by Cree Storm
What should he do? That was stupid. He knew what he had to do. As much as he didn’t want to, he knew Throg had a right to know that he was going to be a father. Spencer just had to make it clear that he had no expectations. He understood Throg didn’t want him, and that was okay... well, it wasn’t... it hurt... about fucking killed his soul... but he would deal with it. He’d have to. What choice did Spencer have? None. Throg made damn sure he had known that, hadn’t he?
Tears filled his eyes again, but he brushed them aside. Gods, he had cried enough when he had lain there on the cot in the cell. He needed to stop and start planning. Then again, this was his mate rejecting him. Maybe he should be allowed to take a moment and grieve that loss. He wouldn’t be able to do it for long. He had a baby to raise, and that wouldn’t be fair to him or her to have a father that always looked sad and desolate, no matter how much it might be true.
As he tapped the keys, Spencer began to play a song. It was one from a really old movie he watched with his dad. Two different women had sung it around the same time. Leann Rimes had been much younger, and the movie company had thought it was not a song a girl of only fourteen should sing, so they asked Trisha Yearwood to do it instead. However, Trisha had no idea about Leann singing it, until she heard the song when she was in another country being sung by the young singer. How Do I Live was a huge hit for the both of them, and what always touched Spencer was that neither artist ever spoke ill of the other, no matter how hard the industry had tried to make it happen. They had wished each other luck, sold their records, and became stronger for it. Spencer could only hope that with all that he was being put through, he could not only stay strong, but become stronger because of it.
He worked up the intro, then began to sing the beautiful and so relatable lyrics, “How do I get through one night without you...?”
As he sang the song, a vision of Throg came into his mind, and he relived every moment he had seen Throg.
“Without you there’d be no sun in my sky...”
Throg tossing his head back in laughter at something Hron had said was so beautiful and bright. It always lit up Spencer’s day to see that smile. Spencer just wished he could have brought that light out of Throg.
“Baby you would take away everything... need you with me...”
Spencer didn’t understand how Throg could ignore their mate status. It was killing Spencer to know he would never feel his mate’s touch again. To know that you were so flawed your mate didn’t even want you.
“How do I live without you? I want to know. How do I breathe without you...?
His voice caught in his thought, but Spencer pushed forward as best as he could. “How do I ever... ever survive... ? How do I live...”
Once the song had finished, Spencer placed his hand on his still very-flat stomach. “It’s going to be okay. We can do this.”
Gods, Spencer was scared. He couldn’t remember being so scared of anything. He was going to have a baby. A little tiny person that would be counting on Spencer to keep him alive and safe. He knew nothing about raising a child. He didn’t have any siblings to have little nieces or nephews. When do they eat? What do they eat? It wasn’t as if he had boobs... well, he had boobs, just not girly kind that produced milk. Wait!
He wasn’t going to get girl boobs from this pregnancy was he? Gods, he hoped not. He had heard women that had just given birth, bitching about how their boobs had gotten bigger since having the baby, and how their asses were huge now that they had the baby and... oh fuck, was that going to happen to him? Was Spencer going to end up with a bus-sized ass and tits to his knees, because he had a baby?
He needed to talk to Caden. He would know. Or Peth... maybe... sighing, Spencer stopped his mind from going nuts, because if he didn’t, they would be locking him up and tossing away the key. He needed a pick me up. The Savage Garden song, Truly, Madly, Deeply came to mind and he couldn’t help, but sing it.
“I wanna stand with you on a mountain. I wanna bathe with you in the sea...”
The song was kind of working, until visions of Throg started coming to him again, and he thought, maybe had he thought to say Throg might have kept him instead of rejecting him. “Oh can you see it, baby. Don’t have to close your eyes, cause it’s standing right before you...”
When he finished that song, he went into one for his baby. He knew it was probably way too early for the child to actually hear it, but Spencer wanted the baby to know just how much he or she would be loved. How much Spencer really did want it.
Remembering a Reba song from back in the day, Spencer started the chords to You’re Gonna Be.
“Six pounds and nine ounces looking up at me, hoping like I’ll have all the answers, I hope I have the ones you need...”
Boy, he sure hoped would know what to tell their child. How to explain why their other father wasn’t in the picture. Unless Throg did want to be part of the baby’s life. If that was the case they would be sharing in their child’s life, and how he or she would be raised.
“You’re gonna fly with every dream you chase...”
Spencer knew he would make sure his child knew that it was good to dream, and if you tried hard enough you could do anything.
“I’m afraid you’ll have to suffer through some of my mistakes. Lord knows that I’ll be trying to give you what it takes...”
He would just have to teach him what to do and what not to do, by what Spencer had learned the hard way. He would do everything in his power to keep his child from becoming unlovable and tainted. Safe from harm and knowing that he or she was worthy of love because this child would know what it felt to be truly and honestly loved.
“We have to believe that things work out like they should. Life has no guarantees...”
No there were no guarantees, and if it was true life worked out like it should, then why had he been put through what he had? Why did the gods want him to suffer and become worthless to everyone in his life... especially his mate?
