by Beth Rinyu
“It’s just very stressful. That’s all I’m saying. But I will support you whatever happens.” I kissed her on the forehead.
“It’s just Dad.” She groaned. “I don’t really care about telling him. It’s Ian who’s worried.”
“That’s understandable. Just let him make the choice when you should speak to your father about it.”
“So you won’t say anything to him about it?”
“Not my secret to tell…but, Kara, you do have to tell him at some point.”
“I know.” She smiled the smile of a young woman on the brink of falling hard for her Prince Charming, unable to heed any warning I or her father would give her, even if she wanted to. So the best I could do was watch my little girl experience the magic of falling in love for the very first time. My greatest hope would be that she got the fairy-tale ending every parent dreams of for their child. My greatest fear being she’d end up with a broken heart. Whichever the case, I’d always be in her corner, and I knew with a little hesitation on his part at first, Jack would be as well.
Chapter 28
A WEEK HAD passed since meeting with Francesca, and I still couldn’t bring myself to open the letter that was now in my nightstand drawer. Even though I was dying to know what it said, part of me wanted to leave that side of the story a mystery. I wanted to be able to view the man on the beach that day as the stranger in the ocean. Once I read the words he had written, whatever they may have been, it would make him too real, too familiar, and I wasn’t sure if I could handle that. I had witnessed him take his life—the man responsible for my being.
Tears surged in my eyes thinking about it. Francesca and I had texted back and forth throughout the week. We had planned on doing a FaceTime call over the weekend, and I was still apprehensive about asking Kara to join in. I wasn’t sure if it would be better if the two of them met in person for the very first time or through modern-day technology. I was going to leave that decision up to Kara once I got five minutes with her.
She had become basically nonexistent over the past week, spending a good chunk of her time with friends. I was certain Ian was one of those friends she claimed to be with. She had spent one of her nights with Jack going into New York City to see the Christmas tree, then to dinner. She had asked me to come, but since I hadn’t heard from Jack since our phone call from the week prior, I didn’t think it was a good idea to tag along. Besides, it was a tradition she and Jack had carried on ever since she was a little girl. I was hoping that maybe she and Ian would’ve broken the news to him by now, but as far as I knew, Jack was still in the dark about it.
I stared at the twinkling lights on my tree as I sat on the couch, sipping on a glass of wine with Max right beside me. Christmas was less than a week away. Where had the time gone? It amazed me how time seemed to fly at warp speed the older you’d get. There I was, reflecting on the upcoming close of another year like I had so many years prior. But this year was different. So much had happened in the closing months of it. I felt like a different person after all of the discoveries that had come to light. Even with all the newfound knowledge and excitement over it, the ache that had settled deep inside my heart was still there. I was happy Francesca had gotten her wish and maybe the pain she had felt for all those years was gone, but mine would always be there.
Jack was also weighing heavily on my mind. I had such high hopes that we could’ve reconciled our relationship into some form of friendship, but his radio silence over the past week halted any optimism I may have had over that happening. I shouldn’t have slept with him. I shouldn’t have let my emotions lead me that night. I thought we could both look past it and move on. I thought wrong…wouldn’t be the first time, especially when it came to Jack. I had been drowning out the background noise of my television until a story on the news piqued my interest.
“Senator Cavlan sat down with us earlier in the day to talk about the death of his brother and the sexual misconduct accusations swirling around him.”
The news anchor’s face switched from the studio to a female reporter seated across from an older man, sitting beside a blond-haired woman who appeared to be his age. I gulped down another sip of wine and fury overtook me as I watched with great intensity.
“Senator and Mrs. Cavlan, thank you for taking the time to sit down with us. I know you and your family have had a rough couple of months with the death of your brother with whom you were very close with, and now these accusations.” The reporter was talking to him as if he were a fragile child who had been traumatized, not like the rapist he was.
“Yes, it hasn’t been easy. The death of my brother was a horrible loss for me. It’s something I don’t think I’ll ever get over.” His wife grabbed his hand almost in a rehearsed sort of way.
“And now on top of everything else you have to contend with these new allegations that are getting thrown your way. How are you handling it all?”
“I’m just trying to take it one day at a time. Look, I know when you’re in public office, people will make allegations or try to make you look bad for their own agenda, but anyone who knows me, knows that’s not who I am. I have the utmost respect for women. I supported numerous bills throughout my career, supporting women’s rights. I’ve been married to this wonderful woman sitting beside me for almost forty years. We have three beautiful children together and seven grandchildren. That’s who I am. A husband, a father, and a grandfather. Not this horrible person this woman is trying to make me out to be.”
I wanted to throw my wineglass at the television, changing the channel when his wife began to speak in an effort to plead his case. It was damage control at its finest. I was sick to my stomach over how someone could go on national TV and blatantly lie. The sad part was, he was so convincing. If I hadn’t met Francesca and heard her story, I might have just believed him. I thought about the woman he’d done this to. Was she somewhere watching him telling the world she was a liar? Watching how the media aided him in his ploy by falling all over him like he was the victim?
