Her Name Was Annie

by Beth Rinyu

  It was the exact opposite of how all the self-help books I read back then told me to cope, but it had worked for me for the most part. But now, learning the truth about my past, seemed to be resurfacing my own personal despair that I had managed to keep tucked away. I wasn’t sure if the tears I had shed over the past few days were because of that or learning the truth. Maybe it was a mixture of both. I just knew the pain I had felt all those years ago was a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone, not even a woman I never met.

  When I arrived home from work, I knew it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself and quit my slacking. My house was a mess, needing a thorough vacuuming. I had laundry in my hamper that was overflowing and didn’t even have one Christmas decoration out with Christmas being less than three weeks away. Each year I swore I wasn’t going to go all out, and each year I’d find myself going out and buying more Christmas décor. It made me happy to see the room all lit up at night, and this year especially, that happiness was needed.

  Kara was coming home for Christmas break, after her exams sometime next week, and I was saving the tree trimming for when she got here. Which reminded me of another thing I needed to put on my to-do list—buy a Christmas tree. Last year, I had finally gotten rid of the one I had before Kara was born after the branches began to fall off. I was never this far behind schedule with the holidays. Normally we’d have the tree up the day after Thanksgiving, but in my defense, I did have quite a bit going on in the past few weeks.

  My phone rang just as I got done putting the last towel in the washer. After quickly turning on the machine and nearly tripping over Max, who was right underfoot, I bolted into the kitchen. When I pulled my phone from my purse, Jack’s name displayed on my caller ID. I hadn’t heard from him since our embrace three days prior, so I was wondering if this call meant he had something to report. I had been so wrapped up in the mystery of my own life that I’d kind of forgotten about the mystery man in the ocean.

  “Hey, Jack,” I answered.

  “Hey, have you been watching the news?”

  “I try not to. Why, what’s up?”

  “Dominick Cavlan, the brother of your guy in the ocean, is being accused of rape.”

  I put Jack on speaker and did a quick Internet search on my phone. As soon as I typed Dominick Cavlan’s name in the search browser, the story popped up.

  Karlyn Wells, a twenty-seven-year-old woman who once interned for Senator Cavlan, is accusing him of rape. Ms. Wells states that when she worked for the senator six years ago, he forced himself on her. The Cavlan campaign is dismissing any allegations, saying this is absolutely false.

  I scrolled down further to a photograph of the senator and the girl accusing him. I was assuming it was taken when she worked for him. He looked like your typical politician—older, arrogant, expensive suit, and perfectly coiffed dark hair that was more than likely dyed to try and give him a more youthful appearance. The petite, young blonde standing beside him had a smile on her face and I couldn’t help but wonder how much pain was hidden behind that smile.

  “So the Cavlan family mystery deepens.” I sighed, just thinking about the poor girl. If it was true, she was only Kara’s age at the time it happened, and he was old enough to be her grandfather. It made me sick to my stomach to think about it. Even sicker to think he’d more than likely get away with it just because of who he was.

  “It sure does. Right now, they’re trying to blow holes in her story to make it go away.”

  “But this doesn’t explain anything about his brother and why he did what he did.” I put my phone down on the counter and reached for the broom, when I noticed a few crumbs on my floor and couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe all those years of growing up with my mother did have an effect on me after all.

  “No, it doesn’t, but it gives me something more to think about.” Jack’s voice echoed through the speaker on my phone.

  “Well, good luck trying to figure that one out. By the way, were they able to enhance the video anymore?”

  “I don’t know, I’m still waiting to hear back from the agent who was working on that. I actually had to make an unplanned trip to Florida. My father had a heart attack.”

  I put down the broom and took a seat at the kitchen table. Jack’s mother and father were like a second set of parents to me. Despite everything that had happened between their son and me, I always remained close with them, making sure they were a permanent fixture in Kara’s life. Taking my phone off speaker mode and holding it up to my ear, I asked, “Is he okay?”

  “Yeah, he’s coming home from the hospital tomorrow, so I’m just gonna hang out here for a few more days to make sure he gets settled in, and also make sure my mom can handle taking care of him.”

  “Please give him and your mother my love. Let her know if she needs anything, to call me.”

  “I will,” he replied solemnly.

  “Does Kara know?” I asked.

  “No, I didn’t say anything. I know she’s got enough on her plate with her exams coming up. I want her to be able to focus on that right now.”

  I nodded as if he could see me through the phone. Between this and the bombshell I needed to drop on her about her other grandparents, it was going to be a whirlwind for her, one that she could learn about after she was home.

  “Did you talk to your father?” Jack asked.

  I was amazed with everything going on in his life that he even remembered the drama that surrounded mine or that he even cared enough to ask. “I did,” I replied, swallowing the painful lump in my throat that would form just thinking about it. “And…what I gathered from that letter was right. I was adopted.” It had been the first time I’d said those three words out loud since learning about it. I wasn’t sure if it made me feel better or worse getting them out.

  “Wow!” Jack whispered into the phone. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. I guess as okay as one can be after learning something like that. It was a shock, that’s for sure, but I think what hurts the most is that they kept it a secret for so long. My father claims he wanted to tell me, and it was my mother who didn’t want me knowing, so he went along with it. The thing is, I couldn’t have asked for better parents. Did I do something to make them feel like I didn’t appreciate all they did for me? To make them feel as if I would love them less with knowing the truth?” My voice cracked with the emotion building up inside of me.

  I couldn’t believe I was pouring my heart and soul out to a man I had vowed to never speak to again, some years ago. Of course I knew the never speaking to him again wouldn’t be possible, being we had a daughter between us—maybe more like very limited conversation. I had held up my promise until the man in the ocean showed up in my life. Now I was finding myself almost looking forward to my talks with Jack. Maybe I was finally over everything that happened between us, something I had tried desperately to do for years.

  “I’m sure they knew how much you loved them, Steph. You were the best daughter they could’ve ever asked for.”

  “Thanks.” I managed a smile, really needing to hear that from someone other than my father who knew me just as well as he did. “Well, I’ll let you get going. I have to try and find a Christmas tree online and hopefully have it delivered before Kara gets home next week.”

  “Why don’t you just get a real one? Kara always wanted one growing up, remember? And you would always say—”

  “They made too much of a mess with the needles,” I finished.

  Thinking back now, that was so much like my mother. She’d never allow us to have a real tree for the same reason. I wanted to break free from the mold of perfection that made her feel the need to harbor secrets that didn’t need to be kept. I wanted my daughter to know it was okay not to be perfect. It may have been twenty-one years later, but she was going to get that real tree with the shedding needles she always wanted, and I wasn’t going to stress over the mess.

  “You know what, you’re absolutely right, I think she finally deserves a real tree.” I t
ried to put out of my mind that it would require me to go and chop it down on my own, then lug it home. I’d manage somehow and have the tree ready and waiting for Kara to decorate when she got home. Since she didn’t believe in Santa anymore, maybe this would bring a little magic to her Christmas this year.

  “I could go with you this weekend if you need some help getting it,” Jack offered as if he could read my thoughts. The old me would have vehemently declined any suggestion of help from him like I had so many times in the past. Always spiting myself and making things a thousand times harder, just so I could prove to him that I didn’t need him for anything. The new me was tired of always bearing the brunt of the burden. If he wanted to help me do something nice for our daughter, then I was finally going to wave that white flag and let him.

  Chapter 16

  JACK WAS BEING patient, but I was certain underneath his cool exterior, there was an inner killer lurking who wanted to unleash his rage upon me. It certainly wasn’t unjustified if there was. We had wandered around the Christmas tree farm for over an hour in the biting cold as I tried to find the perfect tree before I finally decided to go with one of the trees on the lot that had already been cut down.

