Tash touched Mayr's thigh and pushed. Not in warning, but reassurance.
Reluctantly, Mayr backed away, his gaze still on the other man's face. How many more Shar-denn members were in the crowd? Would someone take Tash down if he said too much? On instinct, Mayr scanned the square, pausing on the alleyways and shadows before studying the crowd for weapons.
Bright colour moved quickly, blurred in the corner of his eyes. Mayr snapped his attention toward the end of the market. Fingers tight around his knife, he anticipated the need to respond swiftly. The girl in red he saw earlier ran into the square, leading an older, dark-haired woman by the hand. Behind them, a man and another woman who resembled him, their faces flushed as they hurried. They pushed through the crowd on their way to the dais, eliciting more shouts and murmurs. Villagers parted to allow them a spot in front of Tash.
Tash's shoulders slumped. He took a ragged breath but did not exhale. With visible desperation, he reached back and sought Mayr. When Mayr grasped his hand, cool fingers clutched back.
The older of the two women stared up at Tash, her blue eyes clouded by tears. Eyes that resembled Tash's, along with the same nose, cheekbones, and curves softened further by femininity.
Tash had said his family was dead, but the woman looked enough like him to be his mother.
The man beside her was Tash's height, with the same brown hair although his blond streaks were greyer. Dressed more finely than many of the villagers, he wore clean, well-made clothes, his hair tied back with a black ribbon. The women with him wore blue dresses of the same quality as his clothes, embellished with elaborate embroidery around the hems and necklines. Both women wore small thimbles on their middle fingers and thumbs, the metal dull in the light. The younger woman's mouth alternated between open and closed, silent as her blank, blue-eyed gaze took Tash in. She snatched her plaited brown hair over her shoulder and toyed with it nervously, dragging her fists down the braid, one over another, her thimbles catching on individual strands.
A shiver crawled under Mayr's skin. They were family. They had to be. The resemblance was too strong.
"I—I wanted to—" Tash started, pulling Mayr closer behind him. "I owe all of you apologies I cannot express deeply enough." He cleared his throat and turned away from the three people before him. "I shamed my family and Araveena Ford. I disgraced Kattal. I put the malicious greed of the Shar-denn and my own selfish desires before the lives of innocent citizens. I took advantage of Araveena, repaying kindness with theft, lies, and bloodshed. Although I won't list my every transgression here today, I will submit to a full legal trial, and a detailed statement should Magistrate Galosa and you request it. Names must be spoken. The dead cannot be forgotten."
His head lowered slightly. "In the name of those who did not deserve my allegiance, I committed atrocious crimes against this village and our neighbours. Together with other misguided individuals, I stole things people needed—valuable items and the necessary means to survive—and sold them to benefit the Shar-denn. I then accepted payment for doing so. I also stole people."
Tash's voice cracked, his breaths laboured. Mayr suspected tears clouded Tash's eyes. "I aided in moving them across borders and into the dark places where terrible things could be done to them. I gave them to the Breakers, men trained to do just that—break. Damage. Shred the spirit and shatter the body. For compliance, for obedience, for constant use by those who would pay a worthy sum for pleasure, over and over. While I did not do these things alone, and I never touched them myself, I didn't liberate them. I allowed innocents to be battered until they wanted nothing more than to die: women and men who had done nothing but exist. I took that existence from them without fighting on their behalf. I should have fought. I knew better. I was raised better," he added, facing the sobbing women before him. The older woman covered her face and cried harder.
The crowd erupted with jeers and demands for punishment, pointing at Tash and shaking their fists.
"Tell them the rest, Taldris," the woman with auburn hair yelled, barely audible above the noise. "Tell them whose blood you wear. Tell them who you sent to the Realm of the Dead."
"Inesta, stop, please," Tash whispered.
Mayr glanced between Tash and Inesta, frozen as he recalled Tash's four truths. The girl he was with; the first one who left him. The one he cut himself over.
The admission needed to stop. The pain she caused was too much for Tash to bear. A confrontation with her was not part of the plan.
