by A. K. Evans
“Sam, I just want to spend some time together outside of the bar,” he assured me. “We haven’t really had a chance to do that in a long time, and I miss it. I just thought we could try to get that back.”
Right.
Okay.
Okay. This was good news. I had to see it as such.
I smiled at him and responded, “I think that sounds like a great idea. What are we going to do?”
He shrugged. “I haven’t quite figured it out yet, but I was thinking we could do something outside earlier in the day before we order pizza that doesn’t have any pineapples on it for dinner.”
I giggled, loving that he was being playful and trying to ease any tension.
“That sounds fabulous, Cal.”
“Good. Since you’ll be working late on Saturday night, I’ll pick you up on Sunday for brunch,” he declared. “If I recall correctly, I still owe you one of those.”
Brunch.
Shit.
We hadn’t spoken about brunch since the day he came over and discovered the truth about my relationship with Mitch. I sighed, just remembering how horrible I felt after he left that morning.
I was so lost in my thoughts about it, I completely overlooked the fact that Cal had not only just requested to spend time with me but also that he planned to do it from brunch through dinner. I was also so caught up in all my thoughts about the last time we were supposed to have brunch that I hadn’t realized Cal moved closer and leaned forward to rest his forearms on the bar counter until he wrapped his fingers around mine. The feel of his touch on me was electric.
His voice dipped low as he urged, “Relax, Sam. I just want us to get back to where we used to be. I know that’s going to take some time, but if we don’t start now, we’ll never get there.”
He wanted to get back to where we used to be.
He wanted to get back to where we used to be.
I didn’t know if I should mention to him that where I used to be was madly in love with him. More than that, I didn’t know if I could go back there.
And it terrified me to think that he wanted us back in that place again. Because while I couldn’t say that I ever stopped loving Cal, I had somehow managed to cope with him not wanting me in the same way.
I was torn because part of me felt like this was what I’d been working toward already, while the other part of me hadn’t really taken the time to consider where I’d end up if and when I got there.
But with Cal’s determination, I had no choice other than to ponder it. If he brought us back to that same place, I had no doubt I’d find myself falling in love with him again. I just didn’t think I could handle that, knowing that I’d only have that and my dreams of having something more.
Thirteen
Samantha
“So, how was the wedding?”
I set my glass of orange juice down and smiled at Cal. It was late Sunday morning, and we were sitting across from one another at brunch just as Cal had promised.
“It wasn’t bad,” I answered. “The bride, the groom, and both of their families were very laid-back people. That’s always nice for me because they’re generally really easy to work with throughout the entire thing.”
Cal picked up a piece of his toast and replied, “That’s good. At least you didn’t have any more drama to deal with like you did on Thursday.”
“That’s not exactly accurate,” I shared.
“What do you mean?”
Cal took a bite of his toast as I speared my scrambled eggs with my fork. “Maybe I didn’t have any drama, but that doesn’t mean that there was none to be had,” I told him.
His eyes narrowed on me as though he were trying to figure out what I could have meant by my statement. When he failed to find an answer, he asked, “So, there was drama?”
I nodded.
Holding his fork up in front of his mouth, he muttered, “I can only imagine what happened now.”
Quite frankly, I was in the same boat. Because while I knew that something had happened, I didn’t exactly know the full extent of the scenario.
“It was Demi.”
Cal’s brows shot up. “Oh, jeez. Please tell me she didn’t do something crazy,” he begged.
“Not exactly,” I responded, shaking my head. After taking another sip of my juice, I set the glass down and shared, “For the most part, the night had been uneventful for me. Obviously, make of that what you will, considering I was dealing with a wedding. But at one point earlier in the evening, I had walked from the ballroom after checking that everything was running smoothly back to my office. And on my way there, I found Demi alone at the front desk with Cash.”
I watched as Cal’s head tipped to the side. If nothing else, he was certainly intrigued by the news.
“I didn’t want to interrupt whatever was happening between the two of them, but there was certainly a bit of a heated discussion,” I offered. “Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to talk to Demi about it later because when I had a moment, she was still talking with him or she was dealing with hotel guests. Then, she ended up leaving work before I had the opportunity to confront her about it.”
“What do you think it was about?” Cal wondered.
I shrugged. “I can’t say for sure, but if I had to guess, I’d say it has something to do with the fact that Cash is seriously interested in her.”
Sitting back in his seat, Cal lifted his glass of orange juice from the table and took a sip. I could tell his mind was working, and I didn’t have to think too hard about what he might have been thinking. He loved his cousin; it was apparent. So, I knew he wanted the best for her, and it was likely he was wondering if this guy could ever be that for her.
Even though I was sure I knew what he was thinking, I still asked, “What’s that look for?”
Seemingly frustrated, Cal set his glass down, shook his head, and replied, “This is tough.”
“Tough?” I repeated.
“It’s Demi,” he started. “I want her to be happy, and I hate that she stops herself from even trying to have a smidgen of it. As much as I’d like to believe that Cash would see Demi as someone who deserves the best, I have to wonder if, for once, she might be right in holding herself back.”
Okay.
I hadn’t expected that.
But hearing it, I couldn’t say I disagreed either. She made it clear to me what she thought about Cash. She knew she could easily get hooked on someone like him. And with Demi’s heart being as fragile as it was, no matter how good I thought they looked together, I had to admit that maybe she was better off without succumbing to his unmistakable charm.
“I think you might be right,” I agreed. “Though I really do wish she would try to find a way to allow herself to love someone and to also let them love her. Not only does she deserve it, but she needs it, too.”
Cal dipped his chin in agreement. “Well, at the very least, she’s taking steps to get herself away from a place that’s causing her so much stress and anxiety,” he reasoned.
“Yeah. