by Sarina Dorie
Lord Klark had been beside himself with humiliation over what I’d done to his guest’s nose. His disappointed response had shamed me more than his lecherous guest’s.
Nipa cupped my face in his hands and looked very much like he would lean forward and kiss me. Instead he patted my head like I was a chiramantep.
I giggled and he did too. His smile was so warm and genuine, it was hard not to like him. Sumiko rolled over in her sleep.
He offered me his cheek. I turned his head so that his mouth was in front of me. He didn’t move away when I pressed my lips to his.
“I must be careful not to allow you to eat my flesh,” he whispered with a wink. “What will my people think if I have a cannibal for a wife?”
Without another word he left. I snuggled into my blankets, a smile on my face. It occurred to me I might not just be learning how to trust, but to feel desire.
Chapter Thirteen
The guidebook never said anything about the planet being filthy, about the mortality rate of women in childbirth, the lack of technology after they’d come all this way with their great spaceships, and how every day the work would be grueling in order to survive.
—Faith Earnshaw’s private diaries
During our tour of the carved cliff palace the following afternoon, our party viewed various homes and the uses of different rooms. People stopped weaving, tanning hides, or preserving food to bow to us. In some rooms all I could smell was the overpowering stench of fish. Meriwether held a handkerchief over his mouth and nose. Children followed us, peeking around corners and watching.
“I will now take you to my greatest treasure,” Nipa said.
Captain Ford elbowed Meriwether. I, too, wondered if Nipa was about to show us a mountain of red diamonds. The only gaijin who had known where to find them had been my father, and he had taken that secret to the grave.
We entered a partially sheltered courtyard with a pool of bubbling water. Steam rose from the ground and the temperature became more comfortably warm. Although we were outside, there was no snow. Jungle plants grew in the garden. A bench overlooked a large basin of sand with intricate patterns drawn within. On the dark gray rock of the wall were painted white spirals and designs.
Nipa nodded to the art. “Faith-san painted this.”
Why did her very name fill my heart with sorrow? Was it the idea she might not want to see me? When I tried to slip into my memories, or reflections that were left, I only knew there was dread associated with my sister.
Moss grew on the walls and up the sides of a stone bench. I sat, admiring the serene beauty. “I wouldn’t mind coming to this place more.” How I wished time would slow and I could stay here forever. I held my hand to my fur tunic, pressing the tick-tick-ticking of the watch into my belly where it reminded me that time never stopped for me, nor anyone else.
Meriwether studied a tree heavy with winter berries, humming to himself. The song was vaguely familiar, maybe something my mother had once sung.
Nipa passed a stunted tree barren of leaves. A little stream from the bubbling pool meandered past the tree and shrine, disappearing into a hole under the mossy wall. Nestled in a shrine stood a giant raccoon dog statue carved from wood. The animal’s tongue lolled out of his mouth and his stomach was so round, he appeared to be pregnant. It was simultaneously cute and frightening.
“This is a symbol of my province and clan. He represents virility and strength. This is a sacred place and a treasure to my people,” Nipa said. I translated.
Charbonneau huffed in obvious disappointment.
“Why does his tail drag on the ground like that?” Meriwether asked.
The captain smacked him on the back. “That’s no tail, lad.”
I immediately turned away to study the ripening berries on a branch of bush, pretending I hadn’t heard to lessen the sting of his embarrassment.
Meriwether continued staring for several more seconds. “Oh, I see.” He looked to me. “This is a rather inappropriate sight for a young lady’s eyes, wouldn’t you say?”
I shrugged. “If you think this is . . . exaggerated, you should see tanuki during mating season.”
His eyes widened and he shook his head as if to clear the image. For someone who studied medicine as a hobby, he remained embarrassingly unaware of sexual anatomy.
We saw the distillation room next, and then the kitchens. There were three different bath houses and a place they did laundry. Rooms had been built around areas the hot springs naturally emptied into. Green moss grew on the walls of the humid rooms.
