by Heidi Rice
‘You do?’ She seemed astonished. And it occurred to him he’d probably never said those words to her before. She’d asked for his help a million times, but when had he ever straight out asked for hers? He guessed that was pretty messed up, considering who the parent was here.
‘Yeah, I do,’ he said, trying not to dwell on the novelty of the situation.
‘Tell me what you need me to do?’ she said, without even blinking.
Taken aback by the eager, unequivocal response, he forced himself not to dwell on that either.
‘I want you to buy my share of The Royale. Ruby’s gonna have to sell the theatre to pay the debts – and she won’t take my money – but if you’ll agree to buy it, I could give you a loan. No interest, no need to repay it.’ It was the only solution he could come up with, that would save The Royale and give him a chance to figure things out with Ruby at the same time.
His mother’s eyes took on a curious gleam.
‘That sounds a bit sneaky,’ she said. ‘If you’re loaning me the money to pay for your share and I don’t have to pay it back, how is it even mine?’
‘Mom, could you just not argue about—’
‘Why won’t she accept your money?’ she interrupted him.
‘Because she’s got some dumb idea into her head that it would be going against Matty’s dying wish.’ Which wasn’t completely a lie. Maybe this situation was more about them than Matty, but his mom did not need to know that. ‘But I figured if you offered to become The Royale’s patron, it’s benefactor, she’d accept that.’ He sunk his hands into his pockets, feeling exposed under his mother’s inquisitive gaze, but determined to make this happen. It would work, it was a great plan. He couldn’t work things out with Ruby if she lost The Royale because of him.
‘You want me to lie to Ruby about your involvement?’ his mother said. ‘You want me to trick her into defying Matty’s dying wish?’
‘What? No, dammit, that’s not it at all.’
Why was he not surprised his mom was going to make this perfectly simple plan complicated?
‘That wasn’t Matty’s dying wish,’ he said.
Just this once. Please don’t let her flake out on me.
‘Ruby’s misunderstood it,’ he continued. Shit, he had to make this happen. And to do that he had to get his mom on board. ‘He left me half The Royale because he wanted me to help her out. And now she won’t let me. But if you help me I can still save the movie theatre for her— For Matty,’ he corrected himself.
Too late.
His mother’s eyes took on a speculative gleam. She’d figured out the truth. About him and Ruby.
She took his elbow, led him to the day bed. ‘I think you better sit down, Luke, and explain everything.’
He perched on the edge of the mattress. He was shaking, he realized, as she sat beside him on the bed and touched his knee. ‘It’s okay, Luke. Everything will be okay.’
The softly spoken words propelled him back in time. To another day.
The smell of perfume and hydrangeas was replaced with the hideous scent of death. Cloying, vulgar, suffocating.
He stared at her fingers on his knee, the heavy rings she wore, the skin still smooth in her fifties but speckled now with sun blemishes, and remembered her sitting beside him that day too, sixteen years ago, in his father’s open-plan living room in Montecito. The patrolman’s questions that he couldn’t answer. The panic tightening around his throat, threatening to choke him. And her voice, like now. Rich, resonant, reassuring, answering the questions for him and dragging him back from the edge.
Funny he’d never remembered that until now.
She had been there beside him through the very worst of that day. She’d arrived like the cavalry, before the cops and the EMTs, minutes after he’d called her to tell her what he’d found.
He shoved the memories back, made himself breathe. In One-two-three. Out one-two-three.
For fuck’s sake, Devlin. Don’t start reminiscing about the worst day of your life. You don’t have time.
He took the breaths he needed to stave off the panic attack. His palms remained clammy, the tension and stress still there punching a hole in his ribcage.
But all he could really feel now was the fear.
That he could never deserve Ruby if he couldn’t give her The Royale.
‘Tell me about Ruby?’ his mother said gently.
He glanced at his mother’s face. He didn’t want to talk about Ruby.
‘There’s not much to tell,’ he murmured, evasively.
