Stolen Desire

by Robin Lovett

  She’s new to our planet and the atmosphere that causes us to crave sex like food for sustenance. It’s a simple fact of life here. Regular sex is needed to stay healthy. No antidote she tries to take will fully satisfy the need. It will only keep the fever from poisoning her.

  If she continues on this path of resistance—which I have no idea how she’s maintaining, given the pain I can feel and see radiating off of her—she will grow psychologically sick with the desidre toxin. She will lose her mind.

  She needs help. And I am more than happy to assist however I can. But only at her invitation.

  Her resistance fascinates me as much as her body, and the desire—for me—that I sense coursing through her matches my own for her. Her force of will is something I find enticing on a level I don’t understand. Like I’m attracted to her not just physically but also because of her personal attributes.

  Which is strange to me. Sex is sex. A means for pleasure meant to be shared and never hindered by an attachment to a person’s being. It is about the physical, and that is all there is. The Fellamana do not believe and have no need of this involvement of the heart that our human and Ssedez guests subscribe to. We love our families and our friends, certainly, but this concept of monogamous love between lovers…is alien to me. But I am curious.

  Perhaps I can taste it. Get a glimpse of it. It mesmerizes me.

  The door to her shelter clicks open, and I sit to attention.

  I cannot see her face, but I recognize the shadow of her figure. In the way of the Fellamana, I can feel her, sense her desire, taste it on the air like a flower’s fragrance uniquely attractive to me. But I sense her unrest as well.

  I’ve willed myself invisible to hide the many-hued shades of blue that normally roam over my skin. I remain so to give her a moment to gather herself.

  She lifts her head to the night sky and stares at the endless stars of the galaxy. They litter the black canvas like light flies in a meadow on a moonless summer night. I stare as well and wonder if there is such a sight on her home world.

  The Fellamana have no pollution, nothing to taint our atmosphere or resources—which I’ve read is a problem on many Ten Systems worlds. We value our planet for the life-giving force it is.

  I hear Jenie’s breathing, every inhalation filling her with more of the desidre toxin. I sense that she came outside in the hopes of some relief from it—her emotions waving through the air like an aura caressing my skin. Once she steps into the light, I’ll be able to see her emotions in colors around her as well as sense them.

  I’m growing more familiar with her each day. Her unique human feelings—so intense, so stunning, so overwhelming. I want to gather her stress in my hands and ease it with my gods-given power—the Exstare—the unique gift born only to me among the Fellamana, the gift of healing touch. If she’ll let me, I can share with her the peace that lives in my Fellamana blood. All it takes is a brush of my skin to hers.

  Since I met her a week ago, she has only allowed me to soothe her once. And my touch was too intense for her. She has rejected me since. But I’m still drawn to her as though she is life-giving water.

  I don’t understand this need for her and only her that’s ruled me since I met her. It’s very un-Fellamana to continue wanting someone after they have said no. It would be more traditional for me to move on to someone else and perhaps check back with her another time to see if she’s changed her mind.

  But for days, I haven’t wanted anyone else. Which is stranger than strange, for me. I won’t follow her if she doesn’t want me. I will simply remain available for whenever she may want my help.

  Whatever she needs is my desire.

  I gradually allow myself to become corporeal, the light that pervades my skin glimmering as a dim bulb. I don’t want to startle her, but she needs to know I’m here. I’m not a spy.

  The light I give off graces her body and reveals her to me, reveals me to her. The surprise on her face is tinged by a hint of pleasure in her graceful features. Her dark brown hair is pinned at the nape of her neck. I envision how long it would be, unbound and flirting across her shoulders. Would the tips be long enough to tease her nipples?

  I hope she’ll let me find out.

  The hint of pleasure at seeing me drifts from her features and is replaced by anxiety. The crimson aura of her desire is tinged with bright silver dashes from her agitation. I would never touch her while those hints of silver were there. I would undoubtedly cause her more distress.

  “Koviye?” she asks in whispered shock.

