“Their daddy must come soon ‘cause Wrenchie said mumma’s belly is going to get really, really, reeeally big and we’s going to need strong arms to help her get up. Her belly is getting big already. I been eating all my vege’bles ‘cause they make my muscles big so I can help.”
Jesus. This kid of mine. Why didn’t mum or Dagger put a hand over his mouth to stop him sharing with a stranger? And who the hell is Mr Icey? A new prospect? I rushed through getting dressed and pulled my damp hair back in a ponytail.
I didn’t pay attention to what I was wearing and had I known who was waiting for me in the lounge I would have. I was dressed in comfy yoga pants and a tee shirt that did not hide my bump or my bigger boobs.
When I walked into the lounge I froze.
Ice was sitting on the carpet with Duncan. He looked up and smiled but the smile slowly disappeared when his eyes swept over me and became riveted on my bump.
What the hell? What the bloody freaking hell!
I looked around and spotted mum and Dagger in the kitchen whispering together. There would be no help coming from that front. I glanced back at Ice. The next minute it became clear that the bastards had been conspiring against me.
“Boykie!” Dagger called. “Let’s go check on where we’re going to build the room for the prawns.”
Duncan was up and on his way to the kitchen like lightning. “Can Mr Icey come?”
“No, Mr Icey is going to talk to mumma while we have a look outside.”
I could hear the laughter in Dagger’s voice and I wanted to strangle him. And where the hell was my mother? The sneaky woman must have slipped out the back door. Not cool. Not cool at all.
I stood staring at the open slider through which Dagger and my boykie had disappeared. When I looked back Ice was standing right in front of me. I looked up into eyes that were so damn soft it made my tummy ache.
“Blue.” He said softly. “I was a stupid bastard. I pushed you away because I had to ensure you would be safe while I took care of club business. It was a mistake. A huge fucking mistake. I should have told you what was going on. I want you, no that’s not right, the truth is I need you in my life.”
God. He looked so good and sounded so believable. But there was the woman I had seen him with. His so-called ex-girlfriend. The woman he had kissed, and who knew what else he had done to and with her. Oh hell no, not going to fall for the soft eyes and shit.
“And the woman I saw you with? What about her? Didn’t you want to keep her safe from your precious club business?” I bit out angrily.
He shook his head roughly, dislodging his hair and it fell over his forehead. Damn, it looked good and I had to clench my hands to stop from brushing it back.
“No, Blue, because she is the club business.” His deep growly voice was still soft and it just about killed me to ignore the shivers it caused down my spine. “I’ve been investigating her and the only way to get close enough without raising her suspicions was to pretend to go out with her. Yes, I kissed her but I didn’t hold her and I didn’t fuck her. Not once.”
The fucking asshole, the unmitigated fucking asshole. It wasn’t just kissing.
My temper boiled. “Oh joy. I saw her, Ice. I saw, as did everyone in the restaurant, how she stroked and played with your dick and you just sat there smiling, enjoying it while sipping your drink. So do not try to blow smoke up my ass. I have seen that freaking look on your face up close and personal, so stop lying.”
He growled at me. The ass growled at me and shoved his face into mine as he growled out his explanation.
“Not once, Blue, not fucking once did I get hard because I wanted her. My body had a reaction to direct stimulation for a few seconds then it disappeared. She tried. I won’t deny it. But she did not fucking succeed because the only woman I get hard for is you. The only thing I did was kiss her but I did not take it any further. I can’t fucking stand the bitch but I had to go out with her to get the information we needed. I’m done with her. Done with the job. If the club needs more they can send some other poor fucker after her. I swear to you, I won’t ever do that kind of job for the club ever again.”
His eyes were focused on me as he pulled me into his arms and leant his forehead against mine and my poor heart raced and other parts quivered. I did not want to hear him but with his next words and actions he captured my racing heart. Damn it.
