So what are we left with? A guilty pleasure, although perhaps nowhere near as guilty as it would be with the extra 45 minutes or so of sex scenes in the hardcore version. It’s a fast-paced, extremely goofy 95 minutes that you’ll probably mostly forget as soon as it’s over, but while it’s on there’s not much to complain about. The acting is mostly pretty awful, but there are some moments of genuinely inspired humor– particularly Steven St. Croix’s poor-man’s Will Ferrell take on a depressed pirate. There are a couple of heavily edited sex scenes, but mostly it seems more like a parody of a porno movie: every other scene obviously leads up to a sex scene, but in this R-rated version the film just jumps ahead to the next plot point.
Pirates 2 isn’t high art, but it’s passable entertainment. And if you’re committed to spending over two hours watching pirate antics, you can just watch the unrated version, which is about as long as the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie, only probably a lot more interesting.
Plague Town (2008)
Originally published on Film Monthly 19 April 2009
Ever since Pan’s Labyrinth set the bar for “fairy tales for grown-ups,” it seems as though every other film with supernatural elements has latched onto the same hook. Most of these films bear little to no resemblance to that film or its peculiar powers– even those whose pedigrees seem closely related. I’m looking at you, The Orphanage. Unfortunately, the concept of the “adult fairy tale” has become more of a lazy marketing term than any indication of a film’s quality or content. So it’s initially frustrating to see the phrase “twisted fairy tale” appear in the marketing for Plague Town, and ultimately refreshing to see a film where at least the imagery lives up to the concept.
Doctor Jerry Monahan (David Lombard) is on what he had hoped to be a bonding vacation with his new wife Annette (Lindsay Goranson) and daughters Molly (Josslyn DeCrosta) and Jessica (Erica Rhodes). Unfortunately, Jessica is determined to make the trip as miserable as possible for her sister and new stepmom, and has dragged her spanking-new boyfriend Robin (James Warke) along for the trip. Jerry decides to take the family on a hike to some ruins in what appears to be the Middle of Nowhere, Ireland. After Jessica starts a fight and storms off with Robin, the family misses the last bus back to civilization and is left to find their own way. To make matters worse, the locals seem a little… odd.
Plague Town takes a while to ramp up, spending quite a bit of time with the bickering family before plunging them into some vaguely familiar danger. If anything, the film spends a bit too much time setting up the contentious family, and their characters aren’t nearly as interesting as the goings-on in the deep woods. The old story of the family lost in the wilderness dealing with demonic locals may be nothing new, but Plague Town provides a few twists that keep things from being too familiar: for one, the principal menace is a town’s worth of creepy, deformed children, the birth of whom is the plague of the film’s title. All of the children look different, but all of them are very unsettling, and there’s no question they’re a viable threat to anyone unfortunate enough to cross their path.
The other factor that Plague Town has going for it above the typical “lost in the woods” film is its genuinely surreal atmosphere. First-time feature director David Gregory has crafted a uniquely unsettling experience, a careful mix of fleeting glimpses of terror, graphic violence, intimations of disturbing sexuality, and those primal “fairy tale” images. Most of the film takes place in dark, strange woods and small candlelit cottages, and some of the children wear masks to hide their deformities. It’s a powerful concoction that weaves a compelling spell, and is definitely worth a look for horror fans in the mood for a grim fairy tale– hold the moral(s).
+1 (Plus One) (2013)
Originally published on Film Monthly 17 January 2014
Director Dennis Iliadis shocked horror audiences with his work on the 2009 remake of Wes Craven’s classic The Last House on the Left, mostly because despite virtually everyone agreeing that this was a film that absolutely did not need a remake, the remake itself was actually considerably better than it should/could have been. Iliadis had only directed one feature before, a film entitled Hardcore (2004) that he made in his home country of Greece. Like many directors from Europe, Iliadis’s first Hollywood job was that horror remake, which was surprisingly well-received, apparently enough that he was able to make his latest project from an original screenplay instead of being assigned another remake. While it retains some trappings of the horror genre Iliadis has proven himself so adept in, +1 leans more toward science fiction and teen comedy, and it’s an exciting hybrid.
