Jamie glanced with wide eyes at the hundreds of cars in neat little rows all around us. He gulped audibly and shook his head in slow motion. “It’s fine. If this is your world, it’s mine now, too.”
I chucked his shoulder. “That’s the spirit, big brother. Let’s go.”
Something about my words made Jens’s expression twist from business to pain.
I reached for Britta’s hand and tucked it through my arm, leading the two shell-shocked Undrans into the magical land of commerce.
3
Eating Alone at a Table for Four
It was decided we would make better use of our time if we split up. Jens took Jamie to the men’s section, and I absconded with Britta, who looked like an Amish doe-eyed cutie. Well, a six-and-a-half-foot tall cutie, so we stuck out a little.
“People are staring!” she whispered through gritted teeth.
“So they’ve never seen two smoking hot girls at the same time before. They’ll adjust. You’re fine, Britt. It’s probably just your clothes. The ones we’re buying will help you blend, but that gorgeous face? Well, get used to being stared at.”
Britta blushed, feeling the heat in her cheeks with the back of her hand. “Where your confidence comes from, I’ll never know.”
Without missing a beat (or considering my audience), I deadpanned, “My boobs.”
Britta blushed about nine shades of pink, shaking her head at me as she let loose a guilty chuckle.
I leafed through the racks, searching for anything that might fit a super tall, lean woman. Since this was not the mall, but a superstore, our options were limited. Thank God for yoga pants. I threw in a few pairs for both of us. “I’m guessing Farmer Jens is gonna hole us up for a while when we get where we’re going, so durability won’t be as important as comfort. I super want to get you more dresses, but if it’s cold out, there won’t be much point in that.”
Britta examined the different fabrics as if there might be a pop quiz on them. She studied the stitching, the hems, even the tags with utter fascination. When I asked her to try on a few things, she would not come out of the changing room no matter how much I tried to coax her forward. “I can’t! It’s indecent!”
I couldn’t help but smile at her when she finally allowed me in the room to see what the problem was. Britta was beautiful, and thus lie the crux of her issues with modern clothing. Due to her long years spent hoeing, planting and taking dead bodies off the noose by herself, she had strong arms, lean, long and muscular legs, complimented by a tiny waist. “Um, if I looked like that in jeans, no way I would’ve let anyone talk me into wearing dresses. You’re a friggin’ bombshell, Britt.” When she didn’t believe me, I pressed my point further. “No joke, you’re just freaking out because you’re not used to people seeing the shape of your body. I’d get used to people staring, because you look like you belong at the top here.” I crossed my heart. “Jamie won’t know what hit him.”
Britta put her Amish dress back on, and we went to the shoe department. I took Jens to heart when he said there was no limit on the card. I bought five pairs of Chuck Taylors to make up for lost time. They were beautiful, colorful, and me. Each pair earned a little hug before going into the cart just for existing. Britta got one pair of Chucks to pacify me, but preferred the sturdier shoes she could do outdoor work in.
We bought snow boots, winter gear, underwear (Britta trying to figure out modern bras? Priceless.), pajamas, fuzzy socks, hair accessories and the like until two grocery carts were overflowing. I had never owned so many new things, and the high was heady.
The toiletry section required a third cart, which we filled with too much toilet paper and everything else needed for the four of us to relocate with.
Britta was unconcerned with the details; she was too preoccupied with fitting in. She slumped her shoulders and kept her head down to appear shorter.
“How do you think the guys are doing?” I asked to distract her as I dumped four tubes of toothpaste and a handful of toothbrushes into the buggy.
“Good, I hope. I can tell Jamie’s worried. Jens tells us stories about your world all the time, but to be here? It’s… it’s so much bigger than either of us guessed. So many people all in one place. And everything’s gray. Not much green.”
“How are you holding up?” I asked, placing the most expensive shampoos and conditioners in the cart. “I’m glad you came with us. I didn’t want to take Jamie away from his home, but we weren’t exactly having much luck setting down roots in Undraland.”
