Something about Tori Donovan played havoc with his good sense, and over the past few weeks, she’d quietly been weakening his defenses. With her easy smile and gentle ways, she’d reminded him what it was like to have fun. Made him want to do things he hadn’t done in a long time, just to see her eyes light up. To remember what it was like to just be, without having to fake his way through every second of every hour.
Somehow, despite the walls he’d thrown up, she’d seen inside. She understood.
Hence the reason he found himself pulling Tori down onto the oversized deck chair with him.
She eased down carefully beside him, suddenly shyer than she’d been since that first night he’d driven her home. He wanted to tell her that she needn’t be worried. That he wouldn’t step over the lines he’d drawn. Lines he’d already pushed by holding her hand and stealing kisses when the urge became too strong to ignore.
Lines he currently wanted to completely obliterate.
With extreme prejudice.
He didn’t tell her any of that, though, because he was one very small step away from entering dangerous territory. Tori was an amazing woman. Intelligent, fun to be around, kind, understanding, adventurous. She was a beam of light that kept the dark whispers at bay. He wanted to connect with that light, let it fill him from the inside out. To be held in her arms, filling her body as she filled his soul.
She would let him, too. He could see it in her eyes, in the way she smiled at him.
She wouldn’t say no. That was why he had to. As satisfying as it would be to give in to his desires, it would only be a temporary respite. The darkness would return. It always did. He couldn’t, and wouldn’t, expect her to understand that.
She was the one who spoke first. “I’m sorry. Today was absolutely amazing. I didn’t mean to ruin it.”
“You didn’t ruin anything.”
She scoffed softly.
Brian had become adept at hiding his thoughts, but not around her. It was almost as if she had a direct line right into his emotions, bypassing every wall and shield he put up with ease. That was yet another reason he needed to proceed with extreme caution. If she sensed, even for a moment, the depth of the feelings he was just beginning to acknowledge, she would have a carte blanche, all-access pass to a restricted area.
He took a deep breath and willed himself to relax. “How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Pick up on things no one else does.”
It was her turn to tense up.
“Hey, what did I say?”
“Nothing.”
He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her to sit between his legs. She resisted a little at first, but then exhaled and gave herself over to it. He pulled lightly on her shoulders until her back rested against his chest. She’d done exactly the same thing—closed up like a clam—at the reception when he’d said something similar. He hadn’t pressed then, but he felt as if they’d grown close enough since to warrant another attempt.
“Tell me,” he coaxed. His fingers trailed over her t-shirt, wishing it wasn’t there.
She remained quiet for several long minutes, probably deciding what, if anything, to share with him. He hoped she would. For as much time as they’d spent together, they tended to live in the moment. They didn’t delve into pasts or talk about futures. But now, he wanted a deeper insight into the woman who unwittingly found a way to quiet his demons.
“I’m just sensitive, I guess,” she said finally. “I can pick up on what people are feeling.”
“Like an empath?” he guessed, thinking of Shane Callaghan.
“No, nothing like that. I just pick up on subtle clues. Body language, facial expressions, breathing patterns, things like that. I can sense when people are angry or agitated or uncomfortable. I don’t mean to. It just happens.”
“That sounds like a good thing.”
“It can be,” she agreed, “like when I’m working with a patient and they’re not being completely honest about what they can and can’t do. I can sense their pain and adjust accordingly. But most of the time, it just makes people uncomfortable.”
He couldn’t argue with that, especially since she’d unintentionally made him squirm a time or two. “People like to hide behind the walls they build.”
“Yes, and believe me, I do understand. I’m the same way.”
There was something she wasn’t telling him. Shadows clouded those pretty eyes. As someone who lived with dark shadows, he recognized them easily. Tori knew pain. He hadn’t seen any visible scars, but not all abuse left physical marks. With sudden clarity, he knew why she’d kept an overshirt on all day.
He grabbed the hem of her t-shirt and began to lift. She stiffened.
“It’s okay,” he said softly. He raised the material as high as her shoulders and that’s when he saw them: a series of dark circles between her shoulder blades, as if someone had used her upper back as an ashtray. Aware that she was holding her breath, waiting for his reaction, he forced himself to remain calm.
“Who sees through your walls, Tori?”
She tried to turn and look back at him, but he didn’t trust what her perceptive eyes would see. Rage. Understanding. The desire to kiss away her self-doubt and show her just how fucking special she was.
His hands came up to her shoulders, massaging the knots that had taken up residence there. She sighed and leaned back into him.
“It’s easy to hide when no one is looking.”
Her warm weight felt good against him, at odds with the resignation that tinged her voice. Did she really believe that no one noticed her? That he wasn’t aware of her every smile, her every sigh, her every laugh? That he didn’t see the disappointment in her eyes when he forced himself to walk away after spending time with her?
“It’s okay, you know,” she continued quietly, proving once again that she was attuned to his thoughts and mood. “I don’t need any more than this.”
“What if I do?”
This time, when she tried to turn around, he allowed it. He let her see the truth in his eyes, feel the truth in the pounding of his heart and the stiffness between his legs.
