Bonnie sat down at the table beside her mother and laid a hand on Vivien’s arm. “Mama, you need to slow down. Why don’t you stay a few days here with me and forget about California?”
Vivien jerked her arm free. “Honey, this is my life. I’ll live it the way I want to. If you’re smart, you’ll come with me and do the same. It’s exciting. Settling down ain’t in my blood. I was glad that Ezra kicked us out. I would’ve probably left him before long anyway. I damn sure wasn’t happy being here or being pregnant, and I vowed after you was born I’d never go through that again, not even to give him a son and get part of this ranch.”
“You are going to get yourself killed,” Bonnie scolded.
Vivien shook her head. “Maybe, but I’ll die happy, not withered up on a worthless ranch doing something I hate. Rusty, darlin’, if she stays with you when I leave, you just remember whose daughter she is before you go gettin’ involved with her. What the hell good could come out of me and Ezra Malloy? You just think about that.”
“I don’t believe that our heritage determines our future,” Rusty said. “Bonnie, if you’ll take a step to the side, I’ll get the toast out of the oven, and we can eat breakfast.”
“And that’s real sweet of you, Mama, to say that about me. Maybe I’ve done something you’ve never been willing to do—like change for the better,” Bonnie said through clenched teeth.
“You always were a smart-ass. Got that from your daddy,” Vivien told her. “You wouldn’t have a denim jacket around here somewhere, would you?”
Bonnie realized she would be relieved when her mother had breakfast and left. One minute she wanted to cry for her mother’s bad choices in life; the next she wanted to send her to her bedroom without supper to punish her.
“Why do you want a denim jacket?” Bonnie asked.
“They say it gets cool in the evenings in California, and I left in such a hurry that I didn’t pack a coat.” Vivien helped her plate with three pieces of toast and a big chunk of the ham slice.
“Why’d you leave so fast?” Bonnie asked and then shook her head slowly. “You took all of that biker’s money when you headed west, didn’t you? Like you used to do when I was a little girl and you got tired of living with some guy.”
“And his bag of pot and two bottles of whiskey. I drove all night to get here,” she said. “And I came to get my baby girl so I can take her to see the ocean like she always wanted.”
“No thanks,” Bonnie said. “I like the ranchin’ business too well to leave it.”
“I swear to God, she’s just like Ezra,” Vivien said.
“I can call Cooper,” Rusty whispered just for Bonnie’s ears. “After all, he is still the county sheriff until the election is over.”
Bonnie shook her head and turned her attention back to Vivien, who was eating so fast that she couldn’t have enjoyed the food. “You think Big Bill will follow you here?”
“No, he’ll just cut his losses and move in with that hussy from the bar that he’s been flirtin’ with. And it’s Big Ben, not Big Bill. Come on, Bonnie. Let’s go see whoever we need to talk to and get your money. Between us we can have a good time,” Vivien said.
“For the last time,” Bonnie said, “the answer is no.” She couldn’t help but wonder what the answer might have been a few days before if Vivien had arrived with the same offer.
Bonnie remembered the dreams again and the empty feeling she had when she left her sisters behind. She didn’t ever want to experience that in real life.
And this is your third sign, that niggling little voice in her head said. Your mother is offering you freedom. You need to make up your mind for sure about what you want, and never look back.
“Your loss,” Vivien said as matter-of-factly as if she were discussing whether or not Bonnie should have a beer or a shot of whiskey with her.
“More coffee anyone?” Rusty asked as he brought the second pan of toast to the table and sat down.
“Hey, where is everyone?” Shiloh yelled from the front door.
“In the kitchen,” Bonnie called out.
“Who’s here?” Abby Joy’s voice preceded her into the kitchen.
Vivien looked up from the table and smiled when they entered the room. “I’m Vivien, Bonnie’s mother.”
“These are my sisters, Shiloh and Abby Joy,” Bonnie said.
“Half-sisters,” Vivien corrected her. “Glad to meet y’all.”
