by AJ Collins
The sequel to Oleanders are Poisonous
AJ Collins
First published in 2020
Copyright © AJ Collins 2020
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the copyright owner of this book.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
AJC Publishing
PO Box 77
Chadstone Centre Vic 3148
[email protected]
www.ajcpublishing.com.au
ISBN 978-0-9954140-2-0
Cover Design by AJC Publishing.
Image licensing: Shutterstock, Depositphotos
Typeset Georgia 11/16pt by AJC Publishing
Printed and bound by IngramSpark
CONTENT
CONTENT
PRAISE
A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
1. Excruciating
2. Ambivalence
3. Irreparable
4. Vacillation
5. Sanction
6. Indoctrination
7. Inauguration
8. Debriefing
9. Cataclysm
10. Circumspect
11. Consanguinity
12. Divulgence
13. Recrudescence
14. Frangible
15. Amelioration
16. Inauspicious
17. Impasse
18. Capitulation
19. Sanguine
20. Vexation
21. Prescience
22. Latency
23. Nadir
24. Dissolution
25. Ingress
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
HELPLINES
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PRAISE
Magnolias don’t Die
AJ Collins expertly guides us through Lauren's brutal, complicated coming of age in a poignant tale about growing up too fast, forgiving too slowly, and the healing power of love, friendship, and family – however it comes.
- Nicole Hayes, author of The Whole of My World, One True thing and A Shadow’s Breath.
Hard to put down, this is a nuanced and entertaining coming of age tale. Collins sheds light on the dark experiences of life and delves into the hope and security that is borne of connection. With empathy and insight, Collins reveals the power of vulnerability and the importance of finding your tribe. A big-hearted novel about love and trust. About when to let go, and when to hold on.
- Melissa Manning, author of Smokehouse Collection.
A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
Please be aware this book contains themes of sexual abuse, mental health, suicide, self-harm, homophobia.
While I have experienced many of the issues explored in this work, the character of Lauren is not me. All the characters depicted in this book are fictional. The story is, however, based on a kernel of murky truth, which has lain simmering within me for years, and like the stone within Lauren, it needed to see daylight.
The process of herding thoughts and memories into a coherent and authentic – hopefully engaging – story has been cathartic, joyful, painful and enlightening. And it took a bloody long time (six years).
Oleanders always remind me of the trees that lined our dusty driveway in Woomera, South Australia, when I was a child. Hot pink, pale pink and deathly white, vivid and beguiling. And the deceptive ability of deciduous magnolias to pause in winter, seemingly lifeless, then spring alive with luscious blooms, is almost otherworldly.
So, what’s next? One of my university tutors, Olga Lorenzo, once commented that authors tend to write the same book over and over. Given the other books I’m working on all have survival themes, I tend to think she’s right. And while I’m not an activist – I’d be a hermit if I could – I’m passionate about the empowerment of women, children and those marginalised by society.
I hope that each of my books will entertain and move you, that each is an act of escapism, a moment to step away from your everyday life, pause and introspect.
For My Chickens
For the magic of friendship
Vulnerability is a journey to destiny
One stole her innocence
One stole her heart
One gave her hope
And the secret awoke
1. Excruciating
Bad things happen on my birthdays. Like this boozy mob. They look as though they’re enjoying a lynching: mine. Talk about sweating it. Whoever invented the karaoke machine must have had ancestors who cheered at public executions, back when Marie Antoinette fictitiously told everyone to eat cake. I’m supposed to be geeing-up this Fitzroy pub crowd, not that they need it.
Oh god. It might seem as though I’m pulling a dance move, but I’m just trying to avoid getting my heels caught in the gap between the stage risers. With each shift, I have to peel the soles of my boots off the sticky carpet.
I’m staring at lyrics that make me think Justin Bieber and Rihanna are conspiring to give birth to a love child: baby, baby, baby; yeah, yeah, yeah; give it to me, give it to me. The poor excuse for a song breaks into a rap section, and I stand with one hand in my jeans pocket, a dork waiting for the torture to end.
