by Amy Sparks
"Don't leave Genesis. Stay with me. Please." Depression is a scary thing. Death is scarier now as I realize it. Everyone telling me about what to do scarred my life and brain and haunts me throughout my entire life. I always thought that listening to myself would make everything better in this life, but it's only gotten worse. Smoking cigarettes to make my body die faster, only lead me to the hospital, and to Matthew. Almost getting hit by that car made me realize I almost died in that second, but it only landed me to Matthew. Almost getting choked on mash potatoes lead me to Matthew which was incredibly funny if you think of it. Getting beaten by this chick and ending up in the office, but knowing that Matthew was just outside the door waiting for my words to bring him in. It's all been Matthew from the beginning. He's my angel. I'm just the devil.
"Let me get this straight though. You work at a supermarket?" I say and Matthew laughs.
"I want to make my own money Genesis. I don't want to rely on my parent's money and on them. I pay for everything that I use and need. My phone bill, clothes, sports equipment." My eyebrows go up for the "sports equipment" because I've never seen this guy play sports in my entire lifetime of living.
"You play?" I say and it only makes him laugh even more.
"You're getting off topic, but yes, I play. I play soccer and I swim." I nod as I check out his arms and see that they're filled with muscles. He also has abs too and this surprises me. Of course, this dude plays sports. He's a guy! I laugh as I think of him actually running around the field just chasing some stupid soccer ball for no good reason.
"Hilarious. Anyway... I guess you won't let me leave this life then?" I say and he pulls me closer and kisses my head.
"Why would I ever let you leave this shitty life? You're mine and you know it. I did say I love you so of course, I'm not letting you leave. We die together okay?" I roll my eyes as he thinks we're gonna die together, but I'm just gonna let him get away with that one. I kiss him on his lips for just a second and then I hug him. Yeah, I could get used to this.
"So, we're in this together huh?" I say and he nods as I'm sure this must be the best day in his entire life. He pulls me back so he can look straight at me.
"Yup. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part." My eyes widen as he basically just said wedding vows in front of me. Wait... are we married now or something? He laughs at my face just shows him how stupid that actually sounded. What kind of guy knows the actual wedding vows by heart? Oh, wait, Matthew. My boyfriend. Oh boy.
"Uh huh. We are not getting married if that's what you think you weirdo." I say and it only makes him laugh even more. He grabs me and throws me underneath him and I laugh too.
"Fine. I do though wanna be married to you someday. It'll happen. I'll make you be my wife, Genesis." Those words run through my head and I'm surprised and filled with glee as he thinks I'll be his wife, and he'll be my husband. What a cute little loser.
"Oh boy. You honestly think we'll survive for that long? I give this a month. Tops." Matthew kisses my nose and I melt as how cute that must've looked.
"A month? Nah. I can't live without you and you can't live without me. We're crazy like that. We fit perfectly. Plus, I will marry you. You'll see. In fact, wait for one second." My eyebrows go up as Matthew says he'll be back. He puts on his pants and rushes out of his room and goes into another room. I wait for about almost a minute until I hear him say "found it!" and the rushes back into the room. He is so weird sometimes, I can't even. He doesn't sit on the bed yet goes down on one knee and that's when I laugh.
"No. Not marrying you now nor ever." I say and he just laughs back. Yeah, he's a weirdo. My weirdo. He shakes his head and I come closer to the edge of the bed wrapping the covers around me tightly.
"Don't worry. This is just a practice." My eyebrows go up and I stare at him with confusion. A practice. What?
"Uh huh. You didn't like hit your head somewhere when you were searching for this right?" Matthew shakes his head and I mumble an "okay" as I watch and wait for the show. This'll be good.
"I didn't hit my head, calm down. Close your eyes though." I roll my eyes and he repeats those words again. Ugh.
"Fine, fine. I'll close my eyes. You weirdo." I close my eyes and I wait for about a second until I hear his voice echo through my brain.
"Ok, now open them." I open my eyes and my heart stops, but my mind is filled with confusion. It's a gold ring that has a small pink diamond on it.
"It's beautiful but..." Matthew shuts me off and starts to talk as he holds the open black box that has the ring in it.
"It's my mother's. My dad bought her this when he met her at the same age we're now. He told that it's a promise ring and that this ring will show their love and hope together until the day they die. I wanted to give you this because I watched my parents still being in love since they were seventeen. I want to be like them, Genesis. I want us to be like my parents. Still married and still filled with that same love and hope they had when they were kids like us. So, I'm going to repeat this. I'm not marrying you. Not yet anyway, but I want to give this to you as a promise to actually marry you someday. When you love someone, you know it, and Genesis. I knew I found love when I first met you back in elementary school. So, what do you say? Will you be my fake wife?" A million of words are going through my mind and I'm about to have a heart attack. He wants us to be his parents? He wants me to be his "fake" wife? He actually loves me. He actually loves me! A million of emotions are going through my mind, but the only emotion I feel right now is happiness. I'm happy. For once in my life, I'm actually not thinking about death and dying, but only happiness with Matthew. My Matthew. I'm biting my lip to figure out the perfect words to say until I just say the words he wants me to say.
"Yes." Yeah, life is funny like that since I'm actually not really getting married, but I'm promising to him that I will actually get married to him. Yeah, we are a weird couple.
