by Anna Lowe
He barked out a bitter laugh and sank down in a dark corner of the shop. He buried his head in his hands and clawed at his scalp. Sure. He’d prove what an idiot he had been.
The rusty door screeched open, and a shaft of hot Arizona sunlight fell across his knees, searing him like a brand of shame.
“Soren,” his brother murmured, standing silhouetted in the doorway.
He growled. The last thing he needed was a pep talk, least of all from his little brother.
“Leave,” he barked.
But Simon didn’t leave, damn it. He came in, one cautious step at a time, and then slid down the opposite wall. And just sat there, damn it, looking at him.
The shop was supposed to be Soren’s refuge, his den. The place he could get away from everything. Any spare hour he didn’t spend prowling the forest when work was finished, he spent in here, hammering away at the ghosts of his past. Chipping and sanding them into oblivion. So much and so often that he’d allowed himself to believe he’d had them all beat.
Until now.
“Close the door,” he grunted. If his brother wasn’t leaving, the least he could do was that.
Simon sighed and kicked the door, sending up a cloud of sawdust that hovered in the light. Even then, the door remained ajar, letting a crack of the unrelenting sun slice inside.
His brother let another unbearably silent minute tick by before trying again.
“Soren… Look, Sarah is alive.”
His inner bear nodded eagerly. Alive! Our mate is alive!
Soren felt his eyes blaze with anger and a few stubborn tears. Of course, he was happy to see her alive. That was the important thing. But the shock of it all, the kick in the gut when he realized she was pregnant, and the bitter truth of his own failures — those stung. Deep.
“I gave up on her, Simon. I let myself believe she was dead.” He kicked at the dust. Maybe that’s what fate was up to: taking Sarah away because he didn’t deserve her.
“We saw with our own eyes,” Simon protested. “Her place was burned down, and the cops carried three body bags away. The only trail we could find was the scent of her heading into the fire, not out. How were you supposed to know?”
Soren closed his eyes, but that didn’t clear his mind of the memory. Sarah’s parents had run a trading post on the edge of the town closest to the forest they used to call home. The weathered wooden boards were charred black and still smoking when he’d gotten there two days after the massacre. It didn’t take long for him and Simon to piece together what had happened. First, the rogues had ambushed the bear clan and killed everyone in cold blood. Then they’d taken out the neighboring wolf pack, and finally, the trading post.
“Blame the Blue Bloods, not yourself,” Simon went on.
Soren nearly spat at the sound of the name. That band of extremist wolf rogues had risen out of nowhere with a hate-driven mission to preserve racial purity among shifters. Because they objected to the Black River bear clan mixing with the local wolf pack, they had annihilated both in an attack that came out of nowhere. And somehow, the Blue Bloods had learned about Soren’s not-so-secret affair with a human and decided to eliminate her family, too.
If only he’d been there. If only he’d had his chance to fight.
“You think the Blue Bloods knew about you and Sarah?” Simon asked.
Soren let out a puff of air. He should have been more careful. The bear clan knew he’d been seeing Sarah, though they’d always tolerated it as a bit of fooling around by a hungry young male. It was only when he’d let the M word slip that the shit had hit the fan.
Mate? His grandfather had roared when Soren tried to explain about Sarah. That human will never be your mate.
The old man had even gone so far as to arrange for a mate for Soren without asking him. Without so much as telling him, in fact, until the day he’d announced it to the whole clan. And when Soren continued to see Sarah — because how could he stay away from the woman he was destined to love forever? — his grandfather had sent him and Simon away. Officially, it was supposed to be a time to learn from their East Coast relatives before coming home to assume more power, but Soren knew it was supposed to make him forget Sarah.
As if he could forget her. He’d sooner forget the feel of the sun on his skin in summer or the color of the aspens in fall. The majesty of a winter moon over snowy mountains, the sound and fresh taste of the creeks in the spring.
