by Beth Rinyu
“Yeah, I’m pretty excited.” I smiled.
“Girl, you are going to love it! Maybe you’ll meet a rich, handsome movie producer and have a long-distance love affair,” she teased. I shook my head and laughed off her silly fantasy. What I failed to mention to my very best friend of forty-plus years was the weird kind of liaison I had with my ex-husband. I wasn’t quite sure how to classify what Jack and I had together. I just knew in the month and a half that had passed, we had been spending a lot of time with one another. We’d gone to dinner, the movies, and he was spending more overnights with me than in his own house. At first it seemed odd, as if we were dating all over again, but through the peculiarity, there was also a normality. “Is there something you’re not telling me?” she shouted.
“No. Not really.”
“Oh yes, there is! You’re seeing someone, aren’t you? Who is it? That guy from work?”
It took me a quick second to figure out who she was referring to. Once I did, I shuddered at the mere thought. “Michael? Oh, God, no!”
“Then who?” She widened her eyes.
I sucked in a deep breath, prepping for what was to come once I answered that question. “Okay, you have to promise that when I tell you, you’re not going to get all judgmental.”
“Promise.” She held up her hand.
“Well…it kind of just happened, and I really don’t know what we’re even doing.”
“Spit it out, Steph. Who is he?”
“Jack,” I mumbled under my breath.
I wasn’t quite sure if she heard me or not because she was mute, staring into space as if she had just found out she was pregnant or something. “And does Jack have a last name?”
“Very funny, Julie. You know his last name.”
“That’s what I was afraid of.” Her tone was a mixture of sadness and disgust.
“Just don’t, okay. I’m a grown woman, and I don’t need a lecture.”
“Okay, I promise no lecture, but can I just tell you my opinion as your friend?” Somehow I knew her opinion would end up being a lecture, but I nodded and let her continue. “He hurt you really bad with what he did. I’m allowed to say this because I was the one who was there to help you pick up the pieces of your heart afterward.”
“No. We both hurt each other, Julie. I wasn’t exactly a pleasure to live with after…after we lost the baby.”
“Yes, but you didn’t cheat on him.” She was painfully blunt. “I’m sorry, Steph. Once a cheater, always a cheater. You’re going to let him back into your life, and it’s more than likely going to happen all over again. Despite how I feel about him, he’s charming, and he has this unusual knack of actually getting cuter with age. Women eat that up, and it’s only a matter of time before the next one comes along.”
I didn’t believe that about Jack. Yes, he messed up and was unfaithful, but I truly believed he regretted it. Unlike Julie’s ex, who rubbed it in her face, which was the reason for her strong stance on cheaters. “I don’t think that’s true. He’s different. We’re different now.”
“No. You’re not different. You’re just comfortable with him. There’s a difference.” She raised her eyebrow, gazing at me like a mother speaking to a lovesick teenager. “It’s easier for you to be with him because you have a history, you have a daughter together, and for some unknown reason…you feel guilty because your marriage ended.”
“That’s not true at all!” I interjected. “Of course there’s a comfort level with him. I’ve known him for over half my life. And yes, the love we have for Kara is a common love, and I’ll always care about Jack because he is her father…no matter what happened in the past.”
“Umm, I have a child with my ex too, but unlike you, I couldn’t care less if he got run over by a bus.”
“Well, Jack didn’t try to stick it to me with our divorce and then start another family before the ink on the divorce papers was even dry.” I realized I was being a bit harsh, but so was she. What right did she have to sit there and analyze my relationship with Jack? Yes, she was there for me when Jack and I separated, but I did the same for her. I even went a few steps further by saving her from getting herself arrested when she was ready to take her frustrations out on her ex-husband’s car.
“Oh, that’s right. I forgot; Jack can be more easily forgiven because he continued to pay for the house you live in to alleviate his own guilt over what he did. What can I say? We all can’t be kept women.” My jaw dropped. She’d gone from being blunt to just plain old hurtful.