  Damn it. I’ve startled her, the last thing I wanted.

  I stand, slowly, and stay where I am, not coming closer. Her body is as stiff as the tree behind me. The level of discomfort I sense within her and see flowing around her…I don’t know how she’s withstanding it. She must be cutting herself off from every sensation in her body, and I want to cry in misery for her.

  “It’s me,” I whisper. She’s strong and resilient among the fellow humans she leads, but around me, she is as skittish as the smallest of animals.

  “What are you doing here?” she asks.

  She deserves the truth, even if I know she won’t like it.

  I open my posture up to her, no crossing of arms, no cocky expression. That was the mistake I made with her at first. I overwhelmed her with charm, a common courting ritual among the Fellamana. I have dropped that game, and I am only honest and forthright. “I feel your desire. It calls to me.”

  She moves her head in denial. “Impossible. Even through my shelter? Even while I’m asleep?”

  I take a small step toward her. This is a private conversation none of the guards she has posted around the camp should hear. “Especially while you sleep, Jenie. I close my eyes, and I am in your dreams.”

  Horror broadcasts over her face. “You…” She swallows hard in nervousness, but even as her anxiety increases, her desire flows more thickly around her complexion. The thought of me in her dreams excites her as much as it scares her. “You were there?”

  I step closer, overcome with wanting to ease her with my touch. I wish her human senses allowed her to read my emotions as I can hers. If she could see the proof of my genuine care for her needs, if she knew with certainty I’m not duplicitous, I think her fears would lessen. “It is a side effect.”

  “Of what?”

  “I desire you; you desire me. And among the Fellamana, it results in shared dreams.”

  Her eyes fall closed, and her hands clench. “I can’t do this.”

  “Your pain’s increasing. You won’t be able to withstand it much longer.” I come closer and reach out to caress her arm. “Why do you deny your body what it wants?”

  She jerks away from the brush of my fingertips on her elbow. “Please don’t ask me to explain.”

  It wrenches my heart. I wish to the gods I had more knowledge of human women so I could know what ails her. “So, there’s a reason? A specific one you cannot tell me?”

  Her eyes crack open, and she glances at me from beneath her eyelashes. “Yes.”

  I hold out my hands in a human sign of surrender that I have observed among her fellow soldiers. “I won’t invade your privacy.”

  She inhales deeply, and relief washes over her in a shade of lightness, until her emotions filter to a light pink. “Thank you.”

  “But if you’re remaining on the Fellamana planet, you have to find a way of feeding the desidre. Or you will sicken. It will incapacitate you.”

  Anger stiffens her shoulders. “No, it won’t. I took the antidote.”

  “It won’t kill you, then. But if you continue resisting your body’s call for sex with a partner, even with the antidote, in a day or two, you will be bedbound. The desidre will eventually steal your mind.”

  She shakes her head in denial and looks away. “I’m fine. I can handle it. It’s not that bad.” But her tone is laced with fear and so is her aura, blending to a bright alarming orange.

  “No one can handle the desidre
alone. Every sentient being on this planet is susceptible to it.” I try to catch her eye, but she refuses to look at me. “We all depend on each other to survive it. The antidote only cures the fever. It doesn’t stop the toxin from building in your blood.”

  She curses and rubs her face with her hands.

  I persist. “There must be some way, even if not full intercourse, that you can engage sexually with someone. The energy exchange with another is required. Orgasming by oneself isn’t enough over the long term.”

  She groans in agony. “This planet is maddening. Nowhere else would I be having this problem.”

  “I know it’s difficult for humans to talk about,” I say. “But you must, for your health.”

  A fierce sigh floods out of her like she’s relieving pressure in her lungs. “What exactly does the toxin require to release?”

  “Generally, shared orgasms with someone. If they happen at the same time, that is the most effective way.”

  “No.” Her denial is sharp. “That can’t happen.”