Bob picked the song. ‘The punters’ll go for it,’ he said.
They’re not. They’re holding their beers aloft, laughing at my piss-poor effort to get the party started. My face is burning, and it’s not from the fuggy heat of the bar. It’s because I can sing. Properly. Just not this rubbish. Let me die. Now.
It’s a vocal limp to the end of the track before I shove the microphone back onto the stand. Bob collects several scraps of paper – scribbled song requests from Elvis and Beyoncé wannabes who think they can do a better job than me. Yeah, everyone can sing when they’re drunk. He lumbers onto the stage. ‘Give it up for Lauren, our very own Rihanna!’ The applause is surprisingly enthusiastic, but I’m sure it’s more about getting me off the stage. I’m seriously happy to comply.
Safe behind the bar, I wrap my apron around my waist. It’s back to pulling beers, cracking UDLs and batting off puns based on my crap performance. Suddenly, it’s comedy hour:
‘Hey, love. you should eat more tuna! Get it? Tune-er?’
‘I’ll tune her if she likes!’
Hilarious. As I bend to the lower fridge to grab a pear cider for the chick in the tight skirt and even tighter t-shirt, some dickhead throws a bottle top at my butt. I spring upright, lean across the bar and threaten him with the prong of a corkscrew.
‘Not cool,’ I hiss.
The guy holds both hands up, claiming innocence while his mate beside him guffaws. In the seconds it takes me to realise I’ve chosen the wrong perpetrator, guffawing guy’s shoulder is grasped by a tall blond dude.
‘Apologise,’ the dude says.
‘Sorry, love.’
I’m thrown, unsure whether to tell the blond dude thanks very much, but I can look after myself, or to smile my gratitude. I choose grateful. Decency is rare in this bar. Heckle and Jeckle take their beers elsewhere while the dude sits at the bar.
‘Hey, birthday girl.’
I swear my heart stops for a second. No-one but Snap knows it’s my birthday, that I’m finally legal. I look closer and recognition hits me: the grey eyes, the wide smile, the face – now hidden behind a mass of hipster beard. His hair is longer and tied back in a loose ponytail.
‘Spell serendipitous,’ he says.
‘Harry?’
For a second, I have this insane reflex to turn and run.
2. Ambivalence
Harry’s talking over the noise of the karaoke, and I have to focus to hear above all the memories and apprehensions clamouring for my brain’s attention. I’m like a goldfish, all mouth popping and no words.
‘How did you find me?’
‘Pure luck.’ He grins. All white teeth and charisma.
‘Uh huh.’ I’m not sure I believe him. And I’m not sure how I feel about him finding me.
‘It must be a relief to be legal at last,’ he says.
I panic. Flash him a look.
‘Just teasing.’
A girl two seats away bleats at me, ‘Hey! Are you serving tonight or what?’
I tell her to chill her bits and ask Harry what he’d like. He orders boutique, of course. What else would he drink in his designer-looking suit? And since when did Harry wear suits? His white shirt emphasises what smooth, tanned skin is visible on his face. That beard. I don’t like it.
He sips on the frothing neck, then looks directly at me. ‘You should be singing Adele. Or something classier.’ He follows this with a killer smile that sends me back to that porch, his guitar, the hammock. Home.
‘Yeah, right.’
I fetch the girl her Cruiser and come back to Harry. I want to know why he’s here. How he found me. And does anyone else know?
‘You still sound good. Up there.’ He nods towards the stage
‘Ha. I only do it cos the boss insists.’
‘You always did underestimate yourself. You’re looking great, by the way. Grown up nice.’
‘Thanks.’ I grin, chuffed even though it’s probably a line. Snap’s taught me to recognise them. I’ve also picked up that giving an indulgent smile, big eyes and a blank expression leads to bigger tips. The guys like it. A lot. But this is Harry.
