‘Go on, you can go on your break now.’ Annie nods towards Jonas and Lily, who have managed to nab the pool table. With Jack joining us behind the bar, we’ve managed to get the queue down to a more comfortable level.
‘That isn’t fair.’ Aaron folds his arms across his chest. ‘You haven’t even let me have a loo break yet.’
‘You’re assistant manager.’ Annie pats him on the arm. ‘It comes with more responsibilities.’
‘And fewer loo breaks, apparently.’
‘And a higher pay rate. Besides, Maisie’s friends are here. It’s Christmas Eve. Have a heart.’ Annie pats me on the shoulder as she heads to the other end of the bar. ‘Same again, Norman?’
‘Teacher’s pet.’ Aaron is grumbling, but there’s a mischievous glint in his eye as he takes a step towards me.
‘Don’t you dare.’ I put a hand up as I take a step back, but Aaron continues his approach, fingers poised. I try to jump out of his reach, but I’m not quick enough. Aaron prods me in the ribs. Squealing, I wriggle free and run to safety through the hatch, landing in a giggling heap beside Lily on the bench surrounding the pool table.
‘What’s going on with you two?’ Lily rubs her hands together, her smile toothy with glee. ‘Do you still fancy him?’
‘I’ve never fancied Aaron.’ I sneak a look at Jonas, but he’s busy taking his shot at the table, his eyes focused on the yellow ball near the top right pocket. ‘We’re just mates.’
‘Does Jonathan know you’re “just mates” with a proper fit work colleague?’ Lily performs the air quotes with her fingers and cocks her head to one side. Any hint of the good humour I’ve been feeling evaporates at the mention of my ex – or rather, my current boyfriend. I’d forgotten all about Jonathan, but at least I won’t have to see him during the festive period as he spent Christmas with his family. I’d found the long-distance relationship tough the first time round, but I’m happy to be parted now. Hindsight’s good like that.
I don’t get the chance to chat to Lily and Jonas again until closing time. The party atmosphere intensified as more customers piled into the pub as the evening went on and we were rushed off our feet. Aaron shoots off as soon as the last customer is out of the door, to give him the chance to get his head down for a few hours before his toddler, who’s beginning to know what Christmas is all about, bounces on his head and demands her goodies.
‘Go on, love, you get off as well.’ Annie staggers towards me, pulling me into a booze-scented hug. ‘Merry Christmas.’ She plants a wet kiss on my cheek before releasing me and stumbling backwards. ‘I’ll see you on Doxing Bay. Don’t be late.’ She taps me on the cheek, a little too heavy-handedly. ‘Sorry. Too many sherries, I think.’
‘You think?’ Lily frowns as I shush her and nudge her towards the door. Annie may have been sinking more drinks than she was serving during the last hour, but she’s letting me off the clearing up and I don’t want anything to jeopardise that.
‘Shall we go back to mine?’ It’s freezing outside after the warmth of the pub, and I link my arm through Lily’s and Jonas’s as we hurry along the pavement. ‘Dad’ll have got the beers in.’
‘I’m up for that, but I can’t stay too long.’ The corners of Lily’s mouth turn down. ‘We’re going to see Grandad early, before his Christmas lunch.’
‘How’s he getting on?’ Alfred had a series of falls during the spring, and his health worsened over the next few months. He could no longer manage the stairs at all, and the family struggled increasingly with looking after him. Lily was still away at uni, and Steph had to work as many shifts as possible to support them all, as well as take care of Karina, so it became too much, even with Mum and Dad on hand to help when they could. In the end, after another fall that resulted in a hospital stay, Steph made the difficult decision to move her father into a nursing home.
‘He’s okay. Settled now and making friends.’ Lily tries to smile, but gives up. ‘It’s going to be weird not spending Christmas with him. Who’s going to moan about what a load of rubbish Top of the Pops is these days?’
Jonas raises his hand. ‘I can, if it’d help. Because it’s true. The music this year has been horrific.’
‘Excuse me?’ Lily stops abruptly, jerking Jonas and me back. Can you get whiplash from being yanked backwards by your best friend? ‘Are you dissing Kylie? Because I know you perved on her in that white sheet.’
