by Kate Hardy
But how was she going to face him this morning?
She didn’t want another relationship. After the misery of the way her marriage had ended, she didn’t want to risk her heart ever again. Last night, she’d given in to temptation—and the possibilities filled her with panic.
Would Rob see this as the start of something? Last night, he’d said about forgetting the world for a while. No baggage. They’d agreed on one night: but how would he see things this morning?
Even though she knew they really needed to talk about this, the whole thing scared her stupid. If he did want it to be the start of something, she wasn’t sure she could face the risk of it all going wrong, just as it had with Dan. She’d be setting herself up for rejection—and she’d already faced enough of that with Dan. She didn’t want to be the one who wasn’t good enough, all over again.
Plus there was the fact he’d made it clear he was only here temporarily. What was the point of starting something, letting herself fall for him, only for him to leave?
Whatever way she looked at this, it was going to end up with her being the one left. Again. She couldn’t see any alternatives.
And even if her fears were all baseless—even if Rob did want a relationship, even if he changed his mind and stayed here, even if she could be brave enough to take the chance—what he’d told her last night made it clear that he was the last person she should let herself fall for. He’d had a kidney transplant. Which meant that, even though his brother was the donor of the kidney, he’d need to take immunosuppressant drugs to stop his body rejecting the new kidney. As a doctor, Florence knew that immunosuppressant drugs affected fertility. So being with Rob would put her back in exactly the same position as she’d been with Dan: with her partner unable to have children without medical intervention. And who was to say he wanted children anyway?
She couldn’t handle the infertility issue again.
So it would be better to leave right now. Call a halt to this, before either of them could get any more deeply involved. She’d have to regard last night as nothing more than a fling—a fling that had made her feel amazing, but it wasn’t to be repeated so she needed to stuff her emotions and all the longing back in the box where they belonged. And she’d have to keep things strictly professional between them for the rest of his temporary stay in their department.
His breathing appeared to be deep and even. What were the chances of her being able to move his arm away from her, wriggle out of bed, get dressed and leave without him waking? she wondered.
Probably slender, but she was going to try. Even though she knew it was cowardly and a bit mean. At least it might save them both a bit of embarrassment. She’d text him later to apologise.
Carefully, she slid her fingers under his arm and moved it upwards.
He responded by murmuring and drawing her closer.
Oh, help. So there was no way out of this.
OK. She’d try another approach. Be brisk and efficient. Wake him, tell him she needed to leave—without making any excuses—and ask him to look away while she dressed at the speed of light.
She took a deep breath, moved his arm away and slid to the side of the bed. ‘Rob. Rob.’
He was awake instantly. ‘Florence?’
‘Sorry. I need to go.’
She climbed out of bed. Then she made the mistake of looking at him. Those gorgeous blue eyes. The stubble that had made her want to touch his face. The sensual curve of his mouth.
It made her remember how he’d made her feel last night. He’d been generous, focusing on her pleasure. Even the first time had been way better than a first time should’ve been: no awkwardness or embarrassment, just exploring and delighting in their discoveries. They’d made love twice more in the night, and their bodies had been so in tune...
She needed to go. Now. Before she compounded her mistake, lost herself in Rob’s arms again, and started to want things she couldn’t have.
‘Sorry,’ she mumbled.
His hair was too short to be rumpled, but somehow he still managed to look all rumpled and sexy. And she was so tempted to forget all the worries spiralling in her head and climb back into bed with him.
‘Why don’t you stay for breakfast?’ he said. ‘We can order room service. Then I’ll give you a lift home.’
For a second Florence could imagine it: sharing coffee with him, stealing bits of croissant from each other’s plates, poring over the weekend papers and doing the crossword together...
Domestic and lovely—everything she missed from the best part of her marriage, and everything she couldn’t let herself wish for again.
‘Sorry. I can’t. I’ll get a taxi. Would you mind...um...?’ Her face heated. Considering how intimate they’d been last night, asking him to avert his gaze while she dressed would make her sound like a teenager, not a sensible thirty-two-year-old.
To her relief, he didn’t make her ask out loud. He just said, ‘Sure,’ and closed his eyes.
‘Thank you.’ She retrieved her clothing and dressed swiftly. As soon as she got home, she’d shower and brush her teeth and change her clothes, but for now she was going to have to brazen it out. ‘I...um—I guess I’ll see you at work.’
‘Yeah.’ His eyes were still closed, and his expression was completely unreadable.
This was one of the most awkward and embarrassing mornings she could ever remember. She didn’t have a clue what to say to him—and telling him about Dan would make her feel pathetic and whiny. She was an adult who should’ve got over the betrayal by now. And none of this was Rob’s fault. But she just couldn’t explain how she felt. The words stuck in her throat.
Wanting to get out of the situation as fast as possible, she headed for the door. ‘Thanks for...’ Her manners deserted her: how could she possibly thank him for sex? Squirming, knowing she was behaving badly but unable to stop herself, she fled.
Thankfully she managed to get a taxi almost immediately.
Home, she thought. Home, for a hot shower, and wash some common sense back into her head.
