by J. M. Madden
The entire time she’d been here they’d been walking a fine line, trying to wean him off the devastating psychotic medications. The drugs themselves were okay, but the maintenance level in his blood was astronomically high.
Raine skidded in front of the hallway to Haven’s room, her heart racing, and got bumped from behind. She glanced around and realized Noah had followed her from the elevator.
“Do you know about Haven?” she asked quickly.
“I’ve read reports.”
Raine frowned. Reports were nothing compared to real life. “No weapons,” she panted as she sped up.
A time or two she’d seen Noah with a weapon on his hip, usually when he’d been in a suit. Often he wore black BDUs and a long-sleeved T-shirt, like tonight, so she wasn’t sure if he had one or not.
Paul was outside of the room, eyes squinted and his hands up in front of his face as he faced the room. “It’s everywhere,” he gasped, turning his head away.
Raine prepared herself to be assaulted with whatever Paul was dealing with, then stepped directly behind him. Hands on his shoulders she nudged him aside, out of the roaring blast of the inferno. Raine braced her feet, her heart trip-hammering as she waited for heat and pain. It burned for just a minute, then she firmed her spine, blinked through it and stepped closer.
“Haven, it’s Nurse Raine. Can you hear me?”
In spite of what she saw Raine moved forward, through the horrifying phantasm. It swirled around her, dancing along her skin, but it never singed a hair. It got scalding hot for just a moment, then her mind caught up. It was all illusion.
“Haven!” she screamed.
The flame rippled, intensified and abruptly guttered out. Haven sat curled in the corner of his room, shuddering, arms around his knees. Her heart broke for him as she crossed the room and she knelt down. She gasped in a breath, then another. “Thank you for getting rid of the fire, Haven.”
The doctors had determined several weeks ago that the visions were based on actual memory. One of the other prisoners had been in the same Army Ranger group as Haven, and brought in from the same testing group. Alex Bosch had thought Haven dead for many months and he almost hadn’t recognized him when he did see him. It was only by chance when he’d passed Haven’s bed when he’d been on the lower, medical floor.
Paul had told her about the revelation just the other day and Raine could tell it hurt his kind heart at least as much as it hurt hers. No one deserved to be thrown away like that.
Haven didn’t outright acknowledge her other than getting rid of the fire. Raine looked up and saw Noah at the door, gun held at his side. His eyes were wide with excitement and he was his chest was moving like a bellows. She took a moment to point angrily at the gun and hike a thumb forcefully in the opposite direction, trying to tell him to get out of there with it, but it was too late.
Haven must have been part hound dog when it came to guns, because he knew that Noah was armed. The arms around his knees tightened and it was like he was trying to sink into the wall. A form manifested standing protectively over top of the two of them, and it pointed a long gun at Noah.
Being the former soldier he was Noah immediately lifted his weapon to fire, then hesitated. The apparition hadn’t fired yet and he didn’t want to be the first. It gave Raine the few seconds it took to lunge in front of him and push the gun high. “Get out,” she hissed. “No guns I said!”
Noah blinked down at her and seemed to see her for the first time. He glanced into the room at the apparition, but it had already begun to fade.
“He reacts this way when he feels threatened. Go!”
The big man scowled and backed away from her and the room. He looked rattled, like the reports that he’d read were finally starting to sink in. It had taken several similar incidents before they’d begun to figure out the pattern.
Raine hated to yell at Noah. It probably put the kibosh on any other kind of interaction they might have. Sighing as she watched him walk away, she returned to the room. Paul blinked at her, looking shell-shocked. “I’m okay,” she told him. “Go back to the floor and make sure the rest of the men are okay, please.”
He nodded without a word and followed Noah down the hallway, leaving her to return to Haven’s room. The apparition had disappeared completely, though Haven was still curled on the floor. When Dr. Cole had described their living conditions in the camp Raine had been horrified. The men had been in literal cages, sometimes with dirt floors. No clothing, no comforts at all. They’d been in a jungle so they hadn’t been supplied with a blanket or anything. It had been, from all accounts, a literal hellhole.
It had been a process to get them to accept even the most basic of comforts, so when she draped the super-soft blanket over his naked shoulders she didn’t know if he would take it. There was no response, so she sat down on the floor beside him, very sure not to touch him. That was another of Haven’s triggers.
Tension still hummed in the air, so she did what she always did when she was calming him down. She began to talk.
“That was some excitement, Haven, but let me tell you, my mood is over the moon right now. I got permission to decorate the rec room for Christmas. It’s only a week away and I thought it might be something you guys would enjoy. Do you remember celebrating Christmas?”
There was no response; she hadn’t really expected one. But when she shifted to lean against the wall and looked back at Haven, his deep-set sorrowful brown eyes were staring at her. Raine gave him a gentle smile and continued with her story.
“When I was growing up, we didn’t have much. Mama came from a poor family and so did my daddy, so there was never a lot at Christmas, but man, that woman could stretch the pennies. I don’t even know where she got everything but she always decorated like a mad woman. I won’t do all that but some of my fondest memories are of Christmas lights.”