I brushed my finger over a patch. The slight tingle told me what it was. Nipa watched, a smile tugging at his shapely lips. When he took up my hand in his, he rubbed a thumb against the side of my palm. My breath hitched in my chest. A shiver skated up my arm. He did it again. This time the caress sent goosebumps across my flesh. An ache built in my core. The sensation was somewhere between arousing and a tickle. I considered tugging my hand away. Letting him continue would send the wrong message.
Even so, I didn’t want him to stop. When Meriwether’s attention was diverted by children in one of the rooms, Nipa brushed my hand against the stubble on his cheek. I sighed at the pleasure of it. If I hadn’t caught myself I might have giggled. I glanced at Meriwether, knowing he would ask what we were doing if we continued on in this way.
The thrill of being improper, and the danger of being caught, enticed me to continue. I swiped at a patch of moss and rubbed it on Nipa’s hand. It was hard not to laugh at his attempt to keep his voice controlled and face neutral as he spoke during our tour.
He pointed down a corridor. His voice grew husky. “To my next greatest treasure.”
We descended down a flight of steps, passing a room with the chatter of women coming from within.
I paused at the hide covering the door. “What is this room?”
Nipa grinned. “Tell the men it is where I keep my greatest treasure.”
I did so, fighting a smile as I noted the gleam in the captain’s eyes. He hobbled closer toward the flap of the fur noren curtain, listening.
“Inform him that he mustn’t go in there. Meriwether’s wife will surely be undressing and he doesn’t want to make her cross—or aroused.”
Meriwether looked up, hearing his name. “What did he say?”
He blanched when I told him. “My Jomon wife is his greatest treasure? Miss Tomomi?”
“I’m more curious if this holds another shrine of a giant raccoon dog with genitalia dragging on the floor,” I said.
Charbonneau looked to me sharply. I realized after I’d said it that I hadn’t spoken in Jomon. Blast!
Nipa beckoned for us to follow, but the captain still lingered. Nipa nodded to Captain Ford. “Tell them the room is off limits. It is the private chamber of my many wives.”
I laughed at the ridiculousness of the idea.
Meriwether glanced back in horror after I’d explained. “Truly? The Jomon take more than one wife.”
The captain cackled. “He has yours right now.”
“Just how many wives do you have?” I asked in Jomon.
He lowered his voice, though he spoke in his own tongue. “Only a geari wife. A woman I care for as though she were one of my household. It is out of duty, since she is unfit to marry. My geari wife is a very sad woman and she does not often leave her chamber. That is where she resides.”
“Will you introduce me to her?”
“Not today. We have other plans.”
“Why are you socially obligated to this woman?” I asked.
Nipa tucked my hand into the crook of his elbow. “You tell me why one might have a geari husband.”
I had a sense he was asking something greater than he let on. If he meant to imply Meriwether, the notion was ridiculous. “I suppose a woman might be obligated to a man if he has done something for her—a debt that cannot be repaid. If he has rescued her from disaster, loaned her family money, saved her virtue or done any other number of noble deeds. Has this wo
man done something that makes you indebted to her?”
“Has Meriwether done something to make you indebted to him?”
“Felicity dear, what’s he saying?” Meriwether asked.
I crossed my arms. “Is that what you think? I might love him for all you know.”
“Yes, you might. But it is hard to grow fond of someone who embarrasses you and whom you think so little of. No man ever wants to marry a geari wife because he will resent her more and more with time. It is lucky on the rare occasion that he grows to love her, ne?”
I hated that he could see me so clearly. I kicked at the stone wall, growling in pain when I stubbed my toe.
“Felicity dear, what did he say?” Meriwether asked. “I heard him say my name.”
“Never you mind. He’s just being vexing.”