Because she and Rob were going to have to work together for the next couple of months, and their patients had to come first. There wasn’t room for embarrassment and awkwardness. She’d have to find a way of fixing this.
But she needed a shower and mug of disgustingly strong coffee before she could even start to think how to do that.
* * *
It was the worst ‘morning after’ Rob could ever remember.
Last night, Florence Jacobs had been soft and warm and gorgeous. He thought the sex had been good for both of them. She’d stayed; she’d slept in his arms; and while he’d been sliding into sleep he’d planned to ask her to stay for breakfast in the morning, and then suggest that maybe they could do something together—either today if she wasn’t busy, or the next time they both had a day off if she already had other plans. Maybe a walk on the beach or a pub lunch: time to get to know each other without any pressure. She was the first woman in a long while he’d wanted to get to know better.
This morning, if she’d been able to get out of bed without waking him, he was pretty sure he would’ve woken to find she’d vanished without even a note. As it was, she hadn’t been able to get dressed and leave quickly enough.
What had gone wrong?
The more he thought about it, the more mystified he was. He was pretty sure he hadn’t done anything to hurt her or upset her, but she’d made it very clear she didn’t want to get to know him better. That, for her, last night was a one-off.
Maybe it was something to do with the baggage she’d mentioned last night rather than something he’d done.
But now he was beginning to realise how quite a few of his girlfriends had felt—because he was usually the one who left. The one who didn’t commit. And he’d probably been fooling himself when he’d thought they’d stayed friends: because being th
e one who was rejected really wasn’t a nice feeling. It was the first time Rob had ever felt that way, and he didn’t like it. The whole thing made him feel cross with himself for wanting something he couldn’t have, and ashamed of the way he’d treated his exes.
Somehow he and Florence were going to have to find a way to rewind to their professional relationship, leave the embarrassment behind and focus on their patients.
Except now he knew what it was like to kiss her. How it felt to have her skin sliding against his. The expression in her eyes when she climaxed.
He wanted more.
But she clearly didn’t.
‘Get a grip,’ he told himself, and headed for the bathroom. A cold shower would sort his head out. And then he’d work out a plan to repair the mess he’d made.
* * *
A shower and a mug of coffee didn’t make things better. Florence was completely out of sorts. Even sewing, her favourite hobby, didn’t absorb her the way it usually did; instead of losing herself and her worries in the rhythm, she found herself stopping and unpicking her work. In the end, she gave up and texted her sister.
Can I come over for coffee? Xx
The reply was instant:
Course you can. xx
Lexy greeted her at the door with a big hug, then took a step back and frowned before ushering Florence into the kitchen. ‘What’s happened? I expected you to be buzzing after last night. You love departmental nights out. Especially when there’s dancing.’
‘It was fine,’ Florence fibbed.
‘Just “fine”?’ Lexy gave her a sidelong look, then put a mug of coffee and a chocolate muffin in front of her. ‘Max has taken the girls to get some bread for lunch, so they’ll probably feed the ducks on the way home. We have half an hour. Talk.’
‘There’s nothing to say.’
Lexy folded her arms and stared at Florence.
‘Don’t give me your scary ballet teacher look,’ Florence said, but she caved anyway. ‘I did something stupid.’
Lexy waited.
Florence blew out a breath. ‘I...um...had a one-night stand.’
‘With?’
Florence didn’t want to answer that, so she mumbled and looked away.
‘And you used protection?’
‘Yes. Of course.’
‘Not completely stupid, then.’ Lexy raised an eyebrow. ‘Assuming you were both consenting adults, what’s the problem?’
Florence groaned. Time to confess all. ‘He’s my new colleague. My new temporary colleague.’
‘And?’
Why didn’t her sister get it? Florence covered her face with her hands. ‘I just can’t believe I did that. Spent the night with someone I hardly know.’
‘It probably did you good. It’s more than past time you let yourself get over Dan,’ Lexy said gently.
‘But he’s not going to be around for long. This thing—it doesn’t have any kind of future.’
‘Also not a problem. You could just think of him as your transition man. The fling who helped you move on from Dan,’ Lexy said. She frowned. ‘Unless you really like him.’
That was the scary thing. Florence rather thought she did. She’d enjoyed talking to him at the departmental Christmas dinner. She’d enjoyed teasing him and flirting. She’d enjoyed kissing him. Making love with him.
And he was the first man she’d actually noticed since Dan.
‘I don’t know what I think,’ she said. Which wasn’t a complete fib; right then, she was more confused than she ever remembered being.
‘Floss, these things happen. Where you work, it’s intense. Like a pressure cooker. Everyone needs to let off steam from time to time.’
‘I guess. But I don’t do this sort of thing. I don’t have flings.’
‘Maybe it’s time you did.’ Lexy look fascinated. ‘Have you got any pictures from last night? Is he cute?’
‘No pictures—and very cute,’ Florence admitted. He was like every movie star or pop star crush she’d had as a teen: tall, dark hair, amazing eyes, amazing cheekbones. A beautiful mouth. And the way he moved...
‘He’s going to be working at the hospital for a few more weeks, at least. So, if you like each other, you could make it a longer fling instead of a single night,’ Lexy suggested.