‘Okay, the video was pretty epic.’ Jonas grins at Lily, who rolls her eyes and starts to march us onwards again. ‘But the actual music? Nah, not my kind of thing.’
‘What about Hear’Say’s “Pure and Simple”?’ I raise my eyebrows at Jonas and try to maintain a neutral expression. I remember the song well, mainly because I listened to it on a loop for most of 2001. ‘I bet that’s one of your top five of the year, right?’
Lily gasps, taking control of the conversation before Jonas can tell me to bog off. ‘Did you watch Popstars?’
Jonas shakes his head. ‘Unfortunately I was in Japan and missed that little gem. I’ve heard the song a million times since, though.’
‘I’m not talking about Hear’Say.’ Lily stops abruptly again, and I’m sure I feel something twang in the back of my neck. She really should warn us before she does that. ‘I’m talking about Evie Lane. Or Evie Love, as she wants to be known as now.’
Evie Love. How had I forgotten that?
‘She auditioned for Popstars.’ Lily marches forward again, tugging us along with her. ‘She didn’t make it through, but my mum says people went nuts about it round here. Some daft sods camped outside her house and everything. And she switched the Christmas lights on in town, like she’s some sort of celebrity.’
‘Careful there, Lily-Bobs. You’re starting to sound jealous.’
‘Jealous of Evie Lane?’ Lily snorts. ‘As if. She’s a tramp – pure and simple.’
The house is in darkness when we get back and somehow chillier than outside. I head straight to the fire, setting it on full, while Jonas and Lily curl up on the sofa, still in their coats. It’ll be a few more years until Dad relents and gets the house kitted out with central heating instead of relying on the gas fire, extra blankets and hot water bottles. We shiver our way through a can of lager, James Bond-style (shaken, not stirred) but we soon warm up enough to take our coats off. We manage to catch the last part of the midnight mass on the telly, and it psychologically warms us. I feel snug and festive by the time it finishes.
‘I should get going.’ Lily yawns. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, once we’re back from seeing Grandad.’
‘Give him my love.’ I hug Lily tight, knowing how hard she found this time. Knowing there are harder times to come.
‘I’d better get going too.’ Jonas picks up his leather jacket from the back of the sofa. ‘Mum and Robert should have drunk themselves unconscious by now.’
‘Why don’t you stay over?’ I try not to sound desperate to cling on to Jonas for as long as possible, even though I am. ‘You’ll be coming over in the morning anyway, won’t you? And Mum and Dad won’t mind you staying. Mum will probably be over the moon to have you here to make up for the fact Kurt’s staying over at his girlfriend’s and won’t be back until the early afternoon.’
‘Kurt has a girlfriend?’ Lily pauses in zipping up her coat to gape at me. ‘And he’s having sex? But he’s, like, twelve.’
‘He’s seventeen. And I’ve told you about Lorena.’
Lily zips the rest of her coat up. ‘Yeah, but I assumed she was also twelve and they were playing kiss chase in the playground.’
‘He isn’t even at school any more.’ I follow Lily out into the hallway, which is Arctic compared to the now-toasty living room. ‘He’s doing an apprenticeship in hospitality management.’
Mum had been disappointed when my brother decided not to go down the A level/university route, but she’s proud of what he’s achieved, especially as she now gets a discount at the Portuguese hotel he manages.
Lily kisses me
and Jonas on the cheek before opening the front door. ‘Stay inside in the warm. I’ll see you tomorrow. Merry Christmas!’ With a wave, she’s gone, but I wait by the door until I hear her own click shut next door.
‘You’re staying then?’ Again, I try to mask the desperation I’m feeling. I aim to sound indifferent as I close the door. Jonas’s leather jacket is draped over the back of the sofa again.
‘If it’s really okay?’
‘It’s really okay.’ I head back into the living room so I can clear away the empty cans and turn off the fire. I want to break out in a tap-dance, but I manage to keep my elation in check. ‘You can sleep in Tina’s old bed, as long as you don’t snore.’
‘Haven’t had any complaints so far.’ Jonas picks up his jacket and hangs it on a hook in the hallway while I chuck the cans in the kitchen bin (recycling still isn’t a thing in Woodgate yet). My heart starts to hammer as I lead Jonas upstairs to my bedroom, which is daft because nothing is going to happen. It can’t, because the 2001 version of me is still very much in love with Jonathan, and we’ll be sleeping in separate beds.
