by Cath Crowley
‘I like it.’ He looks up. ‘Delia, use this part of your head, mate.’ He taps his forehead. ‘That’s better. She reminds me a bit of Faltrain at the start.’
‘She does look a little like Gracie.’
He stands close to me and I can’t think straight. All those birds crowd into my throat. ‘Do you want to see a picture tonight?’ I ask.
‘You know, all the kids are calling them “movies” these days.’ He yells out to Foster but he doesn’t answer my question. ‘Won’t Mason mind you hanging out with me?’ he asks eventually.
‘I broke up with him.’ I shut my mouth as soon as I’ve said it but it’s too late. The lie’s out there and I can’t take it back.
‘When did that happen?’
‘Last week.’ My whole body feels sticky, like I’ve been dropped in a huge vat of soft drink.
‘Okay. I’m in for a film.’
I’ll make my lie the truth, I promise. If Gracie’s right and there is such a thing as fate, let Brett be home tonight so he doesn’t see me.
‘Did you know they worked here?’ Flemming asks, nodding at Annabelle and Martin standing behind the Candy Bar.
‘No.’ I watch them while we wait in line. Martin puts his hands on Annabelle’s shoulders on his way to the Maltesers. She smiles on the way to the mixed lollies. ‘Oh dear.’
‘You know, most kids say “crap” or . . .’ Andrew follows my stare to Martin touching Annabelle’s cheek.
‘You’re right,’ I say. ‘Oh crap.’
‘No, Alyce, for this, I need to teach you a few more words.’
‘I can’t see a film. I feel bad being here.’ Andrew doesn’t argue.
‘Should I tell her?’ I ask on the way home.
‘I don’t know. I like your face the way it is.’
‘She won’t hit me.’
‘She’ll hit someone.’
‘She’ll be so hurt. How did things get so messy?’
‘Faltrain’s been living like this since I met her. It seems messy because everything you do is so neat.’
I push up my glasses and try not to look as messy as I feel inside.
‘Tell Gracie you’re sorry,’ I say to Andrew before he leaves my house. ‘Do it soon.’
‘You reckon she’ll want to be mates again?’
I think about her finding out that Martin is with Annabelle. ‘She’s going to need all the friends she can get. Even if she doesn’t forgive you, she needs to know that you tried.’
He nods. ‘I’ll go see her at school.’
There’s a message from Brett waiting for me when I walk inside. I call him back and spend half an hour lying to him. ‘I was at the neighbourhood house and then the library,’ I say. I catch sight of myself in the mirror while I’m talking. And I close my eyes.
47
MARTIN
‘I’ve been thinking,’ I say to Annabelle. ‘Maybe over the summer holidays we could go on the road trip together.’
‘Maybe. Let me think about it.’
‘Okay.’ I wait a bit. ‘How long do you need?’
‘Longer than five minutes. I’ll let you know when I decide.’
Let me know soon. Now that I’ve imagined it, I don’t want to go without you. I want to drive until we see the water spread out on all sides. I want to stop wherever we feel like it and swim.
‘Yes,’ Annabelle says after a while. ‘I’ll go with you.’ And behind us the popcorn starts popping.
48
GRACIE
I feel like the only thing I’ve done over the past few weeks is bounce between school, state soccer, study and bed. I’ve hardly seen Dan, which is good because I wouldn’t be able to fit everything in if I was thinking about him. Obsession sucks the time right out of the day. And at the moment, I need every second that I have.
This afternoon I have my final training session with the state squad girls. This Saturday I have my last school game before we break for the exams and the holidays. We have a break from state trials too. I never thought I’d say it, but I’m glad that there’s a break in the games. I’m tired. And I’m nervous about the exams.
This week has been even harder because Jane’s on study camp and Alyce has been acting weird since Sunday. ‘What’s up?’ I asked today.
‘Nothing. Nothing at all.’ And then she closed her mouth like she does when she has a secret.
‘Are you mad that I won’t talk to Flemming?’
‘Of course not, Gracie. It’s your decision.’
She is mad, though. She wants me to tell him that it’s okay. That I forgive him. I can’t though, because I don’t. I know what you’re thinking. That’s a harsh philosophy to live by, Gracie Faltrain, especially when a person makes as many mistakes as I do in the friendship department. It’s true; I’ve done some bad things. But I’ve always said sorry.
Flemming swings down the corridor this afternoon and the anger rises in me. The thing about anger, though, is that it’s easier to hate a friend from far away because they’re blurry. You only see the bad thing they did and not all the reasons you know they did it. The closer Flemming gets the less he looks like the guy I’ve been hating and the more he looks like the Flemming I know. ‘Hey,’ he says.
‘I didn’t think you were back at school for ages.’
‘I’m not coming back. I’ll be working with my dad when I’m off these.’ He taps his crutches. ‘I came to see you.’
So I’m faced with a choice. The same choice Alyce and Martin were faced with last year when I wanted to say sorry. ‘I’m heading to the library,’ I say. And I walk slowly enough for him to swing beside me.