Nearly everywhere we went, Nipa hinted that each place contained his greatest treasure. It was in the chiramantep stables that he said, “This is where you will find my greatest garbage and perhaps what has given me the greatest sorrows.” He bid us to stay on the dry earth where we wouldn’t get dirty while he trudged outside through smelly slush. He kept his gaze on the ground, toeing the earth every so often until he found what he was looking for. He picked up a brown stone. When he wiped the brown sludge off it, I noticed the way it sparkled red in the sunlight.
“Capital!” said Captain Ford.
The captain and Charbonneau practically pushed each other out of the way to get to it. When Captain Ford reached him first, Nipa tossed it back over his shoulder into the piles of chiramantep droppings and mud with a wet plop.
Meriwether studied the stable. “However did a precious stone get here of all places?”
“Let’s see if they figure it out. I will wash for lunch.” Nipa offered me his arm. “Tell them they may stay down here if they wish.” From the knowing smile on his face, he was aware they would be there for a while.
After supper and my lessons in meditation with Tomomi, I sat in front of the fire in the quiet of my room, considering the events of the day. I didn’t understand why there would be precious stones in the mud near the stables. It surely had to be some kind of ploy. Even so, Captain Ford and Charbonneau collected enough to fill their pockets. And what smelly pockets they now were. Meriwether at least had the good sense to wash, as he didn’t smell nearly as bad.
“I will allow them to search my grounds tomorrow if it pleases them,” Nipa said.
They might not have found a mine, but part of their purpose for coming to the planet had been fulfilled. I wished I could say the same for myself.
Nipa sat down beside me dressed in his evening robe. “Shall I serve us tea before bed? Or would you like to try your first lesson in memory exchange?”
I watched the way the flickers of the flames cast shadows across his face so that it was never still. “Tell me how you plan to help me get my memories back.”
“I think you misunderstand me.” He shifted from kneeling to sitting cross-legged. “I believe I told you I would help you with your problem. It is possible some of your memories are not completely lost. Or perhaps you need memories to fill the void where old ones once were. Regardless of this, what you need most is to learn to trust so you can accept memories. You will not be able to receive any memories—your own or anyone else’s—if you don’t learn to master your fear of memory exchange.”
“Sumiko said Taishi is dead. So how can I get my memories back?”
His eyes narrowed. “Are you certain my sister said that?”
“She said he’s a ghost.”
He nodded. “That isn’t the same. A ghost lives on, but is changed from before. The man who has your memories will return them. Willingly. But first you must practice memory exchange.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Taishi is alive? And you know he has my memories? Why isn’t he here?” He dipped his head down in a nod but made no reply. I went on. “Is he with my sister?”
“He has kept her safe. If you can wait two or three days, all this will be explained. You are my wife and I wish to please you, but I have known your sister far longer. She made me give an oath that I would not insist she see you until she’s ready. I promised I wouldn’t speak of her secrets. Can you understand the position you put me in when you ask me questions about matters that aren’t my place to share?”
There were many things I didn’t understand, but I could understand that. I nodded.
“I ask that you permit me to do the one thing I can do for you. I can prepare you for memory exchange. Will you allow me to do this?”
I swallowed. “You’re going to ask me to give you my memories, aren’t you?”
He shook his head. “No, we will find a different way.” He stood and offered me his hand. “Shall I show you my greatest treasure?”
I crossed my arms. “I suspect that might be a euphemism.”
“Ah, my clever wife defeats me with her words again. No, I will show you something that is treasured by all my people—not just by my many wives.”
He led me in the dark through the twisting corridors without faltering once. When we came to a wooden door that opened to the outside and my exposed skin was greeted with cool air, I knew where we were. The air turned warm again as we entered the courtyard. My feet crunched over leaves in time with the bubbling music of the hot spring. I gazed upward and admired stars peeking out past patches of clouds. One of the moons was visible as the clouds shifted. Although this place was surely serene, I didn’t see what made it a great treasure. He headed toward the statue.