“I can’t believe you just—”
“Sorry we’re late. Traffic was a nightmare,” Colleen’s shrill voice interrupted the verbal attack I was just about to lay on Julie. Julie’s facial expression morphed from firm and serious to a faux smile as she shifted her gaze to Colleen and Shelly.
My blood was boiling. There was nothing I wanted more than to get up and storm out of there. When we had arrived and Julie had sprung it on me that she invited Colleen and Shelly along, Julie was my only reason for enduring it. Now, she was the main reason I wanted to leave. She had always made her feelings known about Jack, but I didn’t know she felt that strongly. Even so, it was none of her business, and I took offense to her putting him down, and me along the way for that matter. I knew deep in my heart Jack was a good guy. He was an excellent father, and at some point in time, he was a great husband. He made a mistake. So was I supposed to cast him away forever because of it?
The more I thought about it, the more I realized the feelings Julie was having about the whole situation stemmed from a long time ago. When Jack and I first started dating, she was angry because she said he was taking time away from her and me hanging out together, even though I tried to include her in everything. Funny thing was when she met her soon-to-be husband, now ex-husband, in college, he became her priority, and I was just a second thought. I didn’t get angry or jealous over it. I was happy she had found someone. Maybe she really wasn’t much different than the two silicone-filled middle-aged Barbie dolls now sitting on each side of me.
“Oh my God, Stephanie! It’s so nice to see you!” Shelly tried to form her best smile through her newly injected Botox. “It’s been quite a few years.”
Not enough, I wanted to respond, but instead I remarked with, “Yeah, it has.”
“Your daughter must be in college now, right?” Colleen squawked.
“Yes, she’s a senior,” I replied.
“Where is she going and what’s her major?” Colleen continued.
“West Chester University, and she’s majoring in Elementary Education.”
“Oh.” Colleen sucked in a repulsed breath. I wasn’t sure if it was over my daughter’s choice of school or the fact that she decided to major in the same thing as I had.
“That’s a big party school. My Corrine had that on her list, and we wouldn’t even consider it. She actually just got accepted into JMU in Massachusetts.”
“Well, it could be worse. Damon actually wanted to take the easy way out by going to community college,” Shelly chimed in.
I wanted to throw up. I couldn’t believe I was even sitting there getting ready to share a meal with these two pretentious women. I was waiting for Julie to speak up with her opinion that she seemed to be so full of when it came to me and my choices. After all, her son didn’t even go to college. Instead, he decided to dedicate his life to his country. Something I’m sure these two bitches found way beneath them or their privileged children. I watched, hoping she’d jump in and put them in their place, but she just laughed as if she agreed with them.
“Well, first of all, I guess I’m lucky in that sense. My daughter’s not a big partier.” I narrowed my eyes at Colleen. “And as far as community college goes, there’s nothing wrong with it. In fact, it’s the smartest route to go, especially if he’s uncertain of what he wants to major in.” I shifted my glare to Shelly.
Shelly shrugged. “I guess you would know better than me. You’re the teacher after all,” she murmured i
n a condescending tone. I stared blankly at Julie, who averted my gaze.
“Umm…where’s our mimosas?” Colleen laughed as she scanned the table.
“I know, right? We can use the alcohol after that drive,” Shelly added.
It amazed me how unchanged the two of them were from back in high school. Even their behavior mimicked their seventeen-year-old selves. They married two best friends who were big-time investment bankers. Then ended up moving across the street from one another about an hour away from where we grew up, and much closer to Manhattan where their husbands worked.
Julie would always go on and on about their mini mansions and how beautiful they were. I’d just listen and do an internal eye roll. Thankfully, I was no longer the topic of their interest. Instead, they began to talk about themselves, their husbands, their kids, and all of the engagements in the city they had gone to. I just sat there, hoping my phone would ring, so I could look for an excuse to get out of there. The sad part was it wasn’t even their eternal bragging that was getting to me—it was Julie. The things she had said prior to them getting here and now the phony way she was behaving to impress these foolish women.