  I say as quietly as I can, “Doing it for yourself at least helps. But there is a…what is the word you use? Hormonal, perhaps? An internal, chemical reaction, an energy exchange which occurs when shared with another person. It relieves the desidre toxin best and for the longest period of time.”

  She gasps hard, and her confession comes pouring out. “I’m afraid.” But her aura doesn’t flare orange as with real fear. It blazes a deep burgundy of desire.

  Seeing the color arouses me further. Gods, I want this woman. “What are you afraid of?” I whisper, unable to keep my voice from rasping.

  “I want…” She flashes me a heated look. “…things from you. Things I don’t know if you would…” She hides her eyes again.

  “Oh Jenie…” My blood surges, and my pulse rears in my ears. She’s been fantasizing about what she wants me to do to her. “There is nothing I wouldn’t give you. If you wanted it.”

  “It doesn’t matter. I can’t have what I want.” Now, her aura flares bright orange. She’s afraid of something.

  I’m confused and roiling with compassion for her. Whatever her difficulty, it is very complex. “What about easing yourself? Can you…?” She makes a face, and I realize I’m prodding her with more questions. “Okay. I will accept pleasuring yourself as not an option.”

  “It…” She pinches her lips then says, “I fear it will only make me crave more of what I can’t let happen.”

  “What if you were with someone who had the self-control to stop wherever your boundaries are?” I am not practiced in denying myself, but for her, I would learn anything.

  She scoffs. “I can’t even trust myself. How could I trust someone else?”

  “The dreams then. I could help you in your dreams.” I can’t keep the desire from my voice. I want that with every fiber that lives in me. If I can only have her in dreams, then I will gorge us both.

  “Does that work?” she murmurs. “Would that help?”

  “It would not help as much as physical satisfaction, but your mind will trick your body into believing it happened. It will relieve enough of the toxin for you to continue functioning. For a time.” I don’t want to stress her more and tell her it will only work for a day before she’ll have to do it again.

  She stares at the ground and crosses her arms. She’s thinking about it, and the power of my blood pumping through my veins roars to light speed. Her resistance is waning, the orange fear and the silver anxiety draining away from her aura. The possibility of her giving in has desire flooding me so hot, it must be visible to her. The blood flow I see in my hands is such a deep red, the blue in my skin is gone, and I’m nearly as crimson as she is. Though she may not be able to interpret what my changing colors mean.

  She leans toward me slightly, whether she’s aware or not, I don’t know, but the scent of her floods my nostrils. Her arousal is a potent aphrodisiac. For a moment, I lose all awareness of place and time.

  I lower my nose to the exposed skin of her neck and stroke my fingers up her shoulder over her uniform. She shudders at my touch but does not jerk away or stop me.

  So, I don’t stop. I finger her collar and brush my lips across the delicate skin of her throat in the barest of touches.

  Excitement sounds in my brain, blaring the brightest of horn calls. She’s letting me touch her. Jenie, my Jenie, sweet Jenie. The woman who’s taken over my every waking and sleeping moment. The woman whose body calls to me like a siren singing through my blood.

  I press my lips to her neck in a tentative kiss, and the softness and give to her tender flesh surprise me. Her skin is more sensitive than I dreamed. A tiny whimper sounds from the back of her throat, and she leans into me, her hand grasping my arm for support. I hear it like a broadcast from her body to my senses.

  What she needs, how she desires, where she wants it, and how badly.

  Her body tells me the things flowing through her mind. While touching her, I can hear her emotions like radio waves to my brain. The passion within this woman is unrivaled and if…when she unleashes it, she will flood my senses past reason.

  Maybe she’s right. Maybe she couldn’t trust me to have boundaries and control.

  The thought stops me. I must respect her. To push her would be ruinous.

  I straighten, lifting my mouth from her skin, and whisper in her ear, “Will you consider it? Letting me in your dreams tonight?”

  Her breath catches, and she is still. With a bare nod of her chin, she breathes, “Yes.”