Mayr gripped Tash's forearm to steady him. "I want to get you out of here," he murmured, his back turned to the villagers. "You've confessed enough. I can't let you—"
"Let him finish!" a voice called from the crowd. Other voices rose in agreement.
Tash's misted gaze caught Mayr's. "I have to finish this. I can't go back, and I can't leave it unsaid. Inesta's right: I have to confess the rest or I'm not being completely honest." He wrenched his arm from Mayr's hold.
"I don't like it." Mayr growled and glared at the villagers, gritting his teeth. He could not attack them. By every one of Kattal's laws, they had the right to hear the full confession. He had little right to intervene, particularly when Tash refused his aid. Aeley was not there, but he remained her agent, sworn to uphold the law even when he hated it. That did not stop him from despising every word Tash spoke or the fact Tash cried silently, betrayed by his tear-stained cheeks.
With a raised hand, Tash quieted the crowd. "I spilled blood, this is the truth. Whenever people attacked my bosses or fellow members or tried to seize our goods, I attacked back, often without mercy. To that end, several men and women died from their injuries, some of them from Araveena, many from other villages. Though I didn't murder innocent people, not directly, I bore witness and helped to subdue them. I'm as guilty as those who made the kills. I was also…" His breath hitched. When he continued, his voice was hoarse. "I was also responsible for the deaths of two young couples, treasured citizens of this village. I haven't named the other dead here, but I shall voice these names: Calaro and Griane, Aketa and Leseth—"
A high-pitched wail broke through the square. A red-haired woman wept loudly and collapsed in the arms of the burly man at her side, his cheeks smudged with ash. One of the mothers, Mayr surmised as the woman fought to stay upright.
Tash flinched. "I did not take their lives, but I did not stop their deaths. Calaro and Leseth were young brothers of this village, sons to her blacksmith. They were sixteen, in love, and ambitious for freedom. After I happened to overhear their plans to flee and the intention to take one of the faction boss's daughters, Griane, with them, I did not keep their secret. I used them to further my status and purchase loyalty from Griane's father. The Shar-denn caught them as they escaped, killing Calaro and Leseth in a gruesome display meant to prove a point to all others like them. Aketa and Griane were killed in the fray." He clasped his hands before him. "Without me, they could have lived. Had I intervened in the chase, I could have saved them. Those boys could have been alive today. But I was a coward. I chose to save myself rather than innocent people. I saw to my end rather than rescuing them from theirs. And for that, I will plead until the end of my days for forgiveness from Navara and Hastal."
Facing Galosa, Tash bowed and held his hands out, palms up. "Magistrate, through you and the Blessed Four, I release these truths. I swear upon all that is sacred that the man I was is not who I am now. No words can undo the past, but I pray you may forgive me one day."
That Tash neglected to mention his priesthood did not escape Mayr. He doesn't want them influenced, Mayr reminded himself, struggling to keep quiet. He wants to be treated like everyone else. That's ridiculous. It's a lie, not telling them, regardless of how many ways he can justify it.
To the sound of enraged shouts, Galosa stepped onto the dais. "Keep praying." His dark glance moved from Tash to Mayr then back to Tash. "Your confession gives us enough to punish you, though there is more. You ran. For that, we incurred harm on your behalf. Good people
here were threatened and injured during the Shar-denn's pursuit of you. They wanted information we could not give, but they insisted we knew where you had gone. More than one person was crippled during those years. A young boy lost his life trying to defend his family against men looking for you. You have much to answer for, Taldris. You put all of us at risk."
Galosa raised his arms, silencing the crowd. "We will assemble in the meeting hall. Fetch your neighbours. Bring them to the meeting to discuss what must be done to right these acts. Justice will be done before nightfall. Disperse!"
The crowd broke apart. Villagers fled in every direction.
"You are to remain here, do you understand?" Galosa gripped Tash's wrist. "You do not leave. And your family does not attend, as our laws state." He pointed to the broad-shouldered man behind him in a green tunic and dark pants. Taller and more intimidating than Galosa, the blond man regarded Tash with a sneer. "Olona will remain here. He is a soldier for the Council, so no bright ideas. He will allow you time with your family, but if you run off, he has permission to gut you."
