by Calia Read
“I’m sorry. Have we met? Your brother couldn’t tell me what to do before, and neither could you. It isn’t going to start now.”
Livingston chuckles and stares down at the floor before he wags a finger. “Duly noted and I will gladly relay the message to Étienne.” He leans forward and gives me a small pat on the shoulder. “It’s good to see you, Serene. Life is dull without you.”
I give him a weak smile and meet his eyes. “It’s nice to see you, too.”
Before he can say another word, the front door bursts opens. “Serene?” a female voice calls.
I stand at the sound of heels clicking against the wood floors. When Nat appears in the door, a broad smile appears on my face.
Stepping away from Livingston, I slowly walk toward her. Two years have passed, and she has changed the most. Her hair has grown out. It’s pulled up, but tendrils are artfully pulled down around her temples and ears. Her body has filled out a bit more, giving her a womanly figure. She’s wearing a black and white pleated skirt and a red, easy-fitting blouse with a white collar and cuffs with a black bow tie for women looped around the collar. I’m not a fan of hats, but her flat-brimmed black and white striped hat is something that I could see myself wearing. She looks elegant and stylish.
Her black shoes echo loudly in the room as she walks toward me. When she stops in front of me, she holds me at arm’s length for a brief second and looks me up and down before she wraps her arms around me. I hug her right back and squeeze her tight.
“I thought I’d never see you again,” she says when she pulls back.
The soft sound of her Southern drawl brings tears to my eyes. I’ve missed them all so much, and that’s what makes this reunion so bittersweet. I should be back at Belgrave. More than that, it’s been a while since I’ve felt the close bond of friendship with another female. I never noticed the absence until Nat and Liz were out of my life. But now that Nat’s standing in front of me, I want to sit down and not get up until I’ve told her everything that’s happened since I pulled the trigger.
My emotions have been a mess in the past hour, and I’m close to breaking down. Nat takes off her hat and tosses it at Livingston. It lands on his chest. He plucks it away with one hand and throws it onto the couch.
“Oh, no,” she says. “Don’t cry.”
“They’re happy tears,” I lie.
Nat gives me a doubtful look and squeezes my hand. When she does, the sunlight catches on an object on her finger. Automatically, I glance down and see the ring. My eyes widen. I snatch her hand and stare at her ring finger. “Nathalie! When did you get engaged?”
She beams and smiles at Livingston. “A year ago.”
I stare at the three-carat diamond platinum halo engagement ring and speak before I can think twice. “Is Asa the lucky man?”
The silence that follows has me slowly lifting my head. Livingston clears his throat, stands, and walks directly to the sideboard buffet where he pours himself a drink. Nat’s smile dims, and she pulls her hand back. “No. It’s not Asa. His name is Oliver Claiborne, and he’s from Georgia.” Nat looks down at her ring and spins it around. “It’s interestin’ because I met him through Asa.”
Tilting my head to the side, I stare back and forth between Livingston and Nat. When I make eye contact with Livingston, he shrugs because we’re both thinking the same thing. Nat still has feelings for Asa. It’s apparent in the way she reacts when his name is mentioned. I always held out a small amount of hope that if Nat had survived the fire, she and Asa could possibly begin a romance because it’s obvious to everyone except the two of them that they have feelings for each other.
I realize it’s been an extended timespan since I’ve spoken. I shake my head slightly and paste on a bright smile for Nat. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Do you mean it?”
“I really do.”
Losing a brother and your parents in a tragic accident is devastating. Her big brothers became more like father figures. Especially Étienne. They treated her like a fragile China doll that would break at any moment when all she craved was to grow up and escape the gilded cage they placed her in.
We’d had so many conversations about her marrying and starting a family, and in each of those conversations, Asa was always the man she married. I wonder at what point she gave up and moved on?
“I would love for you to meet him.”
“I would love that too,” I say sincerely.