“Oh!” Colleen shouted, reaching over and placing her hand on my arm. “I totally forgot! I saw Jack a couple weeks ago.”
My stomach tightened. This was definitely not the way I’d wanted the conversation to shift.
“Oh?” I raised an eyebrow and threw back a sip of my mimosa.
“Yeah, at a coffee shop not too far from my house of all places.”
“Well, his work is up that way, so that’s not surprising.” I forced a smile.
“Somehow I don’t think he was working unless the voluptuous blonde sitting across from him was a coworker.”
Julie shot me a look that was half sympathetic and half I told you so. How I wished I could go back in time and take back my confession to her. After hearing what Colleen had just revealed, I was wishing I could go back in time a little further and change some other things as well. I shrugged it off and took another sip of my drink, hoping I could muster the strength to stomach the rest of this brunch. I managed to get down a quarter of the quiche I had ordered while flashing a few fake smiles when warranted. Then there was the occasional nod or a shake of my head during the very few times I was included in the conversation. I was relieved when we stepped outside and my car was in sight. Just a few steps to freedom, away from these catty women—Julie included.
“Is this new?” Julie asked when Shelly stopped at the Mercedes SUV parked a few spaces away from my Honda Civic.
“Yes. It was my Christmas present from Derrek,” Shelly responded as if it was no big deal to receive such an extravagant gift.
“Well, you must’ve been an awful good girl to get something like this,” Julie remarked.
“Oh, please! Take out the good and leave in the awful.” Colleen smirked.
“Excuse me! I was not awful.” Shelly pushed out her bottom lip and pretended to pout.
I couldn’t take watching two grown women act worse than adolescents anymore. I had to get away. “Well, it was nice see you, ladies.” I wasn’t sure if I was coming off as sincere with that lie, and I couldn’t care less if I wasn’t.
“Oh yeah, you too,” Colleen replied in a singsong voice. I managed one last facial expression that sort of resembled a smile and headed off to my car.
“Steph! Wait up!” Julie called just as I reached my car. I clicked my key fob and unlocked the door, opening it up, not heeding to her request. “Really, so you’re just going to leave like this?”
“Like what, Julie?”
“Pissed at me. I don’t know why, it’s not like I was wrong.”
“Oh, go ahead, rub it in my face now.”
“That’s not what I was doing. I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.”
“Well, I guess as long as I’m a kept woman, I shouldn’t worry about being hurt by him again.”
“Come on, Steph. I didn’t mean anything by that. I just think—”
“You know what? I really don’t care what you think. It seems like you only have opinions when it comes to me, but when it comes to those two bitches I was forced to endure, you lose all sense of what you stand for. Are you really that naïve to think their perfect little world filled with expensive cars, big houses, and fancy parties is really what they make it out to be? I sat there while they put down other women who don’t live the pretentious lifestyles they live, and other kids who weren’t nearly as smart as theirs. The whole time, you didn’t say a word. You were actually nodding and agreeing with it all. Yet you have the nerve to lecture me about still caring for Jack. Let me tell you something. I’d rather still have feelings for my ex regardless of what he’s done any day, before I become like those two.”
She stared at me blankly as I got in the car and slammed the door shut. I started it up and watched her amble across the parking lot to her vehicle. As I sat there, waiting for the heat to kick in, the reality of what Colleen had said about Jack began to sink in. Maybe I was foolish for believing he had changed and starting this secret—whatever you would call it between the two of us. But I was older, stronger, and a little bit wiser than I was when I was blindsided by his little fling. We were no longer married. We no longer had that sacred vow between us, and we certainly never even spoke about our relationship status and being exclusive. So who was I to confront him about it when neither one of us was even willing to admit it was a relationship we were in?