"I understand," Tash said.
With a huff, Galosa left the dais, his black and gold robe trailing as he hurried away. Olona backed toward the edge of the square, his gaze locked on Tash.
"I hope they tear you apart," Inesta hissed at Tash. "I can't believe I was ever with a coward like you. You stole parts of my life, Taldris, and I want them back!"
When she lunged at him, she was caught by the man with the Shar-denn tattoo. "Inesta, enough!" he commanded, hauling her back. His voice was deep. His growl was even deeper, guttural. "Let's just get to the shop and calm down. We've a meeting to go to. Leave the traitor alone. He'll just ruin our lives more."
"As if you ever needed my help, Ress," Tash retorted under his breath. "Besides, I don't see you up here."
Ress stopped. Head lowered, body in an offensive position, he cast Tash an enraged glare. "What was that? Thought I heard you complaining, traitor." He dragged a finger across his throat. "That's what I hope you get. Turning us in, running your mouth. Bad enough you ran and stuck everyone else with a knife in the back, but you just had to drag us out of there, too." Snorting, he spun Inesta around and led her through the square.
Mayr stepped in front of Tash, separating him from the villagers' view. "So that was your best friend." Now an informant for the High Council and in league with the bounty hunters, he recalled from the list Aeley had shown him.
"Used to be." Tash hung his head and scraped the dais with his boot. "That was a long time ago. After I gave his name to the Council…" Dejection weighted his words, underlying pain surfacing with every crack in his strained voice.
Unable to withstand it, Mayr drew Tash into his arms. "I know. I saw the list," he murmured. "You did what you thought was necessary, just like you did here. But it's done. That part's done. Now we have to wait, but don't lose hope. Maybe they'll insist you go to Council for judgment."
Tash wrapped his arms around Mayr's waist and buried his face in Mayr's neck. "You don't believe that. With the way they were…" His grip tightened. "Don't leave me. Whatever punishment they give, please don't leave."
"I won't. Just don't end up dead." Mayr brushed a kiss along Tash's temple and lingered, taking in his scent and warmth. This moment could not be the last time he held Tash or breathed him in. Together as a couple or not, he needed Tash, more than he could admit. As much as he wanted to tell Tash what he felt, the words would not form. Instead, he drowned in a deep sea of emotions he could not share. He barely understood the longing coiled in tight chains around his heart.
A cleared throat interrupted them, followed by boots scuffing the dirt behind Mayr.
Irritated by the interruption, Mayr released Tash and turned to meet the glances of the women and man who resembled Tash. They were calm, their eyes red from weeping. "Can I help you?"
"Mayr." Tash moved Mayr aside. "Wait."
"Little Bird?" the younger woman asked softly, still clutching her braid. Hesitant, she reached for Tash.
Tash stepped from the dais, his stare latched to hers. After a long moment, he took her fingers into his and pulled her against him. "Ally. Ally, I'm so sorry." He held her tighter as she sobbed against his shoulder, her hands fisted in his shirt. They swayed, even as the older woman wrapped her arms around them both.
"Here, let's get rid of these." Tash pushed back and held her face in both hands, clearing tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. "Mayr." He held out his hand until Mayr joined them. "My sister, Allaysia."
Allaysia wiped her eyes with the back of her hands and smiled weakly. She sniffled as she tried to regain composure.
Tash leaned his forehead against the older woman's. "And this, this is my mother, Parase." He kissed her cheek and hugged her, whispering words only she could hear. They were enough to make her cry anew.
"You can probably tell who I am," the unnamed man finished, nearing Mayr. He offered his arm in greeting. "Kilienn, his father."
Mayr clapped his hand to Kilienn's forearm. Just as they released their grasps, Tash faced his father. They regarded each other, the silence twisted by tension.
Kilienn pulled Tash into an embrace that unsteadied them both. "We've missed you. Prayed for you every day. Every day."
"I know. I'm sorry, I really am." Tash fell back to stand beside Mayr. "This isn't how I wanted to see you again, and I can't take it back. I'm sorry for that, too. But I—I couldn't—I just had to—" He looked to Mayr, struggling to finish the words he could not spit out. "There wasn't a way around this. I had to do it."