“Same here.” Shiloh and Abby Joy said in unison.
“We were taking the morning off to run into Amarillo to grocery shop. We stopped by to see if you want to go, but since you’ve got company…” Shiloh let the sentence trail off.
“Give me time to finish eating and then I’ll be leaving. You should never miss a chance to get off this ranch, Bonnie. Even if it’s just to go for groceries,” Vivien said.
Shiloh poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. “So what brings you back to the canyon, Miz Vivien?”
“My daughter,” Vivien answered and picked up another piece of toast. “I thought she’d be tired of this place, and she’d jump at the chance to go with me to California. Maybe y’all can talk sense to her.”
Bonnie could have sworn that the look Shiloh shot her way was one of pure understanding. But how could her sister know anything about the way Bonnie and Vivien had lived? Both of them had had a fairly stable life.
“We don’t know what we’d do without her.” Abby Joy pulled up a chair and sat down. “I’m having a baby soon, and my child is going to need her aunts to be close by, and I need her to help me. I don’t know anything about babies.”
“Neither does she,” Vivien said.
“But she knows me, and she can calm me down when I get scared.” Abby Joy smiled.
Bonnie could have hugged her sister for saying that.
“And she promised she’d stay close to us even if she didn’t stay on this ranch. We’ve kind of grown to like having siblings,” Shiloh said.
Vivien glanced up at Bonnie. “You’re going to be sorry. Every evening, I’ll watch the sun set over the ocean, and you could be with me.”
“You’re playin’ a dangerous game,” Bonnie warned her. “We have lovely sunsets right here, and you can get sober and clean, maybe even learn to put down some roots like I have.”
“That ain’t for me.” Vivien shook her head. “But, honey, I’ll call and check in when I get my new job. Maybe you and your boyfriend”—she nodded toward Rusty—“can come out and visit me. You know how I hate goodbyes, so don’t follow me to the door and wave and all that crap. We’ll keep in touch. See you later.” She stood up, finished off the last swallow of coffee, and grinned. “You wouldn’t have a spare bottle of Jim Beam for me to take along on the trip, would you?”
“No, I do not,” Bonnie said quickly.
“Never know the answer if you don’t ask.” Vivien waved as she left the house. In a couple of minutes, Bonnie heard the front door slam and then she let out a loud whoosh of breath that she didn’t even realize she’d been holding.
“I’m sorry.” Bonnie looked straight at Rusty. “I owe you a big thank-you and an apology.”
“You are welcome, but you don’t have to be sorry.” He stood up and carried empty plates to the sink. “I’m going to the barn to change the tire on the tractor you use. You ladies probably have a lot to talk about.” His eyes twinkled. “Hey, I’m special. Now I’ve met both your parents.”
“That’s not saying a lot, now is it?” she told him.
Rusty shot her a grin and strode out the door with a wave.
“Had your mom been drinkin’?” Abby Joy asked. “Her eyes were bloodshot.”
“She drove all night from Kentucky and is damn lucky she didn’t get stopped for drunk driving and drugs, but that’s my mama. I have to love her, but nothing says I have to like her all the time,” she said. “I’d forgotten how crazy she can be. Do y’all ever wonder what it was in Ezra that made our mothers marry him?
From what we saw of that old man in the casket, I can’t see why any woman would want to vow to love him forever.”
“I’ve wondered the same thing about my mother,” Abby Joy said. “Since we never knew him, we’ll never know the answer to that question.”
“Do you think she’ll get all the way to the West Coast in that truck?” Shiloh asked.
“If she doesn’t there’s lots of biker bars and truck stops between here and there. She’ll find a way.” Bonnie crossed her arms on the table and laid her head down. “Someday I’m going to get a message that says she’s been killed unless she cleans up her act. God, I’m scared to death of…” She didn’t finish.
“That wouldn’t be your fault,” Abby Joy said.
Shiloh patted her on the shoulder. “She’s living a daredevil life and it has consequences.”
