There was no noise from the campsite, and I slowly let out my breath before I inhaled deeply. The area still smelled like piss and shit, and now blood, but I did my best to ignore the stench as I rolled the dead man over on his back so that I could see his face.
It wasn’t the leader. It was the Viking looking dude with the long dark gray hair and too-large ribcage.
“Fuck,” I hissed under my breath, and Velma let out an even softer hoot next to me.
“It’s the wrong asshole,” I whispered to her, and then I turned to the distant campfire. I couldn’t quite see who was there through the trees, but there were only two possible probabilities: either the leader guy had already finished his business and gone back to camp, or he was still out here shitting.
“See if you can find him,” I whispered to Velma, and she dashed silently through the jungle while I crouched low.
Then my brain started doing the usual gymnastics.
If the leader had returned to the camp, then I needed to get rid of this body as soon as possible, so that the next guy who came to take a shit didn’t see him. But, if I moved him now, and there was a second spot where all these guys took their dumps, then they would easily hear me moving the corpse around. Also, dragging the body would definitely leave a trail of some sort, unless I picked him up, but the dude’s pants were down, and his ass was probably covered with shit still.
Ugh. If I hadn’t just made love to both of the Emeralds, this would have been a bad start to the night.
“I can do this,” I whispered to myself, and then I felt Scoob approaching from behind me as I simultaneously felt Bruce fly up over my head back to the cliff to get the next one.
I raised my hand up waist high, and my biggest troodon came under it and rubbed his head against my palm. I scratched his feathers for a few seconds, and then he turned to the opposite direction that Velma had and disappeared into the jungle like a silent shadow.
I heard laughter from the campfire, and I took another slow breath as I looked around the dark shadows of the jungle for any movement. Then the breeze kicked up a bit, and I had to force myself not to groan as all the trees, ferns, and the leaves began to sway.
Velma returned to me a few moments before Scoob did, and neither were excited. I took it to mean that they hadn’t found anyone else in the jungle, so I flipped my Cricket Bat of Doom to my back, bent down, and hooked my fingers under the dead man’s armpits.
Then I waited for the breeze to kick up again before I slowly dragged him away from the campfire and toward the clearing.
I knew that it was going to leave a trail across the jungle floor, but I assured myself that it would be okay. For one, we were in fucking Dinosaurland, and people got killed and dragged off into the jungle all the time. Second, even if they did decide to follow the trail, as long as they thought it was a dinosaur, and not a dude named Victor from Southern California with a habit of killing assholes with a leveled up cricket bat, I’d be able to get the jump on them still.
Or at least, that’s the story I kept telling myself.
“Watch for them to come,” I told Scoob, and he bounded back toward the edge of the campfire while Velma continued to walk with me as I hauled the large dude away.
A few minutes later, I got to the edge of the clearing in time for Bruce to drop Shag off. I gave him a quick scratch on the top of the head, and then both troodons continued to escort me across the small clearing and into the other side where the jungle was thick again.
“I’m just going to leave him here,” I said after I guessed I’d hauled him a hundred of so yards through the foliage. “If they come after him, we can ambush them from a few different places.”
Both Velma and Shag hooted their agreement with me, and then we made our way back toward the camp. The scent of shit and piss faded with the corpse, but my hands still smelled like the dude’s gross armpits, so I wiped my palms on tree trunks every time we passed one that had soft looking bark.
We slowed down our walk through the jungle as we got closer to the edge of the campfire, and Scoob joined us once we were about twenty feet from the edge of the jungle. I could hear the voices of the men talking from here, but I couldn’t quite understand their words over the light breeze. I also figured that while I was twenty feet from the clearing, it was another forty-ish to their actual fire. The distance meant that I could probably get really close to the edge without them seeing my eyes reflect the firelight in the darkness, but I still wanted to be careful. Their leader was just too powerful, and one fuck up meant that I’d be dead at best.
Roasted over a campfire and eaten at worst.