“He’s in town and will be at the engagement party Étienne is hostin’ for us tomorrow at Belgrave.”
Shit.
Livingston stops near me and leans in to whisper, “See, if you would’ve let me explain, you would’ve discovered whose engagement party it was.”
Subtly, I elbow him in the stomach.
Livingston merely grunts. “Stubborn brat,” he mutters with a grin and sits back down.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” I say. If my internal rage at seeing Étienne with his fiancée is any indication about how I’ll react around him, it’s best we stay far apart until I get myself under control or find Asa and speak to him so I can get the hell out of here.
Nat gives me a sympathetic look. “I know you’ve heard the news about Étienne’s engagement. He’s the one who told me you were back,” she confesses.
A derisive laugh escapes my lips. “Heard? Is that what he told you? More like saw them together.”
“Oh, Serene. I’m so sorry.”
Once again, she reaches out to pat my arm, but I deftly take a step back and cross my arms. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. You’re not the one who asked that girl to marry Étienne.”
“I know, but I see this is killin’ you.”
“How did he meet her anyway?”
“Okay,” Livingston cuts in suddenly. For a man with a hangover, he’s awfully fast to jump up. “I think visitin’ time is over with.” He curls his fingers around Nat’s shoulders and guides her toward the door. “Please come back tomorrow and converse for as long as you please.”
Nat whacks his hands away and shoots him daggers. “Why are you pushin’ me out the door? I just got here!”
“Because Serene is tired.”
I narrow my eyes. “I’m not tired. Even if I were, I would wait to sleep. I want to catch up with Nat.”
He stares at us as I slowly approach him. “Livingston, what do you know that I don’t know?”
“Nothin’,” he replies too fast.
“Tell me what you know.”
He avoids eye contact and stares at the wall across the room before he sighs and drags a hand through his hair. “Fine. I might’ve had a conversation with Étienne some time ago.”
I cross my arms. Nat immediately stands by me and mimics my body language. “A conversation about what?” she asks.
“About Serene and waitin’ for her. I was bein’ logical and told Étienne that Serene may come back, but she’ll never stay, and that he needs to move on.”
“You said what?” I shout, the same time Nat shrieks, “What is the matter with you?”
He holds his hands out in supplication and takes a step back. “Now. Now. Let’s calm down and think this through. I was tryin’ to be practical. He said he wanted a family of his own. I love and care for you very much, Serene, but he’s never going to have that with you.”
The weight of his words doesn’t slam into me. They blow through my body, making my knees shake and my breath come out shaky. Whatever family Étienne has should be with me. I never imagined anything different.
But on a “practical” level, he is right. I come and go from one time to the next. The chances of Étienne and I ever having a family is low. It just hurts to hear someone say the words aloud. Even worse to have the words come from someone you trust.
“I didn’t know you told him that,” Nat says in a shocked whisper.
“I didn’t think he would listen. No one ever listens to me,” Livingston replies.
“Gee, I wonder why,” I say d
ully.
“Listen, my intentions were well-meanin’—”
“It’s just your execution that sucked,” I cut in.
“I don’t know if I’m comfortable with you stayin’ the night here,” he teases.
“Now isn’t the time, Livingston,” Nat groans. “Leave the room.”
“Thank you,” he breathes. I’m surprised he doesn’t give Nat a kiss on the cheek before he flies out the door.
I watch him leave with narrowed eyes. Now I know who planted the seed, but that doesn’t mean Étienne is entirely off the hook. He still took the bait when he could’ve told his brother to fuck off.
“Serene, ignore him,” Nat demands.
“I remember Scarlett. She was there the second time I came back.”
Nat closes her eyes and shakes her head as if it’s killing her to have this conversation. “I’m so sorry this is happenin’. I had no idea Livingston had a discussion with Étienne.”
“Clearly.”
“But yes, Scarlett is a family friend. But you are one of my closest friends.”