In her mind’s eye she could remember running out onto the front yard, snow softly falling, as daddy flipped the switch to turn on all the lights on the outside of the house. They’d worked for hours untangling and changing bulbs and hanging before they were finally allowed to appreciate the final product. Raine could see her mama’s eyes, and the wonder in them, as she looked up at their shabby house finally shining and beautiful.
“My mother absolutely lived for those times. And even when it wasn’t Christmas, she let my brother and I keep lights up in our closets, just like she did.”
“All year?” Haven asked, voice rough from disuse.
Raine didn’t let her excitement show that he had spoken to her. “Yes. All year.” She leaned toward him a little. “Can I tell you a secret?”
Haven blinked and gave the slightest nod of his head.
“I have lights up in my closet now,” she grinned, and pointed up toward her apartment.
Something went soft in Haven’s eyes and he gave the smallest of smiles. If she had blinked, she would have missed it.
“What do you remember from your childhood? It can be about Christmas or not.”
Haven’s eyes shut and he breathed deeply. Raine thought that perhaps he had fallen asleep and was about to get up when his eyes opened again, looking confused. “It’s hard to sort out but I think I remember sitting at the soda counter, getting a Coke with my brother.”
“Oh, yeah, one of those fountain counters they used to have at department stores?”
“Yes,” he breathed.
That was all he said, but Raine considered it a win. Over the past few weeks he’d only spoken to her a handful of times. Usually he was too far lost in his own head, so she appreciated the gift that it was. She didn’t like sedating him and she would very happily put the loaded syringe back into the lockbox.
“Do you want to talk about what happened?”
Haven gave a shake of his head. “Not this time. I’m sorry I scared you.”
Raine dared to reach out and rest a hand on his propped arm. “It’s okay. It really is. You’re dealing with things the way you ne
ed to. I think you scared Paul but he’ll understand.”
For a moment Haven looked at her hand on his arm. Raine was about to withdraw it when he shifted and rested his second hand over top of hers for a bare second, then he pulled away. But he also pulled the blanket tighter around himself. Raine felt like she’d just been dismissed, so she got up and left.
Noah waited for her at the junction of the hallways. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was scowling. He was dressed in a black t-shirt and black BDUs, those pants with the pockets on the legs. Maybe that was why he intimidated people so bad, because he rarely smiled and he always wore black. His face eased a little when he spotted her and she wondered if he’d been worried about her.
“I’m sorry,” he said bluntly. “I should have listened to your instructions.”
“Yes,” she agreed. “You should have. Those reports that we put out are out there for a reason. I know you’re not on this floor very often but you still need to be aware.”
“You are completely correct,” he said, sighing. “I’m still finding my way in this new position and I reacted to danger like I was still in my old position.”
Raine could see the self-directed anger and she felt bad. She didn’t need to yap at him. “No one was hurt. That’s the most important thing.”
He blinked down at her and nodded. “Are they always that vivid?”
She turned and they started down the hallway toward the nurse’s station. “Yes. But he came out of that one fairly quickly. Sometimes he’s lost for hours, fighting men with guns or sometimes other prisoners. If it looks like it’s going to be a long episode I can sedate him, but we’re trying to wean him off the drugs. If there’s an alternate way we can find to help him deal with what’s going on in his head, we will.”
Raine moved around the counter and she could feel Noah’s eyes following her. His gaze put her on edge, in a purely feminine way, though she really didn’t think anything would come of it. Maybe he was just hanging around because he felt guilty. “Don’t worry, Noah, you didn’t do anything any other Marine wouldn’t do when confronted with an armed soldier.”
He huffed out a laugh. “How did you know I was a Marine?”
Raine glanced at him, grinning slightly and her eyes drifted down his body of their own volition. “Educated guess,” she murmured, turning back to her task.
Once she was ready, she headed back down the hallway toward Haven’s room. Noah walked along beside her and she glanced at him, surprised. “I promise you, I’m safe. He’s never manifested anything concrete and I’m fairly immune to what he does.”
“Why is that?” he asked, leaning down to peer into her eyes as they walked.
Raine frowned, a little embarrassed over the scrutiny. “I’m not sure, exactly. I can just always tell when they’re not real.”
As she walked into Haven’s room again Noah hung back at the doorway.
She knelt down beside her patient again. “Haven, I have something for you.”
He didn’t move for a long moment. Raine wondered if he would even look up. She held her breath as she waited for a response. Finally, he lifted his head, appearing more tired than normal. Smiling slightly, she held the cup of Diet Coke out to him. Haven didn’t move as he looked at the cup, but specters began to coalesce. Raine observed them out of the corners of her eyes, but didn’t do anything more than that, just waited to see if he would take the cup. Maybe he’d been drugged this way before. Was that why his hackles were up?
“Haven, look at me,” she ordered softly. It took him a long moment to lift his tortured gaze.
Very deliberately she lifted the cup up and drew on the straw, swallowing. “There’s nothing in here,” she promised, then held the cup out to him again. This time, Haven took it, watching her carefully. Then he looked down at the cup and his expression filled with need. With another sad look to her, as if even if it was poison he would take it, he lifted the straw to his own lips and drew.
