by Faith Blum
Elana shook her head. How was she supposed to bring it up without being annoying? She had no clue how to do such a thing. Especially since Emmie had always been annoyed easily.
As Kris Kringle sat in the courtroom on trial, Elana could understand how he felt. She had always been set high on a pedestal and hated it. Emmie had succeeded under the radar and never got any credit for it. Elana had been jealous at first until she realized she could disappear, which she had. Emmie hadn’t been the only one to never contact others in the family.
Elana dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands. The dull pain helped her keep her mind on what was on the TV. Distractions, that’s what she needed. Lots of distractions. Nothing less would help her. But how? All they had was a TV!
The movie ended.
“May I have the remote?” Emmie asked.
Elana tossed it to her.
“Is there anything in particular you would like to watch?”
Elana’s eyebrows shot up. “Um, I don’t think so.”
“You used to like the home and garden channel.”
“I know. That was back when I actually wanted a home and garden. Now I’m not sure I want either.”
Emmie snorted. “You want to be homeless and eat fast food, then?”
Elana glared at her sister. “No, of course not. I meant a traditional home.”
Emmie looked out the window at the blinding whiteness. “How can either of us have a traditional home when we didn’t grow up in one? Isn’t there a saying about being the product of your environment?”
Elana didn’t answer. She couldn’t. Emmie had been correct about there being a saying, but if she acknowledged that out loud, she would have to say whether or not she believed it. She honestly wouldn’t be able to answer that. Carla was a product of her lovely environment, Elana was a product of her messy environment. But couldn’t things change for either of them? Carla could change for the worse and do something a goody two-shoes would never think she was capable of. Elana could probably buck the trend of her mother and grandmother and actually stay in a stable relationship her entire life. Possible? Yes. Likely? No.
Elana got off the bed, folded the blanket down, and crawled into them after removing her shoes. She curled up, making herself as small as she could. She tuned out the TV and closed her eyes. Sleep was the only escape she had. Even if it was impossible to truly rest while in the same room with her sister, maybe a little shut-eye would help.
The room was pitch black as Elana’s eyes shot open. What had awakened her? She usually slept so soundly not even a thunderstorm could wake her up. As she drifted back into unconsciousness, a whimper came from behind her and she sat up.
“Emmie?” she whispered. There was no response, so she climbed out from her covers and crept to the bed next to hers. Her eyes had adjusted to the extremely dim light a little, but it wasn’t enough to see Emmie well. She grabbed her phone, turned on the flashlight, and made sure the light pointed away from Emmie.
Nothing appeared to be amiss with Emmie and Elana shrugged. Perhaps it had been just a bad dream her sister had. As she clicked her flashlight off, another whimper emanated from Emmie.
Going against her better judgment, but somehow also with it, Elana placed her hand lightly on Emmie’s shoulder.
Emmie gasped and gave a startled cry as she sat up, her arms flailing toward any assailants near her. “What...?” She blinked. “Where am I?”
Elana pushed the button on the lamps by the head of the beds. “In a hotel, remember?”
Emmie swallowed a few times. “Right. What happened?”
“You were whimpering; I thought something had happened, so I touched you and it must have woken you up.”
Emmie stared at Elana. “A whimper woke you up? That doesn’t sound right. Nothing ever woke you up.”
Elana shrugged. “Maybe you made a louder noise that woke me and only whimpered after I was more lucid. What were you dreaming about?”
Emmie shook her head. “I have no idea. Nor do I know why I was whimpering in my sleep.”
Elana noticed the twitch in Emmie’s cheek—a telltale sign of a lie. However, she chose not to mention it. Let Emmie hold her secrets for now. As long as they weren’t a danger to either of them, it didn’t matter. “Sorry to have woken you up.”
Emmie yawned. “It’s okay. I need to use the restroom anyway.” She forced a laugh. “Maybe that’s why I was whimpering.”
Elana joined her in the fake laugh and went back under her covers. “Goodnight, Emmie.”
“’Night, Elana.”
7
Emmie managed to hold herself together until she reached the bathroom. The fan that came on with the light would drown out her real crying. The dream was back. Of course. Her sister and the dream always went hand in hand. She let the tears drip through her hands onto the floor. She could never forgive either of them. Elana and Jonathan had betrayed her. And for what? Nothing more than for Elana to gloat over the fact that she was right.
Emmie had known Jonathan was more interested in Elana than herself, but since Elana never dated, he did the second-best thing: went for the twin sister who gladly agreed to date him. The only problem was that Emmie had thought him sincere and only found out he wasn’t when it was too late. After which time she buried that knowledge deep down inside of her so she wouldn’t see it.
The dream was a recurring one, and all too true. She hated every moment of the dream and the memory and yet was never able to extract herself from them as they happened. She never quite wanted to leave. Almost as if she craved the pain that would follow.
