A hissing sound broke them apart as the water bubbled up over the edge of the pot, sizzling as it hit the hot stove top. Audrey scrambled for the dial, turning the heat down and shooting him a saucy look.
“Dinner first.”
He held up his hands and laughed, already feeling soothed by her. Audrey was that presence in his life now—his sunshine, his balm. In three and a half short weeks, she’d become the best part of his day and the last thing on his mind before he went to sleep. Maybe that’s why the whole “girlfriend” thing popped out so easily. Shaking his head, he went to fetch a bottle of wine and two glasses from the cabinet.
“So, about before.” He unscrewed the lid off the bottle and poured them both a glass. Rich, red liquid flowed, and the scent of it mingled with the bubbling pasta sauce. “I didn’t know she was coming by.”
“It’s fine. I was glad to meet her.” Audrey dumped the pasta into the hot water and waded a clean wooden spoon through.
“I meant more that I hadn’t thought about how…about what we…” He let out an aggravated huff. “I know we haven’t discussed what this is, and I was put on the spot when I had to introduce you.”
“Oh.” Audrey nodded knowingly, a hint of a smile on her lips. “The G-word thing.”
Why was this so hard for him? Any time he’d dated someone in the past, he’d avoided this topic of conversation like it might infect him. Now he was rushing into things without giving it any thought first. He never jumped forward in commitment. Ever.
“It popped out, and I couldn’t simply call you a friend when that’s not what you are.”
“And ‘fuck buddy’ was probably too much info for your mom, huh?” She laughed.
He looked up. Is that what she thought this was? But before he could open his mouth to clarify, Audrey winked at him in such a way that it was clear she was trying to add some levity to the conversation.
“I wanted to bring it up,” she said, her tone turning serious. “But I wasn’t sure how. We were having such a good time these past few weeks, I didn’t want to ruin it.”
He carried the two glasses of wine over to the kitchen and handed her one.
“I like that you called me your girlfriend,” she added, sipping her wine and lowering her lashes as her cheeks went a little pink. “I certainly don’t want anyone else in my life.”
“Me neither.” He couldn’t even imagine being with someone else now. It shocked him how quickly that had changed.
When something feels right…
Did that make it right? What actually changed? Ronan’s time in Kissing Creek would still end with the school year, and he wasn’t ready to commit to what came next. Audrey would have to stay with her family. She was still a gentle, caring soul, and Ronan…
Ronan was the guy wondering if he could forgive his sick mother.
If that didn’t make him a capital-B bastard, then he didn’t know what would.
This was all too much to process at once. Ronan was quite happy studying other people’s behavior, but he was finding it increasingly confronting to study his own. All he knew was that Audrey meant something to him—she was important. Special.
It was everything else that had a giant question mark hovering over it.
Chapter Twenty
Ironically, hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words.
Later that night, Audrey wasn’t quite sure what to make of her evening with Ronan. Clearly he was dealing with some big things. Scary things. He hadn’t really talked about his parents much. All Audrey knew was that his relationship with his mother was strained. That she’d hurt him. A lot.
And then there was the whole “girlfriend” thing. The putting-her-on-a-pedestal thing.
Now they were laying on his couch, having made love after a delicious meal and a bottle of wine. He was stretched out, one arm above his head and the other curled protectively around her shoulders. She lay with her cheek against his chest, legs tangled with his. He’d pulled the blanket over them and only a single lamp lit the room, leaving them in a dim, cozy glow.
She was seriously considering not going home until the next morning.
“Tell me something,” he said, stroking her hair. “My brain won’t shut off.”
“Even after what we just did?” Audrey looked up at him disbelievingly. “Clearly I didn’t do my job properly.”
He laughed, and the sound was gravelly and sexy and sinful. “Zero complaints there, trust me. You’re a firecracker in bed.”
Audrey blushed. “And on the couch.”
“And up against the wall.”
“Door,” she corrected, as was now their running joke. “You want a question?”
“Yeah. Something silly.”
“Okay.” She traced patterns on his skin, feeling the dusting of hair on his chest under her fingertip. “What’s the word that represents the fear of long words?”
“It’s going to be a long word, isn’t it?”
Audrey laughed. “No hints allowed. You know the rules.”
“The longest word I know is antidisestablishmentarianism, twenty-eight letters.”
“That’s not it.”
“Tell me.”
“Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words.” She grinned. “Thirty-six letters. But it’s not the longest word. The longest word in English is the chemical name for the titin protein, which has almost one hundred and ninety thousand letters and takes three and a half hours to say.”
“Of course you know that.” Ronan shook his head. “Although one might argue the technical terms for compounds are a verbal formula rather than a word.”
“Spoilsport.” She snuggled against his chest.
It rose and fell with a deep breath. Ronan was a bit of a closed book when it came to his life—he seemed more than happy to listen to her talk for hours on end about her family. He knew all about her siblings and the trouble with their dad—she’d opened up to him more than anyone. Ever. He always listened with the same serious, thoughtful expression, not trying to force solutions on her. He asked after her aunt and Nicole and showed an interest in all the people who worked in Kisspresso, and it dawned on Audrey that nobody knew a damn thing about him.