My troodons and I crawled on our bellies together for the last ten feet, and then I stopped at a spot under a fern where I didn’t think they would be able to see me.
Dinosaurland blessed me a bit, and the breeze died down some. I could see all nine dudes perched on rocks around the fire, including the leader, and their voices were easier to hear now that I wasn’t in the thick of the moving trees.
“Ehhh,” the gemstone man groaned as he tossed a chewed up drumstick into the fire. “What we really need are some women.”
“Yeah, women,” the bald man with the weird tattoos on his neck snickered. “Get me dick wet. I want it. Bad.”
“You broke the last one we got,” the orange-haired net-shooting dude sighed to the gemstone man. “I never even got a chance with her.”
“Oh, you could have gotten a chance with her,” the silver-haired man with the light saber arms snickered. “She might have been dead, but she still had a few wet holes, and I could have made some more for you.”
“Fucking gross,” orange-haired man groaned.
“A hole is a hole.” Silver-haired man shrugged, and the floppy-eared man with the red shiny skin laughed. He was the only one though, and he quickly stopped when he realized no one else joined him.
“Crumble has a point though,” the tentacles armed man said. “We need more toys.”
“And we need to take better care of them,” the handsome blond dude with the wings on his ankles said. “Ideally, we need two or three for each of us so we don’t get bored. But we should feed them too, so they last longer.”
“We should make cages,” the orange-haired net guy said. “Lots of cages for all the women.”
“That sounds like a lot of fucking work, you idiots,” the leader finally spoke, and everyone instantly quieted so they could turn to him.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Baldy chirped. “It is a lot of work. Idiots.”
“What the fuck else are we doing?” the tentacle-armed man growled. “We just sit here all day.”
“We are waiting for rescue, of course,” the leader huffed. “I’m the God-King-Lord-Emperor of my world. They will come for me. As I’ve said before, I’ll bring you all along. I own every female on my planet--”
“How many again?” the silver-haired dude asked as he leaned forward on his rock stool and tossed his half eaten arm bone into the fire.
“There are ten billion people on my personal planet,” the leader answered, “and we have conquered fifty other sentient planets, so I’d guess that is another five hundred. Half are women. You all can have a new one every hour, and we wouldn’t run out.”
“I’d want a new one every minute,” the rock-man huffed. “I break them easily.”
“Me too! Me too! Me too! I’ll break ‘em!” baldy parroted.
“And when do you think they are going to come get us?” the orange-haired net guy asked, and his voice sounded a bit wistful.
“Any day now,” the leader proclaimed. “We have thousands of space ships that can travel faster than light. They will be scouring the universe looking for me. I am a god. Don’t you recall?”
“Yes, you’ve told us this before,” the dude with the winged feet sighed. “I’d prefer that we have a plan and strategy for the right now. We should really upgrade the camp. Maybe fix the roofs for the next time it rains, or--”
“You need to
just do what the fuck I tell you to do when I tell you to do it,” the leader growled. “Don’t forget that I’m the one providing you with food, this shelter that we took from the other group, and safety. Your ability is laughable, and you wouldn’t live an hour without my protection.”
“This isn’t me questioning your leadership,” the blond man said quickly as he raised his hands. “I’m just tired of sleeping in mud when it rains, and I want--”
“You’ll just wait until we are rescued,” the leader ordered. “You’ll do what I tell you to do, or you’ll be next on the fire.”
“Fine,” the blond man replied, and the other men nodded.
Except for the dude that made the glowing balls of light, he turned over his shoulder and looked in my direction.
“Agg has been gone a long time.”
“He said he had to shit a mountain,” the silver-haired man scoffed. “You wanna go wipe his ass hole?”
“No,” the light-orb dude sighed. “Why is everything about holes with you?”
“I like cutting things open,” the silver-haired man chuckled darkly, and then he raised his right hand, flexed it, and the light-saber gladius shape appeared. “You want me to make you a new hole?”
“Fuck off,” the orb-guy hissed.