She flushed the toilet to cover the pretense in case Elana was still awake and washed her face with cold water to help the redness of her crying disappear a little faster. When she stepped out of the bathroom, the bed appeared to be too threatening, so she went the opposite direction, almost exiting the room before remembering she would need a robe and her room key. She retrieved them and went for a walk around the inside of the hotel.
When she returned, the light was still on and Elana was sitting up in her bed staring at the TV.
Emmie let the door close on its own and when it clicked shut, Elana shook herself as if she had been in a stupor.
Emmie looked at her sister. “Are you okay?”
Elana nodded. “Are you?”
Emmie leaned against the door. “I don’t think either of us will ever be what most people call okay. Although, with so many people out there getting divorced even after having kids, we aren’t as alone as we once were.”
Elana nodded again. “Do you think we can break the cycle?”
“Cycle?”
“Mom and Dad got divorced, their parents were both divorced, and from what I heard, both sets of grandparents had parents who would have divorced if they’d had the choice without the stigma. Are we from too broken of a family to break the cycle?”
Emmie walked slowly toward Elana and sat on her sister’s bed. “I don’t know.”
Elana turned toward Emmie. “You’re the psychology graduate. I was asking you for a reason.”
Emmie sighed. “I keep going back and forth with it. I can’t decide for sure. Some textbooks give me hope, others discourage me.
“The Bible on the other hand gives me the most hope,” Elana said.
Emmie started. “The Bible? When did you start reading that book of fairy tales?”
“When I got a roommate my second year of college. Carla’s been a good influence on me, but she’s also a Christian and one of her stipulations when I chose her was that I read the Bible at least a little bit.”
“And you agreed?”
“I figured there wasn’t any harm in it.”
Emmie chewed her thumbnail. “How often have you read it?”
“At least twice a week this past year. Before that it was less frequent, but still at least a couple times a month. It’s gotten me thinking about a lot of things. That’s probably why I was less grouchy about us staying in a room
together after five years apart.”
“So you think it’s more than a book of fairy tales.”
“Yes.”
Emmie turned her back to Elana and stared at the door. “Why?”
“Everything in the Bible has a ring of truth to it and I can’t get it out of my head. I’ve even dug into the history of the Bible, and each of the events in there have other forms of evidence to back them up.”
Emmie turned her head toward Elana. “What kinds of evidence?”
Elana smiled and held up a finger. “I have my laptop in my suitcase. Let’s look at it together.”
They set an alarm for eight in the morning so they wouldn’t miss out on breakfast and spent the next five hours poring over everything Elana had documented the last five years. Emmie couldn’t believe how no one had ever told her any of it before. She knew some people who called themselves Christians and no one had ever challenged her open statements against the Bible. Why?
8
Elana ran her fingers through her hair. “I think I understand more from the last five hours than I did in the last five years I’ve been studying the Bible.”
Emmie hit a button on her phone. “It really has been five hours. I didn’t expect to stay interested this long.”
Elana chuckled. “I never expected to do anything this long with you.”
Emmie cocked her head. “Me neither, to be honest. I never thought I could forgive you, but I guess over the years I’ve seen how miserable my life could have been if I’d married Jonathan. Did I tell you I ran into him recently?”
“No.”
Emmie picked at a loose thread on the blanket. “He’s married and has two kids. He said he met her in college. They were married the summer between his freshman and sophomore years.”
“Only a year after you broke up with him?” Indignation welled up in Elana’s chest.
“Yes. After talking with him briefly and noticing how much he tried to flirt with me, I guess I started thinking of what would have happened if it had been me he married. What if he’d met this girl in college while we were engaged or married?”
Elana put a hand on her sister’s shoulder. “I’m sorry you had to go through all of that.”
“I’m not.”
Elana’s eyes widened. “What?”
“It was horrible, but I don’t think I would have been happy, so I’m not sorry you showed me how flirtatious he was. And according to what we read, I should forgive you because that’s what God wants, too. If I decide I care what God wants.”
Elana smiled. “Yeah, so what did you think of all this Bible stuff?”
“I already told you it’s more interesting than I thought it would be. Otherwise, I’m not sure. It’s got a lot of good things to say, but there are a lot of parts that are confusing, too. I don’t know what to think of it. What about you?”
Elana took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I think I believe it and want to become a Christian.”
“Do you know how?”
Elana shook her head. “But that’s what the internet is for, right?”
“Is it working?”
Elana opened up her web browser and waited. After a couple minutes, she grunted. “No, it isn’t.”
“Do you have data on your phone? If not, I do.”
“Yeah, I do, but it’ll probably be really slow. My roommate could tell me. She’s a Christian. Do you want to talk to her with me?”
Emmie nodded. “I have a couple questions for her anyway. If you don’t think she’ll mind.”
“Mind? Carla? Not at all, she’s been after me to become a Christian for years. She’ll be happy to talk to me even if I end up interrupting her time with her family. ‘Eternal things are always more important than family,’ she says. And her family will understand anyway.”