“Baby, the first time I saw you, you came walking around the corner of the clubhouse at the family braai. You were with Wrench and I was instantly captivated and so damned jealous. You were laughing and the breeze lifted strands of your hair, turning them to gold in the sun. When I got close enough the scent of your perfume made my heart race. I looked at you and was stunned by the amazing sparkling icy pale blue of your eyes and your natural beauty. But the part I fell for that night was the beauty you carry inside of you. A beauty you shared with me and a beauty I foolishly pushed away.”
He carefully tilted his head and softly swiped his lips over mine and I froze. Shit. Damn it. Where was my backbone when I needed it.
“Please, Blue, please give me a chance to be a part of your lives. Yours and Duncan’s and our babies.” He grinned. “Or as Duncan calls them ‘the prawns’.”
This man was my kryptonite, I was hard pressed not to smile. And he definitely didn’t deserve a smile, not yet, maybe not ever if I decided not to believe his explanation.
“You’re going to find he’s not the only one who calls them ‘the prawns’. Everyone does. Krissie started it and now no one calls them anything but ‘the prawns’.”
I drew in a deep breath and gave him the hurt he had caused during that awful phone call.
“You called me a slut and other nasty stuff, Ice. It is not something that’s easy to forgive and forget. You say you had to push me away to keep me safe. If you had wanted me safe why not just say ‘sorry babe, it was a one-and-done, I’m not interested in more.’? Why use those terrible hurtful words to push me away?”
Closing his eyes he shook his head, regret clearly visible on his face. “I wanted to ensure you stayed far away from me, baby. If these people knew we were together they would have stopped at nothing to hurt you or Duncan, and I couldn’t allow that to happen.” He sighed. “That I could have been less of a bastard is a given, but I was fucking terrified that someone would realise what I felt for you and what I so desperately wanted from you.”
I frowned up at him. “So what has changed? Why are you now willing to endanger our lives?”
The ass smiled as he glanced down my body. “Everything has changed, Blue. I’m not endangering your lives by being here, I am protecting my family. Like I should have done from the start. We both felt it, the very moment I slid inside you and made you mine, we both knew it was forever. And don’t shake your head at me, baby. You know it’s the truth.”
Fine, I did. I will admit to that but I also knew it would be a mistake to jump into a relationship with Ice. We had some things to work through, mostly it was about how insecure I felt. I didn’t know if I could trust him to take care of us, of me, and not break our hearts. Because it wasn’t just me. Duncan was one of the most important parts of my life and if he bonded with Ice and at some stage he left, my boykie would be devastated. I had to make Ice understand that Duncan’s wellbeing was a priority for me.
“You have to understand, if I let you in, and that’s a big if, Duncan will bond with you and if you left us he would be devastated. My boykie gravitates to all the males in this family and they have a very tight bond. Dagger and Jinx have been there for him since he’s been born and have done an amazing job filling in for Sparrow. Duncan has been asking about the babies’ daddy. I heard him talking to you about it. So you know how…”
Ice didn’t give me a chance to finish.
“Blue, baby, he will be my son. How could I ever walk away from my son? I want the four of you to be my family.” He rubbed his nose against mine. “And before you start worrying, Duncan will always be Sparrow’s
son. We will make sure he knows what an amazing man his dad was. But he will be my son as well. Our son.”
God. He made me want to cry.
He cupped his big hands around my jaw and lifted my face to his. His eyes were intent and very serious. One of his hands stroked over my cheek, down my neck, down between my breasts, stroked over and then cupped my bump.
“Lying here under my hand is the most incredible gift life has ever given me. I’m thirty seven years old, Blue, and I had given up on there ever being a woman and children in my future. And then you walked around the corner of the clubhouse and everything changed. My life took a one hundred and eighty degree turn and went from bleak to filled with light.”
“On that day I was given a woman unlike any other to love and a son to raise as my own. The best thing about that day, the very best thing, is the moment we made these two little lives under my hand. But, Blue, I want you to get this, I would have been standing here in front of you regardless of whether you had our babies in your belly or not. I fell for you that day, baby, and I fell hard.”