David (Rhys Wakefield) pays a surprise visit to his girlfriend Jill (Ashley Hinshaw), competing in a fencing tournament on the last night of her first year of college. David has stayed behind in their hometown and only reluctantly left, and he gets himself into major trouble when he mistakes the girl who beat Jill in the tournament for Jill and is caught kissing her. He returns home to his best friend Teddy (Logan Miller) begging him to forget Jill and go to the biggest party of the Summer with Teddy and their friend Alison (Suzanne Dengel). They arrive at the party already in full swing, the huge house packed with people from their high school including Jill, with a new date. David is desperate to get Jill back, and tries to explain what happened in a conversation that goes very badly. Alison is also having a bad time, being teased by the popular kids. Teddy, on the other hand, somehow manages to talk Melanie (Natalie Hall), spectacularly out of his league, into bed.
Then things get weird. Unbeknownst to David, Teddy and Alison, a small object from space crash-landed near the house where the party is being held, and after the power goes out for a moment, the three friends (and Natalie) find themselves back at the moment they arrived at the party, watching themselves and everyone else re-enact the same span of time all over again. While the others panic and try to figure out what their “doubles” might want, David knows immediately how he can use this inexplicable situation to his advantage and possibly get Jill back again. The only hitch is that every so often, the power goes out and when it comes back, the “doubles” are closer in time to the original partygoers. While Teddy and Melanie try to stop all their friends from getting hurt or hurting themselves, David manipulates the “double” Jill and Alison makes a surprising friend. All the while, the countdown to catch-up time is ticking away, and no one knows what happens after that.
+1 is bound to draw comparisons to other “time loop” films such as Primer, Timecrimes, and Triangle, but its dark comedic focus and disregard for carefully following the rules of its supernatural situation set it apart. Iliadis is mostly interested in how the handful of characters who know what is happening deal with the situation and what it says about them as people. David, burgeoning sociopath, instantly sees a way to get what he wants even at the expense of his “double,” plunging forward with an improvised plan to get Jill back before he even understands what’s happening to himself and his friends. Teddy, seemingly unable to take anything seriously, suddenly steps up and takes responsibility to help save his friends, even if his approach to doing so may be completely wrong-headed. Alison is the only person who has the sense to sit back and observe, to figure out what’s happening and how to deal with it. What happens to everyone else is both somewhat inexplicable (the final act is something of a mess, but mostly an entertaining one) and inevitable given what little we know about them: they’re young, they’re drunk and high, and they don’t like to share. +1 is fun, bleakly funny, and definitely the best sci-fi/horror/teen drama of 2013.
The Pom-Pom Girls (1976)
Originally published on Criticplanet.org
While Crown International’s Malibu Beach (1978) is 80% random stuff happening and 20% “coming of age” story, The Pom-Pom Girls is a bit more even in its distribution of plot vs. pointless footage unrelated to main characters. In fact, The Pom-Pom Girls even attempts to flirt with a slightly more serious tone as it portrays a group of high school Seniors faced with the inevitabi
lity of the End of Adolescence. Undercutting the antics is the knowledge that soon these kids are going to be set loose in the world, and some of them are going to be stuck in their little town forever. This gives The Pom-Pom Girls a bit of a bittersweet edge that sets it apart from the mindless goofiness of similar Crown International productions.
Despite its title, The Pom-Pom Girls themselves are mostly supporting characters. Robert Carradine (as in Revenge of the Nerds (1984) Robert Carradine!) plays a cocky jock named Johnnie whose principal free-time activities are hassling less popular kids like Duane (Bill Adler), hanging out with cheerleaders, and playing pranks on a rival school’s football team. The film follows him and his friends as they party at the beach, in vans, have food fights, and play a life-or-death game of chicken. However, the film is perhaps best remembered for its centerpiece “prank” sequence in which Johnnie and his friends steal a fire truck and use it to hose down their football rivals during a practice. That sort of thing would probably result in jail time now, but back in the ’70s it was apparently all in good fun.
