by Jewel, Bella
Warm hands curl around my shoulders and I’m turned to face Tatum. I knew he would be following closely behind in his truck. He pulls me close and my head falls onto his chest, the tears flowing again. I’m not close to Ethan, but I do know he’s probably the best person I’ve ever met.
He’s just the kind of man you want in your life forever.
Not to mention he saved my best friend during the worst time in her life.
He doesn’t deserve this.
He doesn’t.
“It’s goin’ to be okay,” Tatum murmurs, pressing his lips to my forehead when I lift off and look at him.
“Is it?” I whisper. “Is it going to be okay?”
“Have some faith, it’s all you can do right now.”
I nod, my stomach tight, my heart aching in a way I didn’t know it could.
“I’ve called Alarick, told him what went down. They’re onto it. They had eyes on the apartment, and the guys who were watching followed the men who shot Ethan. He’s goin’ to let us know what he finds out.”
“Oh, thank god,” I whisper.
“The cops are goin’ to question us, because it’s a gunshot. If they do, you tell them you don’t know who it was. That he went out to get the pizza and someone shot him. The least they know the better.”
I nod. “Okay.”
“Callie and Tanner are on their way. Have you heard anything?”
I shake my head. “No, but it looked bad. It sounded bad. Everything was just horrible. They rushed him off, at one point I don’t think he was breathing. I don’t know if he’s going to make it, Tatum. I honestly don’t know.”
He pulls me in for a hug again. “We’re goin’ to get through this. All of us.”
Are we, though?
How much more can we possibly take?
“Jo?”
I turn and see Callie rushing down the halls, her hair still wet and unbrushed from a shower, her eyes red and puffy. I let Tatum go and hurry toward her, throwing my arms around her when she gets to me. Tanner keeps walking after squeezing me on the shoulder and starts talking to Tatum.
“Are you okay?” I say, pulling back and looking at her.
“Have they told you anything?”
I shake my head. “Sorry, honey, no. He’s in surgery, that’s all I know.”
Callie nods, her eyes just ... broken. Empty. Dead. “Has anyone called his girlfriend, Raven?”
“I have,” Tatum says, “she is upset and getting the next flight out.”
Callie nods, whispering a thanks.
“I’ll go and get some coffee,” Tanner says, disappearing down the hall.
We find a set of seats and sit down. I take Callie’s hand, and squeeze tightly. She squeezes back. We sit in silence for a good long time, none of us saying anything. Tanner brings back coffee, but nobody drinks it, we all just hang onto our cups, staring at the bland cream wall in front of us for what seems like hours.
Maybe it is hours. Who knows.
Finally, a nurse comes out and calls Ethan’s name. Callie stands, rushing over. “Are you family?” she asks.
“Yes,” Callie lies.
“Ethan isn’t doing well. He’s lost a lot of blood and the bullets caused a great deal of damage. They’re still working on him, but I have to tell you, right now it’s hit and miss. He has a lot of internal bleeding ...”
Callie makes a pained sound and cups her chest, like her heart is just going to launch out.
“Thanks,” Tatum says to the nurse. “Keep us updated.”
The nurse nods, looking like it’s killing her to have to deliver such horrible news. I can only imagine how hard it is on them, even worse for the doctor who has to come out and tell someone their family member or loved one has died. That would be the hardest thing in the world to do. It really would.
“There is a more comfortable waiting room just around the corner, if you like. I’ll keep you updated as I hear.”
Tatum nods and thanks her, and then I turn to Callie and help her up, my heart breaking with every single tear that rolls down her cheek. Tanner takes her hand, and we lead her to the waiting room, finding a comfortable chair and sitting down.
Then, I think we all start praying.
At least, I know that’s what I do.
CALLIE FALLS ASLEEP after another couple of hours, her head slumped down onto Tanner’s shoulder. He doesn’t seem to mind, and occasionally, his fingers run over her hand that has rested on his knee. He’s stepping up for her, which is really something else. He doesn’t have to, after everything, but he is and that’s special.
Alarick walks into the hospital just around midnight and Tatum and I both stand, desperate to see what he has to say. I’m keeping everything crossed that he has found something, because this has gotten to a point if we don’t do something soon, we could all end up losing our lives. Simple as that.
None of us want that.
We all want this to be over.
“How is he?” Alarick asks, his eyes swinging to me.
“He’s still in surgery, they’re saying there is a good chance he won’t make it.”
“Sorry to hear that,” he murmurs, and then looks to Tatum. “Got a location.”
Oh, thank god.
“You do?” I ask, before Tatum can answer.
“Yeah, found an old house they’re hidin’ out at. They’ve got watch, clearly expectin’ us. You want us to go in, finish this, or are you goin’ to come with us?”
Tatum doesn’t even flinch when he says, “We’re coming.”
Tanner nods. “Yeah, we’re fuckin’ coming.”
What?
Wait?
This club is offering to go and end this for us, without any more lives being taken, and these two men still want to go in and risk everything? The bikers do this, hell, it’s what they do. They have manpower, and they have ways to make people disappear without suspicion. Why in the ever-loving hell would they want to join in?
“Wait, you want to go?” I ask, turning and looking at Tatum.