I was momentarily thankful for the ringing of my doorbell for switching my focus from the repulsive display I had just witnessed on my television. Once that temporary bout of gratitude faded, I was overcome with apprehension. Who the heck would just be stopping by without calling first? I bolted from the couch and peered out the window with my four-legged security detail right in tow. A combination of relief and surprise washed over me when I saw Jack’s car in the driveway. I was certain he must’ve tried calling, but my phone was once again buried in my purse, which was upstairs in my bedroom. When I opened the front door with a smile on my face, I was greeted by a frown on his. In addition to looking thoroughly exhausted, it was apparent he wasn’t too pleased over something. He was more than likely angry that I caused him an unnecessary trip here once again by not answering my phone, but I couldn’t imagine what he still needed to get in touch with me for. Our main reason for communicating over the past month or so had now been put to rest.
“Where’s Kara?” he demanded, pushing his way in. “She’s not answering her damn phone!”
“She went out to dinner with her girlfriends. Why?”
“Well, I just found out she’s seeing one of my agents.”
The cat was out of the bag and now Kara was avoiding the situation altogether. “Oh. How’d you find that out?” I asked calmly, trying to smooth over the situation.
“From her new boyfriend.” He was smug in his reply.
“Well, he seems like a nice enough guy.”
He paused and arched his eyebrows in disbelief. “You knew about this and didn’t tell me?” His voice rose in anger.
“Jack, it wasn’t my place to tell you. It was his and Kara’s…which he did end up telling you. Would you rather have had them sneak behind your back like two star-crossed lovers?”
“No, I’d rather they not see each other at all,” he shouted. “And what’s this with you all of a sudden and keeping secrets? After the secret your parents kept from you yo
ur entire life, you would think you’d realize they only do more harm than good.”
I knew he was upset with Kara, but I wasn’t going to allow him to take this out on me by making low blows about my parents. “Yes, I do know how much harm secrets can cause and how much hurt they can conjure up. Let’s not forget about the grandiose secret you kept from me.”
“Really, Steph?” He shook his head over my even lower blow directed at him. “This has nothing to do with what happened in our marriage.”
“And it has nothing to do with my parents either, so just stop! In fact, it really has nothing to do with us at all. Kara is an adult now. We may not like some of the decisions she’s going to make, but we have to—”
Jack turned his attention from the lecture I was about to spew to Kara, who had just walked through the front door. The wary expression on her face told me she already knew what she was in for.
“Go ahead. Tell me all the reasons why I shouldn’t be dating him.” She threw her hands up in defense. “And I’ll just tell you all the reasons why I should,” she continued.
“Kara, what the hell are you thinking? He was doing his job, and you used that as a dating service. You know he can be reprimanded for that?”
“Oh my God. Really, Dad?” The calmness that was in her voice just moments ago was fading to anger. “You would do that to him? To me?”
“That’s not a sign of a good agent, Kara. His assignment was to watch you, not fall for the first pretty face he sees. That’s the first thing you’re taught, never let your emotions interfere with the job.”
There were a million things I could’ve chimed in with to aid Kara in her defense, but as hard as it was, I remained silent. I meant it when I told Jack it wasn’t our business.
“You are such a hypocrite!” Kara shouted.
“Kara,” I coaxed, breaking my pledge of silence, trying to calm her down.
“No, Mom. I can’t believe you’re going to stand there and let him go on and on like he’s the moral police.” Tears rolled down her face, and she narrowed her eyes at Jack. “Well, I guess the thing Ian has going for him that you didn’t—at least he’s not married and cheating on his wife with me.”
“Kara!” I scolded.
“I’m out of here. I’m staying at Mackenzie’s tonight!” She directed the conversation to me, then stormed out. Jack stood there speechless, the only sound being Kara’s car backing out of the driveway, then heading down the street with a screech of her tires.
“She didn’t mean that. She’s just angry.” I raked my hand through my hair, trying to smooth things over.
He let out a defeated breath, then gazed at me with expressive eyes. This was all so new to him. He and Kara were rarely at odds. It was normally her and me who would butt heads. “She was right, and I can say I’m sorry for what I did a million times, but you’ll never forgive me, and apparently she won’t either.”
“Jack, I do forgive you.”
“No, you don’t! You bring it up every chance you can. Every single time we get in an argument, you pull that card out in your defense. Don’t you think if I could go back and change the past, I would? I would change so many things.” His voice cracked with emotion. “But the one thing I wouldn’t change would be marrying you. You were the best part of me, and I blew it because I tried to become that person I told Kara Ian should be. I put all my blood, sweat, and tears into a thankless job, instead of being there for my wife and daughter. Then when the pressure got to be too much, I caved and became that person Kara now sees me as.”
I took a step closer and placed my hand on his shoulder. “That’s not true. Kara loves you very much, you know that,” I whispered.
“I just don’t want to see her get hurt. I know firsthand what the rest of his life is going to be like if she pursues a future with him—and you know firsthand what her life will be like.”
