by Len du Randt
‘We were at the doctor yesterday, and they couldn’t see a heartbeat. We’re going for a surgical scrape on Monday.’
‘Does Lance know about this?’
Justin shook his head. He didn’t want to discuss his personal problems with his brand new employer. The only reason that he spoke to Simon was because he needed a shoulder, and Simon was the only person that he felt he could trust.
‘You have to tell Lance.’
‘Why?’
‘Because you’ll need leave for Monday,’ Simon said. ‘And most probably on Tuesday and Wednesday too.’
‘I do?’ Justin asked. It only struck him then that it would be best to be with Rebecca during—and after—the operation, for both physical and emotional support.
‘Don’t worry about it. I’ll talk to Lance if you’d like.’
‘You would do that?’
Simon nodded. ‘No worries. Leave it up to me.’
‘Thank you,’ Justin said and forced a weak smile. ‘I guess it would really mean a lot to Becky, eh?’
Simon stared at the little waterfall for a moment. A leaf bobbed between the rocks and continued its course down the little makeshift river into the pond. ‘How is she coping with it?’ he asked, not taking his eyes from the leaf.
‘She’s all right, I guess,’ Justin said. ‘Sometimes I can’t help but wonder why something like this would happen to us.’ He looked at Simon and shrugged. ‘You’re religious, right?’
‘I believe that God created the heavens and the Earth,’ Simon said. ‘I believe that He is the Son, the Father, and the Holy Spirit. If that’s what you mean.’
‘Rebecca does too,’ Justin said. ‘I can’t get myself to believe in something that would do this to someone. What did we do for Him to want to punish us?’
Simon didn’t answer at first, and Justin wondered if he even heard the question. After a moment of thought, Simon said, ‘It is not for man to know the reasons that God has for allowing certain things to happen. We are way too limited in our thinking. God created a self-sustaining universe. Everything interacts. Gravity ensures that what goes up, must come down. Volcanoes erupt naturally. Some people die because of that. Villages flood and people drown. We don’t know why.’
‘Does this God of yours have control over those who die and those who don’t?’
Simon nodded. ‘Yes.’
‘So He ultimately decides who lives and who dies, right?’
‘Yes.’
‘Then why did He choose for our baby to die?’
Simon shook his head. ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘I don’t think that anyone would be able to answer that question other than God Himself. One day, we will have a renewed mind, and only then, will we completely understand.’
‘Do you think it might have been something that I did,’ he asked and flinched when the evening with Megan surfaced from memory. ‘Some previous sin that I committed?’
‘I don’t think so,’ Simon said. ‘But if you are aware of any sins that have not been forgiven, and you ask forgiveness for those sins, the Lord will remain faithful and forgive you.’
‘And what if I haven’t ever asked for forgiveness?’
‘Then now is always a good time to.’
Justin weighed Simon’s words for a moment. ‘It’s not that simple,’ he said.
‘Actually,’ Simon said. ‘It is.’ He smiled. ‘When you’re ready, the Holy Spirit will convict you. Don’t force it.’
Justin didn’t like where the conversation was headed. He had been cornered by enough soul winners to know the signs of a coming conversion session. ‘Thanks for the chat,’ he said. ‘I really needed it.’
‘Anytime,’ Simon said. ‘Don’t be too rough on yourself, okay?’
Justin nodded.
‘In the meantime, I’ll go talk to Lance.’
With that, they both re-entered the building and went their separate ways.
* - - - *
Justin was conflicted. He didn’t get the answers from Simon that he was looking for, but he could sense that Simon spoke from his heart. There was a certain sense of truth that echoed in Simon’s words that Justin couldn’t deny.
But if you are aware of any sins that have not been forgiven, and you ask forgiveness for those sins, the Lord will remain faithful and forgive you.