‘Do you want to use the bathroom first? You can borrow my dressing gown if you’d like.’ I’m half-joking as I pass the robe to Jonas, but he takes it anyway. The Arctic conditions of our house obviously trump the embarrassment of wearing a pink fluffy robe for a few minutes.
I rush over to my chest of drawers as soon as Jonas has slipped out of the room, rummaging through my nightwear for something suitable to wear. And by ‘suitable’, I mean sexy as hell and totally inappropriate for the freezing temperature in my unheated room. I’m rifling through pyjama sets like a dog digging for a bone when I stop and give myself a talking-to. What am I doing? Nothing can happen between me and Jonas for a long time, and it isn’t as though I will seduce him in fleecy snowman pyjamas. Blimey, this Maisie has clearly never set foot in an Ann Summers, because there is nothing even close to sensual in this entire drawer, not even hidden away at the back.
‘Christ, it’s cold.’ Jonas scampers into the bedroom, and I’m jolted by the sight of the hairy legs sticking out of my fluffy dressing gown. Hairy, manly legs.
I need to get a grip.
‘Sorry. Dad’s still living in the Dark Ages.’ I grab the first pair of pyjamas from the messy pile I’ve made and shove the rest back into the drawer. ‘There are a million blankets on the bed though, so you should warm up. Eventually.’
‘I hope so.’ Dumping his clothes on top of Tina’s old chest of drawers, he peels back the covers before untying the dressing gown. I mean to turn around – I really do – but it’s off before I have the chance to move. For a split second between the dressing gown removal and Jonas hopping into bed and pulling the covers over himself, I get a glorious glimpse of him clad only in a pair of rather snug boxers. If the sight of his manly legs did funny things to my insides, the sight of his body is enough to floor me. Somebody has a gym membership, that’s for sure.
‘I’ll just go and get ready for bed.’ Luckily, I’ve managed to stay upright, but my voice comes out super-squeaky, as though I’ve morphed into Alvin the chipmunk.
‘Nice PJs.’ Jonas is propped up against the pillows when I brave the bedroom again. He grins at my silly sausage dog print pyjamas.
Nice boxers, I want to reply, but I manage to keep my inner dialogue to myself.
‘Thanks.’ Slipping under the covers of my own bed, I turn onto my side to face Jonas, feeling awkward and oddly vulnerable. ‘Night then.’
‘Wait. There’s something I wanted to tell you. I probably should have said something earlier, but I didn’t know how to bring it up.’
I want to turn the light off, to shut this moment out. To go to sleep knowing Jonas is just an arm’s length away.
‘I’m going back to Japan. The day after Boxing Day. And I won’t be coming back.’
‘I know.’ It’s the reason I’ve been so desperate to cling on to him as much as possible before he leaves me.
Jonas’s brow furrows. ‘You do?’
‘Well, I didn’t know exactly.’ I have to think on my feet. ‘But I knew there was something going on. You’ve been a bit on edge.’
‘I have? I thought I’d masked it well.’ Jonas smiles, but there’s no joy in it. ‘I’ve been offered a job at an engineering firm, starting in January. I’m going to stay with Dad and Yuki until I sort myself out.’ He smiles sadly across the small gap between us. ‘I’ll miss you.’
‘I’ll miss you too.’ I choke out the words, because I know how much I’ll feel his absence, both when he leaves for Japan and when he drops out of my life completely. I was gutted the last time, but I’m bereft now. I’m already mourning our friendship and the loss of the relationship that could have been.
‘You can turn the lamp off now.’ Jonas smiles, the warmth creeping back into his features.
I reach out to switch the light off, but I don’t go to sleep. My heart is aching too much. So much, I’m convinced it will crumble to dust in my chest. I’m not ready to say goodbye to Jonas again. It’s cruel to bring him back to me for tiny snatches of time, almost worse than not seeing him at all. Spending time with Jonas again has made me realise how incredibly special he is. How kind and brave and loyal. I feel safe with Jonas. Protected and loved. I’m not ready to let go again so soon.