‘I can’t do that.’ Florence bit her lip. ‘And I have to work with him.’
‘Plenty of people have relationships with their colleagues, Floss. You’re professional enough not to let it get in the way at work.’
‘It’s not just that. I...um...pretty much bolted this morning. Goodbye and—’ She groaned, covering her face with her hands. ‘Oh, this is bad. I almost said thank you for...’ She choked on the words, embarrassed beyond belief. Her sister was just about the only person in the world she’d admit this to.
‘Thank you for the shag?’ Lexy burst out laughing. ‘Oh, sweetheart.’ She hugged Florence. ‘And now you’re feeling like a teenager and you don’t know what to do about it.’
‘Pretty much. I didn’t behave well. He offered to order us room service breakfast.’
‘That’s nice. Thoughtful.’
‘And I just bolted.’
‘Look on the bright side. It means he’ll know you’re not used to one-night stands.’
‘I feel so stupid.’
‘You’re human, Floss. We all do things we regret. It’s fine.’ Lexy smiled at her. ‘So tell me about him.’
‘There’s not much to tell. He’s an emergency doctor, he works with me, and apparently he climbs.’
‘Why’s he temporary?’
‘He had a burst appendix when he was out helping in an earthquake zone. It wiped out his kidneys and he needed a transplant. His family’s round this way, so he’s here for a while to be near them.’
‘It sounds as if he’s had a rough time.’
Which made Florence feel even worse about running out on him like that. She couldn’t even text him to apologise, because now she thought about it she didn’t actually have his number.
‘What aren’t you telling me?’ Lexy asked.
Trust her sister to get straight to the point. ‘When you have a transplant, you have to take medication to stop your body rejecting the new organ. And it affects your fertility.’
Lexy made the connection immediately. ‘So, if you date him and you let yourself fall for him big-time, you’re risking another Dan situation.’
At last she got it. ‘Yes.’
‘Except not everyone reacts like Dan did. This guy might not be a total arse who wouldn’t consider IVF or adoption because it threatens his sense of masculinity,’ Lexy said. ‘You’re overthinking this, Floss. If you like the guy, date him. See where it goes.’
‘I can’t face putting myself in another Dan situation,’ Florence said. ‘But, on the other hand, I can hardly say to him, hey, we can extend our one-night stand if you like, but first I need to know if you want children—and if you’d be up for IVF with donor sperm, if you didn’t freeze your own sperm before the transplant and the immunosuppressants make you infertile.’
‘That’d be a teensy bit full-on,’ Lexy agreed. ‘Does he know about Dan?’
‘No. Nobody at the hospital knows what happened in Leeds. Just that I was married before, it didn’t work out, and I’m focused on my work.’ And, if she told herself that often enough, Florence was sure she’d be able to do it. Focus on her work and not think about the missing bits of her life.
Lexy hugged her again. ‘Honey, I know you’re scared. But you can’t keep a barrier round yourself for ever. You’re the one who’s missing out. It’s like learning to dance or sewing. You can’t do the new step or stitch at first, because it keeps going wrong. But you try again and again. You break it down into little chunks. You practise. And eventually it clicks.’
‘Dating isn’t
anything like learning to dance or sewing,’ Florence protested.
‘It so is,’ Lexy said, and ruffled her hair. ‘It’s about facing the fear. What’s the worst that can happen? You start dating him, you find out that you don’t really like each other, and you agree to be just friends.’
No. The worst thing that could happen would be falling in love with him, and finding out that he didn’t want children. Which Florence knew was being contrary, because not having a partner in the first place was the quickest way of making sure she didn’t have children. ‘Uh-huh,’ she said.
‘Talk to him,’ Lexy advised.
‘I will,’ Florence fibbed.
‘Of course it’s going to be a bit awkward when you see him next. But smile, ask him if you can go for coffee in your break, and explain you had a bit of a tough time at the end of your marriage and you’ve forgotten every bit of dating etiquette you ever knew, and can you please start again with a clean slate and maybe go out for a drink one evening after work?’
It sounded so easy when her sister put it like that. So simple. One step after another.
So why did it feel so daunting?
* * *
Once Florence had left, Rob had a shower, changed and went to the restaurant for breakfast. He knew he needed to refuel, but he couldn’t face the idea of room service on his own. Not after the way Florence had rejected him. He just wanted to get out of that room and away from these uncomfortable feelings.
Coffee and a bacon sandwich restored some of his equilibrium, but not by that much. He packed his overnight bag, tidied the room and went to Reception to settle his bill.
Part of him was tempted to drive to Ashermouth Bay and see Oliver, but he was pretty sure that his twin would have plans with Gemma. He knew they’d both be generous and kind enough to ask him to join them, but he didn’t want to play gooseberry—and he also didn’t want to ruin their day with his bad mood.
His parents? No, because his mother would notice he was antsy and she’d fuss.
Friends—apart from the fact that it was several hours’ drive to Manchester and there wouldn’t be much daylight left when he got there, they’d all be busy either working at the hospital or already out in the peaks.
