.”
“Right this moment that doesn’t sound like such a bad thing.”
“How’s your vision?”
I opened my eyes and could make out Jax’s outline but his features were still blurry. “It’s coming back.”
“It won’t take too much longer.”
“Will the others be wondering where we are?”
“The in-between’s not bound by time. When we exit, it will be like the explosion just happened. You ready?”
No. “I guess I have to be.”
“Let’s head back to celebrate.”
Chapter 30
Jax assured me there were nine other people in the gaming room, which meant we were all out.
“Hey, little lady, good to see your face again.” Someone patted me on the back. “You responsible for the fireworks in the sky?” Patrick’s face was a blur, but by the sound of his voice, I knew he was wearing his cheery smile.
I nodded. “And I lost my vision because of it.”
He sucked a breath between his teeth. “Lucky you got out in time or you’d be putty brains by now.”
“Thanks to Jax.”
“Sticking together is the only way through. Going it alone is the quickest route to disaster.”
“I need to sit down.”
Someone took my hand and led me out of the gaming room, the touch a warm comfort while I was lost behind my blurry field of vision. I listened to the footsteps of everyone following, but no one spoke. Whoever held my hand guided me backward until I felt the couch at the backs of my legs, then sat heavily. All I saw was the outline of furniture and people. The bright colors blended; the rest faded into the hazy background.
The couch dipped next to me as someone sat down. “We have you to thank for getting us out,” Tyren said.
“I was the reason we were nearly caught in Dominus. The bot who escaped did so because I was too afraid to fight. If I’d destroyed him before he got on the skytrain, we would’ve been out sooner, and my vision would be fine.”
“No matter. We’re all here now because you righted an issue you created.” I could pick out Holden’s voice.
“I’d say that was a brilliant success.” Patrick threw himself into a single-seater opposite me and slung his legs over the edge.
I leaned back into the couch and closed my eyes. No one seemed to care it was all my fault we were close to being stuck inside the game. My dramatic ending made up for my lack of courage.
“Drinks.” As she was the only other woman within the party, I could easily pick out Elva’s voice. She’d remained silent since my return, perhaps the only one of the group who’d happily blame me for our near miss.
“What do you say, Jax, not a bad run?” Patrick said.
“Five minutes under the hour, which is acceptable.”
I kept my eyes closed and listened to him speak. Jax had fought the bots while I released my factional nature, somehow managing to remain close enough to save us both from the explosion. He didn’t have to. It had been his choice. He could have easily shifted through to the in-between without me. Did that mean he wanted me to survive, that I was no longer a part of his vendetta against my father?
“I’m happy with your effort. Everyone held their station well.” He wasn’t meaning me. He couldn’t be meaning me.
“I hear things were a little chaotic on the ground,” Holden said.
“Nothing we couldn’t deal with,” Reg said.
“Elva, I was impressed with your speed in the coms room,” Jax said.
“Surely you didn’t expect anything less?” There was mocking humor in her voice.
“Of course not.”
This was the debrief and he’d left me out of it. Good, I wanted to forget I’d even been involved.
Someone touched my shoulder. When I opened my eyes, I found my eyesight was clearing. A soda hovered in front of my face, Holden behind it.
“Thanks.”
“How’re you feeling?”
“Tired.”
“Dominus takes a lot out of you. But you’ll get better and find it less tiring as you go. Right now, sugar is the best thing for you.”
Jax crushed his can and headed for the kitchen, leaving everyone to continue their debriefing without him. Reg and Malvo drew Holden into conversation about their tactics at the base of the tripod, which left me to myself.
After a while, I grew tired of hearing stories of what had happened. We were out, game over. Couldn’t we forget about it, not feel cheered by our success? But I guess this was what happened when you came out of the adrenaline-high stakes of Dominus. Everyone needed to share the joy in the survival.
I stayed quiet and watched as the conversation moved beyond Reg, Malvo, and Holden to sweep in everyone else except Jax, who had his head inside the fridge. Here was Aris and Persal sharing grizzly stories, at times laughing and joking without any care to the factional mix. In the face of possible death, where the party was forced to unite, factional differences meant nothing. Why couldn’t it be the case in friendship and love?
With no part for me in the conversation, I rose from the sofa, slowed to clear the dizziness swamping my head, then headed for the kitchen. Jax still had his head in the fridge, and I ran my eyes over his back. Inside his athletic frame lurked a violent killer. The few times I’d released my ability, I’d felt the overwhelming drive to become my factional nature. It had felt so natural, like I was only half a person without it. The strength of the yearning scared me. How would I come back from destruction once I gave in to my desire and merged with my factional nature, once it became me?
The Jax I knew was not the Jax underneath. He called it his true nature, but to me it was another part of him that hovered on the side and not the total of who he was, which meant I had to overcome my fear of my ability and learn to control it too. I wouldn’t be the hindrance I’d been today.
I dropped my gaze to the counter and the slices of bread spread across it when Jax turned, his arms full of sandwich stuffing.
“You want one?”
“Sure.”
