by Lara Norman
“She seems to get along with everyone.”
“Here’s the bottom line; you have to move at your own pace. Regardless of what others may say, it’s okay if you’re not ready after five years. Having said that, you have to evaluate why you think you are or aren’t ready. Is it because you don’t like change? Is it because you’re scared to do something new? Are you moving forward because you were nagged into it, but you still feel uncomfortable even after agreeing? You refer to your deceased wife as though you’re still married, and perhaps you feel as though you’re being disloyal to her if you see someone else. It has to be right for you and you alone; not your brother, your parents, or even Chloe. We do need to push ourselves, but not so hard we’re unhappy. If this is right for you, then you’ll know you can move forward.”
“I think I understand what you’re saying.” Devon ran his hands over his face. “For a while, I felt Chloe was the only one I could be completely honest with. She wasn't disappointed in me, she wasn't disgusted with my weaknesses. I thought that made her my friend and nothing more.”
“I hope she is your friend. That’s a good place to start.”
“I think so, too. I worry”—he broke off with a snort—“about everything, if I’m being honest. I worry that whatever I might feel for Chloe will never compare to what I felt for Kathy. I’m afraid to put aside my feelings for Kathy because I don’t want to betray what we had.”
“Feelings can be tricky sometimes. We cling to what was because it’s known, and the unknown is scary. You don’t have to stop loving the memory of your wife, but she’s not here with us now. For your health and happiness, you have to evaluate your new relationships without the shroud of old feelings. Does that make sense?”
He thought about it for long moments. Was that something he could do? He sure as hell didn't want to bring Kathy into his developing relationship with Chloe. “When I got married, I thought I would live out my days with Kathy. It’s hard to move past the idea of that.”
“Just remember the vows state ‘til death do we part.’ You are alive, and it can be tough to reconcile facts with emotions. I will reiterate that your feelings are always valid. As long as you’re not considering self-harm or hurting others, let your feelings be what they are. A few times a day, take a moment to evaluate them and accept them.” Dr. Brennan glanced at his watch. “Is there anything else you wish to discuss before the end of our session?”
Devon shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
“All right.” Dr. Brennan closed his notebook and stood. “Be sure to stop by the reception desk to make another appointment.”
“Thank you.” Devon shook the doctor’s hand before leaving the room.
On the way home, he thought about the appointment. He liked Dr. Brennan. He didn't feel as though he was being told he was crazy, more like he was being told it was okay to mess up sometimes. Like there was hope for him, even if he might need more help along the way. Considering what Chloe had gone through and how therapy had helped her, Devon figured it couldn't hurt to attend more sessions.
Since it was almost lunchtime when he got back to Merrimac, he stopped at the diner in town. He spotted Sergeant Hurley’s vehicle in the parking lot and decided he would say hello before getting his lunch.
He found him settling his bill at the counter. “John, it’s good to see you.”
John turned from the register and gave Devon a tight smile. “I was going to call you when I got back to the station. You want to save me some trouble and sit with me for a minute?”
“Sure.”
Though tension rolled through his gut and down to his toes, he followed John to a booth in the back. The two of them sat, and Devon shook his head when the server came over. She retreated, and Devon faced John squarely.
“I assume it’s not good news.”
“Your optimism is blinding, Devon.”
Devon shrugged. “Odds are I’m right.”
“Well, first off, they’ve set the court date for Vince. You’ll be there, yeah?”
“I’ll be there.”
John nodded. “Second, you know Anna was in the wind?”
“I know that nobody had heard from her, yes.” Devon fidgeted with the napkin holder. “She’s been found?”
“Hiding out at the house of her cousin’s friend. We got a heads up from Rockingham County Sheriff’s department. Chief Hemsworth and I picked her up this morning; just got back a little bit ago.”
“And?”
“And it looks like she’ll be charged as an accessory.”
Devon tried to process the words. “Anna knew.”
John nodded slowly. “She knew.”
“And she let my baby rot, same as he did.” He tucked his hands under the table as they tightened into fists.
“She claims she tried to convince him to come clean, but he threatened her. She is pregnant, he wasn't lying about that. Her defense is that she felt unsafe.” John looked at Devon with sympathy in his eyes.
“She’ll get away, won’t she?”
“It’s possible. Depends on plenty of factors. She poses a flight risk now, so the chief and I have to decide what to do with her, being pregnant and all.”
“You can’t let her get away with it.” There was a red wash over his vision, and he blinked a few times to refocus on the sergeant.
“If I can help it, she won’t, but you know it isn’t up to me.”
“No, it isn’t up to you. Or me.”
John ran his tongue along his teeth for a second. “Chief says she’d like to talk to you whenever. You want me to tell her you’ll stop by after you eat?”
“Official business?”
John grinned and shook his head. “Nah.”
Devon almost laughed. “I guess I can swing by, then.”
“Okay.” John stood, rested his hand on Devon’s shoulder. “Take care of yourself and don't do anything I’ll have to arrest you for.”
“I promise.”
“Your pretty face wouldn’t last long in jail.”
Devon snorted.
