by Will Dunne
Identify any expositional speeches in your scene. These are lines that refer to offstage characters, past events, or the inner world of the speaker. They are often written in the past tense and tend to be long. Answer these questions for each expositional speech:
1. What is the character’s reason for revealing this information now? If the purpose is only to explain, how can you change the character’s intention so that he or she is trying to affect the other character in an important way?
2. Exposition feels talky in the absence of conflict. Look at where your expositional speeches occur. Do you need to increase the dramatic conflict here, and if so, how?
3. Think about what’s at stake for whoever is revealing this information. Are the stakes high enough to justify an interruption in the here and now of the scene?
4. How much of this information does the audience really need at this time in the story? What expositional details, if any, can be eliminated?
5. Are there any important expositional details that need to be added?
■ SUBTEXT
The subtext of a scene is the unspoken flow of thoughts and feelings that underlie the dialogue and bring deeper meaning to it. A skillful dramatic writer can include enough clues in the text to enable the audience to read between the lines and infer the subtext. Dialogue can feel stilted, false, or melodramatic when characters speak “on the nose” and articulate everything they think and feel. Often the deepest truths are better left to the silent realm of subtext.
1. Look for lines that directly express a character’s feelings, such as “I’m really mad at you.” Would any work better as subtext so that the emotion can be shown, not explained?
2. Look for lines that state important character conclusions, such as “You don’t love me anymore.” Would any work better as subtext so that the audience has to infer the character’s thoughts and thus become more actively engaged in the action?
3. Are there are thematic ideas or author’s messages that would be more powerful if they were dramatized rather than explained?
■ UNNECESSARY DIALOGUE
Ideally, each line of dialogue is essential because it not only reveals important information about the characters but also moves the story forward. If any lines can be cut without significantly affecting the dramatic action, they probably need to go.
1. Can any lines be eliminated because they repeat what has already been said?
2. Are there filler lines—such as “What?,” “What do you mean?,” or “Really?”—that can be cut because they don’t advance the action?
3. Are there segues—such as “Let me tell you a story” or “Then what happened?”—that can be cut because they do nothing but needlessly announce another speech?
4. Can any lines be rendered unnecessary via translation into nonverbal terms—such as an object, physical action, or visual image—that show, not tell, the story?
5. Are all of the references to offstage characters or events really necessary?
6. Do any lines exist mainly because you are impressed with their brilliance? Such “darlings” need to go if they don’t advance the story.
7. Are there any filler words within the lines—such as “well,” “so,” or “at any rate”—that can be eliminated because they just take up space?
■ INAPPROPRIATE DIALOGUE
The dramatic voices of characters reflect who they are, where they live, and when they live there. At any given time, their speech also reflects their current needs, physical and emotional states, and relationship to whoever else is present. Review your dialogue for any lines that feel inappropriate for your characters in this particular situation.
1. Does each character’s dramatic voice feel consistent with his or her voice in the rest of the story? If not, is there a dramatic reason for the difference?
2. Does the character’s language fit his or her age, educational level, and upbringing?
3. Are there any technical, slang, ethnic, or other terms that these characters would not know or use or that don’t fit this geographical region or period in history?
4. If there is poetic language, does it fit the character speaking it?
5. Would the dialogue benefit from more poetic language?
6. Does the dialogue match the emotional tempo of the scene? If the situation is tense, for example, does the pace of the dialogue reflect that?
■ MONOLOGUES
A monologue is a prolonged speech in which a character speaks inwardly or addresses another character, the audience, or the universe. Monologues offer the opportunity to reveal a character’s inner world but can intrude on the action if they are overused or if their purpose is only to explain something for the benefit of the audience. As with most dialogue, monologues tend to work best when they are driven by objectives and rich in word imagery. If there are any monologues in the scene, consider these questions:
1. Does the character have a clear reason to speak at length now? Is this reason strong enough to carry the weight of the words?
2. How clear is the speaker’s intent?
3. Is the monologue about one thing, or does it ramble on without a clear focus?
4. What is at stake during the monologue? Can the stakes be any higher?
5. Does the speaker experience anything new here and now, such as a discovery or change of emotion?
6. If the monologue is written in the past tense, can it be changed to the present tense to make it more dynamic?
7. If other characters are present, does it make sense that they would remain silent and allow the speaker to go on at length?