But it had all seemed so hopeless at the time that he’d given in to the intense pressure and told Sarah it was over when he was forced to leave home.
She’d seemed as gutted by the news as he was, but obviously, she’d gotten over him real fast. All her tears and insistence that she’d wait for him, all that talk about forever…
The image of the baby bump filled his mind, and bile rose in his throat.
He scratched furiously at his jeans. His grandfather must have been right about humans not knowing how to be faithful. Not the way bears did.
He’d dreamed of Sarah every day after he left Montana — and every night. Imagined a thousand different ways to make it work. He’d plotted and planned how he would stand up to his grandfather when he got home and how he would explain to Sarah. How he’d finally explain everything and finally, finally be able to claim his mate.
He snorted at how naïve he’d been. What did it matter how much time he spent dreaming about Sarah if she never dreamed about him? He kicked at the dust. So much for true love. So much for destiny.
Mate, his bear whimpered, filled with more sadness than anger. All your fault.
He hung his head. It was true. Some other guy had won Sarah over, and it was his own damn fault for giving her up.
“My fault as much as yours,” Simon said, reading his mind.
“Sure,” he growled. “Let me blame you. Let me blame everyone but myself.”
His brother shot him a twisted smile. “You’re good at that. Blaming yourself.”
He didn’t bother answering, because his brother had no clue what it was like to bear the pressure he’d been raised with. Soren was born to be the next alpha of their clan in the time-honored bear tradition of passing power from grandfather to grandson. He’d been raised to lead and to sacrifice for the common good. To live a caged life within a spider web of unwritten rules, expectations, and demands. Blaming himself was the one bit of self-determination he was allowed.
“The Blue Bloods, Soren. It all comes down to them.” Simon’s voice grew hard.
Soren let his bear claws out and dragged them across the floor. They dug furrows through the sawdust, then scraped against the cement beneath. Harder and harder, the way he’d like to rip at fate.
“One of these days, we’ll finish what we started,” Simon whispered. “Take out every last one.”
Soren nodded. That had been their mistake — to stop after they’d tracked down and killed every Blue Blood rogue that had played a direct role in the massacre in Montana. It had taken months, and after that, they’d both been too empty to fight on. For every rogue they took out, it seemed two others joined what was becoming a widespread extremist movement.
Of course, there were good wolves, too. The wolves of Twin Moon Ranch who leased the saloon to Soren and his brother were gathering forces to go after the Blue Bloods themselves, but the wait was killing him.
“Take out every last one,” he murmured.
Kill them. His bear channeled his anger in that direction. Kill them.
He considered. Maybe that was his best option — to throw himself into a counter-crusade. Maybe he could find redemption that way. He’d go down in history as the bear who wiped the Blue Bloods into oblivion.
He sat a little straighter. Maybe that was what he ought to do. It wasn’t quite an idea yet, much less a plan, but it was the beginning of one. Sarah needed help; that much was clear. And because he loved her — God, he would never stop loving her — he’d help set her up for some kind of future with whatever asshole she’d chosen over him. H
e was honor-bound to let her stay until he got her set up somewhere else.
Her and the baby and some other guy? his bear protested.
The idea made him feel sick, but what choice did he have?
There is no other guy. His bear shook his head. Didn’t you see the look in her eyes?
Well, he sure as hell had seen the baby bump, right?
Still, he plowed on with ideas he despised because his empty soul was desperate for something to strive for, even if it couldn’t be her.
So first, he needed to get Sarah on her feet again. Needed to keep her safe from the Blue Bloods. Then he’d be ready to take on the rogues that had stolen everything from him — his family, his mate, his future.
And after, his bear rambled on, we come home to our true love.
He shook his head. The stupid beast didn’t get it. There’d be no one to come home to, because Sarah had chosen someone else. If he were lucky, he’d die from his wounds, dreaming of his mate, a minute or two after the last rogue had drawn its last breath.