“Yeah, my brother is in there. I’m not goin’ to sit here while they go and do the hard work.”
“But they know what they’re doing. You could die,” I whisper, and then look to Tanner. “If she loses you too ...”
“You sayin’ we don’t know what we’re fuckin’ doing?” Tatum growls at me.
Man, I’m pissed.
I know I shouldn’t be, but emotions are high and the idea of him going in and risking his life just seems like the worst idea he’s ever had.
“If you knew what you were doing, we wouldn’t be in this mess to begin with,” I yell, frustrated.
His face hardens, and I know immediately I’ve said the wrong thing. I regret it right away, but I can’t take it back. I open my mouth to apologize, but he turns to Alarick and says, “Let us know when you ride, we’re with you.”
Alarick nods, and then glances at me before turning and walking out. Tatum turns without another word and walks down the hall. Dammit, I give Tanner a look before rushing after him.
“Tatum, wait!” I call, rushing down the hall.
He stops and turns, taking a step toward me. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”
“I didn’t mean it. I’m just ... The idea of losing you both as well, I was just scared. Those men know what they’re doing, they’ve got the manpower, I don’t know why you’d go risk your life when you don’t have to.”
“Because that’s my fuckin’ brother, Jo. He’s the only one I have. He’s made mistakes, but he needs me and I’m goin’ to be there. I’m goin’ in, because that’s what I want to do.”
“Even if it means you die?” I whisper, my face scrunching in pain.
“Yeah,” he growls, “even if it means I die.”
My bottom lip trembles. “What about me?”
He exhales, and his fists clench. “This isn’t about you, Jo. You gotta know that. I have to be there for him, even if it’s a risk. Can’t you understand that?”
I shake my head, horrified. “No, I can’t understand why you’d rather risk your life then let those men do it for us.”
I turn and walk off, hands trembling, body so full of emotion I feel like I’m about to burst. I can barely breathe by the time I find the exit and step outside. I glance left, and then right, and then I close my eyes and drop my head. I shouldn’t be out here, I know that, but I’m so tired of following all the rules when nobody gives a crap how I feel.
“Shouldn’t be out here.”
I whip my head to the side to see Alarick leaning against his bike, cigarette in his hand, smoke lingering around him making him look so gorgeous it’s hard to think of anything else.
“Why did you have to tell him he could come?” I say, my voice tight.
“He’s a grown ass man, not up to me to tell him he can’t be there for his brother.”
“He could die, Alarick!”
“Yeah, he fuckin’ could. We could die right fuckin’ know if those men are watchin' with their guns loaded. Life’s a risk, Joanne. You gotta do what you gotta do for family. That’s his family, you gotta respect that.”
I exhale. “I know it’s his family, but I also know if he dies ...”
“Yeah, it’ll fuck you up. You be with a man like that, it’s a risk you take. Trust that he ain’t stupid, give him the support he needs, or he’ll be gone before you know it.”
Dammit.
I’ve fucked up.
I know I have.
“I’m just scared, Ethan could die and those men ...”
“Those men ain’t your problem anymore. They’re mine, and I’ll take care of it. You got my word on that.”
“Why are you helping us?” I ask him, narrowing my eyes. “Risking everything?”
“When a problem is presented to me, I tackle it. I wouldn’t have gone out of my way to help you if you were anyone else, but you work for me and it was dangerous. That’s what I do.”
I nod, and then in a soft voice, I say, “Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it. Now get back inside before you end up hurt, too.”
I do as he asks.
I get back inside.
22
CALLIE
There’s still no good news.
He’s out of surgery, he made it out of that alive, but he’s currently on life support—they don’t know if he’ll make it through the rest of the night and morning. I wanted to see him, but they said right now, we can’t visit. However, if they think they’ll have to turn life support off, we’ll be able to go in and say goodbye.
Say goodbye.
Those words make me sick to my stomach.
Tanner insists I go home and get some rest. I protest, but my body is exhausted, and I can’t put up much of a fight for long. So, we leave the hospital. The nurse promises to call if there is any change, any at all. I thank her, and we leave.
The entire ride home is silent, I just stare out the window, watching the buildings and cars whizz by, and I feel numb. Completely numb. My entire body and brain feels like it’s shut down on me, like there isn’t a single thing that’ll wake me out of this trance I’m in.
We arrive at the apartment, and I walk in, not looking at anyone as I walk down to my room and shut the door. I hear Madeline asking Tanner a million questions, but for once, I don’t actually care. I don’t care about anything except Ethan, and if he doesn’t make it, I don’t know if I’ll ever breathe freely again.
I can’t imagine a world without him in it.
I just can’t.
I get into the shower and wash again, still feeling like his blood is sticking to my skin, to my hair, to my soul. Even though I showered earlier, I don’t feel like I’m clean. I scrub and scrub until my skin is red-raw and then I get out, drying myself and walking into my room, not bothering to get changed. I climb into the bed naked, roll to my side, and flick off the lamp.
I lie there for what seems like hours, and I wonder if my body has shut down on me. I wonder if maybe it’ll never come back to life. My tears feel like they’re dried up, my heart feels numb, my brain isn’t working. I close my eyes, my body exhausted and yet I can’t find sleep.