Worthless to everyone, was kind of an exaggeration. He knew his best friends didn’t see him like that. Those men were the one bright spot... the one good that came out of the hell Spencer had gone through, and although they would kick his ass for thinking how he did, Spencer couldn’t help but see himself that way... worthless and tainted.
But, damned if he would allow his child to ever feel that way about himself!
With those words the next words came out loud and strong. “Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me...”
Spencer was so into his mind, that he never heard anyone approach him as he sang those last words “You’re gonna be always loved by me.”
Spencer sat there and brought his hands off the keys to place his hand on his stomach, when he heard the soft words, “Yes, he is, Spencer. We’re going to love him as much as we do you.”
He hadn’t heard Petree, but he had felt when he had sat down. If his friend was here, that meant the others were as well, but he wasn’t ready to see everyone yet.
Turning his head to look at Petree, Spencer whispered, “Thank you. How did you find out? I know Elijah and Caden didn’t say anything.”
“It wasn’t hard. If it hadn’t been when you spoke to your stomach, telling it how everything was going to be okay. It damn sure was known with that last song you sang... which I have to say... way to go. I didn’t know you had that in you.”
Spencer gave Petree as small smile, “My mom taught me how to play the piano and guitar when I was a kid. I like to fiddle with it every once in a while.”
“Oh, I know you can play, Elijah talks about it all the time, and I even knew you had a good voice, but to be told about it and hear it are two completely different things,” Petree replied.
“I’m nowhere near as good as Elijah though,” Spencer said.
“Not many are and even so, you are extremely good. Now you want to tell us what happened?” Petree asked.
Spencer shook his head. “Not really.”
“Spenc, you kno
w we’re here for you. Just tell us how this happened? Who did this to you? How the hell did it happen?” Mason asked.
Spencer didn’t know how to answer when he heard Hron’s voice, and realized that Mason’s words hadn’t been spoken to him, “I don’t know, but I plan on finding out.”
Those words had Spencer turning around so fast, he almost knocked Petree off the bench. “I won’t tell you. It doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter, Spencer. If I have a clutch member that is taking it upon himself to impregnate...”
“It wasn’t like that! It was an accident. He didn’t know. We weren’t exactly thinking about pregnancy when we... when we... well you know.”
Hron sighed, “Spencer, a Nakaka is taught as a chickpea about how their release gland works and how to...”
Spencer jumped up screaming, “I don’t care! He didn’t do it on purpose! I know he didn’t. He isn’t like that.”
“Just tell me who...?”
Spencer snapped, “No! I’m sorry, Hron, but this isn’t any of your business. I won’t do that. I won’t...”
“It’s mine.” Came the soft voice from the back of the room.
Everyone turned to see Throg walking up, until he was just at the stage. “Spencer’s right. I didn’t do it on purpose. I don’t even know how it happened. My only defense is that things were kind of... rushed. I must have accidently released the wrong gland.”
“You? You’re telling me that you... but you’re one of the oldest Nakaka in this clutch, Throg. How the hell could you create a child and not know what you were doing?” Hron asked in complete shock.
Spencer couldn’t take his eyes off of Throg. Gods, the man was so fucking hot. That quiet power and strength, the smell of crisp chlorine, like a pool that’d just been cleaned, filled the air, and damn, if Spencer didn’t feel his cock harden.
“Like I said, things got a bit out of control,” Throg explained.
The Nakaka’s wings started to flutter behind Throg’s back, drawing Spencer’s attention to them They were a teal leathery dragon-style wing, and Spencer knew they only moved so much when Throg was getting agitated. It was almost hypnotical to Spencer, and he was caught off guard when Petree asked, “Do you want to talk to Throg, Spencer? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. Throg has already made his intentions perfectly clear. A baby changes nothing,” Spencer said, forcing himself to turn away.
“Spencer, wait,” Throg called out.
Shaking his head, Spencer didn’t turn around, as he said, “It’s fine, Throg. You already refused me. I will not have a mate like a bride has a shotgun at her wedding.” He turned, softly saying, “I won’t keep the child from you if you want to see him or her, but I won’t force you into something you don’t want, because of it either.”
“I never said I didn’t want you, Spencer,” Throg hissed out. “I wish things could be different, but you are who you are, and I am what I am. It can never be,” Spencer whispered, then turned to look at Throg, “Those were your exact words, Throg. That’s what you said to me when you turned and left the room.” Spencer drew in a deep shaky breath and let it out. “I get it. I’m used and tainted. I’m not good enough to be your mate any more than I would be for anyone else. It’s okay, I understand.”
Throg’s eyes widened and Spencer heard his friends shouting, “That’s not true!” But, Spencer knew the truth. He looked at it every morning. It was in Spencer’s eyes for all to see if they just looked hard enough. Then again, people saw what they wanted to in others and often their view was distorted by feeling.
All Spencer could hope for was that this child wouldn’t be tainted because of him. That hopefully his child would see him in a cleaner, better light than Spencer saw himself... that his sperm father saw him. “It’s okay. I understand. If you all will excuse me, I’m tired.”