  “You do realize you could’ve been home with the tree up already, if you had decided to go this route when we first got here,” Jack said, as he threw the tree in the back of his dad’s old pickup truck.

  “I know...I know. After looking at all those beautiful trees so alive and full of life, I felt bad cutting one down. So, I thought the ones that were already cut have already been murdered so to speak…but I wasn’t the one to pull the trigger.”

  “You do know that’s what they’re grown for…to cut down?”

  “I do, but I still feel bad about being the one doing the cutting.” I shrugged.

  He shook his head and smirked, closing the tailgate of the truck. “Actually, I was the one who would’ve been doing the cutting, so you would’ve just been an accomplice.”

  We hopped into the old pickup truck that held so many memories of years gone by. A time when Jack and I were two totally different people than the ones we were today. As we pulled onto the main road, I reminisced back to that period in my life when I didn’t have a care in the world, and I thought love ruled over everything. I remembered Jack and I both being seventeen and sitting in this very same truck when it was brand-new. He was dropping me home after our first official date. It was in this truck, in my parents’ driveway that we shared our first official kiss. This truck was witness to many more kisses after that first one, along with Jack and me exploring other things beyond kissing that go hand in hand with raging teenage hormones.

  But as hard as he tried, I wouldn’t allow my first time to be in a pickup truck. Instead, I opted for the clichéd prom night. I remembered being so nervous, not knowing what to do. Little did I know, Jack was just as inexperienced as I was when it came to sex. No wonder why our marriage was doomed. Neither of us had explored a sexual relationship with any other person besides each other. One of us was bound to stray. I’d chalk that up as another one of my excuses for my failed nuptials along with all the others I’d compiled over the years, when deep down inside I knew the real reasons why.

  “I can’t believe your dad still has this truck. It’s got to be over thirty years old,” I said, snapping myself back to the present.

  “Since 1989,” Jack replied.

  “How is it even still running?”

  “Umm...it barely is,” he said as it sputtered along when he accelerated at the traffic light. “He refuses to get rid of it. Maybe once they put their house on the market and finally make the move to Florida permanently, he’ll junk it, but it does come in handy for times like this.”

  “Do you think they’ll be selling their house anytime soon?” I asked.

  “They’re thinking about doing it in the spring. Neither one of them can take the cold winters anymore, not to mention it’s too much upkeep for them. Their condo in Florida is perfect. If my father was here after he had gotten out of the hospital, he would’ve never been able to manage the stairs in their house.”

  “Yeah, I feel the same way about my dad. I wish he would move into a smaller place, maybe an adult community, but he says he’s going to die in that house. Then he’s got the beach house on top of it.”

  “Well, that’s an investment at least. He could make money off that by renting it out in the summer,” Jack said, looking left, then right at the stop sign before proceeding.

  “That would never happen while he’s still alive. My mother made it clear, no matter what, she didn’t want renters in there. And if there’s anything I learned, especially over this past week, he abided by her wishes until the very end.” My voice wavered with the thought of the secret he had kept all those years to appease her. Jack glanced at me, flashing me a reassuring smile. I cleared my throat and pulled it together. I didn’t want pity from him or anyone for that matter. I had a good childhood, one that many would be envious of, so pity wasn’t warranted on anyone’s part due to my situation. “Speaking of putting houses on the market...I was thinking maybe now that Kara is away at school—”

  “Until she moves out, that’s still going to be her home.” Jack cut me off right away. Why was he so damn adamant about not selling the house? Especially when it would benefit him financially.

  “Jack, she’s not a little girl anymore. I think she can handle moving and downsizing somewhere with me. It’s not as if she’s going to be homeless. Besides, it’s been eight years. You’re entitled to some money from that house.”

  “Steph, I’m not having this conversation with you right now. When Kara gets married and moves out for good, then we’ll talk.”