I stare down at the carpet. “What did you think about the engagement when you heard about it?”
Nat becomes quiet. “Scarlett...she has always had a crush on Étienne. And he was destroyed when you left. I don’t believe that this is a love match in the slightest. I think it’s simply out of convenience. He’s on autopilot and tryin’ to get through the days.”
She grabs my hands and holds them to her chest. “I’m so sorry,” she says in her soft Charleston drawl. “Just ignore both of my brothers.”
“I think that would be best,” I say wryly.
She smirks. “Trust me. It is.”
Nat walks us toward the couch. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you. There’s so much we need to catch up on.”
When we sit down, we face other with excitement and anticipation. There are some things, no matter the era, that never change, and the female bond is one of them.
“What happened between you and Asa?” I ask, lowering my voice.
Slowly, she traces the elaborate design of the couch cushion, refusing to meet my gaze. “I wish I had a detailed story to give you, but I don’t. Once you left and the shock of what occurred faded away, nothin’ happened between us.”
She straightens her shoulders. “I am not gonna beg for a man’s attention.”
I admire her confidence and dip my head in acknowledgment. “I completely get it, but did one of your stupid brothers get in the way of you two getting together?”
“Which one?”
“Just because I’m not in the room doesn’t mean I’m deaf.” Livingston raises his voice yet manages to keep his tone dull.
I raise my hand, giving him the finger even though I know he can’t see it. “Whatever. You’re on my list. Sleep with one eye open,” I holler.
He peeks his head into the room. “Typically, I’d call someone’s bluff. However, with you, I’m not so sure you’re kiddin’, so I’m gonna go back to my room because you’re near the fireplace poker and I’m afraid you might use that to gouge my eyes out.”
I give him a bright smile. “I think that’s a good idea.”
I stare daggers at the back of Livingston’s head until he exits the room, and even then, I’m still seething with rage.
Nat snaps her fingers, pulling my attention back to her. I look her way.
“To answer your question, neither brother got in the way. Things just never happened. And then I met Oliver.” She glances at me and smiles softly. “He knew Asa through work and was here visitin’ Asa when I first met him.”
“Do you love Oliver?”
She nods slowly. “I think I can grow to love him.”
I frown; those aren’t the words you expect to hear from a blushing bride-to-be. “I really like him. And he’s so wonderful to me, but not everyone has an instant connection like you and Étienne.”
I snort and lean back against the couch. “Do you remember how much he hated me when I first came here?”
“That’s only because he thought you were Old Serene,” Nat reminds me. “Once he saw the real you, he instantly fell in love.”
“And look at us now,” I remark dryly. “I’m single, and he’s engaged to another woman! I’m livin’ the dream.”
Wordlessly, Nat reaches out and pats my hand.
There has been one thing that’s been bothering me since I saw Étienne with his fiancée. “Speaking of Old Serene, what happened to her?”
Nat’s eyes widen, and she glances at the open doorway as if to make sure no one’s listening. Then she lowers her voice. “That’s the thing. She never came back.”
Nat’s words make the hairs on my arms stand straight. “What do you mean?”
“She never came back, and her parents? They no longer live in Charleston. Étienne hired an investigator and found them in Boston. When the investigator briefly spoke to them, they said they had no children. It’s almost as if Old Serene never existed.”
“That’s impossible. I replaced her. She looked just like me and was married to your brother. Hell, you grew up with her.”
“I know that, but no one in Charleston remembers her. There’s no sign of her presence in Belgrave.”
“What do you mean?”
“Her private quarters that you hated because everything was in pink?”
I nod.
“They’re now guest quarters.”
I gulp at the thought. “There are no pictures of her around the home, and no record of you and Étienne ever getting married. Believe me, Étienne searched and searched for proof.”
This information is incredibly important, but it’s too much for me to take in all at once. I stand and start to pace the room. “What did I do?”