He was a mystery to Kissing Creek. In many ways, he was a mystery to her.
“Are you doing okay? I know your mom’s diagnosis must have been a blow.” She propped herself up so she could look at him.
Ronan’s blue eyes struck her with such intensity that it almost stole Audrey’s breath. “It was a shock…but I don’t know how to feel about it.”
“How come?”
“Because…” He sighed. “We don’t have a relationship. I tried for years, to no avail. I’d given up on her. Now she’s got this awful diagnosis, and I feel like an asshole because all I can think about is how it doesn’t erase what she did to Keira and me.”
“That doesn’t make you an asshole, Ronan.” Audrey frowned. “Someone getting sick doesn’t automatically make them a saint. It certainly doesn’t excuse the past.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Life’s complicated. But you can sympathize with her situation while still being hurt. It’s possible to do both.”
“Is that how you deal with your dad?” he asked.
“Yeah, I guess it is.” Audrey twisted the length of her hair around and around while she sorted through her thoughts. “Although I wonder if I’ve gone too far in the other direction.”
“How so?”
“For a long time, I was fueled by the hope that he’d change back into who he was before my mom died. That I’d get the old version of him back.” She swallowed and found a small lump in the back of her throat. “But if I’m being honest, I know he’s not going to change unless there’s a catalyst of some kind.”
“What can you do about it
?”
“It’s not my responsibility to change him,” she replied. “My responsibility is to my siblings—to make sure they have a good life and that they become independent and successful. If after that point, he still wants to sit around and do nothing, then that’s on him.”
“You think you’ll be able to walk away?”
She kept telling herself she would. But there was a little voice in the back of her mind that said if she was going to walk away, she would have done it already. So many people offered to help them, and yet…she stayed. She kept the family together.
“I find it hard to think about the future beyond that point,” she admitted. “It’s like my brain shuts down because it all seems so far away, and I’ve spent my whole life taking one step at a time.”
She looked up at him and narrowed her eyes.
“What?” he asked.
“We were supposed to be talking about you, not me.” She jabbed a finger softly into his chest. “You’re very good at that.”
“Misdirecting?”
“Hiding.”
“I’m an observer, a studier. I don’t like being the subject of anyone’s attention.”
“You’re the subject of my attention,” she said, leaning forward to brush a kiss over his lips. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“What would you do?” he asked. “I don’t know if I can forgive and forget so easily.”
“You don’t have to. You can support her and give her a chance to hear your side of things while knowing that she might not have changed. But these things do change people, and…” Audrey pressed a hand to his chest. “It could be the last chance you have.”
“I’ve never wanted anything from my father. He was never around, and so I never expected things. But she would come back in just long enough that I’d start to hope, and then she’d leave again.” He let out a long breath. “Anyway, I need to think. I’m not very good company tonight.”
“I don’t expect you to be a robot.”
“Did you not call me a sex robot the very first time we met?” A sly grin pulled his lips upward.
“No, I did not.”
“Liar, liar, panties on fire.” He pulled her down to him and tugged the elastic of her underwear down her hip. “Look, they’re practically melting right off your body.”
“You do seem to have that effect on me.”
His eyes became dark as his hands roamed her body, slipping underneath her underwear and finding her still achy and damp. “I want you again, Audrey.”
“Who’s using sex as a distraction now?”
“Never. My want for you overrides everything else. Some days, it’s the only thing I’m sure of.”
“Me too,” she whispered against his lips, savoring the magnetic pull between them. She couldn’t resist Ronan. She didn’t want to resist him.
And that was a dangerous thing, because he represented the life she couldn’t have. The future that scared her too much to think about. He might put her on a pedestal, but that’s where she had him. He was the one with the life of his own making, the freedom and ability to go wherever he wanted. And what if one day he wasn’t content to wait for her anymore? What if she wasn’t enough anymore?
He could leave…but she couldn’t follow.
…
The following morning, Audrey woke with a start. Lilac light streamed in through the windows of Ronan’s apartment, and the man himself slept soundly on the other side of the bed. After they’d gotten hot and heavy on the couch for the second time, they’d ventured into his bedroom to finish the night with more kissing, cuddling, and talking.
Satisfied to a totally new level, Audrey must have drifted off and slept the night away.
“Shit.” She scrambled out of the bed, not even waking Ronan. The man slept like a log, heavy and unmoving and totally peaceful.
Audrey couldn’t help the stupid grin on her face, even if this was a disaster. She’d never make her shift on time at this rate. Not since it was a school day and the kids were probably wondering where the hell she was.
She gathered up her clothes, no easy feat with them scattered through the apartment. There was a grumble from the bedroom and the sound of bedsprings squeaking, then silence. Audrey located her phone in the depths of her bag. There were missed calls from both Georgie and Oliver, and she hurriedly dialed her sister back.