I feel the chill as I slip out from the covers, but in one step I’m climbing into Jonas’s bed, which is already warm from his body heat.
‘Maisie?’ There’s confusion in Jonas’s voice, but he shuffles over in the bed to make room for me. When I kiss him, without the aid of mistletoe this time, he doesn’t question it.
THIRTY
It’s been a long time since I woke up next to another human being. The last time was a couple of years ago, when Annabelle and her friends thought it was a good idea to watch The Exorcist during a sleepover at Rosie’s and she slept in my bed for a week afterwards. It’s been even longer since I played the little spoon tucked into a man’s frame. It’s nice, once I’ve got over the shock and realised it’s Jonas’s arm slung over my waist, pinning me to him.
‘You don’t snore.’
I can tell he’s awake by the rhythm of his breathing. He’s been awake for a while, though not as long as I have, but I haven’t dared to speak until now, afraid to break the spell of last night.
‘No. Neither do you.’ There’s a hint of humour in Jonas’s voice. ‘You do drool though. Bucket loads, all over the pillow.’
‘I do not.’ I’m about to turn over so I can whack him on the arm, but I’m suddenly aware that we’re both naked, so I keep myself frozen to the spot.
‘No, you don’t. You’re like Mary Poppins.’
‘You what?’ I turn my head but I can only see as far as the ceiling without shifting my body.
‘Practically perfect in every way.’
‘Smooth talker.’ I aim to inject some mockery in my voice, even though I’m grinning like a loon at the compliment. ‘In what way am I not perfect then?’ Too late, I realise I don’t want to know the answer to that question. What if he tells me I’m crap in bed? Like Jonathan did when I found out about his cheating, as though it excused his unfaithfulness.
‘You climbed into my bed and kissed me.’ Jonas plants a feather-light kiss on my shoulder. ‘Just when I’m about to leave. Because I still have to go. You know that, right?’
‘Yes.’ I answer quickly, because I need Jonas to know that this wasn’t about keeping him in England. It simply felt right. My last chance at happiness with the man I love before he moves away to start a new life without me.
‘And you should go. This is a massive opportunity for you and I’d never want to hold you back. Last night was special, and I’ll never forget it, but it isn’t our time.’ Not yet. Maybe not ever. Who knows what the future holds? I have no idea what will happen between Jonas and me, whether I’ll be able to save our friendship, let alone anything else, but I want to make the most of this Christmas before he meets his
future wife on his flight to Japan.
The house is full of life, with Kurt, Jonas and Dad playing something on the games console while Steph and Lorena help Mum in the kitchen. Karina’s upstairs, watching Alice in Wonderland on Mum and Dad’s TV while she brushes her new Bratz doll’s hair and Lily, Tina, Mabel and I play poker for chocolate orange segments at the dining-room table. Festive music is playing in the kitchen and drifting through the house, along with the rumbly tummy-inducing aroma of roasting turkey.
Instead of eating in separate rooms as we’ve done for the past few Christmases, we all squeeze into the living room, dragging chairs in from the dining room and next door and eating off our laps. It isn’t a conventional dining style, but nobody seems to mind. There are crackers and a quiz Dad has prepared for us (with him acting as a rather flamboyant quiz master – think Rylan Clark-Neal presenting Supermarket Sweep, but without the super-tight jeans) while Mum puts the finishing touches to the trifle. Afterwards, when we’re all too stuffed to move, we listen to the Queen’s speech before switching over to watch Oliver!, joining in with the songs (we particularly excel at the oom pah pah-ing) before bringing down the mood with a festive episode of EastEnders.
‘What’s with you and Jonas?’
Everybody had started to disperse after the duff duff, with Dad, Jonas and a reluctant Kurt heading into the kitchen to clear up, while Mum has gathered Mabel and Lorena around the dining room table with the photo albums. Tina and Steph have popped out to find an open shop for more wine, leaving only me, Lily and Karina in the living room.
‘What do you mean?’ I can feel my face heating up as I try to avoid Lily’s eye. She’s turned the TV over to Emmerdale and I pretend to be engrossed in the storyline, even though I haven’t watched it since they dropped a plane on the village. She doesn’t know we slept together last night, does she?
‘You keep looking at each other.’
The 12 Christmases of You & Me Page 19