Justin’s fingers tightened around the steering wheel. Do I have to be forgiven? He wondered. Was it that night with Megan? He didn’t feel like confessing anything about that night to either to Rebecca or God. Justin figured that it was a stupid kiss and that telling his wife about it would most probably cause more harm than good, especially given her current condition. He figured that what she didn’t know wouldn’t break her heart.
Is it the fact that deep down I’m not ready to be a father yet?
The Lord will remain faithful and forgive you.
‘I don’t need forgiveness,’ Justin mumbled.
The Lord will remain faithful and forgive you.
‘It was a stupid kiss!’ Justin yelled and slammed his palm against the steering wheel. Pain shot through his wrist and he instantly regretted his sudden outburst. It was then that he remembered. And with the remembering came the tears. Justin pulled off the side of the road, unbuckled his seatbelt, and then wept like he hadn’t done in a long time.
* - - - *
Far away from the Greene household, at the mouth of a cave stood a hooded figure, watching the night skies. The figure sniffed at the air, and once satisfied that everything was safe and secure, entered the cave.
‘It is done,’ the figure spoke from the middle of a clearing to seemingly no one. ‘I have accomplished my mission.’ For a moment there was nothing but a soft humming echoing off the walls of the cave.
‘No,’ a voice finally spoke. The voice appeared to be coming from the walls, and surrounded the lone figure standing in the clearing. ‘It is not finished.’
‘What do you mean?’ the hooded figure asked. ‘The birth of the child has been prevented. That is what you sent me to accomplish.’
More humming.
‘Right…?’
‘The child that you are referring to was not the one. The one we seek must still be born.’
‘How could you be so sure?’ the figure asked.
‘Do you dare question me?’ the voice boomed from all around the figure. ‘Do you dare?’
The figure fell down on its knees. ‘Forgive me, my lord.’
‘You shall return,’ the voice commanded. ‘But the plan has changed. You are not to harm the child.’
The figure nodded. ‘What am I to do, my lord?’
‘Stand back until the child is conceived, then drive the woman insane and make the husband leave her. After the birth, we can dispose of the woman.’
‘What if he doesn’t leave her?’
Humming.
‘Then kill him.’
The figure nodded. ‘And the child?’
‘The child will be raised by someone of my choosing. He will grow strong and powerful and will serve my purposes instead.’
‘As you wish, my lord,’ the figure said before standing up. After bowing deeply, it disappeared.
* - - - *
Two months later
‘Hey sweetie,’ Rebecca said as Justin entered the apartment. He took her in his arms and hugged her tightly. She missed being hugged like this. ‘Are you okay?’ she asked.
‘I’m fine,’ he said. ‘Come.’ He took her hand in his and led her to the door. ‘I have something for you.’
‘What is it?’ Rebecca asked, barely able to contain the excitement in her voice. It had been a long time since he surprised her with anythi
ng.
Justin led her to the car and opened the passenger door. ‘A little something for you,’ he said and took a step back. On the seat was something bulky with a blanket placed over it. ‘For when I’m not around to keep you company.’
Rebecca lifted the blanket off the object to reveal a bird cage. ‘Oh my,’ She said and leaned forward to get a better view of the yellow Lovebird inside. ‘It’s beautiful, hun.’
Justin smiled. He was relieved that she liked the bird. He panicked on the way home, thinking that she might take the gesture the wrong way. If they lived in a larger apartment, he would have brought her the puppy she always begged him for. ‘Its name is Lotus,’ he said. ‘But you could name him something else if you want to.’
‘No,’ Rebecca said and stood back so that Justin could pick up the cage for her. ‘Lotus is perfect.’
‘I’m relieved,’ he said. ‘Why aren’t you dressed?’
‘Dressed?’ she asked, wondering if she missed something.
‘For dinner,’ he said. ‘I’m taking you out tonight.’
* - - - *
‘So,’ Rebecca said after they were seated at their table. ‘To what do I owe the pleasure of this surprise?’
‘I felt like taking you out,’ Justin said. ‘It’s been a while since we’ve had a decent night out for ourselves, don’t you think? Oh, and the fact that I’m getting a salary now also helps.’
