Anyway, I told Todd after Eli left that I was pretty sure Eli has a crush on Katie. Todd gave me one of those half-grins like even if he knew something on that topic he wouldn’t be able to tell me because he would be betraying a trust.
The thing is, Katie and Rick are getting really serious about each other. At least I think they are. She and I haven’t had a heart-to-heart in quite awhile. It’s time for us to go to lunch.
It’s funny. Katie calls Eli “Goatee Guy.” That’s what she dubbed him at our wedding.
Which reminds me. I never wrote down something that happened at our wedding that I don’t want to forget. Rick and Doug thought it would be clever to do some rearranging with our honeymoon luggage to make room for their “honeymoon survival kit.” They took out my stack of letters that I had all ready to give to Todd with the lace ribbon tied around them and everything.
Katie found out, and she came dashing after our limo as we were leaving the reception. She screamed at the driver until he stopped, and then she tumbled into the limo and tried to discretely give me the letters so Todd wouldn’t know what was going on.
Believe me, I was so grateful! And so mad at Doug and Rick for being boys, I guess. They didn’t know what the letters were. Katie knew. Wonderful Katie. Where would I be without my favorite “Peculiar Treasure”?
She asked me when we got back from our honeymoon if I ever gave the letters to Todd, and I did. I gave them to him our second night on Maui. After we had dinner that night, he read them by candlelight on the front deck, or lanai, as they call it. The ocean stretched out before us, and in the distance was the island of Molokai with a few scattered lights along the shore.
When Todd and I were at Uncle Bob’s condo on my sixteenth birthday, he and I sat in the same place and talked about our relationship, such as it was at that point. Todd said it was like the lights on Molokai that were so far away that we couldn’t make out what they were. Todd said we needed just to keep moving forward in our relationship, toward the light, so to speak. He said the closer we got the clearer it would become, and we’d know what we should do.
And there we were, on our honeymoon, on the same deck, looking out across the ocean at the same lights, and Todd was reading all the letters I’d written to him over the years. It was a perfect moment. Perfect.
Todd cried. I cried.
I’m so glad I wrote those letters. I’m so glad Katie ran after the limo. I’m so glad Todd didn’t laugh at the letters or at me. He does that sometimes. He laughs at things I say or do, and it bugs me so much because I’m not trying to be funny. But that’s Todd. That is totally Todd. It always has been. I love that man. And I’m pretty sure I will always love him. Forever. Sigh.
April 2
I found you, Silent Sister!
I have no idea how you ended up on the floor, behind the bed’s headboard. I seriously thought you had been stolen. Do you know how many times I searched for you? That’s one of the disadvantages of your being a “Silent” Sister. You never called out from behind the headboard to tell me where you had gotten stuck.
I’m glad you’re back. No worse for the hiding, I hope. But you are running out of pages. What am I going to do when you fill up, too, the way my Dear Silent Friend filled up? Maybe I’ll have to go back to Italy to buy a twin sister where I bought you.
Wouldn’t that be nice? Man, that seems so long ago. Like another lifetime. So much has changed.
I just sat here and read everything I wrote in this extended journal, and I’m amazed. Stunned, really, at all that I’ve recorded over the years. So much has happened.
One thing that I realized, as I was reading, is that God has been so good to me all the way through. I can see His leading in the way a lot of things have happened in my life. There are so many God-things. I know that when I wrote a lot of the diary entries, I couldn’t see God’s hand at all. But now that I look back, I can see where He was protecting me or directing me, but I didn’t realize what was going on.
I heard someone at work the other day say, “Make sure you do it with love. Only what is done in love will last.”
I’ve been thinking about that. Love, God’s love, endures. It covers a multitude of sins. That’s a verse isn’t it? I just looked it up. It is. First Peter 4:8, “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.”
A year ago right now I was panicked about preparing everything for the wedding while trying to finish college. I can’t believe it was a year ago. Now it feels as if Todd and I have been married forever. Well, maybe not forever, but for much longer than eleven months.
In some ways both of us have had to grow up a lot. We’ve had to figure out a bunch of stuff like our finances. Every month there’s enough to pay all our bills, and that’s definitely a miracle. It never seems as if we’re going to have enough, but we always do.
Todd is adamant about giving back to God off the top from both our paychecks. And not just the ten percent tithe like it talks about in the Bible. He says that as a family we’re going to always give a tithe and offerings. So we give generously, and somehow (it’s God’s provision, I’m sure), there’s enough every month. I knew living with Todd would stretch my faith, and it has.
The other thing about marriage that I didn’t expect is how long it takes us to talk things through sometimes. I can’t believe how many minor arguments we’ve had and how long it takes to resolve them. We’re getting better at it, though. We’re getting better at arguing, at expressing ourselves, and at loving each other more. I guess in some ways it feels as if we just met a few weeks ago because we both keep saying, “I didn’t know that about you.”