He didn’t give me a chance to say a word as his lips crashed down on mine and I lost my mind. I kissed him back. With everything in me and more. I was breathless when he lifted his head and ran his thumb over my wet bottom lip. A delicious shudder ran down my spine.
“I know I’m moving fast and I know you might not be where I am with this thing between us. But you need to accept we are happening. I’m moving in, Blue. With you and Duncan and the prawns. If you’re not ready to share a bed with me I’ll crash on the couch, but make no mistake, baby, I’m here to stay. We are going to be a family.”
What? Has he lost his mind? We spent a day together, one day. Speechless, I was absolutely speechless. He had taken all of my fears and excuses and kicked them out the door. How the hell was I going to keep space between us when I knew he would not be allowing me any space? I could see it in his eyes, he was very determined. But I was determined too. Determined to make the right choice for my children and for myself.
Was Ice the right choice? I didn’t have the answer to that question. Only time would tell.
And it was something I could give him. I could give him time. Time for us to get to know each other and time for Duncan to become comfortable with having a man around all the time.
The thing I had to decide right now was where was he going to sleep? In my bed or on the couch?
“Okay, you can stay, but…” I got no further because my boykie came storming back into the house, his little face like a thundercloud.
“We’s got a problem!” He shouted.
I looked from him to Dagger who had come in behind him. He was frowning and shaking his head.
“What’s the problem, boykie?” I asked as I walked into the kitchen, Ice right behind me.
He sighed heavily and slammed his hands down on his little hips and copied Dagger’s usual stance. But there was a worried look in his eyes.
“No space.”
“We have lots of space, boykie.”
“No, we don’t. All my stuff is having space.” Suddenly there were tears in his eyes. “My daddy builded my tree house before I was borned. It’s mine. The prawns can’t have it. They have to go away.”
I was struck speechless but not Ice. He dropped to his haunches in front of Duncan. “We will never give your space to the prawns, Duncan. Your tree house will always be yours. We can make another plan for the prawns, okay?”
He looked at Ice for several minutes before he nodded. “Okay.” He said softly.
“Your mumma and I have something we want to talk to you about.” Ice said quietly and Duncan quickly glanced at me before his eyes swung back to Ice.
Ice rose and caught Duncan under his arms and lifted him to sit on the counter in front of us. Dagger made as if to leave but Ice motioned him closer and the two of them moved to one side making space for me in front of Duncan. Shit. How to explain this to my boy?
“Remember when you asked about the prawns’ daddy the other night, boykie?” Again the nod. “You were worried about him being with the angels and not taking care of the babies. And I told you he wasn’t but that he couldn’t be with them right now. Do you remember?”
He gave a deep put upon sigh. “Yes. I have to be a big brother and take care of them.”
I nodded. “Yes, you are their big brother but you don’t have to take care of them on your own, boykie. Like I told you, we will all help. But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”
Okay. Right. Big breath in. Here we go.
“Ice is here because he’s the prawns’ daddy.”
Duncan’s eyes went wide and his mouth fell open then he grinned. “Really? Mr Icey is their daddy?”
“Yes, Duncan.” Ice answered. “I’m their daddy.”
“You’re not going to go be with the angels before they get borned?” His grin was instantly replaced with a frown.
My freaking heart dropped. What the hell was going on in my boy’s head?
“No way, little man. I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to stay with you and your mumma. And after the babies come out of mumma’s belly I’m still going to be here and I will take care of you and the babies and your mumma.”
Duncan tilted his head as he thought about it. He nodded very slowly then bent over to try and see into the lounge. We all turned to look at where he was looking. It was Ice’s big duffle bag sitting on the floor by the front door.
“You bringed your jammies.” Duncan shuffled his little bum indicating he wanted to be let down. Ice picked him up and set him down.
Duncan barrelled past us and grabbed hold of the handles of the duffle and with grunts and groans started dragging it towards the passage. His little body almost bent double with effort.