I pour a fifth – or is it a sixth? – bourbon and Coke for the ginger-bearded bloke next to him. ‘Last one for a while,’ I tell Ginger, with an I’m-not-to-blame, I’m-just-the-help look. He smiles and holds his glass up. ‘Cheers.’ He’ll be back in half an hour asking for another.
I glance at Harry. I’m not going to do polite conversation. ‘So, what are you doing here?’
‘I came to hear you sing again.’
‘What?’
‘I heard you last week.’
I gape. He was here and didn’t say anything? How did I miss that? I face him, hands on hips. ‘That’s a little creepy.’
He shrugs. ‘Ever considered going pro?’
‘Yeah, sure. All the time.’ I slosh a glass into a tub of soapy water, ready for the dishwasher.
This is too weird. I haven’t seen him in, what, over two years, and this is the conversation?
‘Listen, I’m serious. If you’re interested ...’ He reaches into his pocket.
Who is he kidding? I'm too short, too awkward, too ordinary, and not dumb enough to fall for it. Professional singers are skinny chicks with amazing voices and the confidence to wear anything, anytime and get away with it. On a kind day, when I haven’t consumed a whole jar of Nutella, I’d call myself curvy. But it’s not just that. Picking up where we left off would be taking a huge step backwards. I left Wineera to forget.
A Roy Orbison backing track starts up, and there’s raucous cheering and clapping for some regular who always picks ‘Blue Bayou’ and ‘Pretty Woman’. Harry is distracted, writing something on the paper he’s pulled from his pocket. I move further down the bar to clear empties from the beer mat. I can’t help glancing back. He’s hot. He looks up from his writing and catches me peeking. He smiles, too wide, too white, too perfect. I melt, and for sure I’m blushing. This is not good. I have to escape. Somewhere. Anywhere.
With a tilt of my head, I signal to Snap. ‘Smoko.’ Not that I smoke, but it’s the only legitimate way to get a break apart from a flying toilet visit. Snap has a cocktail shaker in mid-flight. He flutters a hand at me and yells over the din of the karaoke.
‘Take your time, honey. I’ve got you covered.’
As I pass Harry, I lean over and shout, ‘Taking a break. Great to see you.’ I don’t wait for a reply.
The loading dock stinks with its industrial bins, but it’s the only quiet place for a minute’s peace. I sit in a ratty chair, careful to avoid the filthy card table with its overflowing ashtray.
Hell. Harry.
I lean back and take in the night sky. It’s clear, though the city lights are obliterating billions of stars. That’s something to be said for back home. If you take away the stuff you don’t want to remember, the Mallee has a beauty, a quality that words alone can’t capture. Something gets imprinted in you.
And great. Now I’m thinking about Mum, and that sets off the guilts because I’ve never been back. Not that she’d recognise me in her state. I do call the hospice now and then though – only from the pub’s payphone, in case I get traced. It’s paranoia, but there was the fire, and ... I can’t be dragged back to that life. I just can’t.
The nurses say Mum’s doing okay but deteriorating, which is normal. It must be awful being so dependent, unable to communicate, even to ask for a simple glass of water. I sometimes wonder if euthanasia became legal, would I be capable of helping her along? And would I know if she was ready to die? Too hard basket.
Damn Harry for bringing it all back. What’s he really doing here anyway? I sigh. It’s incredibly rude to avoid him like this, but I don’t know what to say to him. Wineera seems like another lifetime. He better not tell anyone he’s found me.
The noise from inside rises a level as Bob opens the back door and sticks his head through the tangle of flyscreen tassels. ‘Hey! What’re you doin’?’
I hold up my water bottle. ‘Just getting some air. I’ll be there in a mini. Gotta go to the loo.’
‘Move a bit faster, will you? Drinks don’t serve themselves.’