‘Are you sure?’ she said, not buying the denial. ‘It seems to me she matters to you quite a lot. Or why would you be so determined to save her cinema?’
She had him there.
If he wanted her help he was going to have to break one of his golden rules – and talk to her about his love life. Great.
He rocked back, the knots in his gut tightening, then stood and paced over to the chair she’d been seated in, buying time, trying to figure out what to say without encouraging too much intrusion. He wasn’t sure there was a way to do that anymore. And maybe talking to her would help. He’d never asked for her advice, but she was the queen of surviving messed up relationships.
‘She’s nothing like any of the other women I’ve ever dated,’ he said, sitting down in the chair his mother had vacated. ‘She’s smart and sweet and so hot it hurts.’ He cringed inwardly. Jesus, he was losing it, had he just told his mom his lover was …
‘How long have you been dating?’ his mother asked.
‘For three weeks.’ Did it even qualify as dating? ‘We broke up nearly a week ago.’
‘And you want her back,’ his mother said. ‘And that’s why you think you have to save The Royale?’
‘Yes … No,’ he said, he tugged his fingers through his hair, feeling like a total dumbass. ‘I don’t know.’
Jesus, could he sound any more clueless about his own life? How could he not know if he loved her? His mom was going to have a field day with this.
He stole a look at her, expecting to see a gleam in her eye because she was finally going to get the ‘deep and meaningful’ conversation about his commitment issues she’d been wanting to have with him ever since he could remember – and which he’d been avoiding just as long – but instead of the gotcha expression, what he saw was something else.
She didn’t look happy or smug – she looked devastated.
And all he felt was more confused. How could every single thing he thought he knew about his relationship with Jack and now his mom be so screwed up all of a sudden?
‘Oh, Luke,’ she said, the pity in her tone scrambling his guts. ‘I’m so sorry I failed you so spectacularly.’
He blinked. And for once he had not one clue what to say to her, or how to avoid this conversation, or even if he wanted to anymore.
‘Mom, I never said you failed me—’
‘But I did, because you wanted stability,’ she said. ‘And I didn’t give it to you. And for once I’m not being melodramatic. I knew how anxious you always got, even before …’ She stopped. ‘Even before what happened with your father.’
He searched his mother’s face. And realized she was serious. This wasn’t her ‘serious moment’ face, the one she wore when she was playing Anna Karenina.
And suddenly, he wanted to know, seeing as they were definitely having this conversation now, something that had always bugged him.
‘Then why did you keep us, Mom? Why did drag us all over creation with you? Jack could have stayed with his dad, so could I. I liked Bill, we got along, he was a steady, dependable guy.’ Unlike Falcone.
‘I kept you with me, because I loved you to bits. Both of you. And Rebecca when she came along. You were my babies. And I was selfish. But it hurts now to know you were so scared of stuff I never even thought about.’
She sucked in a heavy breath.
‘Love is a wonderful gift, Luke,’ she said. ‘Mostly because it’s never ever what you expec
t it to be. Sometimes it’s fleeting, sometimes it lasts, sometimes it can’t. But each time you unwrap it, it’s entirely unique. Ruby wants to give you that gift, and it breaks my heart to know that something I did – and all the things I didn’t do – makes you think you have to save Ruby’s theatre to deserve it.’
He frowned. He wanted to be angry with her, wanted to dismiss her little speech as his mom at her cheesy, melodramatic best. But he couldn’t say anything, because all he felt was numb.
‘You were forced to be old before your time Luke, long before you discovered Rafe’s body.’
He didn’t feel numb anymore, he felt fragile. And still so confused.
‘You had to keep everything in order to cope with all the disorder I threw at you. But now you have to let go of that and let the chaos in a little bit. I promise it won’t hurt you again. Not this time. Not if she really loves you. Do you think she does?’
He nodded, feeling choked, but weirdly not caring. Ruby did love him, that wasn’t in any doubt. Because Ruby knew what she wanted and what she needed. And she wasn’t afraid to say it. Unlike him.
But it hurt, he discovered, to know his mother understood. May have always understood.