“Not her, I’m scared to ever have children,” Bonnie said. “She told Rusty that I didn’t have anything to draw on, and she’s right. Look at my parents—Ezra and Vivien. At least y’all had good mothers to balance out what Ezra donated to the gene pool.”
“Maybe, you take a lesson from them on how not to be,” Shiloh offered. “Are you trying to tell me something?”
“If I’m pregnant, it’ll be the new baby Jesus. I haven’t had sex since I got here,” Bonnie said bluntly. “I’m just saying that any man in his right mind would never want a relationship with me if they truly understood my background.”
“Don’t be thinkin’ that,” Shiloh said. “I’ve seen the love you shower on a baby calf, or even the dogs. You’ll be a great mother.”
“Amen.” Abby Joy added her two cents. “And besides, we’ve all got each other to help us learn the ropes on parenthood. I, for one, am glad that you didn’t let your mother talk you into leaving us. We’ve proved that we belong together right here in this canyon.”
“Yep,” Shiloh said.
“Thank you both.” Bonnie raised her head and wiped away the tears flowing down her cheeks. “Right now, I can’t imagine living anywhere else.”
“Well, that’s settled,” Abby Joy declared. “So now let’s get on with some grocery shopping and talking about these sparks I keep feeling between you and Rusty.”
“Good Lord!” Bonnie said. “One thing at a time. I need to process all this before I move on to my feelings for Rusty.”
“At least you admit and recognize that the feelings are there, so that’s a start.” Abby Joy reached for the last piece of toast.
“And that’s a big step for me,” Bonnie admitted.
Chapter Nine
Bonnie had a lot of time to think as she drove a tractor around the field that afternoon. Rusty was just over the barbed wire fence on the next twenty acres cutting hay, just like she was doing—like they’d both done the day before. The difference was that they weren’t fighting now, and every so often, they were even close enough to wave at each other.
In between those times, she replayed the morning over and over again in her mind. It was so surreal that she could almost believe it had never happened—that it was just a bad nightmare. Of all the crazy stunts Vivien had ever pulled, this one was the most insane. Bonnie slapped the steering wheel with both hands when she realized that her mother was the very reason Rusty might want to be with her?
“It better not be because you felt sorry for me. I don’t want your pity,” she muttered.
Her phone rang and she picked it up from the passenger seat. When her mother’s name came up, she answered immediately. “Did you change your mind? Where are you? I’ll come get you.”
“Hell, no, I ain’t changed my mind,” Vivien said. “I’m on my way to California. I’m not about to change my mind. I’m stopped at a roadside rest outside of Clovis to catch a catnap in the bed of the truck. I brought along a sleeping bag, and I’m dog-tired. I’m calling to ask you one more time to come with me.”
“Answer is still no. I’m happy right here where I am, Mama, but I’ll drive to Clovis and get you if you’ll change your mind. You can work with us here on the place or get a job in Claude or somewhere close and just live here if you don’t want to do ranch work,” Bonnie told her.
“No, thanks. I washed my hands of that place when you was born,” Vivien said. “Rusty seems like a good guy, but Ezra trained him, so keep that in mind. Make him sign a prenup before you marry him so he don’t steal half the place from you. Even good men ain’t to be trusted. You be real careful. There ain’t no such thing as an honest man.”
Bonnie sucked in a long breath to say something else, but then she realized that her mother had hung up on her. She slapped the steering wheel again, stopped the engine, and got out of the tractor. Tears ran down her cheeks—Lord have mercy! She’d cried more in the past few days than she had in her whole life put together. She shook her fist at the sky. Just when she thought she had left the past behind her, its ugly old head had popped right up again, coming at her this time as doubts and fears. Cooper and Waylon were good, honest men for sure, and so was Rusty. Her mother was wrong—she just flat out had to be.
She caught a movement in her peripheral vision but didn’t realize it was Rusty until he and all three dogs surrounded her. He took her in his arms and eased the two of them down on the ground. “What’s the matter? Is it Shiloh or Abby Joy?”