Rebecca giggled. She liked it when Justin was spontaneous. The gesture with the bird warmed her heart and eased painful memories. He did care after all. Was there a certain sense of nervousness from his part? She couldn’t tell. ‘Yes,’ she agreed. ‘It’s about time.’
‘How’s work?’ Justin asked, trying to make small talk while they waited for their food to arrive. He wanted a Texan steak with fries, and she ordered the Chicken Schnitzel.
‘Work is all right,’ she said. ‘I made double quota again today.’
‘That’s great, baby,’ Justin said. ‘When was the last time you reached double quota?’
‘Oh, about two or so months ago.’
‘Well, I’m real proud of you, Becky.’ He said. It had been two months since the miscarriage and Rebecca was still not completely over it. His mind raced with potential subject changers. ‘How’s Tanya nowadays?’
‘Oh, you know her. She’s her ever cheerful self.’
The laughter was followed by a moment of comfortable silence. Rebecca finally spoke first. ‘So how are things at your work?’
Justin’s face lit up. ‘It’s great,’ he said. ‘I’m really making a name for myself. I don’t think that they expected me to be that good when I applied.’
‘That’s good to know,’ Rebecca humoured him. ‘So you’re still in the...’
‘Workshop,’ Justin finished for her. ‘But I heard a bird sing about them moving me over to other projects.’
‘Other projects?’
‘Like onsite technician,’ Justin elaborated. ‘They’ll send me to their really important clients to help out with workload when necessary.’
‘I’m impressed,’ she said. She knew that Justin fixed computers, but never saw him in action. She had no idea how good he really was. ‘And you’ve managed to achieve this in the little time that you’ve been there.’
‘It’s not a big deal,’ Justin said as modestly as he could manage. ‘All the guys at Cybernetics Computers are very good at what they do.’
‘Still,’ Rebecca said and took his hands in hers. ‘I’m very proud of you.’
You won’t be if you know the truth about my past, he thought, but discarded the thought and forced a smile. ‘And I’m proud of my little double quota girl.’
Rebecca giggled and just then their food arrived. Both enjoyed their meals. They kept talking to a minimum during dinner and Justin skilfully avoided the topic of her miscarriage. Justin just wanted her to relax; to take her mind off everything that’s happened to them over the past few months. He hoped that this dinner would be a fresh start to a new season in their marriage.
* - - - *
Friday nights were Simon’s favourite. There was a certain smell in the air that one didn’t get on any other night. It was a fresh smell, rejuvenating the soul after a long weeks’ worth of work. He decided to spend the evening at the local mall where he would watch the people ice skate while he enjoyed a cold chocolate milkshake after which he would watch the new block buster movie.
Simon scouted the parking lot for an open bay near the main entrance, but wasn’t surprised when he found none. He then drove around to the far side of the lot where there were a few available bays, and parked next to a huge truck. He stepped out and locked the door. There were no security guards this far from the entrance, and to make matters worse, most of the lights in this section of the parking lot were out, making this side of the lot appear eerie and somewhat ominous. Simon decided that he wouldn’t let that bother him. He took a deep whiff of Friday night air and started towards the shopping mall.
That’s a big truck, Simon thought as he looked at the massive sixteen wheeler parked next to his car. The top of the truck’s wheel stood out well above the roof of Simon’s car. Halfway to the entrance, Simon stopped.
Please Lord, he prayed. Please protect my car and all the rest of the cars in this parking lot.
Simon looked back and his heart skipped a beat. Next to the truck stood a man so large that the top of the truck only reached his hips. The man had massive, outstretched wings and brandished a huge flaming sword. Simon blinked once and the gigantic being was gone. After a moment he wasn’t even sure if he had seen the angel at all. Simon nodded and continued on his way towards the mall, confident that the cars would be protected.
* - - - *
‘Becky,’ Justin said and turned to face her. He had waited until they were in bed before he decided to talk to her. ‘I have something to tell you.’