We sit at the back, staring through the windows at the soccer field. ‘Seems like not long ago we were out there in Year 7,’ he says. ‘You were a crap player at the start.’
‘And you weren’t? Francavilla told me you couldn’t even touch a ball in your first match. He reckons you spent the whole time running laps.’
‘Francavilla’s lucky I’m not in a fighting mood these days.’
‘That’s a first.’
He nods. ‘I’ve been thinking about that fight we had last season. If you hadn’t ducked I’d have broken your nose.’
‘I shouldn’t have said you were stupid.’
‘Too stupid for Alyce,’ he says quietly. ‘I’m sick of feeling like that. Those kids at the neighbourhood house, they look at me different. They don’t see some guy who’s failing school. They see a guy who can help them play soccer.’
‘I thought you’d be more upset about your knee.’
‘I’ve been going over and over that day. If I hadn’t been such an idiot I’d still have my chance at trials. But none of that does me any good.’
‘You can try again next year.’
‘Maybe. It’s not all bad, anyway. My dad actually listened to me for once. We’re looking into trades. I always liked woodwork and drawing.’
‘I never knew that.’
‘Maybe there are some things you don’t know about me.’
He’s standing to leave when I realise he hasn’t actually said sorry. We haven’t talked about the test at all. But I know why Flemming did it. He needed soccer even more than me.
‘You and the girls from state could give my kids’ squad a taste of the game,’ he says. ‘They’ve never been on the field before.’
‘I’d like that. After the bet’s over and mid-year exams are done.’
‘You have to take it easy on them, though,’ he says. ‘I don’t want their little legs broken.’
Yeah. He was definitely wagging English on the day we covered irony.
*
I wait for Jane’s bus to pull in after school. ‘How was study camp? Did you get a kiss?’ I whisper.
‘Is the Pope a Buddhist?’ she whispers back. ‘How was your week?’
‘Alyce’s been acting weird since you left. That should change now I’ve spoken to Flemming, though.’
‘He said sorry?’
‘Not the
actual words. But it was close enough.’
We walk to my last extra session of soccer with the girls.
‘You’ve made them better players, Faltrain. Even I can see that,’ Jane says. ‘Kally’s helped. And Dan.’
‘It’s weird that the three of you turned out to be such good friends.’
‘I trust them,’ I say. ‘As much as I trust you and Alyce.’ I run off to join my team for one last time before the holidays. I run off to make this session count.
49
ALYCE
I’ve been strange with Gracie all week. I feel awful because I’m lying about Martin. But I don’t want to be the one to break it to her. ‘So don’t,’ Andrew said when I asked him for advice. ‘Just leave it alone and eventually Knight will tell her.’
I go to Roberta’s after school this afternoon. Andrew has Friday afternoon training with the kids and I feel like talking to someone who’ll give me advice without worrying how I feel. Roberta will definitely give me that.
‘So Gracie doesn’t know Martin’s seeing Annabelle and Annabelle is her number one enemy?’ Roberta sips on her tea and shifts her old legs to get comfortable. ‘And you’re dating Andrew at the same time you’re going out with Brett.’
‘That’s right.’
‘This is better than a soapie.’
‘I’m doing everything wrong. Things were easier when I didn’t have any friends.’
‘So go back to your old life.’ She looks at me with that cat stare. ‘But this one’s more exciting, isn’t it?’
‘Andrew’s exciting. The thought of New York is exciting. Brett will hate me if I tell him, though. He’s my friend, too.’
‘You’re treating him worse than a sack of potatoes, keeping him in the dark till you need him.’ Roberta eases herself up and walks to a cupboard. She comes back holding a photograph. Three women stare out from a world of years ago. The one in the middle’s smiling like she has a secret. The other girls’ faces are open, books with pages you could flick through.
‘I’m the one in the middle.’
‘You were beautiful.’
‘Were, hey? It was taken before a friend’s wedding.’
‘You’re smiling like the Mona Lisa.’
‘That’s what my mother always said, “Smiling like there’s something you’re not telling.”’
‘Did the three of you stay friends a long time?’
‘Not after they found out what I wasn’t telling them and you can get that nosy look off your face, I’m not telling you now. A week after the wedding it all came out and I never saw them again.’
‘That’s terrible.’
‘Point is, it’s not really friendship if you don’t know the other person.’ She stands unsteadily. ‘I have to pee now. So you have to go.’
I call Jane on the way home. She knows Gracie better than anyone. She answers her mobile straight away.
‘Okay. Talk slowly. I thought you said Martin is dating Annabelle.’
‘I did say Martin is dating Annabelle.’
‘And you want to tell Faltrain because you’re tired of life and you want it to be over?’
‘I want to tell her because I don’t want to lie.’
‘Alyce, listen carefully. Say nothing of this to Faltrain. I do not want to spend the next twenty Christmases visiting my best friend in prison. If she kills anyone she’ll be tried as an adult.’
‘She’ll find out eventually.’
‘If I have anything to do with it she’ll find out when she’s in a nursing home falling asleep in front of old soccer reruns of her days of glory.’
‘So what’s the plan?’ I ask.
