Head to Head (On Pointe Book 2)

by Penelope Freed

  “Yes, and yes.” I laugh. I peer over at Martin, studying his menu. “Martin and Rebecca are staying here until the CBS intensive starts.” Yes, I am trying to convince my mom that I could be on my own at this age, like Martin is.

  “Really? That’s quite a long way from home for you.”

  “Yeah, but you know, there’s not a lot of opportunity in New Zealand. We always knew that if I wanted to make a go of this, I’d need to leave sooner rather than later. Who knows, maybe I’ll go back one day, but we’ve been planning on me leaving home since I was about twelve.” Martin shrugs, like it’s no big deal. I get it, the ballet world is incredibly competitive and if you want to get into the top companies you have to go to where the best schools are. New York, London, Toronto—it’s not just a matter of getting into a good school, you have to get into the school that has connections to the kind of company you might want to dance with.

  I order a salad and a side of fries to share with my mom while we all chitchat about the upcoming competition. Martin and I hit it off, comparing war stories of our various performances and competitions. I pull out my phone to show him pictures of Lisa, Katy and Olivia, ignoring the dozens of notifications that pop up on my screen.

  “Sorry about that, they’re probably from my post.” Martin laughs as they keep interrupting us. They are almost all from Instagram. “I have quite a few followers.” Pulling my phone back, I swipe open the app and see that yes indeed, all the notifications are from a post I’m tagged in.

  “Nzmartindances, that’s you?” At his nod, I start scrolling through his feed. My eyes catch on a number at the top. “You have twenty thousand followers?!” His laugh pulls my eyes from my phone. No wonder my phone is going crazy. I go back to looking through his photos. There’s a lot of videos of him dancing, sometimes on his own, sometimes with a pretty brunette, sometimes with another guy. “Is that your brother?” I ask, turning my phone to show Martin who I’m talking about.

  “Ah, nah, that’s my boyfriend, Sammy.” He winks. “Cute, yeah?” I giggle, embarrassed for my mistake, but Martin just grins. “That’s my sister.” He leans across the table to point out the pretty brunette.

  “It must be nice to have family who dances with you. It’s just me.” I shrug. “But my friend Katy’s three older brothers usually make me pretty glad I’m an only child.”

  “Yeah, my family is pretty choice. It wasn’t always good, but it is now. My dad wasn’t the biggest fan of my dancing when I was younger, but he’s coming around.” Martin seems so easy-going, but I can tell from the way his face hardens at the mention of his dad that it hasn’t always been okay. “Once he saw the opportunities it opened up for me, he started to come around.”

  “Is Sammy still in New Zealand?”

  “Yeah, but he’s coming out here for the summer. He’s going to the Alvin Ailey summer intensive, which runs almost the same weeks as CBS. So he’ll be close.”

  “You sound excited.”

  “Who wouldn’t be? Getting to spend three months dancing in New York City and my boyfriend here for half of it? It’s a dream come true.” Martin grins at that and I can’t help grinning back. How amazing would it be to have a boyfriend who was a dancer too? Rebecca interrupts our moment to ask Martin a question.

  As quickly as the thought enters my mind, I feel a stab of guilt. What about Trevor? He’s not my boyfriend, obviously, but does thinking about the possibility of a boyfriend who isn’t him mean something? I’m still so torn about him. I glance at my phone, wondering again why there aren’t any messages from him. He doesn’t usually go longer than a day or two without sending me something. But I haven’t heard from him since doing our homework together last week.

  I chew on my bottom lip, while questions tumble over and over in my mind. I tune out the conversation at the table while I try to sort through some of my thoughts. Do I like Trevor because he’s convenient? I don’t think so. I think back to the pro and con lists I made all those weeks ago with the girls. Convenience wasn’t anywhere on it. Did I simply transfer my old crush from Tyler onto Trevor after I realized that Tyler was never the one for me?