Oh no! Rebecca thought. I knew the dinner was too good to be true! She kept her expression as straight faced as possible. ‘Yes sweetie?’ she said. ‘What’s on your mind?’
‘I don’t know how or where to begin,’ he said. ‘I’ve never told anyone this before; and I even managed to somehow block it from my own memory until recently.’
‘What is it, love?’ she asked. Justin never was one for opening up to her, so when he did, she knew that he had something heavy to get off his chest. She stroked his hand. ‘You can talk to me, baby.’
Justin took a deep breath. He managed to put this off for two months, but he wanted to tell her now and get it over with. He needed to tell her if they wanted to make headway and move forward with their lives. ‘Becky, you know that girl I used to date way before I met you?’
Rebecca probed her memory. There were many girls in his past. She didn’t want to make him feel guilty about it, so she didn’t really want to guess. ‘Um...’
‘Sandra,’ Justin helped her.
Oh no! ‘Oh yes,’ she said as if she was just about to say the name before he beat her to it. ‘What about her?’
Justin wiped his hand across his face and sighed.
‘You can tell me,’ Rebecca encouraged. ‘What about Sandra?’
‘I...she fell pregnant while we were dating.’
Rebecca froze. She didn’t say anything, but instead waited for Justin to go on.
‘We were young.’ Justin paused and searched his wife’s eyes for any form of disappointment or anger. So far there were none. ‘Stupid.’
‘And...?’ Rebecca asked.
‘I couldn’t handle the responsibility. I was young and stupid, and so I forced her...’ Justin choked and swallowed hard. ‘I forced her to have an abortion.’
Rebecc
a waited a moment to see if there was more to his story. When she was sure that there wasn’t, she took him in her arms and held his head against her chest. ‘We all do stupid things sometimes,’ she whispered. She didn’t know if Justin could hear her through his sobbing, but it didn’t matter.
Justin pulled himself away from her. ‘And now God,’ he said and choked again. ‘Now your God has punished us for what I have done by taking our baby.’ He looked at her for a moment until the tears blurred his vision so much that all he could do was clutch onto his wife as he cried.
‘Nonsense,’ Rebecca said while gently stroking his hair. ‘You know that’s not true.’
Justin couldn’t hear her anymore.
‘It’s fine,’ she said. ‘Let it all out.’
Justin twisted her shirt in his fist as he cried.
‘It’s going to be all right.’
* - - - *
Justin couldn’t sleep, so he decided that he would indulge in a cup of coffee while reading a novel until his eyes grew tired. Rebecca moaned softly and turned onto her side as Justin stood up and made his way to the kitchen in the dark. The only source of light guiding him was that of the full moon outside shining into the living room. He fumbled for the light switch, and closed his eyes as light flooded the kitchen.
But if you are aware of any sins that have not been forgiven, and you ask forgiveness for those sins, the Lord will remain faithful and forgive you.
Justin shook his head. This is stupid, he thought, although he felt a huge load off his shoulders since his confession to Rebecca. He felt that the abortion didn’t affect Rebecca or their marriage directly, so he could tell her about it. But the incident with Megan could damage the foundations of their marriage, so about that he kept quiet.
The kettle boiled and Justin stirred the water into his one teaspoon’s worth of coffee and three sugars. He finished it off with a good portion of milk, and on his way out, Justin flipped off the kitchen light. As he passed the living room, something caught his eye.
Justin froze.
In the darkness, at the back of the living room, he could make out the shape of a man sitting on the couch. It was too dark to be sure, but the moon cast just enough ambient light for Justin to be certain that someone was indeed sitting there, watching his every move.
‘Who’s there?’
No answer.
Justin’s eyes narrowed as he tried to focus on the shape, and for a brief moment he considered switching on the light. He chuckled at his own paranoia instead. Becky’s got me all worked up over nothing, he thought as he walked back to the bedroom.
