by Sarina Dorie
“Gomen kudasai!” Nipa called out in greeting. He stuck his head through the flap covering the doorway, his mask in place. “My sister is indisposed. She will be—”
I lifted the blanket to cover myself. “Have you ever heard of knocking? I’m undressing. Get out.”
He ducked outside. “Sumiko-chan is tending to a sick woman. I thought I would come tell you.”
He said no more and I assumed he left, so I didn’t respond. I continued trying to push the hooks closer together. Finally I heard from the other side, “Are you done undressing?”
“No. I need Sumiko’s help.”
“You do realize, I see far more skin on a daily basis than what I just saw of you.”
“Yes, well, you haven’t seen mine and that’s what counts. That, and it isn’t proper for a man to see a lady’s undergarments.” I wanted to cringe when the words came out of my mouth. How I sounded like my prim and proper sister.
“I could help you uncage yourself. As your husband, I should think it not so improper for me to do that.”
I continued to try at the hooks. “You are not my husband, at least not that kind of husband. If you want to be useful, fetch Sumiko.”
He sighed in obvious frustration. “Cover yourself. I’m coming in.”
I snatched up the blanket again and held it to my bosom. He plopped beside me before the fire. “Tell me, why can you not bear the idea that any man should see you in less than neck to ankle attire?”
I swallowed. “Gaiyojin have taboos against provocative dress.”
He tilted his head to the side, his eyes regarding me from under his mask. “Have you never broken such taboos? Are you such a highly proper gaiyojin that you have never done as Jomon do?” His gaze swept over my tattooed arms.
I frowned. There had been plenty of times in my life I had acted as a Jomon. I had dressed as they dressed, gotten tattoos, and I observed many of their customs despite how scandalous they were. Some of those customs felt natural to return to. I suspected the possibility that alarmed me at the moment was not so much that a Jomon might see me in my corset, but that I was alone with an attractive man I had willingly kissed—and he might see me.
I swallowed. “If a gaiyojin man saw me in so little clothes, it would be construed as an invitation. It is hard to get over that notion, as I have been living that reality for the last seven years.”
He held a hand out to me and I reluctantly took it. “I am sorry gaiyojin men have so little restraint that they turn into isepo in heat every time they see a naked woman. Please do not unjustly lump me into the same place in your mind that you put Ford-san and Charbonny-san?”
I giggled at his mispronunciation. The tension between us dissolved. Perhaps it was the laugh that allowed me to give him admission to stay. “I will allow you to help me take off my corset but that is all you will see. Do you understand?”
I lowered the furs. He reached for the hooks in the front.
I smacked his hands. “No, no, untie the back.”
I turned away from him. He unlaced my corset. The relief was immediate and I breathed deeply. He kept on loosening it until I could wiggle around in it. His hands came around my waist to the hooks at my belly.
He managed to unhook a few before I put my hands on his to stop him. “I can do the rest myself.” I did so, setting the corset aside.
“Iya! By my ancestor’s graves, there is a naked gaiyojin woman before me! She shows as much skin as Tanukijin women in winter.” Nipa held his hand over his eyes in feigned shock. “There is too much white skin and white clothes! It has blinded me like sunlight on a plain of snow. I have become insensible. I can no longer be a fit leader.” He flung off his headdress in a dramatic gesture and fell onto the blankets.
I couldn’t fight the smile tugging at my lips. I poked him in the ribs and his stomach muscles contracted under his robe. He squirmed back from my hand. He covered his eyes and thrust my attush at me. Seeing he made no move to leave, I wrapped it over my chemise.
He sat up and scooted closer. I didn’t object when he wrapped my fur blankets around me. He covered his bare feet. “If it does not displease you, I will sit and wait with you until my sister comes.”
I nodded.
His smile turned shy. “Will you allow me to put an arm around your shoulder if I promise not to do more?”
It tickled me this was the first he had asked me. “Suddenly you are now the gentleman?”
He dipped his head. “I have been observing your customs and trying my best not to offend you. I do not wish to push you to do more than you are comfortable with.”
“You may put your arm around me.” I scooted closer. Just saying it made my heart race with excitement. I was engaged, and such behavior was inappropriate for both Americans and British no matter how you looked at it. And yet, I didn’t want to refuse him and it had nothing to do with ambassadorship.
He placed an arm around me. “Tell me about Meriwether-san. Does he truly come here in search of red stones or was that a ruse?”
“Indeed, he has. Why wouldn’t he?” I leaned against the warmth of his side. It had been years since I’d felt comfortable enough to trust someone to sit this close. I might have with Meriwether if his British etiquette hadn’t compelled him to keep me, an unmarried lady, at an arm’s length.
“Meriwether-san asks for our garbage. Only children would want such things.”
I laced my fingers through his. “It isn’t garbage for my people. The stone is quite valuable. And I don’t think all Jomon think it’s trash. A friend, well, he was a friend at the time, gave one to me. It was a gift, or maybe a trade, I’m not sure.”
“Perhaps your friend was playing a trick on you and thinking he got the better bargain.”