Britta examined a bottle, flinching when a voice boomed on the sound system overhead. “That’s normal?” she inquired, her eyes darting around for the source of the noise.
I nodded. “I’ll let you know when it’s time to freak out.”
She put the bottle down and twiddled with a stray string on her sleeve. “Jamie and I will be fine. So long as Pesta leaves you alone, we can make any place our home. It just might take some getting used to.”
“You’re a trooper, that’s for sure.” I looked at our carts with the thrill of retail therapy flowing in my veins. “You ready to hunt down the boys? I’m not sure the SUV can hold much more.”
It took us a while to find Jens and Jamie in the massive store, but when we did, Jens visibly relaxed when his eyes fell on me. His arm rubbed my back and he held my head to his chest, kissing my hair as if I was in need of emotional support.
“You okay?” I asked, his clingy nature not something I expected.
Jens nodded, but his smile was forced. “I see you took me seriously when I said there wasn’t a limit on the card.”
“But you said there wasn’t! You said to get what we needed for a long hole-up,” I protested, defending my purchases.
“I’m kidding. You did great. Got enough clothes for the both of you?”
I eyed his one cart compared to our three and frowned. “Did you?”
“Guys are funny that way.”
Something caught my eye in his cart, and I scowled. “What the smack is this?” I questioned, picking up an econo pack of beef jerky. “I’ll straight up clock you if you bring this into the car.”
Jens produced a grin. “Food is food, Mox. That’s got a decent shelf life.” He looked around the aisle. “We need to head over to camping supplies.”
My heart sank. “What? Why? I thought we were done sleeping on the ground.”
“We are.” He turned his cart around and pushed it in the direction of the outdoors section. “For now, at least. Just have to be ready for anything. Pesta’s off our trail, but if she catches up to us, I want to be prepared. Plus, I lost one of my knives. I’m going to see if there’s a decent replacement here.”
The levity of the shopping trip crashed around me. “When will we be done running from her?”
Jens rubbed my back, but didn’t answer. “Let’s get the sub-zero sleeping bags, plus a spare in case anything rips. We’ve got the trunk space, and we’ll keep most of our supplies in the car until we can settle down.”
“When will that be?” My voice was quiet as I pushed my cart next to his.
He didn’t answer, just kissed the top of my head and pushed forward. That same closed-off look kept him from me, and I was beginning to miss him. Sure, he was here, but he wasn’t. Not really.
Jens and Jamie loaded up a whole cart with camping stuff. Every item added weighed down my spirits until the inflated high that came from shopping to my heart’s content was completely absent. He was absent.
Jens suggested shopping for more food, but the response from each of us was lackluster. Plus, we were running out of carts. “There was a little deli area near the produce at the front of the store. Want to grab a bite there and refuel?” His tone was polite, devoid of sarcasm or laughter. I hated it.
The noncommittal nods from Jamie and Britta informed me that they had never been to a modern deli, so they really had no preference. “Why don’t you take them, and I’ll get food for the road.” Jens handed me the black credit c
ard.
“Sure. What do you want me to get you?” I asked, stuffing the card in my back pocket.
Jens shrugged. “Whatever. Something small. I’m not hungry.”
I turned and left Jens without a parting word, leading Jamie and Britta through the massive store toward the deli counter. Jamie was amazed that I could order something, and someone else had already slaughtered the cow, gleaned the food and prepared it for me. Britta was just plain flabbergasted at the portion sizes.
They were starting to hit their limit on the new world, so they went behind a pillar and turned invisible so they could avoid being stared at, and could in turn gawk at my people as openly as they wished. That left me to order and carry four plates of food to the small cafeteria-style dining area and surround myself with the four carts I was in charge of watching.
“I can’t eat all that!” Britta protested, eyeing her sub sandwich with astonishment as she sat down next to me. “Do humans need to eat more than Undrans? I never noticed that about you on our side.”