Strange. How can it feel as if we’ve been married for twenty years, and at the same time feel as if we just met? I don’t know. But it does. I love Todd. I love being married to Todd. (Even if he STILL leaves his wet bath towel on the floor. Sometimes. Not all the time now. About twenty percent of the time. And I still don’t remember to close the kitchen cupboards all the way, which drives Todd crazy. But I’m getting better.)
Katie said that Todd and I are knit together at the heart. I think we are.
Now, as far as Katie being knit together at the heart with Rick . . . not happening. She’s going to graduate in a few weeks. I’m really hoping she’ll get some clarity as to what to do next. I guess instead of hoping, I need to pray more for her.
April 28
Hello Dear Silent Sister,
Todd’s position at the church where he works has been a bit unstable. I’m trying not to be nervous that he’ll be laid off or at least have his hours cut. I know that God always works these things out. Who was it that said worry was like a rocking chair? It keeps you busy, but you don’t get anywhere.
May 19
Hello, my Silent Sister.
So it looks as if Katie will move in with us. Just for a little while until her apartment is ready. And what apartment is that, you may ask? Why, it’s the same apartment that Rick and Eli shared and are both moving out of. Katie will be just a few doors down. I’d be more excited about that, I think, if things were more stable for us and if Katie had any idea at all what she’s going to do for a job.
Our one-year anniversary is in a few days. I really had hoped that Todd and I could do something extra fun like take the day off and go to the beach, just the two of us. It’s not looking very promising. I’ve thought about it a lot and decided not to get my hopes up. If it doesn’t work out, we can still have a really nice time celebrating here. I’ll make a big dinner for us and light candles and make it extra special. We don’t have to go away. We just have to be together.
I’m going to have to ask Katie to find someone to hang out with that night, but I need to do it in a nice way because she’s been acting pretty “hormonal” lately. And yes, I can’t believe I just wrote that about Katie because I can’t s
tand it whenever Todd has said that about me. (He doesn’t say it anymore. I let my feelings be known on that one awhile ago, and I think he heard me.) But seriously, Katie has been bouncing all over the place.
Her graduation last week was extra special because both her parents came. I didn’t think they would so I persuaded Uncle Bob and Aunt Marti to come as well as Doug and Tracy. They had Danny Boy with them, and oh, is he a cutie! He’s a really active little baby. He wants to see what’s going on all the time.
It was good to see Doug and Tracy and get a chance to catch up. We promised each other we would connect again next month. Everyone is so busy all the time now.
It makes it nearly impossible to find a time when everyone can get together. But we’ll figure it out. We have to. I don’t want to be out of touch with our Forever Friends. We’ve spent too many years together to drift away from each other.
After Katie’s graduation ceremony last week, Todd and I drove her to a celebration at Rick’s parents’ house, and I gave her my present in the car. She said she really liked it.
I didn’t tell her how long it took me to put it together. It was a scrapbook. I searched for as many old photos of the two of us as I could find. Then I had them scanned and copied, and I put them in the album. I think she really likes it. I hope she does.
She was in a wedding today and got this crazy idea to hide a dove in her bouquet and then release it at the end of the ceremony.
She went to Escondido and saw my old boss, Jon, at the pet store. I was so bummed when she told me because I would have liked to go with her to see Jon. I can’t believe he still works there.
I’ll be eager to hear how her fine-feathered scheme turned out. Todd has a big meeting at church tonight to find out if he’s going to be full-time during the summer.
May 22
Sing with me, Sweet Silent Sis! Happy anniversary to us!
Can you believe it’s been a year that Todd and I have been married? And can you believe it’s been two years since I found you in the cute shop in Rome and brought you along for our splendid European adventure? You have been the best of bests.
And speaking of bests, not last night but the night before—sounds like a rhyme we used to chant when I would jump rope with Paula when we were kids—we had a crazy night.
First of all, the day before that, Katie moved in with us, and Todd found out the church was going to continue his contract for full-time through the summer. Eli moved out of his apartment. Rick moved to Redlands—I think it was Redlands. He’s opening another restaurant, and he needed to be closer.
So two nights ago Katie was here, feeling very low, and I was trying to cheer her up when Todd came home. He’d been helping Eli move some of his furniture.
Katie was beyond bummed that Eli was leaving for Kenya in the morning. It was like she just discovered him after being on campus with him all school year and not really taking his interest in her seriously. I told her she should call him and tell him good-bye. Then, I don’t know if it was Todd or me, but one of us reminded her of how she always wanted to go to Africa. I don’t know what happened, but something seemed to break open inside her.
Within a few hours she packed up everything related to her life here and resolved to go to Kenya. We drove her to the airport, and she and Eli connected, and they boarded a plane. I guess. We haven’t heard from her so I don’t know exactly how everything turned out.