“Then let’s call her.”
Elana pulled out her phone and dialed the number in. It rang three times before Carla answered.
“Hello?”
All words fled Elana’s mind. What was she supposed to say again? “Hi, Carla, this is Elana. Do you have a few minutes?”
9
“For you? Always!”
Emmie smiled. She liked the girl already and she knew nothing about her.
“I’ve got you on speaker with Emmie,” Elana said. “We have a few questions for you.”
There was a pause on the other end of the phone. “Sorry. I had to go to a quieter room. Christmas always means we have lots of people over every day. Before we get to your questions, how is the snow out there?”
Emmie glanced out the window. “It’s still white as far as the eye can see. I’m ready to be out of here.”
Carla laughed. “That must be Emmie. Elana’s always more than willing to stay inside and she loves snow.”
Elana winked at her sister. “Yes, it was. Although, I’m getting a little stir-crazy myself. How is the weather there?”
“Perfectly Christmas-y, but not currently snowing,” Carla replied. “So what questions did you have?”
Elana and Emmie looked at each other. Emmie cleared her throat. “They’re about the Bible.”
“Oh, I can do those. What kinds of questions?” Emmie was surprised to hear the relief in her voice.
Elana jumped in with the answer. “Why should we become Christians and how do we do it?”
Carla paused. “I think the why is different for each person. For me it was because I realized I was a sinner and needed Something more than myself to live a better life. For others it is because they read the Bible and realize every word in it is true, including their need of a Savior. Others do it because they are scared into it by the threat of hell. Does that help?”
Emmie nodded her head and Elana said, “Yes, it helps both of us. I... I don’t know about Emmie, but... I want to know more.”
Emmie’s throat went dry. “So do I.” She could barely hear the words herself and she cleared her throat. “So do I. I want to know more.”
“Great,” Carla said. “How much have you read in the Bible?”
Elana shifted the phone to her other hand. “I’ve read most of the New Testament and parts of the Old Testament.”
Emmie chewed her lip. “I haven’t read much except the summaries Elana and I went through from her readings.”
Carla was quiet on the other end for a few seconds. “Okay, I guess the first question is who is God and what does it mean that God is holy?”
Elana was about to answer when Carla interrupted her. “You know what? This is a very personal thing. Can you take me off speaker and I’ll go through this with both of you?”
Elana tapped her phone until it lit up and touched the screen. “You wanna go first, sis?”
Emmie took the offered phone. “I guess.” She held it to her ear as Elana left the room. “It’s just me, Emmie.”
“Hi, Emmie. It’s nice to finally meet you even if it is over the phone. Do you remember the question?”
“Yeah. God is the one who made the whole earth and everything in it. Him being holy means He can’t do anything wrong, right?”
“Yes! For not knowing much about the Bible, that’s a great answer. Next question. Does God love you?”
“Yes.”
“How do you know that?”
Emmie tapped her fingers on the bedspread. “There’s a verse in the Bible that says God loves the whole world. Since I live in the world, I guess that means me.”
“Right, John 3:16 says that. Do you have a Bible?”
“Um, just a minute.” Emmie set the phone down and checked the drawer in the dresser. Picking the phone back up, she said, “Yes, I do.”
“Can you please look up First Corinthians 15?”
“Sure.” She flipped the book open to the table of contents.
“Can you look it up and listen at the same time?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know what sin is?”
“Anything God says not to do.”
“And are you a sinne
r?”
“I think so.”
“Let me read a verse for you from the Bible. Romans 3:23 says, ‘For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.’”
“Oh.” Emmie stopped flipping through the Bible. “All have sinned? I guess that includes me, too.”
Carla had a smile in her voice as she said, “Yes, it does. In Romans 6:23, the Bible says that the wages of sin is death. That’s the punishment we all deserve, but God had a plan for that as well. Have you found First Corinthians 15?”
“Yes. What verses? There are a lot.”
Carla laughed. “I just want you to read verses three through five.”
Emmie followed the verse numbers until she found verse three. “‘For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, and then to the Twelve.’ So Jesus died so I wouldn’t have to?”
“That’s right,” Carla answered. “Do you know why Jesus was the only one who could have done that?”
“Yes,” Emmie said. “Elana found that in one of her Bible readings. Jesus didn’t sin, so He didn’t have to die, but He did it anyway.”
“Exactly. And what happened after Jesus died?”
Emmie looked down at the verses again. “He rose from the dead.”
“Right. Why was that significant?”
“No one else can do that.”
“Good job. Can you find John 1:12?”
Emmie flipped back in the Bible, remembering passing a book titled John. “Got it. Do you want me to read it?”
“Yes, that verse is one of my favorites for seeing what God says about believing in Jesus.”
“‘Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.’ That’s all? I only need to believe to become God’s child?”
“Yes, that’s right—”
