by Ramona Gray
“I’ll give you a ride home,” he said.
I shook my head. “You’ve already done enough for us today. I can’t ask you to -”
“I don’t mind. Phoebe, do you want to ride in my truck again?”
“Yes!” Phoebe cheered.
“All right. But,” Matt smiled at her, “you need to go to your mama so I can get your car seat. Okay?”
Phoebe nodded and Matt handed her over to me. I held her tiny body, still wrapped in his jacket, in my arms and kissed her cheeks repeatedly as she giggled. “Your lips are cold, Mama.”
I kissed her again and followed Matt as he carried her car seat to his truck.
Chapter Three
Matt
Natalia lived in one of the worst trailer parks in town. I tried not to let the disgust show on my face as I parked in front of her single-wide trailer. The siding was starting to peel away, most of the shingles on the roof were curling up, and I could see a long crack running the length of the big bay window.
“Thank you for the ride, Mr. Andrews,” Natalia said. Her face was a dull shade of red and she wouldn’t quite meet my eyes.
“I’ll carry the car seat into the house,” I said.
“No, no, you don’t have to…”
I was already out of my truck and unbuckling Phoebe from the car seat. I put my jacket around her again. It was only a short walk to the trailer, but I didn’t want her getting cold ever again. She gave me a big toothy grin before putting her arms around my neck and kissing my chin.
“Hi, Mattie.”
“Hi, Phoebe.”
“Pheebs, honey, come to Mama.” Natalia was standing next to me and I breathed in her scent – a mixture of grease and stale diner food that was not sexy at all but still made me want to pick her up and carry her to the nearest bed.
“I want Mattie to carry me.”
“I’m gonna carry your car seat, sweetheart,” I said before handing her over to Natalia. “It’s too heavy for your mama.”
“Nu-uh,” Phoebe said. “Mama is strong. Aren’t you, Mama?”
“Sure, honey,” Natalia said.
She didn’t look strong at the moment. She looked tired and worn down and on the verge of tears. My inappropriate lust died and was replaced with the urge to comfort her. To hold her tight and assure her that everything would be fine and that Phoebe was okay.
Instead, I followed her toward the trailer, holding the car seat in one hand and keeping the other hand stretched out in front of me to break Natalia’s fall if she slipped on the ice-covered sidewalk.
“Do you own or rent?” I asked as she unlocked the front door.
“Rent,” she said.
I followed her into the trailer. It was shabby looking but spotlessly clean and Natalia gave me a nervous smile as I set the car seat down. “Okay, well, thank you again. I can’t tell you how grateful -”
“Why can I see your breath?” I said.
Her face flushed and she held Phoebe a little tighter. “Oh, I, uh, keep the heat low during the day when we’re not home to save money.”
“Down, Mama,” Phoebe said.
Natalia set her down and Phoebe threw off my jacket before scampering down the hallway and disappearing into a room.
I studied Natalia for a moment before walking toward the thermostat I could see on the wall. She immediately stepped in front of it, blocking it from my view, and I arched my eyebrow at her. “Let me see it, Natalia.”
“You should probably go. It’s getting late and I need to make Pheebs some dinner and give her a bath and -”
She made a little squeak when I put my hands around her narrow waist and lifted her out of the way. Neanderthal move on my part, but I didn’t feel the least bit bad about it.
I stared at the thermostat. “The heat isn’t turned down.”
“Isn’t it?” She said nervously. “Weird. Okay, well, thank you again. Bye now.”
“Has your heat been turned off?” I said.
She didn’t reply but her cheeks went from a dull red to fire engine red.
“Mama?” Phoebe was back and she was holding a doll in one hand. “It’s cold in my room again. I don’t like it.”
“Phoebe?” I squatted in front of her and smiled at her. “What do you think about you and your mama having a sleepover at my house tonight? It’s nice and warm and you can bring your toys. I’m making spaghetti for supper. Do you like spaghetti?”
“I love psghetti!” Phoebe shouted.
