by Cass Sellars
“I know. That’s why you were cooling it in your personal sex machine.” Mack offered Syd a knowing smirk.
“You just can’t get over it, can you?” Syd shook her head at her de facto partner.
“No, I can’t. I was in that passenger seat yesterday. I’m not even as tall as you, and I barely fit.” Mack’s incredulous tone made Sydney laugh.
Syd returned to look intently at the paperwork and murmured, “Driver’s side.”
Mack whipped her head up to look at her. “Now I know you’re lying. There’s no way.”
“Oh, there’s a way, believe me. I have a bruise from the emergency brake to prove it.” Syd tapped her fingers along her right hip and chuckled at her friend still staring at her from under her black SLPD cap. “I’d lend you the car for a date with Jen to prove it, but I don’t want you to taint my ride.” Syd tensed right before a punch hit her left bicep.
“Maybe someone should give you a ticket for lewd and lascivious, Hyatt.”
“I would take that citation willingly,” Syd said proudly and returned to the stack in her lap. “So, other than an accounting guy with a lead foot and quiet Ben with a penchant for parking in the wrong place, no one floats to the top.”
“That’s what I saw, too. Or rather, didn’t see. Let’s get these over with so we can focus on what’s next. I’ll call you in ten.”
“I’m getting back in mine; the velour upholstery in here gives me a rash.” Syd grinned as she unfolded from the car.
“Liar. You just have better flashbacks in that one.” Mack pointed at the sports car.
“Very true, my friend, very true.”
Mack rolled her eyes and strode to the building, activating the video app as she walked. She turned and tapped her breast pocket as she dropped the phone inside. She exited the elevator and Syd watched her head for her wife’s office. Suddenly, angry voices came through.
“…total fucking idiot, Newkirk. My calendar is not offensive. It’s a goddam charity calendar from the Humane Society! The girl just happens to have big boobs. Give me a break!”
“It’s not proper for a woman to display herself that way. You have to respect my beliefs; Ms. Duncan told you.”
Frank and Ben stood nearby, watching the circus unfold.
Parker stood next to Jenny with her hand on Mike’s shoulder, trying to move him away.
“You are a total idiot, Newkirk. Get over yourself. The world doesn’t work like that. Go back to where you came from!”
“You are a heathen, and you’re going to hell,” he said just before Mike wrestled easily out of Parker’s light grip. Chris suddenly launched at Mike, who stumbled back and into Jenny, flattening her under Mike’s flailing body.
Mack broke into a run, the camera bouncing wildly, and arrived just in time to pull Mike roughly up and away from her wife. Parker helped Jenny to her feet before Mack shoved both battling men into Jenny’s office.
Jenny quickly mouthed, “I’m fine,” and stepped out of the way of the closing door that Syd was more than grateful to be behind, albeit only virtually.
Mack launched at both of them. “Have you both lost your minds? This is the shit that ten-year-olds argue about.”
Mike was still visibly steaming at being toppled by the irritating new employee, and Chris looked as if he had won some moral battle no one had asked him to fight.
“You are supposed to be professionals; instead, you’ll both be charged with assault. That should look good in the church bulletin, huh, Chris?”
Syd knew Mack wouldn’t waste her time unless one of them pressed the issue, but she was making her point.
Chris began to cry. Mike started to make fun of him before Mack wheeled on him with a look that made him rethink his next move.
“You open your stupid mouth for even one word, I will parade you out of here in handcuffs, am I clear?”
He nodded, and his shoulders slumped.
“Where are you supposed to be right now?” She addressed Mike, who suddenly looked frightened instead of smug.
“Working at my desk, ma’am.”
“I suggest you go do that unless you have something else to say. I’ll come find you later, how’s that?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He walked out quickly.