  Trevor’s warm eyes and contagious laugh float through my mind, so different to Tyler’s swagger. No, I know my feelings for Tyler were nothing more than a fantasy I’d created in my own mind. Trevor is real. I know him, what makes him laugh, the movies he likes to quote, the things he gets excited about. I never knew any of that about Tyler, it was all my imagination. Am I disappointed because my day feels incomplete without talking to him?

  Oh my god.

  I am in way deeper than I thought.

  What do I do now?

  Chapter Twelve

  Lisa

  “What are you doing this weekend? And don’t say you have rehearsal on Saturday, I know you don’t.” Hunter slides onto the stool next to me in Chem on Wednesday, dragging me from my phone. Have I spent my morning obsessing over the pictures Hannah sent us? Maybe. Do I want Hunter to know? Definitely not.

  “Uh…probably studying?”

  “Do you really not do anything besides study and dance?”

  “I don’t have time for anything else,” I argue, purposefully avoiding the conversation. I’m well aware of how sad my life sounds, Hunter doesn’t need to point it out.

  “Lisa,” Whoa, he never calls me by my name anymore. I snap my eyes up to meet his. “There has to be more to life than studying.” I’m mesmerized by the way he rubs his hand on the back of his neck. “And dance.”

  “I study because if I don’t keep my grades up, my parents won’t let me dance. It’s not because I don’t want to do anything else, Hunter.” I knew he wouldn’t understand. No one does, not really. Hannah kind of gets it, but her parents would let her dance no matter what. If she didn’t have good grades, they’d be disappointed, but they wouldn’t make her quit.

  “Seriously? You can’t just have straight A’s?”

  “I always have straight A’s.”

  “There’s an open house at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory this weekend, I thought you might want to come with me. We could work on our project while we’re at it.” Hunter motors through the words without pausing for a breath, leaning down to whisper in my ear as Mr. Fitzgerald starts the class. He pulls back to look at me, “please?”

  Hunter: You know you’ve always wanted to go to JPL. Come on, don’t make me go by myself.

  Me: Why can’t Jack go with you?

  Hunter: You’ve met my brother, right? I don’t trust him not to cause an international incident

  I turn my phone over in my hand, needing to put it away and go into the studio for class, but not able to walk away from him. We’ve had variations of this argument all day and I’m running out of excuses.

  Me: You promise we can work on the chem project too?

  Hunter: Absolutely. 100% money back guarantee if we don’t. I have always wanted to go to JPL.

  Me: And you’ll stop pestering me?

  Hunter: Cross my heart

  Me: Fine. Now leave me alone, I’m going to be late for class.

  Tossing my phone into my bag, I make my way into the studio. It’s strange to be in class without Hannah. She never misses.

  I find my usual spot next to Katy, Olivia slipping into the room behind me and taking Hannah’s spot in front of me. “Have you heard from Hannah?” Olivia asks, sitting down to put her shoes on. “She sent me a text this morning, but I haven’t heard since.”

  “She sent us some photos at lunchtime, said she was going to take a nap and then she was going to go rehearse with Ms. Parker,” Katy answers for us. “What’s the time difference? Think she’ll be awake after class? I was going to call her on the way home.”

  There isn’t time to discuss it any further before the substitute teacher starts class. I spend the entire ninety-minute class missing Hannah and wondering what she’s up to,
spliced with curiosity for Saturday and what it will be like at JPL with Hunter.

  It’s not a date, is it? He didn’t ask me like it was a date, we’re working on our Chem project and touring JPL. That’s not a date-thing to do. Is it?

  “Lisa?”

  Katy’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts. Katy. Right. Not a date. Can’t be a date.

  She’s waggling her phone in the air. “We’re gonna Facetime Hannah, you coming?” I follow her and Olivia into the dressing room while Katy’s phone rings, waiting for Hannah to pick up.

  “Hi!” Hannah’s voice greets us.

  “Hi Banana, how’s it going?” Olivia pipes up first.

  I add my two cents before Hannah can answer, “We missed you in class tonight!”

  We crowd in close to Katy, all trying to get our faces into the screen.

  “It’s good. I’m so tired, but the city is amazing. Really loud. But just...I mean...” Hannah grins at us. “It’s New York City, it’s magical.”