I laughed at that and shook my head. He rubbed his thumb over my palm. The sensation was like a tickle, only I didn’t want it to stop. I was so distracted I had difficulty focusing on Nipa’s words. I could only think of the kiss I’d given him the previous night. My gaze rested on his perfectly plump and kissable lips.
Nipa said, “I did not think Meriwether-san was earnest . . . about many things. I did not think his love for you was real. After today, though, I can tell he cares for you. I wonder why you haven’t married him yet.”
I closed my eyes and listened to the crackle of fire. “I don’t want to marry anyone. Most of the time I wish everyone would leave me be. I want to be, well, I don’t expect you to understand this, being a—”
“A Jomonjin?” He frowned.
“A stranger.” I bumped him with my knee and rolled my eyes before returning to what I had been saying. “I would like to be more like my mother. She was smart and brave and independent. She was a leader of sorts. Only, I don’t know how she managed to make men listen to her. I don’t know if it was her parents’ money, or her confidence, or her United Worlds upbringing.” I tilted my head from side to side to stretch my neck.
Nipa kneaded his fingers into the aching muscles in my shoulders. “And you feel you will never live up to the dream of who you imagine she was?”
The sensation of his touch was so pleasant I forgot to answer. He nudged my shoulder.
“Oh, yes. Something like that. I don’t think any man I marry could allow such autonomy.” It was easy to be open with him. After keeping many of my thoughts secret for so many years, I felt compelled to release my burden. Perhaps because he was Jomon and his customs were less oppressive, or because he was simply not one of the many nobles or servants in Lord Klark’s employment, I felt as though I was free to speak my mind. And free of Lord Klark’s critical eye.
“I suppose my other reason for not marrying has to do with my memories—or lack of them. I have feelings and vague impressions of horrible things happening. Sometimes I will be in a crowd at the theatre and smell a perfume that reminds me of the flowers of the jungle and I will think I can hear my sister’s voice and see . . . something, but it is always out of my grasp. I’d never considered she might be
alive because whenever I try to think back, I know something happened to her. There are so many lingering feelings that haunt me, like the almost-memory of dreams upon waking.”
“I do not understand how this causes you not to marry Meriwether-san.”
“The lack of independence and perchance the bad feelings I have about my past—about my virtue—are why I don’t want to marry anyone, but not the reason I haven’t married Meriwether. If I am to marry, he is the practical choice. He cares about me and is considerate. He wants to make me happy. I have grown fond of him. But I fear with any man I marry, the affection would be one-sided. It wouldn’t be fair to him. Yet Lord Klark is intent I marry before I become even more of an old maid.”
Nipa kneeled behind me and rubbed my shoulders more deeply. He found aches I hadn’t known were there. It was strange being this close to a man in whom I felt free to confide my secrets. And stranger still that I had believed him when he said he would not do more than what I was comfortable with. It was the trust that he would stop if I asked that made me feel safe enough to allow him to continue.
“And you worry Klark Nipa will be angry if he knows someone has taken your virtue?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” I wasn’t sure if he referred to the present or the past. “Lord Klark certainly knows of my past. Meriwether probably has guessed as much about me. His father wants my money, but he does his best to keep my scandalous past from ruining his son’s reputation.” I turned to look at him over my shoulder.
He leaned closer, so close I thought he might mean to kiss me, but of course, that was silly since that wasn’t a Jomon custom. His eyes intently searched mine. “Is that why you think he wants your past a secret? Out of concern for your reputation?” His breath, smelling of sweet berry tea, whispered against my cheek.
I tilted my chin upward. “What other reason would he have?”
“Do not ask me. You know him better than I.”
My heart felt as though it lurched in my chest when I thought about how close his mouth was to mine. There was no denying how much I wanted to taste his lips. The realization filled me with guilt. But not enough guilt to overpower the longing to feel close to someone.
I cleared my throat. “What do you think about . . . what I mean to say is, ahem, last night I kissed you. Do you know what a kiss is? Did it offend you?”
He slipped his arms around me and hugged me to him. “I understand it is how you show affection. I am willing to try your gaiyojin ways.” Grinning, he offered me his cheek.
I gave him a quick peck. The chaste gesture didn’t at all satisfy the craving to kiss him.
Chapter Twelve
I have but two regrets in my life: not immediately pursuing the love of my life before she made a regrettable and irrevocable mistake, and not bringing greater weapons to Planet 157 when I arrived the first time.
—Lord Klark’s private diaries
Upon the morrow, I considered the merit of wearing Jomon clothes. I sat with Nipa eating breakfast in my room in my attush, my gaze flitting back and forth between the two sets of garments folded in the corner. Why bother to pretend to be proper? Tomomi had a point about my need to move freely in practice. On the other hand, I couldn’t help wondering if I wore my corset again, would she give up on my training early and I’d be forced to train with Nipa? The notion that I wanted to spend time in his company sent a flush of warmth to my cheeks.
“What ails you?” he asked. “Do you not like the pickled daikon?”
“No, it isn’t that. I, um. . . . Are you too busy today to give me more instruction like you did yesterday?” I asked.
“I will never be too busy for my wife.” He leaned closer, offering his cheek.