“No, you fuck off,” the blade-guy growled back. “I’m the guy with the fucking cutting tools to--”
“And I’m the guy with the light.” The other man shrugged. “Sure, I’m not that useful in the day, but I know you can’t see well in the dark, you always ask me to come with you when you have to shit.”
“Ha! Needs a light to shit!” the bald guy crooned like a fucking parrot, and I realized that I wanted to kill him the most out of all these rapist assholes.
“Shut up, Serrn!” the blade-man hissed at the bald guy. “You are the most useless one here. If I cut off your limbs, I bet they wouldn’t re-attach.”
“Awww! They would! They would!” The bald-man with the neck tattoos lifted up his right arm, and then he pulled it off with his left like he was some sort of lego figurine. Then his fingers on his unattached arm wiggled at the silver-haired blade dude.
“Well, I’m going to go look for Agg,” the light guy grunted as he stood. “Who is coming with me?”
“Oh,” the blade-man scoffed. “So, now it’s you who needs company when he goes to take a shit? Fucking hypocrite.”
“Hey, I just make light!” the other man hissed. “I can blind one of these monsters if they attack me, but I can’t hurt them. That’s your job.”
“Glad we know your opinion now,” blade-dude laughed. “Now, go fuck off into the jungle alone. I hope one of the monsters does eat you. Would serve you right for being a cunt.”
“No one is going anywhere,” the leader sighed. “Agg said he had to take a big shit, he’s been gone for only a few minu--”
“He’s been gone a while,” light-orb guy interrupted. “Just let someone come with me. Agg is our best warrior, and--”
“I’m the best warrior!” Blade-guy shouted. “Agg just has a fucking axe. My cutting hands can rip through his weapon, and his face like he was made of water. Don’t you dare try to make me seem inferior to--”
“Just give it a fucking rest,” the tentacle-armed man groaned. “We all know you can slice and dice everything. Loukar, I’ll go with you.”
“Thanks,” the light-orb dude, who I now knew was named Loukar, said.
“Ehhhh. You gonna, let him disobey orders, God-king-emperor?” the gemstone man named Crumble asked the leader.
“Just fucking find him and then come back. He’s just taking a shit, and you are being a worrying woman about it.” The leader waved his hand absently at the two men, and then he turned his star-dotted face back toward the fire and the piece of meat in his hand.
The tentacle-armed man stood, and then he and Loukar turned toward where I was hiding in the bushes.
I started to crawl backwards, but as I did, Loukar held his hand out palm up, and a small globe of light appeared in it. I guessed it was about as bright as a 100-watt bulb, so he would totally see me if he was anywhere within twenty feet.
“Back up, back up, back up,” I softly chanted to my troodons as we all continued to reverse out of the ferns.
As soon as I thought we were deep enough in the dark jungle, I jumped to my feet, glanced around us, and tried to figure out how we were going to hide. Then I felt Fred approach from the direction of the clearing, and I gave him the command to hold his position there in case the two men wandered past him.
Velma, Scoob, Shag, and I moved away from the approaching light, but our path returned us to the shit-tree. It looked like it was a banyon, but its trunk was only five or so feet in diameter, and the roots weren’t coming up out of the ground all gnarled like they normally did with this kind of species. I knew I only had a few seconds to figure out what I was going to do, and I pondered my options as my heart slammed into my chest.
Then I realized that I was trying to be all ninja-like, and a ninja would totally hide up in the branches of the tree.
I leapt up as high as I could, grabbed onto the lowest branch, swung myself around, and then hooked my feet up onto the branch. My entire body trembled as I climbed, since I knew I ran the double risk of getting seen and heard, and I had to be both silent and quick.
“Did you hear that?” tentacle-man asked, but when I glanced over my shoulder toward them as I climbed, I saw that they were still at the edge of the clearing, and seemed to be looking south toward the ocean.
“Agg?” Loukar called out.
