by Alana Terry
Kennedy was glad Carl and Sandy were together. But she couldn’t figure out how Sandy could be so happy with her son so ill. Well, maybe she wasn’t exactly happy, but if Kennedy had been in her place, she would have been freaking out. Screaming, pleading with God to save her son’s life. Begging every doctor and nurse in the entire country to do what they could to help him.
Of course, she’d never go so far as murder, but she thought she understood a little more clearly what must have been running through Brian Robertson’s head when he strapped himself with explosives and walked into Providence Hospital.
“Well, I’m sure I’ve yacked your ear off by now, but you can call whenever you want to chat. I mean it, I don’t care what time it is. You call, and I’ll be here for you.” She let out a pleasant, ringing chuckle. “It’s not like I’ll be going anywhere any time soon.”
“Thank you.” Kennedy wished her weary spirit could feel the gratitude she knew Sandy deserved. She winced again when she reached over to hang up the phone. She still didn’t know what time it was. Still didn’t know how many more hours she had to go to find out if she’d caught Woong’s disease or not. She didn’t know if grief would overtake her now or if it’d take weeks before her soul could fully realize everything she’d lost in the past twenty-four hours.
All she knew was that she was tired. And that she wanted to sleep for a very long time.
CHAPTER 26
“Well, you’ll be glad to hear you’re in picture-perfect shape.” The nurse pulled the thermometer out of Kennedy’s mouth and took off her hazmat mask. “I’ll get that bandage changed for you one last time and bring you some gauze so you can take care of it at home. After that, you’re free as a sparrow.”
Kennedy let out her breath. She hadn’t caught Nipah. No fever. No aches besides the ones that could be explained from the explosion. The explosion and the gnawing, gaping wound in her spirit.
“Well look at that,” the nurse prattled pleasantly. “Looks like you already have your first visitor.” She took off her enormous gloves and held the door open. “Come in. Come in. You’re right on time, and she’s just gotten her clean bill of health.”
Kennedy looked at Willow standing in the open doorway and offering a smile, somewhat less certain than her usual brilliant grin.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
The girls stared at each other before Willow finally asked, “Can I come in?”
“Yeah. I’m not sick or anything.”
“Me either.”
“They kept you in isolation?”
“Only for the first night. I would have been wicked bored, too, except I had someone to talk to.”
Kennedy could tell she was trying hard to hide a grin. “Oh, yeah? Who was that?”
“Just your friend Nick. Man, if I’d have known the youth pastor had such gorgeous hair and an even hotter personality, I would have been begging you to take me to church for the past two years. Oh, and did you know his uncle’s in a band? It’s wicked awesome. You should listen to their album. But enough about that.” Willow sat down on the foot of Kennedy’s bed. “How are you doing? I heard about everything. You must feel terrible.”
“Yeah, something like that.”
“I’m not trying to make you feel worse. I mean, I don’t even know what Christians are supposed to say at times like this. Do you?”
Kennedy shook her head.
“Well, I started thinking about your pastor and his family and how you said when the lockdown started they were probably all in their room together praying. I figured that even if I was completely clueless when it came to finding the right things to say, I could at least offer to do that with you, right? I mean, you don’t have to say anything unless you really want to. And you know me. I’m still learning all this stuff, so I probably won’t even do that good of a job with it, but I’ll be happy to pray with you if that’s what you want.”
Kennedy swallowed past the painful lump in her throat and nodded slightly.
Willow scooted closer to her on the bed. “So, like, are we supposed to hold hands or something? Does that make it better, or do we just sit here or what, because I really don’t want to mess up after all you’ve been through.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Kennedy squeezed her eyes shut. Felt the first trickle of a tear starting to form.
“Ok. So if it doesn’t make a difference how we do it, maybe you can just sit here, and I’ll like rub your back or something, unless it feels strange to you. It’s ok for me to do that, right? Doesn’t weird you out?”
Kennedy didn’t trust her voice, so she shook her head.
“All right. I’m gonna pray for you now. So, God, or Father, whichever you prefer, we’re here, and Kennedy’s heartbroken, I’m sure, and she’s gone through more than anybody should have to endure in an entire lifetime. And even though she probably thinks she’s just one big mess, you and I both know how strong she is. How brave of a person she is. How much faith and courage it takes to go through everything she’s gone through and still have the confidence to say, ‘I believe in a good and loving God who knows how to take care of his children.’ So that’s what I’m asking right now, Lord. Or Jesus. I’m asking you to show Kennedy that she’s stronger than she thinks, and she’s braver than she feels right now, and even when she feels like she’s nothing but a big screw-up, or I mean... Well, Lord, you know exactly what it is I mean. And even though what happened to her boyfriend sucks royally — or stinks, I guess that’s a better way of putting it — I’m asking you to please just teach my friend here what she taught me earlier, that you won’t even let a sparrow get hurt without knowing about it in advance and saying it’s going to be ok. So please help Kennedy remember right now that you’ve got her whole life planned out, and I know you have so many good things in store for her even if she can’t feel or believe in them now.”