“Why have you brought me here? And what does this garden have to do with memory exchange?” Surely it wasn’t to show me the virility of the tanuki carving again.
He chuckled. “We are not there yet.” With his hand on my elbow, he guided me past the shadowy impression of the garden, the bent tree and dark mass of the tanuki statue. “Did you notice what grew here?”
“Fruit trees and moss.”
He opened a plant-covered gate and led me to the other side. “Yes, what kind of moss?”
The only moss that I knew the name of was what Taishi had taken me to experience in the forest. “Memory moss.”
“Do you understand how memory moss works? How we apply it?”
The trickle of water sounded nearby. “You grind it up and rub it on the body of the person you want to give memories to?”
“More or less. Fresh moss is the most potent. When the herbs are green and juicy, the oils in the tiny leaves release when they contact skin. Fresh moss can help youth overcome fear. Old grandmothers whisper that young lovers should always have each other’s memories for the first time in a grove of moss. Special occasions should use fresh moss if one can find it. Painful memories should only use dried moss, otherwise it would be too intense.”
He sat me down on a moss-covered bench. “We will bathe here and open our pores before we use the fresh moss.”
I could see little in the darkness aside from the stars above. The air smelled of blooming flowers and minerals from the hot springs. From the rustle of clothes, I guessed he was undressing. I stood, fumbling with the ties of the robe. I left it on the bench and tentatively stepped forward.
My outstretched arm brushed against his naked flesh. He found my hand and placed it on his shoulder to guide me as I shuffled forward. He kept a hand on my forearm as I eased into the water. Unlike the smooth, carved stone in the indoor onsen, this one was made up of many large rocks to form a bench. I scooted around until I found an area that wasn’t too lumpy and angular to sit on. He sat beside me, his thigh pressed against mine.
Be in the present, I reminded myself. Stop thinking about Taishi and my sister. Taishi with my sister. Could that be her secret? The idea of her with him instead of me sent a flare of jealously through my heart. How odd that the idea of Meriwether and Sumiko, the man I was engaged to, hadn’t inspired possessiveness, yet a man I hadn’t seen in seven years could.
Nipa hooked an arm around me and brought me cl
oser. “Comfortable?”
“Yes.” Be in the moment, I told myself. If I could get this memory exchange practice out of the way, I would be able to move on with my life and become complete again.
I rested my head against his shoulder and inhaled the fresh fragrance of citrus-mint from the memory moss and spicy-sweet flowers in the night air. My eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness. The silhouettes of blossoming trees and bushes heavy with fruit became more obvious.
Heat Heat rose up in my face and soon I was sweating.
“Are you going to take me to a different place to bathe each night?” I teased.
“I’d let you have your way with me in the laundry room tomorrow, but I don’t think those cleaning the next day would approve.”
I poked him in the ribs where I suspected his ticklish spot was and he squirmed away and chuckled.
After we’d sat in silence for a time, he asked, “Have you relaxed enough? Will you have my memories now?”
The mere mention of memory exchange made my body tense with panic. “I will try.”
He took me by the hand, guiding me to the shallow side of the pool where we climbed out. The chill of the air prickled against the water on my skin. My feet padded over rocks and cushions of moss. The fragrance of mint grew stronger. Blindly, I edged forward.
He touched my arm. “Sit here.”
I crouched down, patting the spongy tendrils as I determined how large of a space there was on the ground. There was enough room for two to recline in comfort. I sat and attempted to calm my speeding heart. I consoled myself with the fact that this act would not hurt me. I would lose no virtue and he wouldn’t take anything from me. This would help me accept memories.
He sat beside me and patted my damp hair with a cloth. It looked like he had come prepared on that account. Despite the warmth of the humid air, I felt chilled. Still, I understood the need for being wet. The way moss interacted with water had been explained to me in the past.
Nipa rubbed his hands up and down the moss near me. “Where will you have me touch you?”