Pain washed over his features and for a minute Raine wondered what she’d done to hurt him. There was nothing in that soda. Then his eyes flicked to hers. “Thank you, Nurse. Even though it’s diet it still tastes like ambrosia.”
Raine laughed, easing back. “I’ll be sure to get you regular Coke, how about that?”
He didn’t respond, just curled back up, wrapping himself around the cup of soda. Raine wasn’t offended as she walked out of the room. She refused to feel slighted that he hadn’t told her goodbye. That man, that survivor, had responded to her more today than he ever had.
When she walked out of the room she grinned up at Noah, and he grinned back.
“I consider that a breakthrough,” she told him as they walked down the hallway.
When they got back to the nurse’s station Paul was there, typing something into the computer. He looked up when they drew close and he noted her expression. “What happened?”
Raine grinned. “He talked to me. Twice. And he took a cup of Diet Coke from me. After I tasted it for him.”
Paul’s eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open. “No way.”
Raine nodded. Paul understood how remote Haven had been since he’d come to their floor.
“Did you medicate him?”
Raine shook her head. “Didn’t have to.”
Paul shook his head, obviously at a loss for words. “Good job, lady.” He looked at Noah. “If Dr. Cole doesn’t know it already, Raine is an amazing nurse.”
“Oh, please, Paul,” she hissed, and she knew her skin had to be turning pink. “Noah doesn’t need to hear that.”
Gaze going sharp, Noah leaned his muscular arms on top of the station counter. “Oh, no,” he said, eyeing her deliberately. “Tell me more.”
Raine made sure her expression promised retribution as she walked away, deliberately. If she didn’t, she was going to burn up with embarrassment.
Noah watched the fierce, intuitive little nurse walk away, appreciating her lush female shape. He couldn’t see it as well in dry pants, but it was still really good. And the way she blushed… damn.
He turned back to Paul, the big nurse. “So, go on.”
Paul looked surprised, then a little sly. “She’s a cutie, isn’t she? As far as I know she’s unattached.”
Noah scowled, not sure he wanted the other man to know how interested he was. “I don’t know that we’re…It’s probably not smart since we work together.” He shook his head. “Tell me about her nursing. Are all of the guys on this floor like Haven?”
“That bad? No,” Paul said carefully. “At least not in the same way. Our guys on this floor are not as medically fragile. For the most part they can feed themselves and take care of themselves, but they might have some kind of mental or behavioral issue that they’re struggling with.”
“Okay,” Noah said, encouraging him.
“For the most part none of them knew each other so they all have individual rooms. They can be as self-sufficient as they want to be. We have occupational therapists come in for breakfast and lunch and sometimes the men work with them to cook. If they’re not eating we note it in their chart and give them gentle reminders.” Paul shrugged. “It’s taking them a while to come back to the land of the living, you know?”
Yes, he did know. Maybe that was why he hadn’t been on this floor much, because the men were a little further along in their recovery than those on the other floors. Some of them on the lower floors were still on feeding tubes and ventilators, fighting for their lives. He sat with a couple of those men every day.
“So, what makes her such a great nurse?” Noah asked, honestly curious.
Paul looked at him, brows furrowed. “You know, I thought she was a flake at first with that twang in her voice and the sweetness, but she is one of the most true-hearted, loving women I’ve ever seen in my life. She cares about these men like no one else, like they’re her own brothers. I’m so glad she’s my counterpart. And I don’t say that lightly,” he said, eyeing Noah sharply.
&
nbsp; Noah appreciated that the guy was this protective of her. The two of them needed to have one another’s backs. “She hasn’t been here long, though.”
“Nope,” Paul agreed, “but it doesn’t matter. She has clicked like she’s meant to be here. Tomorrow she’s going out on her day off to shop for decorations for the rec room. She was even going to pay for them herself but Dr. Cole has promised to pay. Raine wants the best for these men.”
Yes, Noah could feel that too. He spoke with Paul for a few more minutes about inconsequential things before he excused himself.
“She likes to get stuff done early,” Paul called in a whisper-shout as Noah headed toward the elevator.
He paused. “What?”
“She likes to get stuff done early. I know you have one of those big SUVs. Maybe you can meet up and help her out. She wants to get a tree tomorrow but it won’t fit in her car.”
Noah gave him an odd look as the elevator dinged and the doors opened. With a final wave, but no promises, he climbed on.
It would be a very bad idea to go Christmas shopping with Nurse Raine Walters.
Raine didn’t know what to think when she answered her apartment door early the next morning and found a hot hunk scowling in the hallway. Noah was leaning against the doorjamb, arms crossed, looking way too sexy for seven-thirty in the morning.
Raine, who’d been just about to leave, fumbled to a stop, purse and car keys swinging from her hand. “What are you doing here?” she hissed.
Noah’s black brows lifted. “A little birdy told me you would be going shopping this morning and might need a truck. I’m here to volunteer my services.”