“It’s Mama.” She sobbed into his chest.
“Is she hurt? Did she change her mind?” He rattled off questions too fast for her to comprehend, much less answer.
Even after meeting her and after knowing now exactly what kind of mother Bonnie had, he was still concerned for the woman. For some strange reason, that was the final little bit of what it took to convince Bonnie that she was right where she belonged and gave her the courage to admit her feelings.
“Mama is fine. She just wanted to give me one more chance to go with her.” Bonnie dried her eyes with the back of her hand.
Rusty laid his hands on her shoulders and looked deeply into her eyes. “Please don’t go.”
“I couldn’t if I wanted to, which I don’t,” she whispered without blinking. “It would be too painful to leave this ranch, my sisters, and most of all, you. I love you, Rusty,” she admitted. “It’s too soon to say it, but there it is. I figured it out a few days ago, and I’m tired of fighting the feeling. I don’t want to go another day, or even another hour, without saying the words. I think I fell in love with you right there on that first day, but …”
He put his fingers over her lips. “There are no buts in real love, only ands. I love you, Bonnie, and I don’t give a damn who your parents were. We don’t have to be the by-products of our parents, darlin’. I’m a foster child, and I don’t even remember my folks. We can build our own life right here in this place. We can take steps forward and never look over our shoulder at the past. And, honey, I believe I felt the same about you from the beginning, but I didn’t want you to think it was just to get this place.”
“Okay.” She managed a weak smile through the tears. “I love you, and I’m never letting my mother or anyone else make me doubt myself again.”
Rusty pulled her close to his chest. “What are we going to do about this?”
“Live together on this place for six months and figure it out a day at a time?” she suggested.
“That sounds good to me.” He tipped up her chin for a long kiss that left her breathless.
“Maybe you could even move your things back into the ranch house?” She might be moving too fast, but she didn’t want to waste time she could be spending with Rusty.
Vivien wedged her way between them and licked Bonnie’s hand. “Somehow I feel like this dog loves me more than my mother does. Do you realize you’re the first person who’s ever said those three words to me, Rusty?” Tears began to stream down her cheeks, again.
He brushed a sweet kiss across her forehead. “I believe you’re the first who ever said them to me too. And, I promise to tell you every day that I love you. Now, tell me what caused these tears.” He
pulled a red bandanna from his pocket and dried her cheeks.
“I’ve had to be tough my whole life, and I don’t like to cry because it’s a sign of weakness, but I’m so happy that I figured out where I belong. These are happy tears, Rusty.”
He tucked the bandanna back into his hip pocket and slipped an arm under her shoulders. “I’d never be so stupid as to think that you were weak.”
“Thank you,” she whispered. “I meant it when I said I love you, but”—she stopped and shook her head—“it goes deeper than that. I can’t explain it.”
“It’s more like a soul mate kind of thing then, right?” he asked.
“That’s right, and I like the feeling.” She finally smiled.
“So do I, darlin’.” He kissed her one more time.
Chapter Ten
Six months later
Bonnie awoke to find Rusty propped up on an elbow staring at her. She smiled and reached up to run a hand over his unshaven face. “Happy wedding day. Are we ready for this?”
“I hope so.” He grinned. “There’s a lot of people that’s goin’ to be mad as hell if we ain’t at the church this afternoon at about two o’clock. They’re going to have to wade through more than a foot of snow just to get to their trucks, but Cooper and Waylon said they’d take care of clearing the porch of the church and sidewalk.”
“It’s supposed to be bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other on their wedding day.” He toyed with a strand of her hair. “Do you think maybe we should have just gone to the courthouse?”
“Nope. I’ve always wanted a wedding,” Bonnie assured him. “I want to see the look in your eyes when I walk down the aisle, and I want to hold that memory in my heart forever.”
“There’s no way you could be more beautiful than you are right now.” He pulled her lips to his for the first morning kiss. “Think your mother will show up and surprise you?”
Sunrise Ranch--A Daisies in the Canyon Novella Page 7