"I thought you said they were dead," Mayr muttered to Tash, turning slightly.
"To me. They were dead to me," Tash whispered. "They had to be so we could all move on. Please don't be angry. Please understand."
"I'm not. I do. Just…" Mayr pressed a hand to Tash's chest to commit the rhythm of his heart to memory. Memories would be all he had left, even if Tash survived the trial. "Tell me about them later."
Tash kissed his cheek. "I will, I swear."
"Halataldris?" Parase clasped Tash's hand, a small smile on her lips. "Little Bird, will you introduce us to your companion?"
Laughing silently at the stunned expression on Tash's face, Mayr bowed his head. "Mayr of the Dahe estate, Head of the Guard for Tract Steward Dahe."
One of Kilienn's brows arched. "A man of the law. Interesting choice, son. Any other drastic changes we might enjoy?"
"I'm a priest now?" Tash lowered his gaze. "Almost fully committed."
Allaysia squealed. "You found something good to do. I knew you could." She threw her arms around Tash. "The Goddesses always loved you, I told you. You never listened to me. And now you found someone special, too. This is the best surprise ever." When she drew back, she slapped his arm. "What's with that confession, you horrible little beast? Tissie came running into the shop to tell us you were back and getting yourself into trouble. Then we see you up there and…" Allaysia slapped his arm again. "Don't you dare do that again, you hear? Don't you ever scare us again. Not ever."
Her rant finished, Allaysia embraced Tash tight enough to restrict their breaths.
Kilienn cleared his throat and nodded toward Hetlan. "Your friend looks likes he'd appreciate a softer place to stand and something to eat. Water, too. I know you can't leave this spot, so why don't I take him back to our house? We have an extra stall and food." He tapped his wife's hand. "I'll just leave you here to catch up. I'll be back before the meeting adjourns. You can tell me what I missed later. We've got a lot of talking to do." The pointed stare he cast Tash before walking away was enough to prompt Tash to lower his head.
"He's just not sure how to feel," Parase said, holding both of Tash's hands. "He loves you, Halataldris, so much it breaks his heart. Just like it did when you told us you were leaving. Like it did when you said they'd come after you. None of us got over that. I'm sure you never did, either. When you talk to him, remember that. If he raises his voice, it's not because h
e doesn't care about you, it's because he does." She held him close. "Just like I do. I never stopped."
"I know," Tash answered. Over her shoulder, he looked at Mayr.
The agony in his gaze seeped into Mayr, yanking on Mayr's need to comfort him. The reunion with his family should have been joyful, but it only added to Tash's pain and sorrow. The reality of the situation did nothing but strangle Mayr's hope. If he dies during this, that's it. I'm never talking to another priest. I'm never doing anything for any Goddess. I'm never stepping foot into another temple. You hear that? He dies, that's it between me and the Four of You. Because if You can't just let him live his life, You're no Goddesses of mine.
*~*~*
The day wore on into late afternoon. The square remained abandoned except for Mayr, Tash, Tash's family, and Olona, who sat on a stool in front of a fruit cart, playing with his knife and watching them. On the ground in front of the dais, Parase sat on one side of Tash while Mayr sat on the other. Allaysia sat between Tash's legs, leaning back into him, content to be in his arms. Kilienn sat across from his daughter, facing all of them. There had been no word from the public meeting. Mayr prayed it meant a lighter sentence.
Though for all the time it took the village to debate Tash's case, there was ample time for him to catch up with his family. They traded stories, listened to Tash's experiences as a priest, discussed matters of the republic and local gossip, and inquired into Mayr's family and life with the Dahes. Allaysia reminded Mayr of Estara and Orlee, and Parase of his own mother. Kilienn was more like Korre than Malary, except for the occasional slip of sarcasm.
With Tash's family before him, Mayr felt guilty. How excruciating had the visit to Mayr's family really been for Tash, surrounded by a family similar to his own? Even though he could not have known, Mayr swore he would make it up to Tash. Together or not, friends or lovers, he would pay Tash back for the unintentional torture.
Four Page 17
