by Amelia Wilde
But that’s the problem, isn’t it? I could find that place, across a bunch of borders and hundreds of miles away. I could search out a city where nobody has ever heard of us. I could erase all the evidence of her from my life and build a routine that doesn’t remind me of her every waking second.
I could do all that, and I’d still never get her out of my head.
19
Julie May
It’s been a while since I’ve been home. I know, I know. I live in Paulson. There’s no excuse. But I haven’t. And wouldn’t you know it, I’m nervous when I knock on the door.
“Come in,” my mom calls.
The house opens up to me, so familiar and so strange, and I pull the door shut behind me. “Hey, Mom.”
“Julie May.” I find her in the living room, the glow of the television on her face. She pats the sofa next to her. I take my usual seat and lean into her shoulder. I haven’t done this in a long time, but it feels good. It feels right. “I heard you’ve been out of town.”
Guilt hits me at sixty miles an hour. What’s the use in lying? “I was.”
“Were you looking for her, Julie May?”
I know she means my mother.
“I looked for her,” I admit. “I found one of my cousins, Mom. And my sister.” My throat goes tight, but my mom just puts her arm around me and holds me tight.
I stare at my hands as my mother—my real mother, the woman who raised me and called me her daughter—sighs. “I get it,” she says in that faint drawl of hers that is so familiar and reminds me of baking cookies and craft tables and skinned knees. “I’m not upset you went looking for your birth family, Julie May. How are they? Good people?”
“Good people,” I tell her. And then I tell her about Maya’s kitchen and how Laura and almost got into a fight. I tell her about the red kitchen towel and the phone call from the school. I tell her everything. “You look upset,” I press. Because she does. She always thinks she’s hiding it, but she’s terrible at it. She wears her emotions on her sleeve.
Like me.
“More for you that it didn’t turn out the way you wanted.”
My mother might stay in her house most of the time. My mother might not be a woman about Paulson. She might not be a member of the library board or do fundraisers with the local church. But she’s mine. She chose me. She’s chosen me every single day.
“The thing I realized, though, is that my family has been here all along.”
“Oh, Julie May.” Joy and sadness mix together with hope in her voice, and she pulls me in to a tighter hug. “I did my best.”
“You did great,” I tell her, and I mean it.
“But what are you going to do about Luke Bliss?” She pulls back, her dark eyes shining with worry. “You’re not going to lose your friend after all this, are you?”
I sigh, a great big sigh that lets out all of my resentment. “I always wanted what he had. But it turns out I had it all along. I was just too dissatisfied to see it.”
“Are you still dissatisfied?”
“No, Mama.” I lean and kiss her on the cheek. No, I’m not. But I want my best friend back. And I want him back now.
“You want to stay a while? It’s almost time for Jeopardy.”
“You know I do.”
Luke
Miller finds me in the stables one morning, saddling up my horse Rocket for a ride. Rocket’s new this year, so I thought he’d take some time to settle in, but the horse is more comfortable here than I’m turning out to be. He’s been quiet lately—Miller, I mean, not the horse. That’s not so out of the ordinary. He’s usually a quiet guy. But more quiet. Fall is a busy time at the ranch, which means more noise, but Miller doesn’t contribute to any of it.
“You want company?” What? Company? He’s asking for more time around people. Something must be up with that guy. Still, I came out here because I wanted to be alone. It’s all I want these days. Maybe the two of us are more similar than I thought. I’ve always been the first one at the bar to see my friends—and Julie May—and Miller’s usually the last one to show, quietly slipping in when nobody notices.
“Your company, maybe,” I answer honestly. “I want to get far away from the ranch.”
He watches me while I test the buckles on the saddle and swing the gate on Rocket’s stall wide open. “Girl troubles?”
I snort. “Girl troubles? A girl catastrophe, more like.”
“Did you and Julie May have a fight? Other than the one in the diner.”
I stop at the door to the barn, looking out at the green hills. I don’t want to tell people about what happened with me and Julie May, but telling Miller anything is like whispering your secrets into a brick all. They’re never coming out again. “We got too close with each other. Crossed too many lines. No going back now.”
“Are you sure about that?” Miller comes to stand beside me, both of us facing out. “You know, I had somebody once.” I can’t imagine it—Miller with a woman, falling head over heels in love. He’d have to open his soul up to the world for that, and Miller’s just not that kind of guy. “That turned out to be a fantasy. It’s not real, like what you and Julie May have.”
“Had.”
“Please.” Miller shakes his head. “The both of you know that thirty years of friendship can’t get taken down by a few awkward moments.”
“Is that all you think it was? Because I’m pretty sure she hates me, Miller.” Pain wells up in my throat again, taking over my chest. I’ve been working so damned hard not to think about Julie May or any of this, and not even Miller can leave me alone. “I ruined our friendship with my hormones.”
“Well, have you talked to her?”
I shoot daggers at Miller with my eyes.