I used the opportunity to get higher into the tree, and I commanded Scoob, Shag, and Velma to back away from my position and find places to hide in the dark bushes.
“Agg?” the tentacle-man called out next. There was no answer, of course, so they started to move back toward me.
“Fucking hate this place,” Loukar hissed as the both trampled through the jungle like elephants with cement shoes.
“Aytron is going to get us off,” the tentacle-guy said.
“You fucking believe that?” Loukar scoffed. “No one is coming for us. We need to figure out how to survive here better.”
“We have been surviving,” tentacle said as he shrugged his long arms in the darkness. “He’s powerful and is keeping us alive.”
“Zibum is unstable,” Lokar grumbled. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he kills all of us in our sleep one night. Him and his fucking holes.”
“He just wants respect,” tentacle said. “And women. We haven’t had any fresh meat in a while.”
“That’s true,” Loukar sighed. “Remember that girl with the thick legs? We should lay a better trap for her. She keeps running away.”
“Yeah,” tentacle groaned. “I’d love to pour my seeds into every part of her. Do you think a woman would get pregnant if we all fucked her?”
“You mean, if we let her live past a day?” Loukar groaned. “We’d have to keep her away from Crumble. His dick has spikes. The last woman just kept bleeding after he fucked her.”
“He’s gonna get mad if we don’t let him-- hey, so I don’t see Agg.”
“Me either,” Loukar said as he looked around the shit tree.
I was as good fifteen feet above the two men and laying on a branch with most of my body hidden. They probably wouldn’t see me if they looked straight up, but I still hesitated about climbing down at the moment.
Fuck these guys. I really wanted to kill all of them, but I’d have to wait until the right time, so I ordered Scoob, Shag, and Velma to circle around them and cut off the route back to the campfire.
My troodons moved as silently as a princess’ fart, and they were hiding in their new spot a few moments later.
“Looks like he might have just taken a shit,” Tentacle said as he glanced down at the fresh pile of poo and then waved his rubbery limb past his nose.
“And it was a big one,” Loukar gagged.
“So, where is he?” Tentacle ask
ed.
“Maybe he took another way back?” Loukar asked as he moved his light orb closer to the pile of shit.
“He could have,” Tentacle said. “Let’s go back and--”
“Does this look like blood to you?” Loukar interrupted the other man as he pointed at the place on the jungle floor where I’d crushed Agg’s skull.
“Yeah,” Tentacle gasped. “Looks like there are drag marks leading over that--”
“We need to get back to the fire!” Loukar hissed. “Something out here killed him!”
The two men turned toward the campfire and away from the shit-tree, but Scoob, Shag, and Velma were ready.
My two male troodons launched through the air with powerful leaps and hit the tentacle man’s chest with enough force to both drive the air out of his chest and knock him over. The monster-man let out a grunt as he fell, but before he could actually cry out, Shag’s teeth closed over his throat, and the troodon thrashed his head sideways like an angry dog.
Velma wasn’t as big as the males, but she still managed to clamp her teeth over Loukar’s right arm, and his light orb instantly turned off as he tumbled down beside the pile of shit that Agg had just left.
I knew I only had a second or two before Loukar screamed, so I directed Scoob to switch targets and murder the man. The tiger-striped troodon jumped easily from Shag thrashing the corpse over to Velma’s target, and his claws ripped across the other man’s chest for a half moment before he could find his victim's throat.
“Hel--” Loukar actually managed to scream before Scoob ripped his throat out, and my troodons and I all froze so we could listen to any noise from the campsite.
For about thirty seconds, there was no sound from the distant campsite, but then the breeze picked up again, and I gritted my teeth together as the leaves began to rustle too loudly for me to hear any conversation some sixty feet in the distance.
Then a voice yelled over the wind, and I felt my stomach chill.
“Loukar? Tranka? Was that you?”
It was the leader, Aytron, and I could see his star-speckled form move through the cracks in the tree leaves as he approached the edge of the clearing.
Tamer- King of Dinosaurs Book 6 Page 25