He spread butter on one side of a pair.
“I haven’t said thank you yet for what you did.”
He shrugged, allowing the compliment to slide from his shoulders. “It’s all part of the game.”
“I know. But thanks all the same.”
“You want some ham?”
I nodded. “If Dad can shift, does that mean I can too? If I can do that for myself, then no one else needs to risk themselves for me. I could take care of myself.”
“There’s no guarantee you’ll be able to do it. Apparently every descendant born from a union of our world and yours has a factional nature, but few can shift as well.”
The news was like a slap to my face. “But if I can’t shift…”
While closed off in my small, blurry world, listening to everyone recap the game, I had decided to learn to shift. I was the weakest of the group. But that had always been me, the one who never got it right. Only now I was a hindrance to everyone, not just myself, and hindrances in Dominus could be fatal. I wouldn’t risk anyone’s life because they were too busy saving me and not themselves.
I’d assumed I would be able to do it, which meant I could easily move between this world and Jax’s, or wherever Dad took my family. Without the ability to shift, I would become dependent on someone. I didn’t want to be dependent on anyone, not anymore.
“It’s just the way it is. But you’re right. It’s important you know now whether you can or not as it will influence the way you do things.”
“I have to be able to do it.” Dammit, I never meant to say that out loud.
“I understand. You don’t want to b
e reliant on another in that way. I would be the same. Reg is the only one that can from this group. It doesn’t impact how the rest play the game, but it influences how I see them within the game. To me they’re the vulnerable ones because they have no back door if things get really bad.”
“How will I know?”
“I’ll help you,” he replied, then hesitated and his gaze flittered past me to Holden. “If you want…I’m sure Holden will also be willing to help if you asked.”
“If you’re offering, thanks.”
“How about tomorrow?”
I’d hoped to see my dad tomorrow. But I was desperate to learn if I was one of the unlucky ones.
“I’ll be here. Make it the afternoon.”
Jax slapped ham on the butter side of the slices while a silence descended between us like a guillotine, slicing off all the words building in my head. The conversation we’d had before entering Dominus hung between us. I didn’t know how to begin it again. Perhaps Jax wanted it to remain a dead topic, but I was the daughter of the man who’d killed his family. Less than a month ago, I was his revenge. Did looking at me remind him of his greatest pain?
He continued to build the sandwiches, burying his concentration in the task, keeping me at a safe distance, or maybe my interpretation stemmed from my guilt for being alive while his family were dead.
Guilt had fast become a part of me. Holden and I were plotting against Aris, like the good, loyal Persal we were. I loathed the idea of betraying Jax, of convincing him once again that he should never trust another faction. But I couldn’t let Dominus continue, nor Carter succeed. Dad was my only hope, which meant I needed the grafter. The worst part of this was I didn’t know if I could trust Jax with this secret, if I could trust an Aris.
Chapter 31
I followed the guard under a harsh fluorescent light along a narrow, uninviting corridor that smelt of recycled air. The scuffing of our shoes followed us as an echo, which was soon disturbed by a door clanging shut farther ahead, the sound of incarceration and isolation.
In here, every door slammed shut on entering, driving you farther and farther into the labyrinth that no doubt sucked hope and vitality from your soul. The guard escorting me kept his smart pace, not bothering with small talk because that would be welcoming.
My unfriendly escort pushed open the door to the noncontact visitors’ room, then stood aside as I passed through, feeding me a glare as I walked inside that voiced his judgment on my family and myself. My family was tainted because of my dad.
Seconds later a guard led Dad into the room and directed him to the seat opposite me on the other side of the glass petition. On seeing me, he sunk into the seat like the weight of his body had become unbearable. Even the expression on his face mirrored the departure of his strength.
He picked up the phone, an indication I should do the same.
“You’re alive,” he breathed into the receiver, sounding like someone having received a holy revelation. “They wouldn’t say who my visitor was. I…” He shook his head, closing his eyes as if gathering the strength to continue. “I thought the worst after your last visit.”
For the first time, I saw stress on his face, the shadows under his eyes, a weathered hollowness that came from living with tragedy. As with every other time I visited him, the duality of my emotions sucked my energy dry. He made me feel too much. These extremes of hatred and love, how could I feel two opposing emotions for one person?
“I know everything,” I blurted out.
A shutter came down over his expression. The energy sap he’d experienced moments before on the relief at seeing me alive vanished, and my father resurfaced in full strength. I faced my dad as I had never faced him before, as an adult. Gone were the fanciful stories he would tell me as a child to hide behind his lies. We were playing adult games now, and my dad had never been a man to hide. He straightened in his seat as his mouth hardened. He nodded slowly to himself as his eyes stayed leveled on me. Good, he had no intention of hiding now.
“Holden.”
“Jax. I know you killed his family.”
He didn’t even blink, no twitch or flicker in his expression. “I’m grateful he decided not to return the favor.”
I couldn’t maintain our stare. Instead I sought refuge by looking at the tattoo on his wrist, a symbol of his enslavement in his own world. And now he was enslaved in this world too. He’d removed his factional tattoo, the one that signified his factional family alliance, but had chosen to keep the tattoo that marked him as a prisoner.
“You need to understand the reasons why.”
“You’ve given me nothing but lies. There is no excuse for murder.”
His out breath was forceful. “Sable, please, you cannot make judgments on something you don’t understand. It’s not as straightforward as you would think.”
“Then help me understand.”
Seventeen years I believed in my dad, adored him like I thought I would no one else. The day he was led from the courtroom, my heart was severed. After learning the truth behind Jax’s family’s deaths, my heart was destroyed again. But despite this, I still loved him. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t stop myself, couldn’t eradicate that part of my soul that needed him.
“Carter was always going to deceive me.”
“And you him.”
“I had something in this world that became more precious to me than our plans, something that divided my loyalties to our goal.”
This was the reason I’d come, the reason I couldn’t turn my back on him, because I knew, with all the lies he’d told us, what he said now was the truth.
“Carter’s goal never shifted, so he needed me out of the way. It turns out Renus, Jax’s father, was also causing him a few problems back home on our world. Given my love for you, Ajay, and your mother, it was easy for Carter to find a way to rid himself of Renus. He fed me a lie, said Renus had agreed to deactivate his graft and come through. The deactivation process is dangerous. There have been many deaths.”
“Holden told me.”
“Renus elected not to attempt it. For all these years, he remained in our world, unwilling to take the risk. Then Carter said he was coming through. His reason for doing so was to remove the obstacles that hindered my concentration on our goal.”
“Us.” I was drowned in the convoluted ugliness of deceit.
“I had to get to him first.”
“But his whole family?”
“If I didn’t bury him and bury him good, there would have been others. It was a necessary lesson, or so I thought.”
I sunk forward, elbows splaying outward on the petition bench, head resting on my hand. How was I supposed to feel? Dad’s love for us had made him a murderer.
“Carter lied, of course. Renus had no intention of coming through. But it was too late by the time I had learned the truth. Carter’s plan worked. He’d rid himself of brewing discontent at home while keeping his hands clean. I regret my decisions, Sable. If nothing else, I want you to believe me on that.”
I believed he killed Jax’s family to protect his own, but I couldn’t believe that he regretted it. He’d do it again given a similar situation. The strength of his love for us drove him, but his moral ambiguity gave him the ability to kill. I loved the man who would do anything for his family. I loathed the man who would go so far as to murder innocent people to prove a point.
“What has Carter made you do?” Truth revealed, Dad was eager to leave his guilt behind or maybe he didn’t have enough guilt to hold him there. Was there any point in reliving what was done, refusing to move forward until I made him bleed for his crime, when a greater atrocity loomed ahead? Carter would bring war to both our worlds.
“Holden’s teaching me to use my factional nature. So far we’ve played to level five.”
He closed his eyes. “And you survived. Thank God.” Spoken like a prayer.
“Thanks to everyone I went in with, but I need to learn how to shift.”
�
�Not everyone can, hon.”
“I know. Jax told me.”
A deep frown gouged down the center of his brow. “You need to stay away from him. Stick with Holden. He’s the only one you can trust.”
“Jax has helped me more than anyone else so far.”
“He’s Aris, Sable.”
“I’m sick of this factional division.”
“His loyalty is to his factional family. He will betray you the moment you’re no longer needed.”
Stop. There’s no point. He won’t hear you. “Holden told me Carter has hidden the grafter in his office.”
“It makes sense. It’s the only assurance he has. Why is that important to you?”
“I’m going to get it, then I’ll be able to set you free.”
“No, it’s too dangerous.”
“I’m gaining control over my factional nature. It’s not easy, but I’m doing it. I can use it to get into the safe where he keeps it.”
“Sable, listen to me.” He hunched forward, leaning close to the glass as if about to tell a secret. “Do not do this.”
“Carter has Mum working for him.”
“I know. Holden told me.”
“He visits you?”
“He’s Persal. He understands factional loyalty. He’s kept me informed.”
“Then you would know why I must do this. Carter has Mum; next it will be Ajay. I won’t let him win.”
“I’m working on a plan. Please wait until I can come up with something that is guaranteed to work. Please, Sable, for yours, your mum’s, and Ajay’s sake.”
He didn’t trust me to succeed because I never had before. But I had a damn good reason to succeed now.
“I’m not going back into the game.”
“I don’t want you in Dominus. But have you truly mastered your factional nature? Do you know the consequences of pulling out of Dominus if you haven’t?”
Dammit, he was right. I still did not have complete control over my factional nature.
“Stick with Holden, Sable. He will do what it takes to get you through to the end. He’s Persal. You can trust him. Let him be the guide I cannot be.” Dad raked his hands through his hair. The knuckles on the hand holding the phone turned white. Any minute I expected the phone to snap. Watching him, a fragment of my heart cracked, allowing the love I felt for him to flood through. I understood anger born from helplessness. It had been my only emotion these last couple of months.