“I got it!” He shouted. “Sammy says mummies and daddies share the bed. Mr Icey can sleep in mumma’s bed. Her bed is bigger. Mine’s too small. Sammy says babies cry all the time. And Sammy says two babies are going to make a lot of noise.” He huffed out a sigh. “I’s glad Mr Icey is here. Sammy’s baby sister is very loud. I don’t like it.”
As he sighed out the last little gem of information he disappeared around the corner and we stood stunned silent as we heard him huffing and puffing and the sound of the big bag sliding across the wooden floor.
“Jesus.” Dagger said softly. “That kid. Every day he reminds me more and more of Dylan at that age.”
“As it should be.” Ice said equally softly. “He’s Dylan’s legacy.”
Dagger clapped his hands and grinned but his eyes were dark with sorrow. “Well, my work here is done. I’ll leave you three to sort out the rest. And Ice, lets meet tomorrow. I’ll text you a location.”
He drew me into his arms for a hard hug then kissed my forehead.
“Don’t think so damned hard about what’s happening, Rivzie.” He whispered in my ear. “Let it happen. He will be good for you and our little man.”
With a last wave he was gone and Ice and I were alone again. He drew me into his arms and held me against him, his head against the top of my head. The heat of his body leached through my thin clothes and it felt so damned good. Too damned good for my peace of mind.
“Have you two had dinner yet, baby?” He asked against my hair.
“No, we haven’t, but I think my mum might have left something for us. The way she snuck out of here I’m sure Dagger let her know you were coming.”
Ice pulled away, smiled and winked at me. I knew it, they had all conspired against me.
“Okay, Blue. Let’s get you and our boy fed then we’ll see where the rest of the evening goes. Okay?”
I nodded. I needed a little bit of breathing space.
Ice had walked through my door and laid himself bare. He hid nothing and what he gave me was beyond precious. He had destroyed some of my fears. He was here, with me, one hundred percent. All I had to do was believe in him. Even though it was going to be difficult I was willing to try.
For the second time in my life I was blessed with a good man. A man with a hard exterior but with a very big heart.
And I was already half way in love with him because of the way he treated my son.
Oh, who was I kidding?
I fell for the man the very same day I met him. All it took was one look into his intense and so very warm eyes followed by great conversation, heart stopping kisses and earth shattering sex. And I was his.
Boom!
CHAPTER TWENTY
Ice
Ice was smiling when he walked into the clubhouse. Something he hadn’t done for the last few months. Chris reached for the whiskey bottle but he shook his head, there was no need for it.
“Pour me a coffee please, Chris.” He pulled out a stool and sat down as she set the mug down in front of him.
“Smiling and drinking coffee. What happened to you in the last twenty four hours?” She quizzed.
Ice shook his head and sipped his coffee. When he had called Hawk to let him know Dagger’s plan had worked his prez had asked him to stay quiet about his new status.
Hawk had called all the brothers in for church and the common room was slowly filling up.
“Hallelujah, he’s not drinking.” Sin said sarcastically as he sat down next to him and pointed at Ice’s mug. “I’ll have the same, thanks, Chris.”
Sin turned, stuck his nose on Ice’s kutte and sniffed. “Thank fuck you don’t stink today. Don’t think I would have lasted through church if you were wearing your usual perfume.” He teased, sat back frowned then leant over and sniffed again. “Hmmm, I like this one though. It’s light and spicy with undertones of flowers. Perfect.”
Shaking his head Ice laughed. “Jesus, you’re a fucking nut.”
Before Sin could answer Beast sat down on Ice’s other side and groaned. “Fuck, I’m tired. Chris, sweetheart, hit me up with some of that coffee, please.” Turning to Ice he sniffed. “Thank fuck you don’t stink, it would have been the fucking cherry on the shit cake that is my life right now.”
“What’s wrong, brother?” Ice looked Beast over and noticed the dark rings under his eyes. The big man had obviously not been sleeping.
Lost And Found In Blue (Iron Dogz MC Book 2) Page 18