I think about Ethan.
I remember the first time I met him, how he was this light in a place I never thought I’d find light. How he made me feel like I could survive. I remember all our chats, all the books he used to bring me, and how we’d laugh for hours over the craziest things. I remember how he made me run when I got out of prison, and how he refused to let me sink.
How determined he was to make me get my life back on track.
I don’t realize I’m crying until I hear a loud wail that couldn’t possibly be coming from me. When another one fills the room, and my body trembles, I realize it is in fact me, and I can’t stop it. My wails grow louder, and I clutch the blankets, praying for them to stop but they won’t.
A few minutes later, the blanket moves and a hard, warm body gets into the bed and pulls me against it, rolling me until my chest is buried into a familiar chest. I keep wailing, clutching the man who always seems to show up for me, no matter what we’ve been through. I love him so much it hurts, because through all the pain, we still manage to pick each other up.
He fixes things in me that he broke, and yet he somehow puts them back together stronger.
He’s the very reason I keep fighting.
I clutch him and cry until there is nothing left, and when I’m doing nothing but hiccupping with an occasional sob, does he say, “I’ve got you. We’re goin’ to get through this.”
How can we get through this, when he’s with someone else?
Someone who is not me.
Someone who is probably a million times the person I am.
How?
How do you get through that?
“If he dies ...” I sob.
“You have to have faith, Callie. Keep prayin’, keep asking for a damn miracle, but don’t you give up on him. He didn’t give up on you, even when he probably should have, don’t you give up on him either.”
“He didn’t deserve any of this,” I whisper.
“No,” Tanner agrees, “He didn’t.”
I tip my head back, even though I can’t see him, and I can feel his breath against my lips, he’s so close. I want him, so bad. His body is pressing to mine, his cock against my belly, and there isn’t a single thing in the world except Ethan waking up that could make me feel better right now.
I shuffle closer, knowing I’m playing with fire, but needing comfort almost more than I need my next breath. His mouth is so close, and his cock jerks as my naked body rubs up against it. I take the plunge, closing the gap between our lips and kissing him. He responds, just like I knew he would. He kisses me with a ferocity that I’ve never felt from him.
I gasp for air a few times, he’s kissing me that deeply, and breathing is proving difficult after all the crying. It only makes it seem that much more passionate. I cling to him, wanting every part of my body to touch his. I want him inside me, I want every piece of him in my soul.
Our kiss becomes so frantic I can’t think, our hands start moving, caressing each other’s bodies, and then my leg goes up around his hip and he pushes his cock into me. The moment he sinks in, I whimper and break the kiss, loving the way it burns around me. Loving the way his entire fucking presence makes me feel alive.
“Tanner,” I breathe, as he starts rocking his hips, dragging his cock in and out of my body, bringing me a pleasure I never thought I’d be able to find right now.
“Fuck,” he growls, quickening his pace.
My fingers bite into his skin, my mouth finds his again, and I kiss him. I kiss him with everything I’ve kept bottled up in the last few years, I kiss him until I’m dizzy with lust, I kiss him until my lips burn. Our bodies tangle together and his skin slaps against mine as we both build, our pleasure becoming all we can focus on.
I can’t hang on a second longer, I explode with an orgasm that blo
ws my mind. Tanner follows a second later, with a ragged growl, and our foreheads drop together, our panting breaths matching, as we come down from that incredible high. That was the most powerful orgasm I’ve ever had in my life. I don’t know if it was the emotion, or just that it has been so long since we were together, but it was amazing.
My mind, however, goes to the one thing that I should have asked before we made love.
“Madeline,” I whisper. “Tanner ...”
“I broke up with her,” he murmurs, brushing his lips against my mouth. “I’m not an asshole. I told her that I was in love with you, and it wasn’t fair on her. She was hurt and went to a hotel. I’ll call her soon, but I imagine she doesn’t want to talk to me, which is understandable. I wasn’t goin’ to cheat on her though, I had to be honest.”
My mind zones in on the one set of words he just said, skipping over the rest. “You’re in love with me?” I whisper.
He goes silent for a moment, and then says to me, “I’ve been in love with you for a long time. Thought I was gettin’ over it, but the moment I saw you again, I knew I would never get over it. Maybe it’s all the pain, and all the drama, but you’re in my heart now and I can’t get you out.”
My heart explodes, and I whisper, “I love you too, Tanner.”
He squeezes me. “I know that, honey.”
“You know,” I say, running my fingers down his chest, “maybe Celia brought us together for a reason. She’s probably looking down on us right now, smiling, because she knew we’d end up here. She knew we’d get past it all and bring each other comfort at a time when we never thought we’d find it again.”
“Yeah, I think about that often. Sometimes, I think maybe this is what she wanted all along. I never thought I could like you, let alone love you, but here I am. Feelin’ things I’ve never felt with anyone before.”
My heart swells with love, and I say to him, “Yeah, who would have thought. Do you think we have what it takes, to make it past all of this? We’ve been through a lot, and we’ve hurt each other a lot. I don’t want us to forever throw that in the other person's face.”