“Hey, sorry I’m not home—”
“It’s fine. Dad’s still asleep, so Mrs. March is taking us to school,” Georgie said in a totally nonchalant way. There wasn’t a hint of worry in her voice—not even curiosity.
“You weren’t wondering where I was?”
“We figured you’d gone to work early and forgotten to tell us.”
Audrey laughed and shook her head. Teenagers. Their self-absorption wasn’t often of benefit, but she’d take it on this one occasion. “Is Deanna okay?”
“Don’t worry, I looked up a fact to share with her on the ride.”
Tears unexpectedly sprung to Audrey’s eyes—seeing her siblings take care of one another always struck her in the chest. And sullen as the twins might be, they really did care about one another. “So everyone’s fine?”
“Yes, Audrey. Everyone is fine.” Georgie sighed. “Can I go now? I was texting Bianca.”
“Sure. I’ll see you tonight.”
She ended the call and quickly pulled on her clothes from yesterday. Luckily, this morning she was working at Game of Stones. She could turn up in her regular clothes and then wrap one of her aunt’s beaded shawls around her so she didn’t look like she’d just rolled out of someone’s bed.
“You stayed the night.” A sleepy voice behind Audrey caught her attention. When she turned, Ronan was leaning against the bedroom doorframe, wearing only his underwear.
What a sight. He was lean and muscled and delightfully mussed. His brown hair stuck out in all directions, and his blue eyes were hooded, as if slumber still had its dreamy hold on him.
“Yeah, I stayed.” She jammed her phone into the back pocket of her jeans. “Not on purpose, I might add.”
Ronan smirked. “Did I wear you out?”
“Thoroughly.”
He stalked forward, gaze pinning her to the spot like a butterfly on a specimen board. “Thoroughly?”
“Completely.” She sucked in a breath. “I’m surprised I have the use of my legs after what you did to me.”
His chuckle had the sexy edges of sleep still clinging to it. She could listen to that sound forever. “I should be the one chastising you. After all, I was sleeping rather peacefully when I felt you back that ass up on me in the middle of the night.”
“I rolled over. That’s all.” But her cheeks warmed at the memory—she knew he loved when she rocked back against him like that. She encouraged his arms around her waist, knowing he’d take her from behind, slow and dreamy, almost like they weren’t quite awake. “You’re the one who decided to turn it into round three.”
“I’m a simple man.” He cupped her face and planted a kiss on the tip of her nose. “You put that delicious ass in my vicinity, I’m going to have a physical reaction.”
She made a scoffing sound, but there was no stopping the delighted smile that broke through whenever they teased each other like this. “Such a caveman.”
“Such a great ass.”
She swatted him, laughing. “Is that all I am to you?”
“No.” He looked affronted. “I’m quite partial to your legs, too.”
“Ro!” She squealed when he hauled her toward him, a feeling of rightness bubbling like champagne inside her. Audrey couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so relaxed. So herself. “You’re an animal.”
“You love it. Don’t try to pretend otherwise.”
“I don’t have to rush home this morning, because my neighbor is takin
g the kids to school.”
Ronan’s eyes lit up. “What time do you have to be at work?”
“Not until eight thirty.”
“Can I take you to breakfast?”
Her heart did a silly little flip. Joke as he might about wanting her for her body, she knew that Ronan enjoyed all the time they spent together. “You can take me anywhere there’s coffee.”
“Give me five minutes to have a quick shower, and then we’ll go.”
She knew that her never staying the night was a disappointment to him—but not once had he pushed her. Truthfully, it was a disappointment to her, too. Of course she wanted to wake up in his arms and get croissants and revel in that post-lovemaking bliss as long as possible. But her life didn’t have time for reveling, unfortunately.
This morning was a rare treat, and she would enjoy every moment of it.
Ronan disappeared into the bathroom, and a second later the sound of running water floated into the apartment’s main area. Audrey gathered up the rest of her things, including the laptop she’d brought over. On the table, where they’d sat and discussed her feedback on Ronan’s latest chapter until well past ten p.m., were the remains of his work.
Audrey decided to gather it up for him, since they’d left the table a bit of a mess, distracted by each other’s lips and hands. He had a box that he kept everything in, since he wrote most of his notes and first concepts by hand—something delightfully old-fashioned that Audrey loved about him. As she went to place the paper she’d scribbled on with red pen from the previous night in the box, something caught her eye. A few pieces of paper stapled together.
High school completion program vs GED.
It was an article with the pros and cons of completing a high school diploma versus taking the equivalency tests. Frowning, Audrey pulled the sheaf of papers out of the box. In the stack was a form to enroll in a high school completion program with an organization based out of Boston. Behind that was information about scholarships for several top universities and colleges. Written in pen with Ronan’s telltale angular script were a phone number and name and the words appointment for Audrey.
Kissing Lessons (Kissing Creek) Page 22