  Pushing away the pang of jealousy that springs up in my chest, I laugh with the other girls. I would give anything to be with her right now. “How was the competition today?”

  “I only had classes today. I wasn’t as nervous as I thought I would be, but I hate that there is a panel of judges watching the classes. It’s like the intensive auditions times a thousand. Tomorrow is the first time I’m competing on stage, Senior contemporary solos are in the afternoon.”

  “I checked out Martin’s Instagram account. He’s cute!” Of course Olivia would say that.

  “I guess? His boyfriend thinks so.” That gets a laugh from Olivia. “He’s an amazing dancer though. Do you know, since he tagged me in that post I have like, two hundred new followers? What the heck?”

  Telling us about her day while we pack up our dance bags and wander out to the parking lot, Hannah sounds tired but excited. I’m so happy for her, happy that she took a chance on doing this, even though she’s equally scared. I just wish I had the opportunity to be there with her. Determination to go to PSB this summer refills me, reminding me why I’m working so hard in school.

  Katy hangs up as we separate in the parking lot, Olivia to her car, Katy to her mom’s, and me to my dad’s car.

  “Hi, Dad.” I slide into the front seat, setting my dance bag between my knees.

  My dad responds with a kiss to the top of my head before pulling out of the parking lot. I tell him about my day at school on the drive home, while he smiles and listens. Listening to me chatter has always been my dad’s preference. He’s not a big talker, but between my parents he’s definitely the bigger softy.

  “Dad?” The question pops out before I can second guess myself. “A friend, my chemistry project partner, invited me to go with them to the JPL Open House this Saturday. We wanted to check it out and work on our project at the same time? Can I go?”

  “Who is this friend?”

  I swallow. I’d very deliberately not used a male pronoun when I asked, not waiting to raise any suspicion. “It’s Katy’s older brother, Hunter. Mr. Fitzgerald assigned him as my partner,” I add quickly.

  “Have I met him?”

  “He’s been at all the shows, so probably? He and Jack are the twins.” Cautiously I give him details, not sure exactly what kind of information my dad is digging for. “Um… Hunter is the quieter one?”

  “Would he be driving you?”

  “Yes. He drove himself to Wedgewood.”

  “Is this the same friend who gave you a ride when you overslept?”

  Classic rookie mistake, thinking my dad wouldn’t notice. I hadn’t meant to give that away. I don’t know why I hid it from my parents, except that they didn’t ask, and I was afraid I’d give away my developing crush on Hunter if I talked about him. That and my mom is forever warning me against being distracted by boys when I truly haven’t been. Until now.

  “Yes. He wants to work at JPL or SpaceX one day.” Maybe I can distract my dad into liking Hunter. “Please, Dad? We need to work on this project so that we do well and no one else in his family wants to go with him. I’ve always wanted to go and since Ms. Parker is in New York with Hannah, I have the afternoon off from dance.” Going for broke, I throw in the best reason I can think of. “I’ll never have a better opportunity to see what JPL has to offer.”

  When Hunter told me he wanted to be an engineer at SpaceX or JPL, my dad immediately came to mind. My dad works at SpaceX. If anyone will give me permission to go with Hunter, it’s most likely to be my dad, he’s always hinted that he wanted me to work in the aerospace industry.

  “Please, Dad?” Trying not to beg, begging never works with my parents, but I’m running out of time. If I can get my dad’s permission, my mom won’t say no. “I need to do well on our project, so I can go to PSB.”

  “I’ll talk to your mother.”

  That’s as good as a yes, even if it’s irritating that getting a yes to go on a trip alone with a boy was easier than convincing them to let me keep dancing just because there’s a hint of a more traditional career option. My phone buzzes against my knees as we pull into the driveway and I climb out of the car.

  Hannah: Hey, how’s it going? I can’t sleep. Too nervous for tomorrow

  Guilt settles in my stomach. Here I am obsessing over whether I can go to JPL with Hunter, and my best friend is in the middle of a potentially life-changing competition.

  Me: You got this. Do the breathing trick 3 times and then text me again.