He shrugs. “She hasn’t been around here lately. Julie May’s always coming and going around here, so I didn’t know if you’d talked to her after...whatever happened between you.”
After we slept together and she insisted on finding her mother and blamed me for it not working out. “No. I haven’t talked to her. But everybody in Paulson is determined to talk to me about where she is and what she’s doing and I wish to hell that I knew, because I’m in love with that woman.”
It comes out in a rush, a foolish rush. A satisfied grin spreads across Miller’s face. “Do you?”
“Yeah, of course I do.” Hot anger follows. “Of course I love her. I’ve loved her all this time, I just didn’t know about it. Okay? Is that what you want to hear?”
“Not me who wants to hear it. But things would be easier around here if you didn’t spend all your time scowling and pretending to be happy. It’s a bizarre combination, Luke, you have to admit it.”
A cat uncurls itself from the hay in the barn, stretches, and makes a run for the midmorning light. Lucky cat. The only thing it has to worry about is catching mice. It never has to think about what it’ll do when it’s finally caught one. Not that Julie May is a mouse. It’s not a great metaphor. It’s just how my brain’s working these days—or not working.
“I haven’t been scowling. I’ve been smiling.” I put on the fake smile I’ve been wearing for days. Rocket flicks his tail as if to totally dismiss it. He’s probably right to do it. It’s the least genuine expression I’ve ever made with my face in my life. Feels bad to do it, and from the look on Miller’s face, he doesn’t love the sight of it, either.
“See, that? That’s a scowl. Stop, for the love of God. It’s bringing everybody down. Making everybody miserable.” He adjusts his hat and shivers. Wow. So it is that bad.
“Well, I’m miserable.” So miserable I don’t see how I’ll ever stop being miserable without moving away from Paulson completely. Where would that leave the ranch? It’s a complicated thing to think about.
“Well, go talk to Julie May about it.” Miller takes Rockets reins out of my hands. “I’ll give the horse some exercise.”
“No, no.” I jumped into plans with Julie May with both feet before. I’m not going t
o do it again. I’ll die if she shuts her front door in my face or gives me that cold, distracted treatment again. My whole body lights up with embarrassment at the memory of that hotel room. Better to just not think about it ever again. “I’ll figure something else out. I’ll...” An idea sparks at the back of my mind. Burns at the back of my mind. “You feel like having a bonfire, Miller?”
“Do I feel like sitting by a nice, warm fire and drinking alcohol until I can forget the past for a little while? I sure as hell do. You plan one and I’ll be there.”
It’s Thursday, so another weekend is barreling down on us at top speed. “Tomorrow, then.” I hitch myself up on Rocket’s saddle.
“Where are you going now?”
“Ride the nerves out,” I tell Miller. “I’ve got someone I need to invite to the bonfire, and it’ll take all my courage to do it.”
20
Luke calls me while I’m on the phone with my mom. I made a promise before I left to call her more often. To her, that means every day.
“Mom, I gotta go!” I squawk, and practically hang up on her. “Hello? Hello? Shit, I fucking hate call waiting, I can never get it…hello?”
Luke laughs long and hard. “Oh, Jules. When are you going to figure out you just have to press flash?”
I’m so happy to hear from him that I don’t even mind the teasing. “Hi there!”
“Hey.” His voice softens. “It’s cold tonight, huh?”
I am confused. We go without talking this long and he wants to talk about the weather? “Yeah, I might turn my heat on.”
“Well don’t. The fire will keep you warm.”
“What fire?”
“The bonfire I’m having tonight.” He clears his throat. “Look Jules, we can just be friends, okay? I miss you.”
I want to laugh aloud. “I miss you too.”
“Good.”
“Jerk.”
“I know.” He laughs again, and my heart sings. “So come by at dark?”
I am there before dark. Just in time to see Miller dragging the last pieces of brush up to the pile and tossing them up impossibly high. “Hey there, Julie May,” he drawls, wiping his hands together.
“Hey.” I look around awkwardly. “Where is everyone?”
Miller doesn’t answer. He’s down on his knees, fiddling with the kindling, which catches with a sudden whooshing noise. “Um? Miller?”
“Oh!” He rises to his feet. “Luke and all them are in the house.”
All them? I don’t have time to ask who all them are, because at that moment the screen door slams open.
The fire dances as it catches, sending flames higher and higher so that the yard is lit up like noon. By its light I see Luke first, stumbling towards me with his hand tucked awkwardly in one pocket.
Behind him is…my mom? “What are you doing here?” I call to her.
“I told you you should call me more,” she crows. “Then you’d know what I’m up to.”
“What are you up to?” I ask.
“Oh, nothing,” another voice sings out. I nearly jump out of my skin to see Maya and Laura, my newfound cousin and my brand-new sister walking side by side to the bonfire. Laura gives me a shy smile, Maya a broad, happy one.
“What is going on?” I demand.
Luke laughs. “Just a bonfire to warm us all up is all. He takes my hand and lifts it to the light. “Hey Jules, notice anything about my arm?”