Chapter Twenty-Four
While he waited for Lori to come back from putting Maisie down for a nap, Devon paced his brother’s kitchen. He needed to tell her about Anna; they’d been as close as he and Vince. It would suck to let her down, but better him than someone else.
“Okay, Devon, I’m all yours. What’s up?” Lori opened the refrigerator and pulled out a jug of orange juice.
“It’s not good news, Lori.”
She paused in reaching for a glass and looked back at him over her shoulder. “Is it about the case?”
At his nod, she abandoned the juice and sat at the table by the window. Winter sun slanted in through the panes and set her golden hair on fire.
“I spoke to John. They found Anna and brought her in.”
Lori stared at him for several moments. “Brought in and released?”
He shook his head as he answered. “No, brought in and detained. Chief Hemsworth is charging her as an accessory.”
She went pale enough to have him reaching over and taking her hand in his. “An accessory means she helped him do that to Hailey?”
“They don’t think she physically helped him, but at some point before Hailey was found, Anna knew where she was.” When Lori’s hand trembled, he squeezed it. “She claims Vince threatened her, that she felt unsafe. And she’s pregnant, as he told me, so she feared for her life and the baby’s.”
“That's a terrible excuse for what they did.” Lori stood abruptly, striding across the kitchen and back. “Maybe with someone else, I could believe that sob story and even feel sorry for them. Maybe with someone else, I could agree that their husband was going to hurt them and they felt scared.”
“But not them.”
“No, not them.” She sank back down in her chair.
“I’m sorry, Lori. I know exactly how you feel.”
“You do, out of everyone. You know what the betrayal feels like.” Tears leake
d from her eyes, and she sighed.
“It doesn't help, I know, but there’s no use blaming yourself.”
“I can try. I know it’s been difficult for you to work past Vince’s deceit.”
He looked out the window at the bare limbs of the trees. “I saw a therapist today, and I want to work through it all. I can finally move forward from Kathy’s death, but I can’t move on from what Vince did. Not without help.”
“That’s what they’re for, so good for you.”
Devon focused on her again and smiled. “Where’s Caleb today?”
“Working.”
“Good. He said he might get back to it, but I wasn’t about to rush him. You two take all the time you need.”
Lori rose and went back to pouring herself a glass of juice. “Sweetie, he wants to work. It makes him happy, and he knows the company needs to get back on its feet.”
“I should get over there myself, but John said the chief wants to see me.”
Lori lifted a brow at him. “About what?”
“It’s apparently personal. Maybe she wants to threaten me into treating her daughter with respect.”
Lori laughed at that. “I’d love to be a fly on the wall.”
“I don’t even know what the hell I’m doing, Lori.”
“I know Caleb gave you advice, and for once, I agree with him. He isn’t a total buffoon. If something ever happened to me and he was left to raise Maisie alone, I’d expect him to move on.” She narrowed her eyes. “Now, if he found some eighteen-year-old before the grass grew over my grave, I’d come back to haunt his ass.”
Devon laughed. “I think we can agree I let the grass grow over me.”
She tilted her head in contemplation. “Maybe, but you had to be ready. I’d struggle, Devon, if I was in your shoes. I wouldn't know what to do.”
He shrugged. “It’s not easy to think I could come to love Chloe when I feel married to someone else, even if she hasn’t been here in five years.”
“There’s room in that heart of yours, Devon. If you had another child, you wouldn’t love Hailey less in order to love the new one.”
“Don’t you think that’s apples to oranges?”
Lori sipped her juice. “Maybe.”
Still, it gave him something to think about when he left. He drove to the police station with some small sense of trepidation. He wasn't in the mindset to defend himself to someone’s parent, or to explain what he couldn't even put into words. It would have been a better idea to meet the chief in a different capacity.
“Devon McMillan to see Chief Hemsworth,” he told the person behind the desk.
“Just a second.”
Devon sat down in the closest plastic chair. The entire building was brown, from the walls to the chairs to the carpet. It almost had a log cabin feel to it.
“Devon,” he heard, and looked up to see the chief coming toward him.
He stood and held out his hand. “Hello, Chief.”
“Come on back,” Chief Hemsworth said after they’d shaken hands.
Devon vaguely remembered the scene in John’s office months before and found himself feeling twitchy. He followed along down the hallway until they reached a door with Police Chief Rebecca Hemsworth written on it.
Devon took a seat again as Chief Hemsworth sat behind the desk crowded with paperwork and old pictures of Chloe.
“Devon, thanks for coming. I know this might be a little awkward, but I just wanted to chat with you unofficially.”
“I understand.” He wiped sweaty palms on his jeans.
“Chloe tells me you two discussed Leo to some extent.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“You don’t have to call me ma’am, Devon. Rebecca is fine.”
Devon consciously relaxed his shoulders. “We talked about what happened enough for me to understand why she went into therapy and why she felt the need to help out with Hailey’s disappearance.”
“That’s all?”
“I didn't want to hear exact details because what went on in my family is too fresh at the moment. I imagine we’ll discuss it more in the future.”
“So you plan on a future with Chloe?”