8. Why is this a monologue and not an exchange of dialogue between characters?
9. Are there any lines that can be cut or condensed without weakening the monologue’s purpose or impact?
10. What is the most important line in the monologue, and why?
11. Do you see any opportunities to heighten the impact of the monologue through word imagery?
12. Beyond the words spoken, what new information is revealed about the speaker?
13. Why is this monologue essential to the scene?
■ OVERUSED SPEECH PATTERNS
Characters have distinct ways of expressing themselves and, in some cases, may repeat certain linguistic idiosyncrasies because of who they are. However, overused speech patterns can weaken a scene’s dramatic impact and take up valuable space in the script.
1. Does your character ask too many questions, especially in a row? Multiple questions often indicate the presence of a foil, that is, a character who asks all the right questions so the other character can articulate everything the writer wants explained. Has anyone in your scene become a foil?
2. Do your characters use each other’s name too often in direct address?
3. One character interrupting another can be dramatic, but too many interruptions can make a scene feel choppy. What interrupted dialogue, if any, can be replaced by robust lines that fuel the action rather than cut it short?
4. When characters speak back and forth in paragraphs, it usually means that the content of their lines is too complicated. Can any longer speeches be broken down into shorter ones that each express a single idea and intensify the characters’ interaction?
■ LINE CONSTRUCTION
Dialogue in a play or film differs from that in fiction because it is heard rather than read and because the audience can’t go back over it if something wasn’t clear. Some dramatic writers test their dialogue by reading it aloud during script development.
1. Are any lines difficult to say because they are too long or too complex?
2. Might any words be misunderstood because of how they sound phonetically?
3. When a character speaks, there is usually a word or phrase that prompts the other character to reply. This cue typically occurs near the end of the line so the other character can respond without having to wait artificially for the rest of the speech to be completed. Do you see any cues that need to be moved closer to the
end of a line?
4. Dialogue has a certain rhythm created by line length, word patterns, and sentence construction. Does the rhythm of your dialogue change enough to keep the scene from becoming monotonous (unless there is a dramatic reason for the monotony)?
5. Review your use of typographical elements, such italics, caps, ellipses, and dashes. Are you relying too much on such elements to tell the actors how to say their lines?
WRAP-UP
Dialogue often seems like everyday speech but is actually a heightened version of it. As you edit your script, stay aware of the dramatic quality of the words your characters use. Keep looking for ways to clarify, condense, and cut lines until you can settle on those that are essential because without them the scene simply would not make sense.
Related tools in The Dramatic Writer’s Companion. For other technical approaches to dialogue, go to the “Causing a Scene” section and try “Talking and Listening,” “Universal Truths and Lies,” or “The Bones of the Lines.”
Building Your Story
Story is what happens when a character tries to accomplish something that is not only extremely important but also extremely difficult. The struggle to achieve this goal triggers a chain of events that challenges, reveals, and often changes the character. Use the exercises in this section to help you explore the roots of the dramatic journey, develop an effective throughline, and get a clear big-picture view of the story so that you can better understand what it’s really about.
FACTS OF LIFE
THE QUICK VERSION
Define how the world of your story works
BEST TIME FOR THIS
During early story development
HOW THIS STORY WORKS
Since there is no successful formula for a dramatic story, writers need to set their own rules for each new story they want to tell. A key purpose of such rules is to define how the world of the characters operates. Once established, these facts of life become important guidelines during script development. They determine how things usually work in this world, what is possible here under unusual circumstances, and what is never possible under any circumstances.
The nature of a story’s operating rules depends on the type of reality the writer wishes to create. If the story is realistic, the rules mirror the laws of nature. For example, if a crack cocaine addict wants to get sober, she will have a difficult time doing so because of the drug’s physical and psychological effects (Water by the Spoonful by Quiara Alegría Hudes). When a realistic story includes events that are unusual or hard to grasp, the writer may need to do research to ensure that the story’s operating rules have been correctly depicted. If a girl suffers from progenia, which makes her age more rapidly than normal, the writer needs to know how this genetic disorder can affect the body over time (Kimberly Akimbo by David Lindsay-Abaire).
If the story is nonrealistic, the writer dispenses with some laws of nature and creates special operating rules to replace them. These new facts of life may make it possible for a man to travel back through time to a different era (Midnight in Paris by Woody Allen), for a woman to be visited by her guardian angel (Marisol by Jose Rivera), or for the ghost of a tiger to haunt the soldier who killed it (Bengal Tiger at the Baghdad Zoo by Rajiv Joseph). When a world has nonrealistic elements, the writer needs to know exactly what these elements are and how they affect life here.
ABOUT THE EXERCISE
Whether your story is realistic or nonrealistic, this exercise can help you define the operating rules for the world your characters inhabit. For best results, focus on the rules that will have the greatest impact on story events.