He frowned. If he weren’t lucky, he’d survive, and life would go on as before. Empty. Listless. A wheel churning around and around, like his gut was doing right now.
He did his best to push that thought away. If nothing else, he might be able to live with himself. That was the best he could hope for.
Want a life with my mate, his bear sniffed. Want her back.
He closed his eyes and shook his head. Let the bear dream on. Inside, he’d be working on a plan. A plan that started with keeping Sarah safe.
Even with his eyes closed, he could feel his brother’s suspicious look. “What are you thinking?”
“Nothing,” he lied. “Nothing.” He got to his feet, suddenly resolute.
“Now, why do I doubt that?” Simon shot after him as he strode out of the shed.
Chapter Four
Sarah didn’t want to walk away from Jessica, but she sure couldn’t stay. She hurried down the sidewalk, wondering what on earth she would do. Catch yet another bus? Curl up in a hidden corner somewhere and give up? Dig even deeper for reserves she knew she didn’t have?
“Sarah,” a voice called, stopping her in her tracks. It was deep as the night, as gritty as a mountain stream.
Soren.
She pulled up short. Wherever he had stomped off to, he was back and coming after her in a rush. His swift, sure steps powered up behind her, and the shadow thrown by his bulk sheltered her from the pulsing power of the sun.
“Sarah,” he whispered.
She hung her head, wanting so, so badly to turn around and collapse into his arms. Big, thick arms that always made her feel so protected, so desired.
God, where was the capable woman she’d once been?
“I have to go,” she mumbled.
The shadow covering her like a comforting quilt shook its head. “You just got here.”
She tried remembering the vague plan she’d been working on during the long bus ride. “I need to go. I need to find a job.”
“We have a job here.” Soren spoke the way he always did, quietly and with authority. Leaving no room for a no. She’d have bet anything his blue eyes were doing that trick of theirs, too. Almost glowing with sincerity. Intensity. Power.
She slid a hand over her belly and gulped. She needed a job. Jesus, she needed it bad.
Her feet refused to move, but her head stubbornly shook left and right, saying no. “I need a place to stay.”
“We have space,” he insisted, coming up beside her. “Lots of space.”
She didn’t dare meet his eyes, but she followed the hand that pointed up at the windows over the café. Big, ornate windows leading to what looked like a spacious apartment.
Her heart skipped a beat just at the thought of a place to rest from running, if only for a little while. But how was that supposed to work? How could she possibly live and work around Soren?
You love him. He loves you, a little voice said.
She shook her head, remembering the hard look on his face when he’d stomped out of the café.
You need him, and he needs you, the voice went on.
Which was ridiculous. What did a man like Soren need from her? He’d probably moved on to a dozen other women since she’d seen him last. He’d clearly established some new business venture in this unlikely place. Whatever it was, he didn’t need her. He just felt sorry for her.
He needs you like you need him, the voice insisted. That same ephemeral voice that had guided her here.
She stared into space, trying to still the thoughts spinning around her mind. She’d been so desperate for some chance — any chance! She’d be crazy to let it go.
For the baby, the little voice said.
She turned in spite of herself, and for one golden, sunstruck moment when her eyes met Soren’s, she could feel love pulsing between them like it used to. A burning, eternal passion that would never, ever dim. It was like a physical thing, a lasso that bound them together and held them tight in its grasp.
Just when it looked like he might wrap her in the hug she so badly needed, his eyes dropped to her belly, and a cloud passed over his face. She nearly bolted then and there, imagining herself through his eyes. She’d let herself get knocked up by another man. And if he found out who it had been…
It would be best to tell him everything. They’d never had any secrets, the two of them. But when she opened her mouth, all that came out was a pathetic little choking sound. God, what had she become? She’d always been so confident, so sure. Even when Soren left, she’d managed to hold her head high for a while. But ever since the fire…
Her vision blurred, threatening a new onslaught of tears.