I glare at him. “Seriously?”
“Come on, look at my arm.”
“What does your arm have to do with—” I squint at it. I don’t see anything.
Until I do. “Wait a second.” I grab his hand and yank it to me. Around his wrist is a dirty, frayed length of string I’d recognize anywhere.
“Is that the friendship bracelet?”
“Sure is.” He grins, looking pleased with himself.
“Holy crap, Luke. You still have it? How old is that thing?”
“You made it for me in third grade.”
“How does it still fit you?”
“It doesn’t. I had to add another string. He turns his wrist upward so I can see the piece of yarn he’s tied to both ends to hold it together. “I need a new one,” he muses. “Will you make me one?”
“Uh, sure?” I could not be more confused.
“Good.” He shuffles from one foot to the other, then reaches into his pocket. “I got you one too, by the way.” He pulls a velvet box from his pocket and opens it up. “But I’m not crafty enough to make one, so I just bought this.”
I gasp. Inside is a diamond bracelet. It catches the light of the flames, making them shine like orange fire. “Oh my god, Luke, it’s beautiful!”
“You like it? Good. Because I got you this to match.”
I stare at him as he drops down to one knee. My sister squeals and hugs Maya, as they both stare at the small box he pulls from his pocket. He opens it to reveal a shimmering diamond ring.
I can barely breathe. I touch my finger to it hesitantly. “Luke, is this —”
“A promise,” he finishes. “A hefty promise that I love you. I’ve loved you my whole life and I will continue to love you until the day I die, so Julie May, will you marry me?”
“Of course, oh my god, yes, yes yes!” I drop down onto my knees and hug him tight. He grunts in surprise, then hugs me back, stroking my hair before pressing a kiss to my lips. My family cheers and even Miller begrudgingly claps his hands together.
I pull back and let him slip the ring onto my finger. It catches the light. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen because it means that I’m his and he’s mine.
Finally.
A thought strikes me. “Wait a minute. I thought you invited me here tonight as friends.” I laugh through my happy tears.
He grins at me. “I did. And I do. We’ll always be friends, Jules. I can’t see a better future than marrying my best friend.”
One by one, our friends from town show up to the bonfire. Luke invited everybody. The women who stop by to see me at the library. Mrs. Morrison from the grocery store. The guys from the bar. Chris Easton from the fire department and all his friends, too.
There are so many of them.
I watch from my perch on Luke’s lap as our friends—we have so many friends—celebrate us with beers and hard lemonades and laughter. Laughter that soars up into the night. At least six separate people come up to say we knew you’d get together and didn’t you date in high school? We should have. We totally should have.
“You know…” His hands tighten around my waist. “I was thinking we could get married in the barn, but it’s not going to be big enough for all the people who love us.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I smack him lightly on the shoulder, then go in for another kiss. “Why didn’t you tell me I had so many friends?”
“I thought you knew, Jules.” His eyes soften as he looks out on the gathering. “I knew you always thought you weren’t a Paulson girl, but I could see it clear as day. So could everybody else.”
A deep contentment settles into my bones. The fire rages on, the laughter getting louder, and the party goes and goes and goes.
People are starting to filter away by the time I see the shadow out near the road. Out near a car, parked on the shoulder.
“Who’s that?” I nudge Luke out of his conversation with Miller. “Do we have a late arrival?”
Miller follows my finger to where I’m pointing and his face goes hard as stone.
The shape comes closer, gradually becoming something recognizable—a woman, carrying a baby.
A baby.
About a year or so old, by the looks of it. The baby’s fast asleep on her shoulder as she comes resolutely toward the fire.
Miller makes a strangled sound.
“Miller? What’s going on?”
He stands up.
The woman gets to the edge of the fire, illuminated in its orange glow. I suddenly feel embarrassed to be watching this. She and Mill
er should be the only ones here.
“Miller.” Her voice is low and throaty and sexy.
He swallows hard on Luke’s other side, his hands deep in his pockets. “What are you doing here?”
She bounces sways back and forth, the movement slow and comforting, and tilts her head toward the baby. “His first word was daddy. I thought his daddy should hear it, too.”
Thank you so much for reading NEVER THE COWBOY’S LOVER! Want more bad boys with good hearts? Then you need to read more from Theresa Leigh.
LAST CHANCE HERO
I need a hero.
J.D. Knight is no hero.
Once upon a time, I was in love with J.D. He was my world. We were supposed to run away together.
But I ended up running away from him instead.
Reserve your copy of LAST CHANCE HERO now!
Want more sexy cowboys from the Bliss Ranch? One-click NEVER THE COWBOY’S BABY now!
Epilogue
Connect with Amelia
Amelia Wilde is a USA TODAY and Amazon Top 100 bestselling author of steamy contemporary romance and loves it a little too much. She lives in Michigan with her husband and daughters. She spends most of her time typing furiously on an iPad and appreciating the natural splendor of her home state from where she likes it best: inside.
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