Mack closed the door and pivoted in Chris’s direction. Syd nearly felt sorry for the sniveling moron. “Do you need your job here, Chris?” Mack placed her hands on either arm of the chair, effectively boxing him in and bringing Syd’s point of view to somewhere near his left eye. He looked thoroughly uncomfortable at the proximity. Syd was unsure if it was because she was a cop or a woman or a lesbian. The combination, of course, might be more than he could take.
“Yes, I do.” He leaned away from her as far as the stiff chair would allow.
“Then why are you trying so hard to piss everyone off?”
“I’m not, but people are supposed to respect my religious beliefs.”
Even she was tired of the argument, so she couldn’t imagine what his coworkers thought.
“And you’re also supposed to be an adult. If you start a confrontation every time you see a picture of a woman in a bikini in a store window or an ad on a bus shelter, you are going to have a very long, tedious life. You’re entitled to your beliefs, but you don’t get to act crazy. If he had a naked picture on his wall, that would be one thing, but you are taking this too far. You understand that you could be arrested…again…right?”
He started to protest when she fingered the handcuffs on her belt.
“Yes. I understand. I won’t say anything about the pictures again. Please, don’t arrest me; my dad would kill me. Literally.”
Syd thought he looked terrified, though less of being arrested than of his father, which seemed incredibly sad.
“I have no control over what happens to you at work, but I will charge you next time. That means prior convictions could also come out, got it?”
He nodded apprehensively, clearly understanding the thinly veiled warning. He began to stand, looking to Mack for permission.
She straightened and pointed at the door. “Go.”
The hallway in front of the offices had cleared when Mack found Jenny and Parker shut inside Parker’s office. “You okay, sweetheart?” Mack slid an arm around her wife and stroked a hand through her long hair.
Syd waited, unsure if she should speak to Parker or keep her promise to remain silent. She decided silence was better. The less her involvement was known, the better.
“I’m fine. Those two are just crazy.” Jenny shook her head at Parker, who was already typing up disciplinary actions on the computer.
“Sure you’re okay?”
Jenny nodded.
“I used to think you had a safe job, and now it just looks like you’re running an asylum.” Mack pushed a loose strand of hair behind her shoulder and looked into her pale eyes. Parker looked angry. “And you’re okay, Park? A certain someone would be really pissed if I didn’t ask.”
Syd strained to examine every nuance of the woman she loved slamming the keys into submission on her computer.
“Yes. You can tell her I’m fine. And I think we are running an asylum sometimes. They’re both getting finals because I am so done with this crap at work.” She continued to pound on the keyboard as she spoke, and Syd knew that no one should ever want to be on the wrong side of Parker when she was pissed.
“I hate to ask, but can I have the remaining two employees for a few minutes?”
“Sure.” Parker waved her hand. “It’s not like anyone’s working around here.”
Jenny squeezed against Mack one more time. “I’ll walk you to the conference room.”
“No, you try and put your day back together. I remember where it is. Oh, and try not to get in any more full-contact sports while I’m gone. I like everything right where it is.” Mack tapped a quick kiss over her lips.
“Funny, Mack,” Jenny called to her as she walked out.
***
&nbs
p; Syd unmuted the phone when Mack shut the door behind her and laid her folder on the conference room table.
“What the hell? Are you sure everyone’s okay? Parker looked…”
“Down, tiger. She’s fine. It’s handled. Truth be told, I think he tripped.”
“I truly wanted you to deck him.” Syd vibrated with the desire to do it herself.
“No, as you saw, the threat to arrest him might have been worse. Did you see him start to cry?”
“I did. Is Jenny really okay?” Sydney was much more concerned about her friend than the whiny choirboy.
“Yeah, fine. This guy is going to have a very hard life if he gets into fights over every woman wearing a tight shirt in a calendar.”
“It seems like we should get him a male calendar or two,” Syd joked.
“He might pass out. Gotta go, incoming.”
Syd saw her view change as she put the phone back on yesterday’s perch, and Syd muted her end.
“Ben Barrett? Have a seat.”
He nodded and shifted nervously on his heels when Mack gestured again for him to sit. “Is this about what happened today?”