Of course the film wouldn’t be anything without a solid set of cheerleaders, and it doesn’t disappoint. One of them is even played by Rainbeaux Smith, who appeared in several classic high school and cheerleader films including Jack Hill’s The Swinging Cheerleaders (1974) and the criminally underseen Massacre at Central High (1976) (which also featured Robert Carradine!). There are the requisite locker room scenes and the montage of girls trying out for the cheerleading squad that every cheerleader movie has, so if you’re a fan of the genre you won’t be disappointed.
Still, the most interesting part of The Pom-Pom Girls is the interaction between Johnnie and Duane. Duane is played by Bill Adler, something of an in-house Crown International star who would later get top billing in the excellent Van Nuys Blvd (1979). In this film, though, he’s the kid from the wrong side of the tracks who Johnnie can’t leave alone. Carradine does a great job of making you hate Johnnie; if anything, he does his job too well. By the time Duane pulls a knife on him, you’ll probably be rooting for Johnnie to get his stomach perforated. It’s an interesting switch considering that eight years after this film, Carradine was playing for the underdogs in Revenge of the Nerds!
Pontypool (2009)
Originally published on Film Monthly 20 May 2009
It’s far too easy to put films into categories and dismiss them. While it’s true that many films have a lot in common with major, recognized genres, sometimes the little things truly set them apart. So when a film like Pontypool comes along, for example, some people will dismiss it outright as just another in the recent flood of zombie movies. This, however, would be a serious mistake. There are some subtle things that set Pontypool apart from– and in fact, far ahead of– the pack.
Grant Mazzy (Stephen McHattie) is a radio shock-jock whose antics have landed him an assignment doing morning radio from a church basement in the tiny Ontario town of Pontypool. While stopped on his way to work one morning, a woman approaches his car speaking gibberish. Before Mazzy can ask what she needs, she disappears into the snow and he continues on to the radio station. Once there, he gears up for an exciting morning of announcing school closings and weather updates with station technician Laurel Ann (Georgina Reilly) and producer Sydney Brian (Lisa Houle). After a relatively quiet start to the day, however, a report comes in that a huge crowd chanting nonsense has gathered and is roaming the town trashing buildings and attacking random passersby. Soon Grant, Laurel Ann and Sydney find themselves quarantined while the situation in Pontypool rapidly escalates and threatens to beat down their doors.
While the plot and structure of Pontypool is familiar to anyone who’s seen any siege film since Night of the Living Dead, the execution is really what knocks it out of the park here. Given some severe restrictions– three main characters, basically one set– writer Tony Burgess (who wrote the screenplay based on his own novel), director Bruce MacDonald and the cast create a convincing aura of panic. The fear that whatever is happening outside might rudely make its way into the station becomes more and more palpable as the film progresses. This type of film always depends on great casting, and all of the leads give fantastic performances, drawing the viewer in to this tightly-focused tale of an apocalypse that’s a lot harder to describe than the typical return of the living dead.
The less you know going in the better, but it would be irresponsible of me not to mention that the concept behind the spreading “infection” is astonishing. It was no doubt much easier to convey the nature of this “infection” on the printed page, but Burgess’s script does a great job of getting the idea across. Or at least just enough of it to scare the living hell out of anyone who grasps the concept.
Pontypool is a thinking person’s apocalypse. It’s easily one of the best horror films of the year so far, packed with great performances and a (to say the least) unique take on the standard zombie/infection story. It’s tense, it’s funny, and it’ll give you a lot more to chew on after the film is over than your standard horror fare. Don’t let it fool you: it might look like a zombie movie, but it sure doesn’t think– or talk– like one.