“Do you?”
He pulled her close, coaxing a kiss. He didn’t stop there. He allowed his hands to roam, to squeeze, to flex. He found more scars, more evidence that she had not had an easy life. Rather than be put off by them, they fueled the fire burning deep inside, forging a new bond between them.
The kisses grew hotter, the touches bolder. Straddling his lap as she was, she had to feel the effect she was having on him. If she really could sense what he wanted to do to her, she should be slapping his face. Or getting up, walking away, and demanding he take a dip in the cold lake water.
Not melting into him as if she wanted nothing more.
“Tori,” he said huskily. “I can’t make you any promises.”
“I’m not asking for any.” She began to rock her hips slightly, rubbing her heated center over his hardness. His cock responded, completely unconcerned about doing the right thing. His mind wasn’t too far behind. He’d been resisting the chemistry between them, telling himself that her friendship was enough, but that resistance was now melting quickly away beneath the starry sky and a woman who wanted him as much as he wanted her.
The fire had burned down to embers. There, in the darkness, shielded by the trees separating their site from others, she reached between them and freed him from his shorts. He hissed at the feel of her hand, at the firm grip of her strokes, at the way her thumb slid over the tip, spreading the slick wetness.
“Condom?”
“In my bag.”
She was off him in the next breath, his body protesting the loss. Then she was back, shoving his pack at him. “Hurry.”
“Tori, are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“I can’t—”
She put her finger to his lips. “I know. I’m not asking you to. What I am asking is that you just let this happen. No
expectations. No strings. Just you and me, right here, right now.”
While he wrapped himself, she quickly shucked her shorts and panties, leaving her T-shirt on. No sooner had he finished than she was straddling him again, sinking onto him in a slow, smooth glide. No prelude. No foreplay. Just raw need.
He closed his lips around one peaking nipple, once again wishing the thin layer of cotton wasn’t between them, but unwilling to release her for the few moments it would take to remove it. Her hands rested on his shoulders as she rode him to ecstasy in near silence, the soft sounds of their bodies coming together and their heavy breaths barely audible. The crackle of the dying fire and the serenade of crickets and frogs provided background music, along with the occasional muffled sounds of other campers carried on the breeze.
He gripped her hips and closed his eyes, giving himself over to her, letting her take care of him in a way he hadn’t allowed anyone to do in a long time. She took care of them both, and when she rested limply against his chest, he wrapped his arms around her.
“This changes nothing,” she whispered breathlessly into his ear.
She was so, so wrong about that, he thought as his heart pounded and clarity began to return. This changed everything.
Chapter Eighteen
Things had changed.
She tried not to let it bother her. She had known that this was a possible outcome of pushing things too far.
Oh, he’d been right there with her in the heat of the moment. It was afterward, when he thought she’d fallen asleep, that she’d felt him pulling away. He’d been gentle when he’d carried her into the cabin, laid her out on the daybed and covered her with a blanket. Then he’d left, and when she snuck over to the door and looked out, she saw him sitting alone, staring out into the darkness until dawn broke, right along with a piece of her heart.
Later, he’d brought her coffee and pastries. It was a pleasant surprise, but it would have been nicer if he’d sat down and eaten them with her. Or looked her in the eye. Or said something, anything, to reassure her that things were okay between them. He didn’t.
It hurt more than she’d thought it would. Even though she’d shored herself up for just such a thing, her heart felt battered and bruised.
She saw Brian twice after that, and on both occasions, recognized them for what they were: half-hearted attempts to go back to the way things were and pretend nothing had happened. As if they hadn’t shared a beautiful moment together, when the two of them came together as one, forgot about the outside world, and just were.
That’s what it had been like for her, anyway.
Apparently, he hadn’t felt the same. Or maybe he had. Maybe he had and it had affected him just as deeply, and that was what had sent him into immediate retreat. That was only a guess; she didn’t know, because Brian wasn’t saying anything beyond the topical.
He was nice. He was polite. But there were no more heated, stolen kisses. No more hand-holding. No more adventures that put the two of them alone.
The sex had been great, but it wasn’t worth losing the easy comradery they’d shared, or that feeling of having met a kindred spirit. She missed that most of all.
In the subsequent days and weeks, Brian called less and less. She stopped hoping for him to change his mind and went back to her quiet, solitary existence. Though she’d been alone for a long time, she had never felt lonelier.
Before long summer was drawing to a close. Labor Day was right around the corner. She was able to pick up extra hours at the rehab center as many of her co-workers took family vacations before the school year started up again. That helped. When she was working with patients, she was able to focus on them and their needs. It was afterward, when she was home alone, that she felt the worst.
You never had a problem doing things on your own before Brian.
That’s because I didn’t know what I was missing. Now I do.
He could come around. Maybe he’s still processing things. It wasn’t just sex for you. Maybe it wasn’t for him either.
Maybe not.
Perhaps it was for that reason she found herself walking into Jake’s Irish Pub that Friday night. Wondering what he was thinking, waiting to see what, if anything, would happen next was driving her crazy. She wanted to see his face and hear his voice and know if there was any hope, or if she needed to pick up the pieces of her shattering heart and move on.