I glanced up at Natalia, expecting to see fire and anger in those dark brown eyes. Instead, they were swimming with tears, and she looked impossibly sad. I stood and resisting my urge to pull her into my arms, patted her shoulder awkwardly instead. “Pack up some clothes and stuff. I have a spare bedroom that you and Phoebe can stay in as long as you don’t mind sharing a bed, and I’m not working tomorrow so I can drive you to work and Phoebe to Nana’s. Okay?”
Her shoulders slumped and looking utterly defeated, she nodded. “Yeah, okay. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” I squeezed her shoulder. “Everything will be all right, Natalia.”
* * *
“Mattie!” Phoebe came racing into the kitchen, wearing pajamas with little yellow ducks printed on them, her doll clutched under one arm, and her fine blonde hair wet and sticking to her skull. “Guess what?”
I closed the dishwasher and smiled at her. “What?”
“I pooped!” She gave me a look of glee before hugging my leg.
“Good job, Pheebs,” I said.
“Thank you.” She stood on my foot and grabbed my hand, leaning back and swaying back and forth. “I pooped and then I had a bath. Your bathtub is really big. Mama had a bath with me.”
Sweat broke out on my forehead at the thought of Natalia naked in my tub. The guest bathroom only had a shower, so I’d told Natalia to go ahead and bathe Phoebe in the master bathroom while I cleaned up after supper.
“Phoebe? Sweet pea, where are you?” Natalia stepped into the kitchen and I drank in the sight of her.
Her hair, the exact same shade as Phoebe’s, was wet and coiled into a bun on top of her head. Her cheeks were flush with warmth and she was wearing a pair of blue leggings with a long grey t-shirt. My gaze dropped to her tits and I quickly looked away when Natalia crossed her arms over her chest.
I wanted to smack myself in the head for feeding her belief that I was nothing but a perverted playboy, but fuck, when I was around her, I could barely think straight.
“Phoebe, stop bothering Mr. Andrews, please,” Natalia said.
Phoebe giggled. “His name is Mattie, Mama.”
“His name is Mr. Andrews,” Natalia replied.
“She can call me Mattie, I don’t mind,” I said. “She heard Mia call me Mattie and it’s easier than Mr. Andrews, right?”
“You actually go by that?” Natalia said.
Weirdly, I could feel myself blushing. “Yeah, sometimes.”
Still holding my hand in both of hers, Phoebe braced her feet on my shin and climbed up my leg.
“Phoebe,” Natalia admonished. “He’s not a jungle gym. Stop climbing him, honey.”
“I don’t mind,” I said again as Phoebe giggled and dropped back to the ground.
“I climbin’ you,” she said. She released my hand and danced in a circle, singing “jungle gym, jungle gym” under her breath.
“It’s time for bed, honey.” Natalia held out her hand and to my surprise, Phoebe whirled and grabbed my hand again.
“I want Mattie to read me the bedtime story, Mama.”
Natalia shook her head. “No, honey. He’s very busy and -”
“Mattie?” Phoebe gave me a look that would melt butter. “You read me my story?”
“Sure, sweetheart,” I said before Natalia could protest again.
“Yay!” Phoebe jumped up and down before standing on both my feet. “Walk, Mattie.”
I held her hands and walked toward the guest room, Phoebe giggling the entire wa
y. I didn’t have much experience with kids, but Phoebe was adorable, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find her charming. Her happiness and delight over the littlest things made me want to do whatever it took to keep her happy.
“I’m so sorry,” Natalia said behind me in a low voice. “She’s not normally like this with strangers.”
“It’s fine,” I said as I stepped into the bedroom. “I don’t mind reading her a story.”
“You have to lay on the bed with me, Mattie.” Phoebe hopped off my feet and ran to the bed. “Boost me!”
I boosted her onto the bed, and she climbed under the covers. “Mama, I want Ariel tonight.”
Natalia handed me a kid’s book from the suitcase on the floor, and even though I didn’t have children, I recognized the Disney version of The Little Mermaid.
“Lie down, Mattie.” Phoebe patted the bed beside her, and I laid on my back next to her, grunting in surprise when Phoebe scooted close and rested her head on the pillow next to mine.