‘The plan is very simple. We lie. We lie through our teeth until Martin tells her. He’s a good guy; this must be a recent thing.’
‘They looked comfortable.’
‘We’ll give it a week, and then I’ll tell her.’
‘Jane, there’s something else. I think I’m cheating on Brett.’
‘You think? It’s usually one way or the other, Alyce.’
‘I am, then. I told Andrew I’d broken up with Brett so he’d go to the movies with me.’ She’s quiet. ‘Jane?’
‘I’m still here. It’s not like you. I’m not sure what to say.’
‘Say to me what you’d say to Gracie.’
‘Okay. Here goes. Fuller, the world does not revolve around you. Tell them. Tell them today. If they find out on their own you will be right in the middle of a huge mess. How was that?’
‘Good. I’ll do it now. Did Declan kiss you on camp?’
‘Are the world’s oil reserves never-ending?’
‘Maybe he needs more time.’
‘Maybe he needs a manual. I’m hanging up now so that you can call Brett.’
Jane’s right. If I don’t tell then I’ll hurt Brett as much as Martin’s going to hurt Gracie. I dial his number. ‘Hey, Alyce,’ he says. ‘I found this article on the net about the UN. Can I bring it over?’
‘Okay.’
I will tell him. Tomorrow. Actually, telling him after mid-year exams would be better. That’s it. I’ll tell him straight after mid-year exams.
Mid-Year Exams
Is it possible to cram a brain with so much information that
it actually explodes?
Gracie Faltrain
50
GRACIE
‘Wild goose looks for food, hands circle up in an arc, as they come down shake them like little bird’s wings.’
‘Okay, Faltrain, you’re freaking me out,’ Jane says this morning.
‘I’m doing my tai chi. Mum says if I’m too stressed I’ll forget everything before the mid-year exams start today.’
‘Does it work?’
‘Follow me. The wild goose . . . you’re meant to be a goose, Jane. You look like – I don’t know what you look like.’
‘What texts are you writing on?’ she asks.
‘Blade Runner and A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Shake like little bird’s wings now, Jane. That’s it. Awaken your chi. What about you?’
‘Same.’
‘Good. Now bow.’
‘That’s it? One goose looking for food and I’m meant to be de-stressed?’
‘I’ve been up since five. I’m so stressed it took me hours to wake my chi,’ I tell her.
‘I’m with you. I was up till twelve studying last night. When I’m finished my chi’s going to sleep for a week.’
‘We’re going to be okay, aren’t we?’ I ask.
‘Yes, Faltrain. We are going to be fine.’
GRACIE
So, in this scene, women get walked all over by men and Helena gets way jealous.
It’s a shame Mrs Young said not to bring my own life into my essay on A Midsummer Night’s Dream because this is something I actually know a whole lot about.
CORELLI
I think I’m actually in a time warp. That clock can’t be right.
ALYCE
. . . and the reader is reminded in the text of the dark side of love . . .
I will tell him. As soon as the exams are over, I’ll tell Brett everything.
JANE
. . . some people in the text lose sight of who they are . . .
If he doesn’t kiss me, maybe that’s a sign I should go home. I thought all guys could think about was kissing. I thought they were always ready.
CORELLI
That can’t be the time. I’m not ready yet.
KALLY
In this text the outcomes are uncertain . . .
I don’t want to lose my hair. I really like my hair.
ANNABELLE
. . . in the forest the world of dreams is more real than reality.
If Martin doesn’t tell Gracie soon, I swear I will kill him.
DAN
. . . and in the end, right, it’s all about the love.
After the exams, I’m taking Gracie to the movies. I’m giving her that bracelet I bought. And then next year, I’m taking her flying.
>
MRS YOUNG
. . . And pens down everyone. You’re done.
GRACIE
Great. That means I’ve only got four exams to go. This has to be listed somewhere as a form of torture. Alyce should speak to the UN when she goes to New York next year.
End of Term Holidays
Oh yeah, baby. Two whole weeks of nothing to do.
Gracie Faltrain
51
GRACIE
‘My chi is so tired I’m even glad I have a break from trials and school soccer. I’ve never felt like this before. But then, I’ve never really studied before.’
Dan laughs. ‘So are you too tired to celebrate and see a movie tonight?’
‘No way. I want to see that one with all the blood.’
‘I love having you as my girlfriend,’ he says.
Okay. This is one of those perfect moments I was talking about, the ones you have to make the most of. I lean back and stare at Dan, his arm resting on the side of his sky-blue Valiant Sahara, the sunny world blurry outside the window. And I make the most of it.
JANE
‘How’d you go in the exams?’ I ask Corelli.
‘Good.’
‘Okay, enough of the small talk. This is how it’s going to go. You’re picking me up tonight at six. We’re going out for dinner. There will be candles. After, we’re going to the movies. You will buy the tickets and I will buy the popcorn. We’ll see the film with all the blood. It will be scary. You will hold my hand. You’ll drop me home, you’ll have a little mood music playing that will not be Britney Spears, and when we get to my place you will kiss me. Got it? I’m taking that strange choking noise you’re making as a yes.’