“Well, I would like to get your take on it, sure. Why don’t you tell me about it?”
“Well, we were all in the offices, and I saw Chris get up and head toward Mike’s desk. I didn’t hear the radio, so I didn’t think anything about it. The next thing I hear is them yelling about some woman on a calendar, and Frank tells them to take it to HR, and well, you saw the rest.”
“Did you see the calendar?”
“Well, sure, I went and looked after that. I didn’t see anything wrong with it. Chris just seems to get bent every time anything happens.” Ben shook his head.
“What do you think about Chris?” Mack took the opening while it was there.
“I think he’s sheltered, and he’s scared of everything, and he doesn’t know when to shut up.”
Mack seemed to think that was a reasonable summation. “Aside from Chris, can you think of anyone who seems to be having a hard time adjusting to working here? Or who has a problem with anyone?”
“Nope.”
Mack thought of Jenny’s warning that he was very reluctant to engage. “What about women? Do you know anyone that has a problem with any of the women here? Maybe a crush?”
“No. But then again, I wouldn’t notice, I’m not looking. I have a fiancée, so I’m always trying to be respectful of our relationship.” Ben spoke emphatically.
“That’s good. Important.”
Syd saw Mack make sure she was visibly impressed for Mr. Barrett’s benefit. Mack had always been good at subtle rapport building.
“When are you getting married?”
“Sometime next year, I guess; we don’t want to rush it.” Barrett rubbed at the skin of his ring finger as if imagining one there.
“How long have you been together?”
“Eight years. We met right after high school. I saw her and knew she was the one.” He displayed a faraway smile.
“You worked for the family business before this, right? What made you go work for someone else?” Mack probed.
“Lillian. I want to be where Lillian wanted to be, and she likes living near here.” He stared at his hands.
“Where did you meet?” Mack waited. They needed him to tell her as much as he was willing.
“At school and then we went to a party together,” he answered quickly.
“That’s how I met my wife, at a party.” Mack scribbled notes on the paper.
“Your wife?”
If he was trying not to sound surprised, Syd thought he was failing.
“Yup. We’ve been married for nine years now.”
“Uh-huh.” He was obviously distracted.
“Does that bother you, Ben?” Mack tried to look genuinely interested, not judgmental.
“Uh…nope. I mean, obviously, I don’t get it. I just think people, especially kids, can get hurt in all of this.”
“Why is that?” Mack looked intense, as though there was a scab to be picked.
“They don’t understand adults’ personal lives, and then parents separate and try to win them over, and they get confused.” He was briefly emotional.
Mack looked puzzled, “Did your parents get divorced and fight over you?”
“Yup. Didn’t see my dad for ten years. If it wasn’t for my mom, that wouldn’t have happened.”
“I see. Do you blame your mom?” Mack had repeatedly said she felt more like a counselor than a cop, but it was during those times she got the most answers.
“Sure, she did it. Mothers shouldn’t take fathers away from their kids.” He managed to school any further reaction born of a bruising childhood, but Syd could see him struggle.
“I agree. Kids need all the love they can get.”
Syd watched Ben nod in emphatic agreement.
“Has that affected how you interact with people, do you think?”
“No. Used to, I guess, but now I just keep to myself.” Ben rubbed his fingers together before dropping his hands back into his lap.
“Why do you think you do that? Keep to yourself, I mean.”
“I guess I’m just careful who’s around. I want to make my wife happy when we get married, and I don’t want to make her suspicious or jealous, like I would expect her to do for me.” The statement sounded certain and final.
“That makes sense, Ben. Is there anyone here that you feel attracted to that she might be jealous of?”
Ben looked horrified by the question. “Of course not. Lillian is everything to me.” The faraway look returned.
“Ben, do you use words like ‘whore’ or ‘dyke’ in your everyday language?”
Ben’s head snapped up. “A person would have to be pretty angry to say those things. I don’t like that language. I want my kid growing up knowing that she should be respected.”