"Yes? Did you say yes?" I laugh as Matthew thinks I'm joking around or pulling a prank on him or something. Yeah, that's what I would think too, but I'm not. For the first time ever, I'm actually telling the truth, and it ain't that bad.
"Yes, Matthew. I will be your "fake" wife." I say and Matthew puts on the biggest smile I've ever seen him have ever. He kisses me and I kiss him back as to this is actually the weirdest yet cutest thing I've done. I put out my left hand and Matthew pulls the ring right out of the box and then throws the box behind him. I laugh and think how serious this kid is acting right now, but guess what? So am I. He places the ring on my ring finger and I'm in awe of how it fits so perfectly and how beautiful it actually looks. Matthew sits down beside me and looks at the ring on my finger.
"It's beautiful on you. Funny how it fits though." I laugh and think about how funny it actually is that it fits me perfectly and how life works like that. I turn to Matthew and say the words that I've been dying to here too.
"Yeah, life's funny on how it works like that. I guess I'm stuck here then so I can make sure you actually marry me in the future." Matthew smiles and I laugh. He takes my hands and kisses both of them.
"I love you, Genesis. You crazy, depressing girl." I laugh as I like the ringtone of that.
"I love you too. You weird, stubborn boy." It's funny. Somehow the most depressing girl and the most lovable boy can actually fit together perfectly and shape a heart. Our heart. Filled with death, but life as well. Matthew's my reason to live, I'm just the act behind it.
Epilogue
One year later...
I'm in Matthew's room, on his bed watching some boring ass movie, but he likes it so of course, I'm not going to fight with him on this. It's been one year and we've been hitting it strong. We just celebrated our one-year anniversary a week ago at some very expensive restaurant, that of course, Matthew paid for. I'm still admiring the ring he gave me a year ago and it still brings me happiness. Matthew and I both got accepted to the same University which is
the best thing ever. We're also going to buy a condo together there and we're going to live together! The University is far away from our homes so we decided to buy an apartment there just for the fun of it, and also we're lazy to drive back and forth each day. Matthew has fallen asleep and I'm just laying my head on his chest while admiring the ring on my finger. Still admiring it after one year. This is never getting old. My mind jerks back to reality as I hear my phone ding. I get up quietly and I grab my phone off the counter. I check my phone and I smile as I see a picture of my parents in Mexico. My parents thought it was time for a vacation that only including them and I was so on board with that idea. Instead of me staying home alone, Matthew invited me into his home and now I'm staying here for about one more week. I text my mom a happy face and I hit send as I turn back to put my phone back on the counter. I sit very softly on the bed so Matthew doesn't wake up, but of course, he wakes up right away.
"Seriously? I went for a lot of trouble to not make you wake up." I roll my eyes and I sit close beside him. Matthew rubs his eyes and laughs as he pulls me closer.
"Yeah well, I wake up because I want to know if you're still here." I scoff and kiss his cheek. Yeah, we're honestly the best couple ever. Full of depression, but filled with life.
"So, what do you wanna do now?" I say and all Matthew does is pull me closer and kisses my lips.
"Let's just stay here for a second. There's nothing I'd rather do instead of being with you." I roll my eyes and I put my head on his chest and continue watching this stupid movie. Eh well, it's gonna end soon so I can survive until then.
"I love you, Genesis." I laugh and think about how many times he's actually said those words. He's probably said them over a million of times, and I somehow never get tired of hearing them. Strange.
"Yeah yeah," I say and Matthew laughs and I know for sure he's gonna make me say it.
"Say it, Genesis. You know you want too." Yeah, I really want too. I get up and come close to Matthew and say the words he's been hearing for about a million times a day. He's never got bored of it, and neither have I.
"I love you, Matthew Brown. Forever and ever. Until the day I die of course." He rolls his eyes and laughs. He puts a strand of hair behind my ear and my insides melt because of that.
"Yeah, until the day you die. Until then, I love you more Genesis Swan. Forever and ever." That's when we kiss and I know for sure that without Matthew, I'd never know what the definition of love really is, and I'd never find it without Matthew to prove it for me. I love Matthew and he loves me. I love him more than death and the devil, and that amazes my mind. "Life is death," I tell myself, but I'm wrong. "Life is love," because, without love in this depressing life, everyone should be already dead. Including me. Matthew saved me, and he's the reason why death doesn't occur my mind anymore. I can fake a smile, I can pretend to be happy, I can do a lot of things, but I can't pretend that I don't love Matthew.
"I can fake a smile, I can pretend to be happy, I can do a lot of things, but I can't pretend that I don't love you." - A quote from Pinterest and from a million of people that are depressed but filled with love for that someone.
Depression is not just a feeling, it's also an act. Don't be afraid to ask someone for help because of it. Someone will help you and someone will love you. You are not alone and neither am I. ;)
"I'm hoping everybody who reads this knows that I'm not depressed. I'm just crazy for thinking like a normal person."
Love,
Amy Sparks.
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-Aria Grey,
editor of this book and designer of Amy Sparks’ covers.
About the Author
Amy Sparks is a sixteen-year-old author who lives in British Columbia, Canada. She has written three books (as of the release of this book) and she is planning on writing more books on the future. In real life, she has a best friend called Aria Grey, on whom she has based two of her past book characters, Aria (in He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not…) and Aviva (in Scarred). Aria Grey often edits Amy Sparks’ books and designs her book covers, as well as managing her website, official Facebook page, and official Instagram account.