  “Oh...okay. So, you’re going to call the shots? What if I want to move instead of being stuck in the same home for the past eight years that’s held so many memories, making it impossible to move on?” I shouted just as we pulled into the driveway.

  He threw the car in park and let out an agitated breath. “I don’t get you, Steph. I did this for you and Kara because I thought that’s what you wanted. I didn’t want to uproot either of your lives because I screwed up...and now you’re angry at me because of it?”

  My frustration with him was escalating. He just didn’t get it. I was angry at him for what he had done to cause him to come to that decision. I hopped out of the truck and slammed the door, racing up the driveway. Jack followed behind me, reaching for my elbow and spinning me around to face him when we got to the front door.

  “What is with you?” he demanded.

  “I don’t know, Jack. I’m just sick of you saying you did this for me. You did this because of your own guilt over what you did to me. Don’t confuse the two.” I rummaged through my purse for my house key, wanting to escape to my bedroom and not come out until Jack was gone.

  “Steph, I don’t know—” Jack stopped mid-sentence when I flung the door open to find paper towels shredded to pieces as far as the eye could see. Within seconds the culprit revealed himself with some of the evidence still stuck to his mouth.

  “No, no, no. Max!” I wanted to cry. How did this happen? I had put his bed and some of his toys in the laundry room with the door closed while I was gone. The laundry room…where I also stored the jumbo pack of paper towels that I had picked up at Costco the other day. How could I have been so stupid to have left them in Max’s reach? He was a canine wrecking ball when it came to anything that could be chewed or shredded, even things that weren’t, he was able to find a way. More importantly, how could Max have been so smart to figure out how to get out of the laundry room? I had been outsmarted by a dog. Jack immediately went into the kitchen and opened the back door for Max to go outside, while I surveyed the damage. Bits and pieces of paper towel were in every room of my house. I was assuming he hadn’t made it upstairs when I noticed the steps were spared of the fun he had while I was gone. “This looks like a bad Halloween prank,” I said to Jack.

  “Where’s th
e vacuum?” he asked.

  “It’s okay. I can—”

  “Steph, come on. I’m the one who got you partially into this mess with him. Let me help.”

  I wanted to say it was in the same place it’s always been since we moved in this house, but since Jack never did any of the vacuuming while he lived here, he wouldn’t have known where that was. “It’s in the closet in the laundry room.”

  I began to go from room to room, picking up the bigger pieces that were unable to be sucked up in the vacuum. When I went into the kitchen, Max was sitting by the back slider staring in. He titled his head to the side, with his expressive deep brown eyes fixated on me, conveying so much without any words. If I could’ve guessed what he was trying to say, it was I’m sorry. I just couldn’t stay mad at him for long. He was a dog, for crying out loud. It wasn’t like he knew what he was doing. He was bored and found something to keep himself entertained while I was gone. The same way he had entertained himself with my shoe when I was in the shower the other day and my sunglasses when I was grading papers a few nights ago and not paying attention to him.

  As mischievous as he was, I still had a soft spot for him. I opened the door and he cautiously stepped in. I wasn’t sure if it was because he heard the vacuum running or if he really knew he did something bad. I wanted to think that it was the latter because in my mind, he was borderline genius for a dog, but chances were it was more than likely due to the vacuum of which he wasn’t a big fan. He sat at my feet and stared up at me.

  “Go home,” I demanded, pointing to the laundry room. He immediately trotted off to the laundry room and plopped down on his bed, and I couldn’t help but smile. As I continued going from room to room cleaning up Max’s mess, I glanced at Jack maneuvering the vacuum around the living room with ease. Divorce had caused him to become familiar with some domestic duties.

  Max was still in his place in the laundry room when I walked back into the kitchen to dispose of some more shreds of paper towel. My phone rang from my coat pocket, which I hadn’t even bothered to take off. When I pulled it out, I saw it was Kara wanting to FaceTime. I hit the button and her face flashed across my screen.