“No. We eat more because we can. It’s all right here, so eat as much as you want.” I picked the pepperoni off my pizza and placed each slimy disc on Jens’s piece. After eating bunnies and fish right out of the carcass, sliced pepperonis swimming in grease lost some of their appeal. I started to understand why my mother had become a vegetarian.
Jamie and Britta gazed around as they ate, people watching and taking full advantage of the fact that no one could see them. Jamie was holding Britta’s hand so they could see each other, and the two talked animatedly about the many strange things I could not begin to see the fascination of.
They entertained themselves while I sat at the table for four seemingly by myself. I sat in silence and ate slowly, my stomach not used to the heavy oils and grease, but my taste buds appreciating it all the same. I’m sure I looked how I felt. Alone.
Too much time with only my thoughts for company was a dangerous thing for me. Alrik left me for the Land of Be. I didn’t understand why, nor did I care as much as the others. I loved him, but the trust part was always tricky. When my family died, he left me alone that very next week. I would miss him, and I still didn’t understand his reasons for crossing over into Be, but I’d wasted enough of my life wishing he would come back and wondering why he was always leaving.
I got used to the loneliness and the occasional curious stares that found me, questioning why the pathetic girl was eating alone, surrounded by overflowing carts. I was still the girl with no friends. I had no home and no family. The hope that Alrik would pop up for his monthly visits was gone now, and I guessed there was no use trying to figure out why he left me so abruptly.
I finished my pizza and just stared at my plate as I tried to avoid the dark thoughts I knew were right around the corner.
I missed Foss. Plain and simple, I’d gotten used to having him around. I had no one to fight with, and my problems were compounding now that I had nothing to divert my attention from them. I worried he was struggling in Undraland. I worried he had no one to take care of him. I worried that I missed him, and what that said about me.
“You look sad, Lucy Kincaid,” Jens observed as he sat down across from me, purposefully squashing Jamie, who “oof”ed and relinquished his chair.
I pushed his pizza toward him. “I’m fine. Bathroom,” I explained. “Didn’t want to leave these two alone.” I pushed my chair back and left the table with no further discussion on the matter.
I shut myself inside the restroom stall, threw my mental wall up to keep Jamie out and hugged myself, willing the growing hole inside of me not to expand any further. Something felt wrong in my soul, but I had no idea which horror to blame for it.
Uncle Rick was gone. That was part of the hole, for sure. Foss was wandering the outskirts of Undraland, nameless, homeless and without a friend. He was without me, and I’d chosen that fate for him.
As much as those two things tore me open, there was something nagging in the back of my head that felt… missing. A filled void that was suddenly gaping wide open again. My hand rubbed over my heart, spackling whatever it could into the hole.
I’d thought my problems would be over if I could just get back to my normal reality. I didn’t realize Pesta would still be hunting me.
That was it. It was the promise of a real life in one place with a white picket fence, and then the sudden loss of all that hope. That must be the thing that devastated me. I was homeless. I let myself out of the stall and stared into the mirror, wondering if that’s how I’d always be.
I was thinner than when I’d left for Undraland. I had bags under my eyes and a haunted look I didn’t think any amount of makeup could cover up. I looked older, and not in the good way.
I looped my finger through Foss’s ring around my neck, and whispered my hope into the empty lavatory that he was safe, and that he’d find a peaceful new home soon.
As I had every morning before starting a new life in a new school, I practiced smiling in the mirror. It was fake and reeked of sadness, but it was necessary. The more the corners of my mouth lifted in an attempt to pretend happiness into being, the more depressed I became.
It didn’t used to be this hard.
4
Nightly Habits
Jens checked us into a hotel. Not a motel, a hotel. It was a big difference, trust me. The main concern I had was that the room produced a bed I could pass out in. Jens’s main concern was the parking garage. He passed up three hotels because they did not have a parking garage we could hide the SUV in.