An arm brushed hers, and Sarah looked up to see Jessica, smiling kindly while she hooked an elbow around her arm. Her knees had been wobbling again, but Jessica’s smile bolstered her.
“Let’s talk, shall we?” Jessica said. “Girls only,” she added, shooting Soren a look that said, Leave this to me.
Jessica led her back into the café, and Sarah didn’t have the willpower to resist. There was something about finding a familiar face — one that didn’t come with any emotional baggage — that did her in. That almost made her believe coming here hadn’t been a cruel twist of fate but maybe — just maybe — a lucky break.
Jess shooed everyone out, closed the door, and handed her a glass of water. “Listen, Sarah—”
She started to mumble a protest, but Jessica cut her off. She pulled up a chair, and it scraped across the earth-toned tiles of the floor.
“Just listen to what I have to say.”
Jessica took a deep breath, and Sarah did, too.
“You need help,” Jess started.
She was right, and Sarah knew it. She did need help. Desperately. She needed a place to stay.
“I need to keep the baby safe,” she whispered. She’d almost stopped caring about herself, but the baby… She couldn’t give up. She just couldn’t.
“This is a safe place,” Jessica assured her.
“No place is safe from them,” she croaked as the memories consumed her again.
“Believe me,” Jessica said, “I know who’s after you. They were after us, too — Janna and me. I didn’t think we’d ever find a place to stop running. But we did, and it’s here. It’s a good place, Sarah. The Blue Moon Saloon gave us a fresh start.”
“Blue Moon Saloon?” She looked up. She could have sworn the sign over the door said Quarter Moon Café.
Jessica jerked a thumb toward the wall on her right. “Soren and Simon run the bar next door. We started out there…” Her eyes went a little misty as every possible emotion passed over her face, from hopelessness to a flash of anger to a warm, happy glow. She sighed a little and looked around the café. “And everything worked out.”
Sarah stared at the floor. How on earth would things ever work out for her?
“I didn’t want to accept help, either,” Jessica said. “But I had to. And you know what? Swa
llowing my pride was the best thing I’ve ever done.”
Swallowing her pride. God, how often had she done that in the past couple of months?
But this was different than swallowing her pride. This would tear what was left of her aching heart into tiny bits, one piece at a time.
Jessica walked to the counter, poured two teas, then came back and set one in front of Sarah. She took a deep breath and started talking, starting all the way back in Montana.
“We didn’t see the ambush coming.” Jessica stared into the steam rising from her mug. Her voice was hushed. “They came out of nowhere, and suddenly, everything was on fire. Everything. The house, the woods, the neighbor’s place…” She let out a long, slow breath. “And the voices…”
Sarah closed her eyes, remembering all too well. Purity! Purity! the lunatic arsonists had chanted as they burned her house down.
“I grabbed Janna and ran and ran…”
Sarah started rocking on the chair again. Yes, she had run, too. She’d had to give up on trying to get her parents out of the house and had run for her life, trying to ignore the burns on her arms.
“We fled to some relatives out East, thinking we’d escape the Blue Bloods there, but it wasn’t long before we realized they had us in their sights again. Somehow, we could just feel it.”
God, she knew the feeling all too well. That prickling warning at the nape of her neck, that panic building inside.
“We went from place to place for months until fate brought us here…”
Fate. Jessica said the word as if it were a living, breathing thing.
“Simon didn’t want to hire us at first, and boy, did we have a rocky start.” Jessica sped up, then slowed down, and her face glowed a little when she talked about Simon and the saloon and the new life she’d made.
“You’ll be safe here,” Jessica finished. “The baby will be safe here.” She let a heavy pause punctuate the words.
A bird fluttered past the window, and the ceiling fan whirred quietly. An old truck rattled by outside. Sarah closed her eyes, trying so hard to resist the pull she felt deep, deep inside.
This is the place, the overhead fan seemed to whisper. This is your home.
