by Rachel Kelly
--
Wishing on Polaris doesn’t do me any good anymore
The moles on your face
Trace the paths of familiar
Constellations,
And the deep blue eyes beneath
Your full lash line
Mimic the 11p.m. winter sky
And I used to wish on shooting stars
For ponies and toys and tree houses,
But now
All my wishes sound like your name
--
The Latest Telescopic Discovery – A New Alignment of Lenses: None of them with your eyes
Telescopes have three main types of arrangements
We have one – and you’ve always chosen open
The bruise on my left hip developed after I pushed a little too hard and I forgot that tables were tangible things
8 times out of 10 people leave their keys in obvious places: coffee tables, hooks near doors, attached to purses or belt loops
19 times out of 20 the things you lose are in clear sight
You’re standing ten feet away and yet that distance feels as wide as the English Channel
I wish I could entwine my fingers with your belt loops and drag you into my hips
But if love was an ocean, I’d be 50 feet under struggling to break free of the coral and you’d be the buoy screaming drown
--
Autumn; how cold you’ve grown
From green to crimson,
Fresh to forgotten,
High above to beneath
The soles of well-worn sneakers,
Interlacing themselves with
Our memories and souls –
Just as well-worn as our sneakers;
Crisp air biting flesh with a tenderness
Parallel to your teeth against my neck
(I miss that even more these days,
Even though I swore I never would)
I draw my scarf tighter until it’s pressed
Right up to the pulse below my jaw
(The one you used to make palpitate,
We joked that I was worse than a heart attack patient–
You remember that, don’t you?)
I bend over to pick up a fallen leaf
Before tucking it into my pocket,
At least this season will end with something
That reminds me of you
--
But it wasn’t accidental at all, now was it?
Broken glass,
Spinning wheels,
Mutilated metal,
Radio on repeat -
Again
And
Again,
Siren screams,
Machines beep,
Hearts pound
And stop,
Lives shattered –
Just like the broken glass
Just like this broken heart
Eventually the sound
Becomes static
Eventually the noise become silence
Eventually there’s a hole left
That nothing else can fill
--
Hey Sam, don’t you remember?
hey sam, remember when
we were best friends
and every word out of your mouth
sounded like the next one out of mine?
hey sam, remember when
you asked me how long it took
to love someone and i laughed it off
because i saw that look in your eye
hey sam, ‘member how you told me
that we weren’t good together
and i took that as good-bye
and i ran, i ran so far
hey sam, remember how you spent
the next six months trying to forget my face
and even longer trying to get me to remember yours
hey sam, i’m sorry i broke your heart
but i just can’t be there to fix it anymore
hey sam, i hope you find someone who can
--
You always told me that colours were stupid, so this one’s for you
Red –
Like the rouge in my cheeks
After each and every kiss,
Like his favourite colour,
Like the leaves in the autumn,
His favourite time of year,
Like the blood seeping out of the burger
As he takes his sweet time making it.
Blue –
Like those deep irises hidden
Just beneath his full-lash line,
Like the October sky he loves so much,
Like the lake where he spends his winters,
And even more of his summers if he can.
White –
Like those teeth he keeps minty fresh,
Like the scars that turn his hands
Into treasure maps before and after
They trace my body,
Like the powdery snow he loves to send flying,
And like the hair beneath his dog’s buttery brown splotches,
The dog that loves him almost as much as I do.
--
Promises didn’t mean anything then and they don’t mean anything now
We swore up and down that it would be different now,
Made pinky promises with our words,
And tangled our dreams together.
We let pretty compliments cloud our judgment,
We let kisses trick us into thinking this was bigger,
We fooled ourselves into thinking that distance equaled strength,
When it really just tore us both away.
We let friendship and the past take precedence
Over what we have,
We let attraction take control,
And we made up what we didn’t know;
I was used to failing you,
But this time you failed me.
Maybe I asked for more than you could give,
But it shouldn’t have ended like this.
--
Embers
There once was a girl and a boy,
And when were they near each other –
Their entire beings became enflamed.
Their flames licked each other up,
Devouring each other whole.
One day the boy’s flame started to flicker,
So the girl doused herself in a feeble attempt
To pretend their fire had never existed.
So here they are, two glowing embers,
In different cities, both wondering
How flames so bright could be so easily
Extinguished.
--
Misdirected faith (not like I’m surprised)
So I put my faith
In a memory,
And while your memory
Serves you well –
Reality serves you better
As it remembers everything
You tried to forget,
So you wrap your arms
A little tighter,
Make your voice
A little quieter,
And keep yourself
A little safer
--
I must admit, I didn’t expect this
I always pictured leaving –
My mind had traced the paths
Of my back towards my home
Millions of times,
Millions of different ways,
But in my head,
I never imagined that it would be
This hard
--
Give me Sentimentality
I would rather
Baby’s breath laced into my wavy strands
Than cheap roses
Left on my mahogany porch.
I would rather
Spearmint on your breath,
Than your cigarette aroma
Pouring out with every word.
I would rather
A black suit jacket
Than your worn leather
Enc
asing strong shoulders.
But I would rather you
Than anyone else in the world.
--
Did you remember my face? Not even once?
I can see it now –
You slip off that golden band
And toss it on the bedside table
Before jumping into bed beside
Some woman who you did not
Give your last name to,
And I sit at home, watching the clock,
Until its hands are imprinted in my mind
And I make up a million excuses
But I know there’s only one
And I know that you’re not alone,
That you’ll be breathing soundly
Into the soft crease at the base of her neck
And you’ll come home smelling of Chanel No.5
When you know I only wear the lavender soap
That laces all of our bathroom shelves,
And when you lean over to kiss my cheek
I’ll pretend not to notice the smudge of red lipstick
Peeking out from just under your shirt collar
And my heart will combust beneath my ribcage,
Just like it did the morning before but I will
Force myself to smile back at you
And act like we’re both still in love
Because while our vows may have meant
Nothing to you,
They meant everything to me
--
Intel or Infidel
There you are,
Sitting in your office
Flicking a pen against your mahogany desk.
And there she is,
Just blocks away,
In your shared apartment
Only right now, she’s sharing it with someone else.
Someone who smells like Armani’s latest cologne,
Who thinks that “your body is a wonderland”
Is still a great pick-up line,
And whose name she’s moaning –
Even though you’re just blocks away.
They’re wrapped up in those sheets of Egyptian cotton
That you spent too many overtime hours paying for
(You forgot that they were just damn fabric)
And their thread count is higher than his IQ.
Yet she’s whispering in his ear
And laughing with him,
In ways that she hasn’t in years
(At least not with you)
And the “no vacancy” sign behind her eyes
Has been removed
She’s all but forgotten that she’s a Mrs. Somebody,
That she’s a Mrs. You.
And there you are,
Just blocks away,
Sitting in your office
Flicking your pen against your mahogany desk.
--
October never felt so warm, Morning never felt so wrong
Intoxicated kisses,
Warm skin,
Brushes of fingers,
Soft whispers in my ear,
Blurring the lines,
Between reality and here.
Cool glass with
Your easy smile,
Wandering fingertips
Along shoulder blades,
Cotton and skin,
Small promises,
Murmured secrets,
Of a broken childhood
And a desperation to comprehend.
Relating in the quiet,
Words are unsaid,
Unspoken but still known,
Lingering on the edges
Between acceptability and truth.
Falling,
Wishing,
Wanting,
Waiting,
Missing.
--