“Spencer! Don’t you dare walk away after muttering that bullshit!” Abe snapped.
“Abe’s right. I can’t believe you would say such a thing about yourself.” Mason ground out.
Elijah growled then shouted in Throg’s face, “I should kick your fucking ass for making Spencer feel that utter bullshit!”
Spencer could feel tears coming to his eyes. He knew they would defend him and he loved them all for it. However, Spencer knew Throg was right, no matter what they said. He looked at Petree, “Don’t let your mate punish him for something that was as much my fault as his. Please.”
Petree nodded, then pulled out his phone. Spencer knew he was calling Dr. Oleander, but not even he could help Spencer right now. No one could. What was done was done, and what is... is.
Ignoring everyone, Spencer walked away. God, he was so fucking tired, he thought he might sleep for a month.
CHAPTER 6
“In my office, now!” Hron snarled, then turned to Caden. “You too!”
Throg hesitated. He knew he needed to do as his Caliph ordered, but every part of him wanted to go to his mate. He needed to go to his mate. Spencer’s words still reeling in Throg’s mind.
How could Spencer think for a moment that Throg didn’t want him, because of what had happened? Did his mate really and truly see himself as tainted and not good enough for Throg? If anything, he was far too good for Throg.
Throg needed...
“Throg! Now!” Hron snapped once again, and then pulled out his phone. “I want you in my office five minutes ago.”
Reluctantly, Throg followed Hron, neither speaking as they rode the elevator to Hron’s office. They walked into the large room to see not only Groth there, but also both of Hron’s fathers as well.
Throg gave a slight nod. “Krerr, Stok.”
“Hello, Throg. We were talking with Groth when you summoned him. Is there word on Topaz and Dak, or news on those trying to hurt your clutch?” Stok asked.
Shaking his head, Hron went to the bar and poured himself a drink. “No. Dak is expected to check in within the hour. This has to do with a situation concerning Throg and possibly all Nakaka.”
Throg looked out the large window, watching the Nakaka walking around the business district without a care in the world. It was an extreme difference from when Hron and his inner circle had first arrived. The paths had been empty back then, businesses closed and people in fear. However, today the streets were full, and many were smiling, greeting others as they shopped and went about their day feeling safe... trusting, expecting Hron and his men to take care of them and keep them that way. For that to happen, Throg needed to keep Hron safe. He needed to ensure that the man was alive and well in order to keep moving forward, helping to heal the people. How could he do that if he had a mate to care for? His ability to stay alert would be divided, and that could get his Caliph killed and that could get his mate killed along with most of this clutch.
Throg had a duty. He was sworn by the gods themselves to care for the ancients and their families. It was why he had been created. He had failed them once. He could not... no, he would not fail them again.
However, now he had a child to be considered. A tiny chickpea would be born in five months and Throg was at a loss as to what to do. He didn’t want his mate raising their child alone. Not only was it unfair to Spencer, it wasn’t fair to ask that of Throg either. How was he expected to give up both his mate and his child? The thought had Throg’s heart breaking and lungs practically nonfunctional. He didn’t want to give them up. He wanted his family.
“Throg!”
Hearing his name snapped out like that by his Caliph had him turning to see everyone looking in his direction.
Throg didn’t know how long he had been standing there looking out amongst the people in his own thoughts, but it must have been a while, because at some point Peth had joined them and was currently sitting next to Caden.
Clearing his throat and his mind, Throg asked, “Yes, Caliph?”
“Sit. We have a great deal to discuss, and you have a great deal to answer for,” Hr
on stated firmly, looking none too pleased.
Petree came rushing into the room with Mason, Abe, Bryant, and Spencer on his heels, and Dr. Oleander casually walking in and taking a seat.
Hron sighed, “I know you all want answers, and I’m trying to—”
“That’s not why we’re here.” Petree stated, looking his mate directly in the eyes. His eyes spoke of determination and strength. For what, Throg had no idea, but that look spoke volumes to anyone and everyone in the room. Petree was on a mission.
Hron pinched the bridge of his nose. “If you give me some time to talk with Throg...”
Petree shook his head, “Spencer asked me to ensure nothing happened to Throg.”
“He did what?” Throg asked in shock.
Elijah pursed his lips, but said, “From the moment he was told he was pregnant, Spencer has been insistent that there was no way you had done this on purpose. So, even if I want to rip your nuts off and feed them to you with a spoon, I’ll honor Spencer’s wishes.”
“Elijah,” the doctor said, sounding more of a warning than just saying his name.
Shrugging, Elijah said, “I’m just telling it like it is, Doc.”
Doctor Oleander rolled his eyes, “Why don’t you all sit. This disharmony is not going to help anyone.”
Everyone sat and Throg could say nothing. Why had Spencer sent his friends here to defend him? Throg had rejected him, hurt Spencer to his soul, made him think things that couldn’t be further from the truth... and still he wanted Throg protected. Gods, Throg didn’t know what to say or do about that.