When he turns his back, I pull a face and give him the bird. It took me only one night to figure out I don’t like Bob. Eight months on has made no improvement. He’s relentless. ‘Why don’t you wear a skirt, sweetie? You’ll get bigger tips.’
I’ve told him not to call me ‘Sweetie’ or ‘Honey’. It makes me want to retch. Snap, on the other hand, still calls me Kitten, and I don’t mind. He’s affectionate; Bob’s a perv.
I’m not sure what’s worse: the early hours and minimum wage at my old supermarket job, or the drunken fools and stench of stale alcohol here. At least there’s Snap. It doesn’t matter anyway, because soon we’re both going to restart our VCE, then I’ll get a better part-time job when I start uni. Not sure what I’ll aim for yet. Maybe primary school teaching. Or kindy. Little kids are cool. They don’t bullshit. There’s a childcare centre I pass on my way to work here. I love seeing all those rosy faces, curly heads and cute backpacks. What’s not to like?
Anyhow, as long as Bob keeps his hands to himself, I can put up with this place.
Sigh. Time to head back into the fray. I pause behind the flyscreen tassels. Bob has the freakin’ things everywhere. They’re usually annoying, catching on our food trays, but tonight they’re earning their keep as camouflage while I check if Harry has gone.
Damn. He’s still there, handing something to Snap. Snap gives him a wink and a salute. ‘Yes, sir!’ he sing-songs. Harry turns and leaves. Good, now I can relax. I take my position at the bar and eye Snap. He’s busy writing something.
When he’s done, he slinks over and makes a production of handing me a folded note. I love how he feels free to be himself here. He’s like a dancer the way he moves, sleek as a cat.
I ignore his outstretched paw. ‘You auditioning for Strictly Ballroom?’
‘Biartch! And here I am doing you a favour.’ He bumps me with his hip. ‘He wants to buy you a birthday drink.’
I shake my head. ‘No.’
‘Just take it, honey. He can probably throw you a better party than I can.’
‘I told you, I don’t want a party.’
‘Sheesh! When was the last time, anyway? I
bet it’s like the Sahara down there.’
I ignore him, turning to a customer. Snap moves behind me and shoves the note in the back pocket of my jeans. Anyone else, I would have biffed them, but Snap is the closest thing to a sister I’ve ever had. He’d love me for saying that.
‘Call him,’ Snap says. ‘If you don’t, I will.’
‘Yeah, maybe.’
‘Maybe won’t get the lady laid.’
‘You do know we both went to school with him?’
‘What?’ He puts his hand over his heart. ‘I missed my opportunity? Who is he?’
‘Harry Carter. We used to be study buddies.’
‘Well! Second time around is even better.’
‘We never ... we’re not even ...’
‘One word,’ he says. ‘Fuck buddies.’
‘Snap!’ I fake a shocked look. ‘That’s two words. And wash your mouth out. It’s not going to happen.’
Snap slaps my butt and saunters off to stack glasses in the bench-top dishwasher. I can’t help grinning; he’s a brilliant human being. And he knows I love him – he tells me so all the time. I can imagine what would happen if I brought Harry home to meet him: sly looks, offerings of scrambled eggs in bed in the morning, jokes about threesomes. And worse – our apartment building might be brick on the outside, but the wall between our bedrooms is only plasterboard. Anyone I dared to share my bed with would get an eye-opening education in the thin hours of the morning. That’s when Snap starts working his phone-sex line.
He says most clients are lonely guys who are happy to rack up a quick few minutes talking dirty before finishing, but his ultimate favourite is the rare female who sits on the line for up to forty-five minutes while he builds up her self-esteem. He says someone has to provide the service to those in need.
Who am I to judge? It helps pay his share of the rent.
‘Earth to planet Lauren.’ Snap is clicking his fingers at me. ‘Thinking about Mr Hunkarama?’
‘No. I just remembered our rent is due tomorrow.’
He makes a pouty face. ‘Killjoy.’