“No thumb sucking, honey,” Natalia said gently.
Phoebe dropped her hand just as her thumb inched past her lips. “Sorry, Mama.”
“It’s okay, honey. You’re doing a really good job.”
Phoebe gave me an earnest look. “Only babies suck their thumbs. I not a baby, Mattie.”
“Nope, you’re a big girl,” I said, and Phoebe gave me a happy smile.
“Read Ariel,” she demanded as Natalia sat down on the side of the bed next to Phoebe. As I opened the book and turned to the first page, I couldn’t help but reflect that as many times as I’d imagined Natalia in a bed with me, I’d never once imagined this particular scenario.
* * *
I was sitting on the couch, staring sightlessly at a hockey game on the television when Natalia walked into the living room. She tugged self-consciously at her shirt before sinking into the chair next to the couch.
“Is she asleep?” I asked.
She nodded. “Yes. Thanks for reading her the story. I know this isn’t how you usually spend your evenings.”
“I had fun,” I said.
“Right.”
“No, really.” I smiled at her, uncomfortably aware of how fucking good she smelled. “Phoebe is a great kid.”
A soft smile crossed Natalia’s face. “She is.”
There was a moment of awkward silence and Natalia glanced at the television. “You like hockey, huh?”
“Yeah. My old man was a big fan. He got me into it.”
“Did you play hockey?” She asked.
“No, I liked watching hockey, but I was never great at playing any sport. My dad enrolled me in a few after school sports teams, but I was more into reading and chess.”
The corners of her mouth turned up. “Weren’t you the president of the chess club in high school? You guys won like a regional championship or something in senior year, right?”
I clapped my hand over my chest in mock dismay. “Oh God, don’t remind me of my former glory days. You weren’t at the tournament because you were cool in high school, but when we won, the other guys in the club lifted me and our trophy up into the air like we’d won the Stanley Cup.”
I was stupidly happy when she laughed. “Your dad must have been very proud.”
“He was too busy trying to get into Mrs. Granson’s pants to be proud.”
“Mrs. Granson, our chemistry teacher?” Natalia gave me a look of shock.
“Yeah.”
“But she and the librarian at the school…Mr. Granson. They were married, right?”
“That never stopped my dad.” Even I could hear the bitterness in my voice. “They had a three-month affair in our senior year.”
“I had no idea,” Natalia said.
“No one did. My dad ended it when she started talking about leaving her husband.”
“Wow… It… I can’t believe it.”
I shrugged. “My dad slept with half of our classmate’s mothers. The ladies loved him.”
“Like they love you?” Natalia said.
“I might be a manwhore like my old man, but I’ve never slept with a married woman.” My tone was harsh, and I immediately felt guilty when Natalia winced. “Sorry,” I mumbled.
“No, I’m sorry,” she said. “That was a real shit thing to say to the guy who basically saved your kid’s life and then gave you a warm place to stay for the night. I am sincerely sorry.”
She gave me a hesitant smile. “Thank you again, by the way. Not just for saving Phoebe from freezing to death, but for giving up your spare room for the night, and for the delicious meal. My heat – I mean, I’m a little short on cash right now, but I’ll be getting the heat turned back on when I get paid on Friday.”
“You’re welcome to stay with me for as long as you need.”
She blushed. “No, I’m not … I mean, I wasn’t trying to ask you to let us stay until Friday. I just wanted to… I’m not a bad mom, I swear.”
I frowned and muted the television before leaning forward. “I know you’re not, Natalia. You’re an amazing mom and it’s obvious how much you love your kid. Getting your heat cut off doesn’t make you a bad mom.”
“Doesn’t it?” She rubbed at her temples. “I know it’s early, but it’s been a really long day and I’m tired. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll head to bed.”
“Of course,” I said. “If you need anything in the night, just, uh…”
I trailed off into silence. Just what? My desire to get her into my bed and help her forget all her troubles by banging her until she couldn’t think straight didn’t exactly make me a gentleman. In fact, all it did was make me as big of a dog as my old man had been.