Now begins the fifth degree. “Yes, I believe there will be. I’m slow to move and working on not comparing Chloe to my deceased wife, but I want to make the effort.”
“Okay. I want to make sure you understand where I’m coming from without violating Chloe’s trust. Has she discussed her one and only boyfriend with you?”
“Only as far as to say it wasn’t a healthy relationship and she briefly went back into therapy over it.”
Rebecca nodded. “Then I won’t say more about it. You’re responsible, and she’s grown plenty since then. I just don't want to see her get into trouble.”
“With all due respect, shouldn't you have that conversation with her?”
“I have.” Rebecca steepled her fingers on the desk and leaned forward. “I won't issue any threats, Devon. I want you to know I like you. I’d love for you to come to the house sometime and meet David, but I’ll leave that sort of invitation up to Chloe. Just keep in mind that I’m on your side and hers.”
That was an odd way to put it, but Devon merely stood and offered his hand again. “I appreciate it, Rebecca. I really need to meet Hailey’s school bus.”
“Of course.”
The chief had given him more to think about. His curiosity was piqued when it came to whomever Chloe had dated at twenty-one. She’d only briefly touched on it, but it was clearly a slip she’d had to recover from. They didn't have plans in the coming days, but he’d told her he’d call her.
Was it too impatient of him to want to see her again so soon? They’d spent two days together, yet he wanted to be with her again. His parents would be home that evening, so he didn't want to invite her over for a big family thing. He needed to be with Hailey after she’d been gone all day, so going out was out of the question.
He’d settle for calling her once Hailey was in bed.
He was there when the bus came around the corner, and the shiver running up his spine couldn't be helped. He got out and stood by the car as the bus stopped and let out a few kids. Hailey ran to him, and everything fell away as he saw her so strong and healthy.
“Hailey!”
“Daddy! I had so much fun! Miss Alicia let us paint today and I made a picture for you.”
“That’s sweet. You can show it to me as soon as we get home, okay?”
Once she was fastened in and they were on their way, Hailey continued to tell him about everything that had happened to her. She’d clearly missed her friends.
He made her a snack while she pulled out the painting she’d made. It was his parents’ house with the family standing in front of it.
“This is me, and this is Grandma and Grandpa.” She pointed. “This is Uncle Caleb and Aunt Lori; she’s holding Maisie.”
“Maisie is purple.”
“She’s wearing purple, Daddy.”
He squinted. “Oh.”
“And here’s you and Chloe.”
His breath caught in his throat. “You like Chloe, don’t you?”
“More than Miss Alicia.”
That was saying a lot, since Alicia was pretty much her favorite non-family member. “Okay.”
“Is she coming over tonight?”
“What? No. She was here all weekend.”
“Oh.” She sounded sad about it.
“But Grandma and Grandpa will be home in time for dinner.”
“Yay!”
They spent a noisy few hours while Hailey did her math homework. Devon made dinner and greeted his parents warmly when they got back. Hailey started her discourse about school all over again, and Devon left the room for a few minutes of peace.
Idly, he wished for a drink, but knew he wouldn't succumb. He didn't like the person he was when he drank, and he figured it would take a while before he went back to a casual beer after work. Instead, he went to the back door
and stared out at the darkened yard. There was a sliver of moon visible through the wisps of clouds, and Devon kept his eyes on it.
The trial for Vince was coming up soon. It would take months, he knew. He didn't like the idea of taking time off from work when he’d already missed so much, but he would be there. There was nothing that could keep him away from watching Vince squirm; seeing him sentenced and put away was something he wanted very much.
Hailey found him minutes later and asked for her bedtime routine. He imagined she was worn out after an entire day at school. After all, she’d just recovered from the stomach flu and hadn’t been in school in four months.
When Hailey was tucked in bed and he’d read her three stories—he couldn't resist the way she begged him for just one more—he went to his room and closed the door. He called Chloe, hoping she’d be around.
“Devon?”
He imagined he heard warmth in her tone, but he couldn't be sure. “Hi, Chloe.”
“Hi.”
“I didn't call at a bad time, did I?” He sat on his bed and leaned against the headboard.
“No, I was just cleaning.”
“I saw your mom today.” Devon scratched the back of his head. “She said she likes me.”
She snickered. “That’s a relief. What would we have done if she disapproved?”
“Personally, I’d have bought a bullet-proof vest.”
They both laughed. “It’s just because I haven’t done a stellar job in the dating world. They both worry.”
“She said something about that, but she wanted to give you the chance to tell me about what went on.”
Chloe sighed. “You've met my ex, believe it or not. He’s a better person now than he was then.”
He frowned. “Who is it?”
“Steve Chatsworth. The son of the owner of Chatsworth Mill and Lumber. It was back before he became an officer.”
Devon groaned a little. “Since he’s younger than me, I didn’t know him well when I worked there. I thought he was the one who harmed Hailey and his dad was covering it up.”
“He’s younger than I am, too, and, well, being such a late bloomer, I thought I had things to prove. I needed him to love me, to approve of me, and that wasn’t going to happen while I was the perfect policewoman’s daughter.”