“Good enough.” Mack paused briefly as if she were consulting her notes. “What kind of car do you drive, Ben?”
“Pathfinder, why?”
“We’ve just been looking into some things at work, and we want to make sure there aren’t any strange cars hanging around the parking lot.” She dismissed it easily.
“Haven’t noticed.” He stared at her now, clearly intrigued.
“You think of anything that doesn’t seem right, will you call me?” Mack smiled quickly.
“Sure, I guess.” He shrugged and took the card she held over to him. He looked at the table as if he was stalling and then simply walked stiffly to the door.
“Well, that was like eating a bread sandwich,” Mack grumbled.
“I can’t imagine what this Lillian chick is like, but she can’t have met another human being before she got engaged to that guy.”
“To each his own, or her own, in this case.”
“Anything I missed not being in the room?” Syd asked.
“Up-close boredom? Trust me, he was as vanilla as he seemed.”
“So, Steve, the speed demon is our last great hope?”
“Seems so. Talk to you in a few.” Mack shuffled her previous notes into her folder.
Steve Akeroyd sauntered in wearing high-water chinos and a DPI polo. Syd noted his loafers had seen better days, but he offered a genuine smile and a firm handshake.
“Feeling better, Steve? I heard you were under the weather yesterday.”
“Yes, ma’am. Bitch of a migraine.”
Syd guessed that answered the question about whether he ever used that word.
“Sorry to hear that. I’m Lieutenant Foster with SLPD. I just wanted to take a couple of minutes to talk to you. I know you’re new here, right?” Mack set the baseline tone for a friendly exchange.
“Sure.” He shrugged.
“Have you noticed anyone behaving strangely? Perhaps someone who concerns you?”
“Not really. I mean Jesus-Chris Newkirk is a total whack job. You would think he had never been out of his house before he came here. But he does
n’t concern me like in a going-to-bring-an-Uzi-to-work kind of way.”
“Anyone else?” Mack looked him in the eye. She was skilled at catching any microexpressions and deception indicators.
He took a moment as if to search his mind. “Not that I can think of.”
“Have you made friends here?” The question was casual.
“I talk to people, but it’s a new gig, so those things take time. I have a lot of friends outside of work that I usually do stuff with.” His reply was casual and direct.
“What kind of stuff?”
“Car rallies, boat shows, sports. Guy stuff, I guess.” Steve shrugged at her.
“Do you have feelings for anyone or a relationship with someone here that might be more than friends?”
“Like want-to-date-them kind of feelings?”
Mack nodded.
“Hell, no. I just broke up with my girlfriend, and no offense, but I’ve had enough of women for a while. I told her that I wanted out, and she took all my money and most of my stuff. I’ll pass on riding the babe train for a while.”
“I’ve never heard it put that way before now, but I get that.” Mack doodled on the page as she listened to him and continued to watch his body language. “Ever use the terms ‘dyke’ or ‘whore’?”
“Well, sure, I guess. I mean, not like every day or anything. Why, is that a crime?”
“No, just a question. When was the last time you sent flowers to anyone, Steve?”
“Easy, to my mom for Mother’s Day. She gets all bent if I don’t send them, so I do. I think she likes to show off for the other women in her office about how much her son cares, etcetera. So, I do it.”
“That makes you a good son,” Mack offered genuinely.
“Actually, it makes me her only son. My sister and my mom don’t get along, so it falls on me a lot. But whatever, she’s my mom.” He gave a silly grin and a shrug.
“What kind of car do you drive?” Mack obviously didn’t want him to get too comfortable even though nothing rang for Syd about this particular interviewee.
“Well, I drive a Dodge Magnum to work and I have an old ’72 Beetle that I restored. My ex didn’t bother to take that, so I usually drive it on the weekends and to VW meet-up groups when they have them.” He stopped and looked at her curiously. “Can I ask what all this is about?”