“Okay, well, good night.” Natalia stood and gave me an awkward smile before hurrying out of the living room.
I groaned inwardly and sank into the cushions. Christ, I was a fucking idiot.
* * *
I tossed and turned for over an hour before admitting defeat and getting out of bed. I was tired, but knowing that Natalia was in the room right next to mine? Sleep wasn’t gonna happen anytime soon.
I eased out of my bedroom and moved silently past the spare room before heading down the stairs. I was barely off the stairs when I heard her. The sobs made my chest tighten and I immediately walked to the living room instead of the kitchen.
The moonlight shining through the window made it easy to see Natalia. She was sitting on the couch, rocking back and forth with her hands over her mouth to muffle her crying. The desolation and despair on her face made me rush forward and join her at the couch.
She made a startled gasp when I dropped onto the couch beside her. She swiped at the tears on her face. “S-s-sorry. Did I wake you?”
“No,” I said. “Are you okay?”
I winced. God, could I be any dumber?
“Yeah I’m….” She burst into tears again and I couldn’t fucking take it anymore. I pulled her into my arms and pressed her against my chest, rubbing her back as she sobbed like her heart was breaking.
“She-she-she almost died. My baby almost died and it’s all my fault,” she cried as she wrapped her arms around my waist.
“It isn’t,” I said immediately. “Honey, it’s not your fault.”
“It is,” she replied. “I kn-new the daycare wasn’t g-g-good, and I still took her there because I-I-I’m a terrible mother.”
“You’re not.” I held her a little tighter. “You’re not a bad mom, Nat. Don’t say that.”
She buried her hot face in my chest and sobbed harder. Not sure what else to do, I let her cry, holding her tightly and making sounds of comfort that probably didn’t do jack shit.
After almost ten minutes, her crying was starting to slow down, and I snagged the box of tissues from the side table. She took a fistful and wiped her face before blowing her nose.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“It’s okay. You’re not a bad mom, Natalia.”
She stared up at me, her vulnerability and he
r sorrow shining out of her like a beacon. “I am. I put Phoebe in a bad daycare, I can barely afford to feed her, I live in a shit trailer, and I can’t even keep the goddamn heat on. It’s supposed to get even colder for the next few days and I can’t afford to turn the heat on until Friday. And that’s only if my car doesn’t cost an arm and a leg to fix, which it probably will because it’s a piece of shit.”
She balled her hand into a fist and punched her thigh twice. When she went in for a third time, I grabbed her hand and held it gently. “Don’t do that, honey.”
“I deserve it,” she said. “I’m a shit mother who nearly got her kid killed. If it hadn’t been for you, she would be…”
She was close to tears again and I cupped her face, tilting it up until she was looking at me, and leaning down until I could feel her warm breath on my lips.
“This,” I gave her jaw a light but deliberate squeeze, “is not your fault, Natalia. Do you hear me? This is entirely the daycare’s fault and you are not to blame yourself for that. They made the mistake, not you. They let her walk out of the daycare and into the cold without a jacket, not you. They didn’t notice she was missing for nearly an hour, not you.”
I squeezed her jaw again. “This is not your fault, honey.”
“Then why do I feel like it is?” she whispered.
“Because you’re an amazing mother who loves her daughter, and it’s easy to blame yourself. But I’m not going to let you do that. And as far as the heat thing goes – you and Phoebe are staying with me until you get the heat turned back on. If that’s this Friday or a month from now, it doesn’t matter. You’re staying with me.”
“I – we can’t do that,” she said. “I don’t want to inconvenience you and -”
“You’re not,” I said. “The house is big enough for all of us, and with both of us working, we’ll probably hardly ever see each other. You need your car fixed. Get it fixed first and then you can worry about getting the heat turned back on. Okay?”
She swallowed hard, the tears brimming in those gorgeous eyes. “Why are you being so nice?”
I swallowed down the hurt I felt at her words. It was my own fault that she believed I was a bad guy. Still, I couldn’t help but try and defend myself a little.