The Possession (2012)
Originally published on Film Monthly 18 January 2013
Exorcism has been a hot topic in horror film for the last few years, and the field eventually got so crowded that The Possession had to bring something different to the table. And it literally does bring something different to the standard possession/exorcism story, an interesting bit of Jewish mysticism called a “Dibbuk Box.” Allegedly based on a true story of a family that came into ownership of one of these mysterious devices, The Possession still feels extremely familiar, and that astonishingly generic title does not help matters at all. So other than an intriguing backstory, what does this film do to stand out from other exorcism flicks?
Divorced couple Clyde and Stephanie (Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Kyra Sedgwick) have been separated for a year and are still working out the details of their new situation. Clyde gets their daughters Emily and Hannah (Natasha Calis and Madison Davenport) on the weekends, while they spend the rest of their time with Stephanie and her new boyfriend Brett (Grant Show). One weekend, Clyde takes the girls to a yard sale held by a man whose mother has had what he believes to be a serious accident, but might in fact be something more sinister. Emily finds a large wooden box with ornate carvings all around it, and Clyde buys it for her. Shortly thereafter, Emily starts acting strangely and a swarm of moths appear in Clyde’s house.
When Clyde asks her about the box, Emily explains that she has an invisible friend who lives inside it. Clyde attempts to get rid of the box, but Emily– now in full-on creepy little girl mode– makes it look like Clyde is abusing her and runs out of his house, directly to the place where he discarded the box. Frustrated and scared, Clyde takes it upon himself to research what might be happening to his daughter, whereupon he discovers an online treasure trove of videos of exorcisms. He also learns that what he had purchased at that yard sale was something called a “dibbuk box,” a mystical object that imprisons an evil spirit. Clyde drives to New York to meet with a Hasidic Jew named Tzadok (Matisyahu) who believes he may be able to help Emily.
The Possession ticks down the boxes of the standard exorcism film dutifully, down to keeping all the actual exorcism action contained to the film’s final twenty or so minutes. Despite its unique concept, the film never does anything particularly surprising or interesting, and is painfully predictable. Jeffrey Dean Morgan is a solid lead as the harried, terrified father, but most of the rest of the cast barely makes an impression, especially unfortunate as Kyra Sedgwick is certainly capable of better, but the writing hamstrings her with a one-dimensional character. The Possession is as uninspired as its title would suggest.
Postal (2007)
Originally published on Film Monthly 2 June 2008
I never thought I would say (or type) this, but I feel bad for Uwe Boll. The man has made his name directing universally r
eviled adaptations of video games. I’ll admit that until Postal, the only one of Boll’s films I’d seen was House of the Dead. It was bad enough that I figured I didn’t really need to see any of his other films, given their reception from critics, audiences and fans of the games on which those films were based. His interviews and antics in the media also turned me off to the man’s public persona, to the point that his films did not interest me in any way at all. Aside, of course, from morbid curiosity.
So it was with mild amusement and vague interest that I met news that Boll was making an “adaptation” of Postal, a game that was controversial over 10 years ago but has mostly faded into obscurity (despite a brief resurgence in public annoyance after the sequel was released in 2003). Boll boasted during production of the film that he was probably going to be arrested for it due to controversial and tasteless comedy, but most of his gloating just sounded like more desperate attention grabbing. He somehow managed to get the film an opening slot on the same weekend as the surefire blockbuster Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and gleefully proclaimed that he was confident Postal could go toe-to-toe with it and come out victorious.
Then something happened–Boll’s 1500-screen opening weekend fell through, leaving Postal to open on a mere four screens across North America. Distributors, whether antsy about the film’s content or (more likely) worried the film wouldn’t draw the kind of box office that any other movie in wide release might bring in, dropped the film entirely. Just days before the May 23rd premiere, another 10 theaters were listed on the film’s official website as showing Postal, as well as a bitter tirade from Boll himself claiming (verbatim): “you are all not getting it that i’m the guy who made it against the big hollywood system and you are all only busy to destroy me and finish me up…”
The Unrepentant Cinephile Page 57