She knew Brian was working; she’d seen his Jeep parked in the lot. Tori took a deep breath for courage, went up to the bar and slid up onto one of the raised seats.
“Hi.”
“Hi, yourself,” Brian’s voice was just as friendly and welcoming as ever, but there was a wariness in his eyes now, too. “What’s up?”
“Nothing much. I just thought I’d stop in and say hello, see how you’re doing.”
“Good. I’m doing good. Been busy.”
She nodded. “Yeah, me too.”
“What can I get you?”
There was another guy farther down behind the bar, watching the awkward exchange with interest. Given his jet black hair and blue eyes, Tori guessed him to be another Callaghan.
“Light beer, please. Whatever you’ve got on tap is fine.”
Brian pulled an icy mug from the glass doored freezer behind him and poured her beer. He looked up and down the bar as if searching for someone else to serve, but the dark-haired guy seemed to have everything covered.
“Not too busy tonight for a holiday weekend,” she commented.
“It’s still early. The regulars won’t come in until later.”
This was it. The moment of truth. How he responded to what she said next would tell her everything she needed to know. No guts, no glory, Tori.
“Right. So listen, I was doing a bit of Googling, and I discovered that Pennsylvania has its own smaller version of the Grand Canyon. I was thinking if you weren’t busy, maybe we could drive up that way this weekend. If you’re interested.”
His face remained neutral and his eyes clouded over. There was no hesitation when he answered. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
Disappointment hit her hard, even though she had expected as much. She summoned a smile and forced cheer into her voice. “Hey, no worries. Just thought I’d ask.”
Lacie came out of the back with another woman Tori had never seen before. The woman was striking, her eyes an unusual shade of violet. Lacie’s face lit up when she saw her sitting there. “Tori! It’s so nice to see you! Taryn, come here. I want you to meet someone. Tori, this is Taryn Callaghan. Her husband Jake owns this place.”
Tori’s gaze immediately went to the dark haired guy behind the bar.
“No, that’s Ian. Jake’s picking up our daughter from her MMA class.”
“Just how many Callaghans are there?”
Taryn laughed. “Seven, but sometimes it seems like a lot more. Nice to finally meet you, Tori.”
“Finally?”
Taryn’s eyes slid to Brian and back. “Yeah, your name has come up a few times.”
Tori didn’t know what to say to that, so she said nothing.
“Does this mean you’ve changed your mind?” Lacie asked hopefully.
“Changed my mind about what?”
“The big shindig up at Maggie’s farm this weekend. It’s our last celebration of summer.”
“Oh, that.” Tori saw Brian shift out of the corner of her eye.
“Brian told us you already had plans, but I’m hoping the fact that you’re here means you’ve changed your mind and decided to come.”
Tori summoned another smile and breathed through the tightening in her throat. “That’s very kind of you, but I’m afraid I can’t. Brian’s right, I do have plans. In fact, I’d better get going. It was nice meeting you, Taryn, and seeing you again, Lacie. Please say hi to Faith for me, okay?”
Before the telltale burn in the back of her eyes could form actual tears, she put a few bills on the bar for her untouched beer and got out of there as fast as she could.
Then she cried.
Chapter Nineteen
“What was that all about?” Lacie asked, following Brian into the storage room. He should have known Lacie wouldn’t leave well enough alone.
Brian shrugged. “I told you. She’s busy.”
“What’s going on between you two?”
“Nothing’s going on.”
“Exactly my point. There should be something.”
Brian lifted a case of beer, ignoring the twinge in his lower back. “I know what you were hoping for, Lace, but it’s not going to happen. Let it go, okay? Tori and me, we’re just friends. That’s all we’ve ever been. That’s all we’re ever going to be.”
“I saw the way you two looked at each other.”
“Wishful thinking on your part, nothing more.”
“Bull puckey. She’s good for you, Brian.”
“Back off, Lace! It’s none of your goddamn business!”
The words came out harsher than he’d intended. Lacie took a step back, her eyes wide and her lips parted. Brian immediately felt horrible. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.”
She closed her mouth and nodded, but he could tell he’d hurt her. “I’m going to head home. I’ll see you at Maggie’s on Monday.”
Lacie walked out of the storeroom. Brian set down the case and sat down on a keg, rubbing his face with his hands.
He was acting like a dick. Lacie didn’t deserve to be treated like that... and neither did Tori. He was the problem. Even if he had a good reason for doing so, it still felt wrong. The look in Lacie’s eyes had stung, but the one in Tori’s had cut deep.
He got it, too. Understood the sense of loss she felt, because he felt it too. Goddammit, he missed her. Missed her smile. Missed her laugh. Missed the way he breathed easier just because he was around her.
What he wouldn’t give for things to be different. For him to be different. To be the kind of guy she deserved, the kind who could give her those roots she’d once talked about.
He wanted it so bad he could practically taste it.
Not Quite Broken: A Callaghan Family & Friends Romance Page 11