  In a deep internet dive for breathing techniques when Hannah and I were both struggling to keep breathing through our solos a couple of years ago, we stumbled upon a technique called 4-7-8 breathing. We adapted it so we can do it while we’re counting the music as we dance, but it still works just as well, it’s supposed to help us calm our minds and focus. I don’t know how much it helps, but at least it gives Hannah something to do besides lay in bed and worry.

  Following my dad into the house, I toe my shoes off at the door and line them up next to Ray’s before sliding on my house shoes. He’s in the family room playing a video game.

  “Tadiama!” I echo my dad’s greeting to my mom as I walk inside, my phone buzzing in my hand.

  “Okaerinasai,” Mom calls from her office. “Dinner is in the fridge.”

  Opening the fridge, I pull a covered plate out, eyeing the contents. A simple chicken breast lays next to a bed of rice. Another look in the fridge reveals a smaller plate with salad heaped on it. I pop the chicken and rice into the microwave before checking for Hannah’s response.

  Hannah: Done. I feel a little better.

  Me: Did you do that thing with your mom? Where you tell her all the things you’re nervous about?

  Hannah: No, she’s asleep already. The beeping of the microwave distracts me from my phone. I pull out the hot plate, get my dinner situated at the kitchen counter, and think how I’m going to help Hannah.

  Me: Tell me instead? I’m not your mom but maybe I can logic you out of being nervous?

  Hannah: What if I see all the amazing dancers around me tomorrow and I freeze up?

  Me: You already know that the other dancers there are going to be amazing, you’ve seen them in class for 2 days. You know who the really good dancers are. Stick with Martin if you can, try not to focus on the people who make you feel anxious.

  Hannah: I’ll try. Anything exciting happening at home? Distract me please!

  Should I tell her? I don’t know how much longer I can go without asking someone for advice and I don’t know what to do about Hunter. Asking Katy is obviously a bad idea. I’m just going to go for it. It will distract Hannah from her nerves, and hopefully I’ll feel better too.

  Me: So, you know how Hunter and I are partners on our chem project? Since rehearsal is cancelled on Sat, he asked me to go with him to the JPL open house while we work on it.

  Hann
ah: Like a date?

  Me: I don’t know. Kind of?

  Nervous about what she’s going to say, I wait for those three dots to tell me she’s writing an answer, trying to distract myself by shoveling dinner into my mouth. It takes ages before they appear and then it takes even longer for her answer to come through. After what feels like hours, Hannah’s answer appears.

  Hannah: I don’t know if I should tell you this, but I feel like you need to know. Do you remember how at the meet Katy and Jack had a bet going about the girl Hunter has a crush on showing up?

  I pause reading, suddenly nervous.

  Hannah: Katy thinks he has a crush on Olivia. Or had. I guess they kissed once at a Halloween party at the Quinns house freshman year. She wasn’t totally sure, but she said that he hasn’t gone out with anyone since then, even though lots of girls have tried, and he’s been acting kind of mopey and sad since spring break. Jack doesn’t agree, he thinks it’s a crush on someone new, maybe that JJ girl, but Katy seemed convinced. That’s why she has a problem with Olivia. Although it seems better these days so maybe she’s over it?

  Tears sting at my eyes, I put my phone down on the table for a moment to collect my thoughts. He’s hung up on Olivia? That’s the last thing I expected to hear.

  Hannah: I don’t want you to get hurt. If it is a date, what if he still has a crush on Olivia? I mean, obviously that’s not going to happen cause she and Tyler are together, but I know how hard it can be to let go of something like that.

  Numb, I take another bite of my dinner, the chicken and rice tasteless, sticking in my throat. Hunter and Olivia? Would Claire and Jordan have assumed there was something going on between us if it’s one-sided? Was that why Jordan was so interested in my supposed disagreement with Hunter? My mind swirls, going back through the last few months.

  I have to respond to Hannah, she shouldn’t be worried about me right now.

  Me: Thanks for telling me. And don’t worry, no boys, no distractions, right? Get some sleep, it’s after midnight for you!