  I kiss the spot below her ear, then I slowly stand away, giving her time to balance without leaning against me. “I will await your invitation.”

  “You won’t come unless I say?”

  I place a hand over my heart. “Unless you give me waking permission before sleeping, I will not even knock this time in your dreams.”

  Her expression softens, and for the first time, the anxiety disappears from her. “Thank you.” Her emotional aura is tinged with hints of blue—relief. I echo it, glad I’m not stressing her anymore.

  “It is my pleasure to give you your desire. Even when it is not to see me.” I glance behind me, and the first sunlight glows on the horizon. “Shall I leave you?”

  “Check in with me in a few hours. I might need your help.”

  I’ve taken a big step toward earning her trust. “Your wish is my duty.” I back away and release my visibility.

  She stares at the spot where I now stand, translucent and invisible to her. “No spying, Koviye.”

  “I don’t dare.” I stride off into the forest. I have some searching to do. There are other things she desires besides separation from me and the easing of her pain. I’ll find the answers for her.

  It’s unfamiliar—this desire to give one person all they wish. But I will not deny myself the pleasure of satisfying her every need.

  Chapter Three

  Jenie

  I leverage the lab tabletop with my shoulder, putting all my strength into holding up the last piece of research equipment we need to extract. It’s almost detached from the wall of the ship. If I drop it, it’ll break. “Leinita,” I grit through my teeth. “There’s one more bolt attached on the right.”

  The heavy lab setup weighs twice what I do, and sweat pours down my back with the effort. But with my advanced bioengineering, I’m able to perform this task, one in a long line of doable chores we must accomplish to sort through the final sections of wreckage of our ship, the Origin.

  She was our escape vessel from the evil Ten Systems, our means of rebellion against the imperial regime that enslaved us to their military and their quest to conquer every alien civilization in the galaxy. The Ten Systems is our mutual enemy. The regime would destroy not just our rebellion, but the Fellamana, too, as they seek to dominate every alien civilization in their belief that humans are the superior species.

  Our ship, the Origin, was a wreck after the crash, but she was our home and we had hopes of repairing her. After yesterday, s
he is no more.

  Before taking off yesterday, the invading Ten Systems ship, the Hades, fired torpedoes at the Origin and finished her. But there are some salvageable pieces.

  The bright beam of a laser cutting metal flashes beneath the control panel resting on my shoulder. “It’s loose,” Leinita yells from the other side of the barrier. “Ease it down.”

  I lift the panel off of me and lower it to the floor. Panting heavily, I stand and smile at Leinita. “Done.”

  She returns my smile. “Our portable laboratory.” She laughs. “I hope our engineers are right and this equipment still works. Otherwise, it’s a lot of effort for nothing.”

  Around us, others in uniform carry away the pieces Leinita and I have severed from the walls of the ship’s laboratory. “If our researchers don’t have a place to do experiments, what’s the point of this?” Our new mission since escaping the Ten Systems and their credo of dominating the universe is to explore and learn about alien species—in an attempt to prove or disprove our scientific hypothesis that all intelligent life comes from the same source, an unknown source we’d like to discover.

  “If we don’t have a ship, what’s the point in having researchers at all?”

  I conceal my desire to glare at her. The role she plays among the officers is naysayer, her pessimistic caution valuable in decision making. It doesn’t mean I don’t find it infuriating at times.

  “We’ll get a ship,” I say. Though I have no idea from where or what kind.

  But even that’s only number two on my worry list.

  Our head communications officer, Tanery, comes to pick up the control panel we just detached, and I inhale to ask her for the sixth time that day—

  “We haven’t had contact from Special Ops Assura,” Tanery says before I speak. “I’ll tell you as soon as there’s word.”

  Code for stop asking; it’s getting inappropriate.

  It has to be obvious to everyone now, if it wasn’t before, that my worry for Assura surpasses that of a commanding officer and runs into personal attachment. Which under the Ten Systems regime would’ve been cause for punishment—the corporal kind. Our rebel officers will get used to it.