When Todd and I were driving home at six in the morning, we kept saying to each other, “That was a God-thing, right? It wasn’t too random, was it? We didn’t push her into anything, did we?”
I don’t think we did. With someone else, possibly we could have pressed too much. But this is Katie. Independent, spontaneous Katie. Somehow it all seemed to fit.
So now we don’t have Katie living with us, nor will she be moving into the apartment down the way.
Todd said this morning that, if I didn’t mind, he’d like to spend our anniversary here in our apartment, just the two of us. Nice and quiet.
I got off work at the bookstore a little early and went to the grocery store. Oh, and how did I get to the store, you may ask? In my new car. Katie sold me her car for $1. As she was getting everything in order to go to Kenya, she asked if I had a dollar.
Then she gave me the pink slip for Clover. (That’s what she named her car.) I didn’t realize at the time what a huge blessing this is. I have my own car! I’ve never had my own car. Katie is the most amazing friend.
Anyway, I went to the grocery store to get what I needed to make a nice anniversary dinner. Todd really likes this chicken I make that’s coated with breadcrumbs. I found a way to make it so it doesn’t get dried out. My mom told me to brush the chicken with mayonnaise and then squirt lemon juice on it before rolling it in the breadcrumbs. I’m not saying it’s the most health-conscious recipe, but Todd loves it. So I’m making Todd’s Chicken, as we now call it, and baked potatoes and green beans. He’s going to be so happy. I even found some coconut mango ice cream, which I know he’s going to love.
Todd’s Chicken is in the oven, I’m all freshened up, and I set the table and lit candles. I love being married. Hurry home, Todd! I’m ready to celebrate! Happy first anniversary to us!
May 23
Quick note, Silent Sister.
Guess what I have sitting on our bedroom dresser right now, filling the room with their spicy-sweet fragrance? That’s right. A dozen white carnations! Todd walked in the door last night and had his hand behind his back. He had that little boy grin of his, and his dimple was showing. Then he pulled out the carnations, and he kissed me. It was just like the very first time he kissed me in the middle of the intersection when I was fifteen! Well, maybe not exactly like that time because that time Bob and Marti were waiting for me in the car and the light turned green and people were honking at us.
But what was the same was the way that he looked at me right before he kissed me. It was the same look he gave me before our very first kiss, as if our standing there face-to-face was the most amazing and important moment and one that he didn’t want to miss for the world. It was so sweet and so rich. His look and his kiss were full of love.
I’m telling you, I could fall in love with this guy all over again.
Now, I have to face reality, don’t I? I have to admit that I’ve come to the last of your lovely, blank pages, dear Silent Sister. Thank you for giving your empty self to me and allowing me to place my many scattered thoughts here for safe keeping. You know I’ll keep you for always. I’ll visit you many times before my life is over. And hopefully, I won’t lose you again for months at a time!
I know that you will continue to make me laugh aloud. You’ll probably catch a few more of my salty tears when I read the words that you and my Dear Silent Friend have both graciously held for me all these years.
Perhaps one day you’ll see an unfamiliar pair of eyes scanning your pages, and you’ll feel a different pair of hands holding you. Those eyes and those hands will quite possibly belong to my daughter. (And no, I’m not trying to drop a surprise on you here. Todd and I aren’t expecting a baby. But I hope we will someday.)
And if we do have a daughter and if she grows up and wants to know what I was like when I was her age, I will invite her to read the words you’ve so patiently held for me because I’ll want her to know that what she’s feeling is normal. And I’ll want her to know that her mother was a goof sometimes. And was overly emotional sometimes. But more than anything, I’ll want her to see the ways that God worked in her mother’s and father’s lives. These entries will give evidence that we were a couple of a God Lovers who were extremely blessed.
And she will also know that even before she was conceived, she already was tucked away in a special corner in the secret place in my heart.
Forever,
Christina Juliet Miller Spencer
(Kilikina)
Copyright
Christy Miller’s Diary
Copyright © 1999 by Robin Jones Gunn. Second edition © 2010 by Robin’s Nest Productions, Inc.
First electronic printing in 2012 by eChristian, Inc.
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Published in association with the Books & Such Literary Agency, 52 Mission Circle, Suite 122, PMB 170, Santa Rosa, CA 95409-5370, http://www.booksandsuch.com
Unless otherwise identified, Scripture quotations are from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. The “NW” and “New International Version” trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by International Bible Society.
The verse in the “November 30” entry is from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible. Copyright 1946, 2952, 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of Churches of Christ in the USA. Used by permission.
The verse in the “September 12” entry is from The Daily Walk Bible © 1997 by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved.
The verse in the “April 8” entry and the verse in the “April 2” entry are from the Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers.
The verses in the “August 16” entry are from The Message (MSG) Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson.
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Cover images © Steve Gardner, Pixelworks Studios, and iStockphoto
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