Had he really let all this stuff from his childhood have such a hold over him that he couldn’t see what was right before his eyes?
‘Are you saying you think I’m a control freak?’ he asked.
His mother smiled, moisture making her eyes sparkle. Either she was giving the performance of her career, or she was on the verge of tears. And for once he could see it was definitely the latter.
‘Maybe a little bit,’ she said on a huff of breath. ‘But thank god for it, or I’m not sure Jack and Rebecca would ever have kept all of their teeth, let alone learned how to function in the adult world.’
‘I’m not sure Jack does, actually.’
They both laughed, the dry ripple of amusement easing the tension in the room.
Reaching over, his mother took his hands in hers and smoothed her thumbs over the skin, stroking his wrists, and the pulse which had started to beat double time.
Suddenly, he felt like crying, too. For a guy who was not emotional and tended to shun any kind of melodrama, it was not a good feeling. Especially in the presence of his mom, who would never let him forget it.
‘Would you do me one favour Luke?’
‘I guess, as long as it isn’t illegal,’ he said.
She laughed again, the sound bright and full-bodied, suddenly reminding him of all the times during his childhood when she’d been the one to make it better.
How had he managed to forget that, too?
For all of her irresponsibility and her selfishness, his mother, like Ruby, was an irrepressible optimist. She was always willing to see the good, the bright, the best in any disastrous situation.
The fact that Helena Devlin had been the cause of most of those disasters didn’t seem to matter so much anymore.
‘Don’t nit-pick and over-analyse this situation,’ she said. ‘Just tell her how you feel and take your chances. You’re actually quite a catch, you know. Ruby has already figured that out, now all you have to do is figure it out, too.’
‘Five minutes to curtain, Ms Devlin.’ The loud rap on the door and the shout from the stage manager startled them both.
His mother smiled and shook her head, then released his hands.
He missed the connection instantly.
‘Now scoot,’ she said, as she nudged him out of her chair. She sat down and lifted a powder puff to finish off her make-up.
He planted his hands back into his pockets. ‘So you won’t front the deal to save The Royale?’ he asked, remembering why he’d come.
She glanced over her shoulder. ‘Of course not, darling. That would be dishonest,’ she said. ‘And anyway, it’s not the theatre Ruby needs, now is it?’
He wanted to say more, to push her, to beg if necessary. Still not entirely convinced he could be enough, not without The Royale. But he could see from the stubborn tilt of her chin she wasn’t going to budge on this. And he’d been trained never to distract her when she had only minutes until curtain-up.
He headed towards the door. ‘Break a leg, Mom, I’ll see you around.’
His mother lifted her hand in a dismissive wave, but as he shut the door, he heard her murmur: ‘Listen to your heart, Luke. Everything else is white noise.’
Chapter 21
‘Oh. My. God. I love this bit of the movie,’ Jacie whispered to Ruby as Daniel Day-Lewis’s Hawkeye shouted above the thunderous sound of the waterfall to Cora about staying alive and not giving up no matter what occurred.
Ruby nodded in the darkness. She had always loved this part of the movie too because she’d believed, like Hawkeye, that Cora could survive anything.
But as she watched the drama unfold on the screen, The Royale packed with all of their regulars, the community Matty had made and she’d nurtured for so long as riveted as she would once have been, Hawkeye’s declaration didn’t seem quite so magnificent anymore.
He was abandoning Madeline Stowe’s Cora, quite possibly to a fate worse than death. And while that was empowering for Cora, it also sucked.
Survival was tough enough without the man you loved beside you.
And as nuts and delusional as it was, she had fallen in love with Luke Devlin. Because if he had stayed – if he was here right now, beside her – surviving the end of The Royale would be so much easier to bear.
As Hawkeye and his adopted father and brother dived into the waterfall and disappeared and Magua and his angry band arrived to capture Cora and her sister and the dull British guy, Ruby didn’t feel empowered, she felt scared and inadequate and so far out of her depth it wasn’t even funny.