In the final part of the exercise, “If Your Story Is Nonrealistic,” examples are from Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) by Alejándro Gonzalez Iñárritu, Nicolas Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris Jr., and Armando Bo. Recipient of the 2014 Academy Award for Best Writing, Original Screenplay, the film centers on the attempts of a former cinema superhero to stage a comeback by writing, directing, and starring in a Broadway play adapted from a short story by Raymond Carver. The film is notable for a cinematographic approach in which most of the action appears to unfold in one take and for a story that features distinct elements of magic realism.
■ REALISM VERSUS NONREALISM
A realistic story aims to create an illusion of real life in progress without acknowledging the audience. It typically features “slice-of-life” situations, emotional themes, everyday speech, and characters with whom we can empathize. Glengarry Glen Ross by David Mamet and Bridge of Spies by Matt Charman, Joel Coen, and Ethan Coen are both realistic dramas.
A nonrealistic story aims to create an artificial reality. It may feature unusual or otherworldly situations, intellectual themes, stylized speech, archetypal characters, and imaginative devices such as exaggeration, distortion, fragmentation, repetition, symbolism, or direct address to the audience. A story may be fully nonrealistic, as in Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett, which creates a desolate new world for its characters. Or a story may be mostly realistic but have nonrealistic elements, as in After the Fall by Arthur Miller, which presents emotional depictions of real-life events but includes a character who speaks to the audience and a set comprised of platforms without walls or furniture except for a chair.
Decide how realistic your story will be, and then move to the appropriate set of questions below.
■ IF YOUR STORY IS REALISTIC
For a realistic world, it may not be necessary to devote extra time to its operating rules since they have already been established by nature. However, if the story deals with topics that are rare, complicated, or a matter of historical record, you may need to do research to ensure that you understand what the rules are.
If any topics in your story require research, gather the information you need from the resources you have available, and focus this activity around the specific questions your story raises. Then use the following steps to integrate your findings into your script.
1. Sum up your research findings as a series of bullet points.
2. Which of these findings will most influence story events? Prioritize your bullet points by numbering them in order of importance.
3. Review your numbered bullet points, and eliminate any that have little or no relevance to your story.
4. For each important finding, how much of this information does the audience really need in order to understand story events and find them credible?
5. How will your findings affect the physical, psychological, or social traits of your characters? Which characters will be most affected, and how?
6. How will your findings affect the nature or sequence of story events?
7. What findings, if any, can be translated into visual images that eliminate the need for words of explanation?
8. What findings, if any, will need to be explained in dialogue?
9. For any findings that require explanation, who will deliver the information to whom? What will be the reason for doing so?
10. Review the findings that you wish to integrate into your script. Can you further condense any of this information without weakening its purpose for being there?
■ IF YOUR STORY IS NONREALISTIC
If you wish to create a world for your story that is artificial, whether in whole or in part, it is important to define the facts of life for this new reality. The world of Birdman is governed by special operating rules that reflect the increasingly nonrealistic perceptions of the main character, Riggan Thomson, as he succumbs to madness. For example:
• Riggan has the ability to levitate. When meditating in his dressing room, he can assume a lotus position two feet above the floor.
• A gravelly disembodied voice can speak to Riggan but not be heard by anyone else. This is the voice of Birdman, the superhero he once played in the movies.
• Birdman can address Riggan as “you” or “we.” The “you” highlights Riggan’s separation from the superhero and is meant to make him feel like
a failure. The “we” highlights their unity and is meant to make him feel powerful and loved.
• Riggan has special powers that let him move objects by pointing at them. He can telekinetically turn off a TV or send a vase of roses flying across the room.
• These telekinetic powers grow as Riggan’s grasp on reality weakens. At his peak, he can make a building explode or stop a giant alien from attacking the city.
• Others in the real world cannot witness Riggan’s superhero powers at work. While he sees himself telekinetically destroying everything in his dressing room, his producer sees him only throwing things around.
• Birdman can evolve from a disembodied voice to a masked superhero with the ability to fly, but only Riggan can see this presence.
• A final stage of Riggan’s transformation is his ability to fly like Birdman over the streets of Manhattan.
What special rules are you creating for the world of your story? Use the following questions to explore possibilities.
Nonrealistic elements
Explore the world of your story and its key nonrealistic components. For example:
1. Human characters. Nonrealism in a script is often the result of the characters themselves: who they are, how they appear, and what they can and cannot do. Do any of your characters have nonrealistic
• physical traits, such as x-ray vision or hands shaped like scissors?