Instead, I’d just end whatever it was we had between us. There would be no questions, no accusations and no tears on my end, but as the first one rolled down my cheek, I knew that last promise to myself had been broken. I quickly wiped it away and took a deep breath.
“That’s it…no more crying. You reached your maximum capacity of tears over Jack for a lifetime.” I gave myself a pep talk, vowing to be strong, and this time, I intended to keep that promise.
Chapter 33
MY EXCITEMENT OVER my mini getaway helped get me through the week and put any thoughts of Jack to the back of my mind. He made that a lot easier for me to do with basically being non-existent due to work commitments. I only knew this because Kara had filled me in when I had spoken with her on the phone earlier in the day.
“I’m so angry Ian might not be able to visit this weekend because Dad has him working with him nonstop on this stupid case.”
I didn’t want to tell her this was just a precursor of what lay ahead. Somehow, I think she was figuring that all out on her own, but that still wasn’t changing her feelings for Ian. She had been coming home almost every weekend since Christmas break to spend time with him. She had even FaceTimed me earlier in the week to show me all the elaborate Valentine’s Day decorations she had gotten to go with the romantic dinner she planned on making him.
There was no doubt in my mind, she was well on her way to being in love, if she wasn’t there already. I couldn’t say I was sad about it. After getting to know Ian a lot better over the past month or so, he was really a great guy. Jack still grumbled at the mention of his name, but that was to be expected. It wasn’t as if he were in the position to judge anyone and their standards of being worthy of dating his daughter. I tried not to get angry when I thought about him in that coffee shop, casually sipping on his plain old black coffee with some Barbie doll, but it was hard. As much as I hated to admit it, maybe Julie was right, maybe I was just comfortable with him. After all, I had only been in one serious relationship since our divorce, and that didn’t fare too well either.
I zipped up my bag and took a step back, mentally going through everything that was inside and making sure I didn’t forget anything. Once I was satisfied that it was good to go, I lowered it from the cedar chest to the floor. This was a first for me. Normally when I traveled I was rushing around at the last minute, throwing forgotten items in suitcases. Of course, I was comparing that to back in the day when I was responsible for packing Kara’s and most of Jack’s things as
well.
I headed down the stairs, missing my loyal companion who was normally right behind me. I had dropped Max off at my dad’s when I had gotten home from work. He was going to be taking care of him while I was gone. It was hard to believe I had complained about him when Kara first brought him home. Now there I was truly missing him.
I made it into the kitchen just in time to hear my phone ringing from the counter. Jack. Why did I have to come down the stairs at that precise moment? If I hadn’t, at least I could’ve said I truly missed his call instead of ignoring him like an immature teenager. As the phone continued to ring, I had two options—ignore it and be that scorned woman I once was, or answer and be the strong woman I professed I had become. I slid my finger over the screen and answered with a confidence I didn’t even know I had.
Jack’s voice came from the other end of the phone after my self-assured hello. “I just wanted to check in with you and tell you to have a safe trip. Sorry I’ve been off the radar. Work has been—”
“No need to explain. Kara told me how busy you’ve been. Thanks for taking the time to call and wish me well, though. I really do appreciate it.” My tone was matter-of-fact and Jack picked up on it right away.
“Is everything okay?” he asked.
“Yes. Everything is fine,” I replied. “What about with you?” I added just for good measure.
“Yeah. Just tied up with some things.”
I bet you are, was how I wanted to respond. “Well, I won’t keep you. Try not to work too hard.”
“Steph?”
“What?” My tone was a little more defensive than intended.
“Something is wrong. What is it? Are you having second thoughts about going out there and doing this, because if you are, don’t go. You don’t owe anyone anything.”
“You’re right, I don’t owe anyone anything, and that’s not what I’m having second thoughts about.”
He expelled a deep sigh into the phone. “Look, I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch for the past few days. I really am. It’s just—”