I thought when I killed my great-great-grandfather Edward, I’d be saving the Lacroix family. I never imagined there would be ripple effects to Old Serene and her parents. But then again, the fact I went back through time and replaced someone who looked just like me and had my same name defies all logic.
Attempting to unravel this knotted mess that is my life seems impossible. All of a sudden, I start to feel sweaty all over. My heart starts to thunder wildly in my chest.
Is this what an anxiety attack feels like? I stop walking and grip the back of the couch and try to take a few deep breaths.
“Everything is gonna be all right.”
Lifting my head, I look at Nat. She wrings her hands together on her lap, and worry is etched across her features. Even she recognizes the bleakness of this situation.
I hang my head. “No, it’s not. It really is not.”
She stands. I hear her footsteps on the floor, and seconds later, her hand’s making small circles on my upper back. “Just take a deep breath. Okay?”
I obey her words because Nat’s trying to help. But I have so many questions swirling in my head and so much pain circling around my heart, and I only have myself to blame.
“That’s it. Deep breaths. Everything will be all right,” Nat repeats
Two years ago, the first moment I time traveled, Nat said something very similar, and I was doubtful in believing her. My feelings remain the same, if not stronger this time around.
After I assured Livingston a hundred times over that I wasn’t going to drive a knife through his heart, he showed me where I would be staying. Due to the narrow floor plan of a Charleston single house, two rooms are typically on each floor. Livingston’s bedroom was on the third floor and the guest bedroom where I’d be staying was on the second with the library/Livingston’s office.
The theme of this room screams Parisian, and thankfully, there’s not a drop of pink anywhere. Instead, the colors of silver and pale blue decorate the room. Damask wallpaper of the same hue covers the walls. A half canopy bed with silver drapes flank the headboard. At the foot of the bed is a Louis XV-style chaise lounge. I could picture myself relaxing there, reading a book. Every so often, I would lift my gaze and stare out the
window directly across from me as it let in light and afforded me a beautiful view of Charleston. To the left is a late 18th-century French armoire that I’m positive would sell for thousands of dollars in the present day. To my right is a closed door which I’m sure leads to the bathroom.
I’m so emotionally and physically exhausted from today that by the time night arrives, I can barely keep my eyes open. Nat left hours ago, but she promised she would have one of the servants from Belgrave return to town with clothing of hers I could borrow. Within two hours of her leaving, a servant from Belgrave arrived, carrying two black trunks with more clothing than I could ever want up to my room. Nat was a size smaller than me, but I could squeeze into the dresses. I tried on one dress before bed, and the bodice area was so tight it felt as if I was trying to fit eight pounds of sausage into a five-pound bag. I needed to find a more comfortable solution, but for now, it would do.
I look down at the nightgown Nat loaned me and pull it away from my body. It has capped sleeves and falls well past my knees, but the material is thin, and it doesn’t require me to wear a corset, so I am more than okay with it.
As I pull back the sheets and slip into the large bed, I can’t help but think of Étienne. What is he doing right now? I’m willing to lay down money he’s hunched over his desk at Belgrave working when he should be relaxing. Or that’s what the Étienne I fell in love with would be doing. For all I know, he could be having dinner with his fiancée at this very moment.
I try to push past the stabbing pain of jealousy, but it’s impossible to ignore. I close my eyes and try to forget about him. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow, I’m going to find Asa Calhoun and figure out why he was so convinced Emmeline is in danger.
My eyes become heavy, and my thoughts begin to dim as I drift off to sleep. It feels as if my eyes are closed for only a few minutes when the sound of a lock creaking open pulls me out of my slumber. The noise is barely discernible, but I hear it nonetheless; I’ve always been a light sleeper. I glance toward the door, expecting to see it half open, but it’s not. I finally realize that the noise is coming from the window across the room.
My heart kicks up. Instead of running out of the room and pounding on Livingston’s door, I freeze. Because isn’t that what we all do in a moment of pure fear?