His eyelids were drooping as we took the elevator up to our adjoined suites. I had only just enough oomph in me to attempt an explanation at the mystery that was elevator to the overly-stimulated Undrans.
Jens did his best to explain to them the different functions of their room, ending with a tired, “It’s probably best you just don’t touch anything.”
I rolled my eyes at him and covered the basics of the bathroom and the wonders of modern plumbing. “Don’t touch these. They’re light sockets, and unless you know how to use them, don’t. And the phone? Don’t bother with it. Or the A/C unit. Or the coffeemaker.” I sighed. “Jens was right. Best not touch too much just yet.”
Jamie and Britta were holding hands in that wistful way lovers do before they have a meaningful night together. Though I knew from Jamie’s errant thoughts that they were not having sex, sleeping in a bed together was a new high for them.
Their sweet gazes toward each other only made the distance between Jens and I all the more vast. Neither of us spoke as we moved around the room, settling in, showering, and tearing the tags off fresh pajamas that were so snuggly and clean, the luxury felt mind-blowing.
The bed was everything I dreamed it could be. It was a king-sized wonder with white linens and a fluffy down comforter so I could revel in my modern luxuries. I crawled under the covers and climbed atop the pillow like a cat, giving it a genuine teddy bear snuggle. Despite the awkward vibe Jens was sending out, I was grateful we were back in my country.
Jens joined me in the bed, smelling of aftershave, soap, sugar cookies and man. I hadn’t seen him clean-shaven in a while, and wished we were in a better place so I could stroke his cheek. He lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling with that same far-off expression that made me think he was really somewhere else.
Enough, already.
I took matters into my own hands and rolled atop him, my knees straddling his hips. “Alright, you. You’ve been in a funk since Alrik skipped town. Talk.” I pointed my finger to his chest, demanding action.
Jens placed his hands on my hips and traced the bone with his thumbs. “My funk is your funk. Just processing everything, I guess.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “It’s more than that. You know something, or you’re hiding something. What gives?”
Jens rolled his eyes to keep them from me and moved me off his lap, clearly annoyed. “What gives is that I’m tired. You’re my charge, Loos. I’ve always got a mi
llion things on my mind. New territory. New threats. I’m preoccupied because I’m trying to keep us all alive.”
I spoke slowly, taking in the sudden shift in his mood. “Okay. I guess you just seem unhappy, and I thought you might want someone to talk to about it. If not to me, then Jamie or Britt.”
“Yup. I’m gonna get some sleep, alright? You tired?” He turned on his side away from me and settled into the sheets, punching his pillow to get it to behave.
My answer was inconsequential, so I didn’t offer one. Instead I lay down, careful not to jostle the bed too much. I hugged my edge of the mattress, leaving a Foss-sized hole in between us so that all the things unspoken had a place in the bed to rest for the night.
An hour later, I was no closer to sleep, but I had not moved for fear of disturbing Jens.
“Loos?” he whispered.
I didn’t want to answer him with any emotion in my voice, so I waited a few beats before opening my mouth.
Before I made a sound, Jens slipped out of bed, slid on his jeans and boots, and sneaked out the door, leaving me alone in our bed.
5
Hotel Misery
I had never been much for paranoia, but Jens sneaking out of the hotel room brought a myriad of unanswerable questions to my mind. When he returned three hours later, I had to fight myself to remain silent and feign sleep like an opossum. I would not be the where-were-you wife. I would not fight stupidly or waste my life reaching out to someone who couldn’t be bothered to sleep next to me for one whole night alone.
Jamie had poked into my worried brain a few times during the night, gently beckoning me to go to sleep so he could escape into my subconscious. Apparently my mouth could close, but there was no turning off my mental motor.
Jens insisted on room service the next morning because it would keep me hidden, but I couldn’t stay in the room with him and the building tension any longer. “I’m fine. I highly doubt Pesta frequents hotels. It’s a big friggin’ country, Jens.”
The Other Side Page 2