Would losing The Royale really have been easier with Luke here? Probably not, but the truth was that somehow, in a ridiculously short space of time, he’d come to mean so much more to her than the theatre. She hadn’t wanted the theatre, if she couldn’t have him. It was as simple as that. Which she supposed was a powerful lesson to learn and an important one.
The Royale had never been what gave her life meaning. Or any of the films she had adored watching within its walls.
It had been her friendship with Matty, with Jacie and Gerry and Tozer and Beryl and Brynn and everyone else in the community they’d built.
But even if she’d been able to keep the theatre, Matty would still be dead and eventually everyone else here would have drifted away too. Because they all had a life outside it, unlike her. Jacie had her granddad Errol and her mum and a huge circle of friends from school and college who she hung out with when she wasn’t working. To Jacie this was a job she enjoyed, but it was still just a job. Brynn had his bar – not to mention his partner Thérèse. Beryl had her children and grandchildren and all of her fellow septuagenarian film buffs at the Pensioners’ Club screenings. And so on and so forth with every other person here. If nothing else, Luke had opened her eyes to the truth, that she’d spent too much of her life hiding.
I don’t want to own The Royale if it means spending the rest of my life here alone.
‘Ruby,’ Gerry hissed from behind her. ‘There’s someone in the lobby to talk to you.’
‘Who?’ she murmured. She did not want to miss any of The Royale’s final screening, even if the film was making her feel miserable. Jacie had been right, it was a total downer.
‘I think you’ll want to find out for yourself,’ he said. ‘He couldn’t come into the auditorium, he’s soaking wet. It’s pouring with rain outside.’
He?
She left her seat and headed out of the auditorium, just as Cora’s wannabe fiancé Duncan – the dull British guy – got strung up over a burning fire.
Luke turned as she rushed into the lobby. Elation surged up Ruby’s torso.
His dark hair was plastered to his forehead, those cool blue eyes hot on her face. But as soon as the joy exploded in her heart, leaving her light-headed, the adrenaline
fizzled out. Luke wasn’t back to declare his feelings, because he’d convinced himself a long time ago he didn’t have feelings.
‘Luke, what are you doing here?’ she said.
If Luke had come back to torture her some more, she would survive it.
I’m stronger than I look. I’m at least as strong as Cora.
Water dripped from his suit on to the new carpet.
‘I’m not leaving,’ he said. ‘I can’t.’
Her heart leapt at the passion in his voice, the purpose – only to sink back into her abdomen. He was here to save The Royale for her, to try to persuade her to take the money again. But that wasn’t what she needed.
‘If you’ve come back to save the theatre …’ She stepped towards him, placed her hands on his cool cheeks, felt the muscle bunch and tense. ‘The answer’s still no.’ She took a deep breath, determined to keep going when all he did was stare at her the way he had before – conflicted, unsure. But there was something else there now, something open and less guarded.
So she told him everything she now knew to be true. After almost a week without him. A week she had survived, and would keep on surviving even if it killed her.
‘The Royale isn’t what I love,’ she said. ‘It’s just a building. The reason I came here after school, and every weekend, was to hang out with Matty. And the main thing that helped me get over that huge loss …’ She sucked in another unsteady breath. ‘Or at least begin to get over it … was you. You’ve already helped me so much more than you know. The Royale will be fine without me because, ultimately, without someone for me to love inside it, it’s just four walls, a new bar, lots of seats in desperate need of re-upholstering and a projector. And loads of other people’s dreams. I think it’s way past time I started making my own dreams, don’t you?’
***
Luke stared, shell-shocked, cold to the bone, and struck dumb all over again. He’d been trying to figure out what to say all the way here, had even jumped out of the taxi and into a thunderstorm to give himself extra time to think up a couple of good lines. And she’d beaten him to the punch, opening her heart all over again. All he wanted to do right now was drop to his knees in front of this insanely hot, sweet, honest, capable, smart woman and thank her. But he knew he had to be straight with her first, and it was killing him.