Willow continued to rub Kennedy’s back. “There, was that ok? Do I say amen next, or does God just know when I’m done, or do you have to do the whole in Jesus name thing, or can you do whatever? I spent a lot of time thinking about what I was going to pray, so I want to make sure it gets through.”
Kennedy wanted to assure Willow that her prayer was perfectly acceptable, but she couldn’t find her voice through her trembling and her silent, crippling sobs.
CHAPTER 27
“Want me to buckle you in?” Willow asked.
Kennedy lowered herself carefully into the passenger seat of her roommate’s car. “No, I can get it.” She grimaced as she twisted around to grab the seatbelt.
“You’ve got to learn to accept a little help sometimes, you know.” Willow plopped into the driver’s seat and started up the engine.
Kennedy smiled. “Maybe next semester.”
Willow rolled her eyes. “Maybe after the apocalypse, you mean. Wait, is that a real thing? Is that like actually in the Bible? Do I need to do anything to get ready for it?”
“It’s in the Bible, but maybe we can save that topic for later.” Kennedy held her breath as Willow bounced the car over a speed bump and pulled out of the hospital parking lot. The sun was just starting to set, glorious hues of pink and orange highlighting the oversized cumulus clouds.
It felt so good to finally be out of Providence.
“I talked to your pastor’s wife,” Willow said. “She made me promise to find you something nutritious for dinner on campus and make sure you get some good rest and actually go to sleep. I don’t remember entirely. I think there might have been something about tucking you in and kissing you goodnight too.”
Kennedy smiled through her pain. “Thanks for being with me.”
“Hey, what are friends for? Besides, if it hadn’t been for you, I would have never met Nick.”
“I thought you were going to say without me you would have never met Jesus.”
“Oh, well, there’s that too. But Nick ... Man. Why didn’t you tell me about him years ago?”
Kennedy let out an awkward chuck
le. Would she ever remember what it felt like to laugh naturally? She took in a deep breath, thankful for the fresh air whipping across her face.
Willow turned up the radio so they could hear the music over the breeze roaring in through the open windows as they sped toward campus. “Please don’t tell me I have to give up my classic rock station now that I’m a Christian.”
Kennedy wasn’t sure if she was serious or not.
They listened in silence. Here I Go Again on my Own. Ironic song choice now that Dominic was gone. Except Kennedy wasn’t alone. She had Willow, her best friend and sister in the Lord. She had Carl and Sandy, who had thankfully both been released from isolation and cleared of any Nipah scare. She had her mom and dad, even though they were on the other side of the world. From the time she woke up in Providence, not an hour had gone by where at least one of her parents hadn’t called to check in on her. Smother her with love and care. It didn’t bother Kennedy at all. She didn’t even mind when her dad told her she should check her temperature a few times during the night just to make sure she really hadn’t caught whatever Woong had.
Poor Woong. Kennedy and Willow had stopped to check on him before they headed back to campus. Whatever energy he’d found to play Xbox earlier was clearly expended. When Kennedy went over to visit, he was lying half-awake in bed while Sandy read him the last chapter of The Boxcar Children through the window of his room. Even though Carl and Sandy had been cleared, the doctors were still holding Woong in quarantine until his test results came back.
There were so many things Kennedy had to worry about, had to process. She was glad she wouldn’t be spending the night alone. She would have been infinitely more comfortable at the Lindgrens’ than at her dorm, but with Woong being so sick, nobody was allowed into their house until they found out if he really had Nipah or not.
“What do you want to have for dinner?” Willow asked. “You know you have to eat more than your usual craisins and Cheerios.”
Kennedy didn’t want to think about anything. “We’ll figure something out when we get to campus.”
“What do you want to do after that? It’s not that late. We could watch a movie or play some cards or take a little walk. It’s a nice evening.”
It felt so wrong to be here. Sitting next to her friend, the wind whipping through their hair. The sunset so soul-hauntingly glorious. So intense. The kind of scene you’d expect to see on a postcard or movie trailer. Not in real life.
The world was so stinking beautiful. But ever since she’d learned about Dominic’s death, Kennedy’s soul had been longing for those things to come. That glorious rapture, that heavenly melody that would one day beckon to her as it had to her boyfriend.
When Jesus is my portion; my constant friend is he.
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me.
She’d heard her whole life that heaven was her true home, but she never fully realized what that meant until now.
“Well? What sounds good?” Willow interrupted her thoughts, her voice full of forced cheer. “We could even call Nick and invite him over if you feel up for some company. I bet he’d be willing to pick us up a pizza from Angelo’s or something.”
Kennedy knew exactly what Willow was doing. Trying to distract her. Trying to keep her mind off the pain. Off the loss.
Reminding her that life on earth was here for the living. Heaven was the prize for those who had already passed.
CHAPTER 28
Kennedy woke up the next morning to the sound of rain pounding on her dorm room window.
Her roommate was reclining in her beanbag chair reading a screenplay. “Morning, sleeping beauty.”
Kennedy glanced at the clock. Already past ten.
“How’re you doing today?” Willow set down her book.
How was she doing? Kennedy wasn’t sure yet.
“Your dad called. Twice.” Willow smiled. “I told him you were perfectly fine. He wants you to check your temperature and text him.”