Reluctantly, I kissed him. From his grin, I suspected he was quite pleased with himself. He probably thought this was some deeply meaningful gesture of gaiyojin affection. It was quite vexing. He was almost as clueless as Meriwether—only in a different way.
After breakfast, I dressed in furs, telling myself I would change before dinner. I enjoyed morning exercise with Nipa so thoroughly I forgot to change into my dress when I accompanied him to a council meeting. The tribal elders wore their ritual headdresses of purple and green furs. I was also expected to wear one.
They met in a warm room off the great hall. It was stuffy from the fire, even with the windows letting in the light. I think I hated the headdress as much as I despised my corset, but I said nothing. I sat by Nipa’s side, and he translated an occasional word I didn’t know.
There was discussion of food sources and places to forage for fresh game and vegetables as the current location where they sought provisions was depleted. I did my best to follow along, but their conversation was quick and the seven elders spoke over each other at times, making it hard for me to understand.
After the first matter had been decided, they moved on to another. They spoke of a young woman who had died during childbirth two days before. The baby was also dead. Although losing her was tragic, the greater problem now was of her three-year-old asking for his mama and not understanding her absence. Her husband would have comforted and cared for the boy had he been able. Unfortunately, he had been part of the scouting party who had encountered Meriwether’s party. He was the man who died.
Hearing of his death and the impact was like a blow to the gut.
No one looked at me as they spoke on this matter. The way the elders carefully skirted around how he had been killed and who had shot him was not so much out of respect, but a way of blaming without saying the words. I had observed such conversations in my time on the planet before.
“No one needs another mouth to feed. We should leave the boy out in the snow,” one grandmother said.
The grandfather to her right said, “There is the mother’s mother. She would care for the child.”
“How can she do that when she cannot care for herself? If only Kimiko’s sister would take the baby. But she is still angry Kimiko won Hideki’s love, not her.”
“We should ask her again. She may change her mind if she knows there is no other option.”
I shifted from kneeling to sitting cross-legged and back again. I pressed my hands to the pocket watch ticking under my clothes, tapping with every second I sat in silence. When four out of the seven elders agreed to infanticide, I shook my head and frowned. My heavy headdress shifted forward and I pushed it back so I could see.
Nipa leaned close to my ear. “You are permitted to speak at this meeting as my wife. Have you something you would like to say?”
I nodded. He held up his hand and the elders’ voices trickled out. All eyes turned to him. As much as I hated how my words were not heeded at all on the spaceship or space station, it was unnerving to be given such attention now.
“I, well, that is. . . . Is there no woman in the village who might want a child, but cannot have one?”
They shook their heads. “The women have been asked.”
“Or, if not a woman, a man?” I asked.
“Ayumu,” one of the grandmothers said. “He lost both wife and children from the fever last year. He has been lonely and no longer has purpose.”
“Can he not be given the boy to raise?”
Nipa bowed to me. “My clever wife,” he said. He laced his fingers through mine. “The next problem on our list: I am told one of the gaiyojin avoids the onsen and doesn’t bathe. How can we solve this problem of modesty and shyness?” His lips curled up into a mischievous smile.
I’m sure the flush of my face was visible in the muted light. “Perhaps she should be permitted to bathe at night when no one is present so she will not feel so embarrassed.”
“Or perhaps she should be accompanied by her husband to ensure she scrubs herself properly. No?” He winked.
The elders laughed at this. I would not allow him to have the last word and for them to see me as the less clever. I ran a finger from his ear to hairline where the raccoon dog headdress obscured his neck. I examined my finger and scrunche
d up my nose as if in disgust. “I think it is more likely the husband needs a wife to teach him how to properly clean himself.”
The elders slapped their knees and rocked back and forth with laughter.
“She is too smart for you!” said a grandfather.
A grandmother smacked my shoulder. “This clever one will be pulling the tanuki hide over your eyes! Watch her.” From her toothless smile and thick accent, I suspected she was Grandmother Ami, the same old woman who found Meriwether to be so diverting in his stories.
Nipa wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer to his side. The liquid black of his eyes danced with merriment as he stared into mine. If he hadn’t been Jomon I would have assumed he’d try to kiss me, even with people watching. The warmth of his breath tickled against my cheek. A shiver of wanting opened up inside me and I did my best to ignore it.
“I don’t mind having a clever wife. If anything, I should at least get a bath with you out of this.”
In the afternoon we joined in soup making in the kitchen. Nipa and I chopped roots alongside others. “Each day we take turns with some of the less pleasant duties. Even leaders and elders must clean privies and cook when it is their turn,” Nipa explained.
Though I hated the idea there were no maids to clean privies, I didn’t think it was such a bad idea for everyone to share in unpleasant chores. I had helped with ship chores as a child and village chores in the years after. Only in recent times while living with Lord Klark, did I feel like I had no purpose and nothing to do, with maids and machines doing it all for me instead.
When the first batch of soup was ready, he bundled me up in furs and we brought supper to the men guarding the cliffs. My tanuki headdress was warm, though too big, and kept slipping over my eyes as we ascended a winding path. The sharpened bone attached to my fur-lined boots helped my feet dig into the slush and ice on the slope. Melting ice splattered from rocks above and made the path even slicker.