“I do.” I nodded. “But we have to accept it. We can’t control how she’s feeling for someone. As much as we want to protect her, we have to let her go and just be there if she needs us.”
“I’m so sorry for letting you down, letting her down, and letting him down.”
My heart felt like it was being pulled from my chest when Jack’s eyes filled with tears. I threw my arms around him and pulled him closer, feeling his body clench with each sob that escaped him.
I thought back to the day in the coffee shop with Francesca, and how all those feelings for Jack came to the surface. Feelings I was never able to express to him until now. “You didn’t let us down, Jack. You were there for us during the worst of it. Living at that hospital for days, rushing from your daughter’s bedside to mine, not knowing what was going to happen, all while mourning the loss of your son. I realize how agonizing that must’ve been for you, and I’m sorry I was never able to tell you that until now. Thank you for being strong for me, strong for Kara—strong for us, when I couldn’t be. The only thing I could do was just add more grief to how you were feeling by blaming you for it. It was a cross I made you bear for too many years, and you carried it without ever once complaining. So I’m the one who’s sorry.”
He composed himself the best he could, then cleared his throat. “I’ll call Kara in the morning and make this right,” he muttered. “I’m sorry for coming here tonight and acting like such a dick.”
I shook my head. “It’s fine. You acted the way any concerned—”
“I really have to get going.”
I was a little baffled by his abruptness, but I didn’t question it. “Jack,” I whispered once he reached the front door. He paused with his hand on the doorknob as I took a few steps toward him until we were only inches apart. “Please don’t shut me out. I really enjoyed getting to know you again over this past month. Now that the circumstances have changed, I feel like maybe we’re headed back to being strangers again. I forgot how much I enjoyed your company, and I was hoping maybe we could have that again—a friendship, like when we first met.”
He removed his hand from the doorknob and placed it on my cheek. “That was a long time ago. Before life changed us into who we are now. I wish I could go back and be that goofy boy you first met. The one who made you happy. The one who made you laugh all the time, but I can’t. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what you need.” He closed his eyes and inhaled sharply. “But I don’t think I could honestly ever be just your friend again because I know I’ll always want so much more from us, something that we once had and still could’ve had.” He dropped his gaze to the ground and shook his head. “If things didn’t happen the way they did.”
I was speechless, not knowing how to reply or if I even should. The whole situation was so complicated and all the memories that had been conjured up from years ago were just adding to the mix. I always knew, even through the worst of times, that I still loved Jack. It wasn’t until recently that I was finally able to admit that I had never stopped being in love with him. That was my ten seconds—Do I tell him the truth and go down that rabbit hole with him once again, or do I let him walk away, parting civilly as two people who were mere acquaintances, sharing a mutual love in our daughter? My reply was not in words, but instead with a kiss on the cheek, hoping it would be left open for interpretation if I ever mustered the courage to tell him the truth in the future.
Chapter 29
AFTER HITTING THE snooze button on my alarm clock for the third time, I couldn’t put off starting my day any longer. I had tossed and turned all night long, waking up almost every hour on the hour with a million thoughts racing through my head. Kara helped to ease some of my apprehension when I gazed at my phone to find an early morning text that was sent from her over an hour ago.
Kara: Sorry about last night. I was just so angry. I love you…and Dad too, even though I’m still mad at him.
I smiled and typed my message.
Me: Love you too. Don’t be mad at him for too long. He just worries about you.
She replied back almost instantly.
Ka
ra: Going out to lunch with him later. Be home in a bit to shower.
I was happy that she and Jack were patching things up or at least on their way to doing so. They were both so stubborn when it came to their viewpoints. One of them was going to have to concede on this—something told me it wouldn’t be Kara.
The way Jack and I had left things weighed heavily on my mind as well. I’d never witnessed such vulnerability on his part as I had last night. Maybe he was right. Maybe we could never be friends again. Was I delusional in thinking that was even possible? I snapped out of it, needing to get my day started. I had a classroom of twenty-two rambunctious third graders all hopped up on Christmas excitement, awaiting me in just a few hours, so I really needed to re-shift my priorities.
As I placed my phone back on my nightstand, the letter in the drawer called to me, begging to be read. With shaky hands, I took it out, examining his letters on the front of the envelope, like I had so many times before. I was fully aware that this probably wasn’t the right time, but I couldn’t control my finger from sliding across the seal. I tore it open, prepping myself for the words of a man I didn’t even know, but at the same time, knowing they would have a profound impact on me. I closed my eyes and inhaled sharply before unfolding the letter.
Dear Stephanie,
I don’t know if you’ll ever read this, but if you are, it means Frankie found you. I also hope it means you don’t hate me too much to not care about what I have to say. I wish circumstances were different and I could’ve been there for you from the beginning, like a real father should.
To say I was shocked to have learned about you—to learn you were mine—would be an understatement. I have no one to blame but myself for allowing my family to convince me to think the girl I once loved so much would ever betray me. What I think I really want you to know is, I did love Francesca with all my heart. You were not conceived through a one-night stand, you were conceived in pure love.