“Ok.” Her dad annoyed her ninety percent of the time, but today, she was glad to know someone was worried for her. Someone was still there to fret and fawn over her every move.
“Sandy called too. She said that Woong’s been asking for you. Wants you to read to him if you’ve got the energy. I told her you might not want to go back to the hospital just yet, and she said she understood.” Willow frowned. “Is that ok? I wasn’t sure what to say.”
“I don’t know.” Kennedy glanced around. She was still more thirsty than usual. Her arm ached, but it was nothing compared to yesterday. She would heal. She would recover. She hadn’t looked beneath the bandage yet. Didn’t know if she’d end up scarred or not from the shrapnel.
Did it matter?
She tugged at her sleeve. “If Woong wants me there, I don’t mind.” It was nice feeling needed. Surrounding herself with people who loved her. Who wanted her around.
Willow shrugged. “I can give you a ride.”
“That’d be nice.”
“Hey, you want some tea? I just heated some up.”
“Thanks.” Kennedy reached out and took the oversized Alaska Chicks Rock mug. The steam heated her face. She sensed Willow staring at her. Kennedy hated the sad, almost embarrassed expression in her eyes. She just wanted to move on. How long until she could forget this week? How long until she could look at her roommate without seeing that pained, guilty expression?
Life would go on. Kennedy knew it would. She just wished she had some idea how.
Half an hour later, after a quick bite from L’Aroma Bakery, Kennedy and Willow made their way back to Providence.
“All I can say is Woong must be a very special little boy if you’re willing to go back to the hospital to see him.”
Kennedy couldn’t explain. It wasn’t just Woong. She loved him. Prayed that God would heal him of whatever sickness he had. But it was more than that. She wanted to be with the Lindgrens. To support and encourage each other. Carl and Sandy needed her, and she needed them. The Lindgrens were the closet thing Kennedy had to a family in the States, and during her own time of sadness and mourning, she wanted to be with family most of all.
Besides, this was the morning they would get Woong’s lab results back from the CDC. If it really was the Nipah virus, Kennedy wanted to be with Sandy. Help shoulder some of that burden like Sandy had done for her countless times over the past two years. She thought about her first week on US soil when she arrived for the start of her freshman year at Harvard. How much she’d seen since then. How much she’d grown.
How much she’d changed.
She wasn’t sure all the changes were positive, either. Kennedy lived now with a constant heaviness, a sense of fear even when she knew she was perfectly safe. That little bubble, that sense she’d had as a child that she was completely invincible, popped within her first few weeks of college. She’d never be able to recreate that same sense of security.
But still, God had sustained her. Carried her through every trial she’d had to endure. He’d given her strength when she was so weak she was sure she’d collapse. He’d sent heavenly protection to shield her when she was sure she was about to die. He’d shown her love, the kind of love you couldn’t read about in a book. Sacrificial love. Christ-like love.
And he’d shown her comfort. Kennedy couldn’t feel it right now, but she had in the past and knew that it would come to her again. She’d have to learn to be patient, that was all. The comfort would come, that sweet heavenly balm that would smooth over her scars. It would never erase them completely. She’d given up praying for perfect healing, but she knew that in time, the pain would lessen. Joy would find her once more. Teach her to smile again. Hope again.
Love again.
It would happen. She just had to be patient. That was the hardest part, but God would give her the grace even for that.
“What are you thinking about?” Willow turned down the radio. Rain pelted onto the windshield and splashed up from the car tires in front of them.
“Everything.”
“Yeah.” Willow sighed. “Me, too.” She reached out and shut off the music. “Hey, can I ask you something?”
“What?” Kennedy was thankful for the chance she’d had this week to connect with Willow on a deeper level. To discuss the spiritual matters they should have been talking about from the moment of Willow’s conversion. But she was so tired. She didn’t know if she could focus on a heavy conversation right now.
“I’m still wondering about sickness and prayer and all that stuff. I mean, I’m thinking about Woong, I guess. And I know you said even a bird won’t get hurt outside of God’s plans, but ... I don’t even know how to ask my question. I guess what I’m wanting to know ... It doesn’t make sense to me ...”
“How God chooses to heal some people and not others?” Kennedy finished for her.
“Right. How exactly does that work?”
Kennedy sighed. “I wish I could tell you.” She knew Willow was hoping for a deeper answer than that, so she tried to snap her mind into a more alert state. “I think it’s kind of like ... Ok, so let’s say that ...” She wasn’t going to be able to get out one coherent sentence without the Holy Spirit’s intervention. “It’s like this,” she tried again. “At least, I think it is, because I’m definitely not an expert. But let’s say someone you love is sick. Use Woong as an example, right?”
“Right.” Willow sped up her windshield wipers.
“Ok, so we’re all praying for Woong to get better. I mean, who wouldn’t be?”
“Right.”
“So we all want him to get better.” Kennedy had to pause for a moment. She couldn’t imagine the grief that would flood the Lindgren household if Woong didn’t recover. “We want him to get well, and so we pray for him, and that’s the right thing to do. But there’s more to it than just that. Like when Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane. Do you know that story?”
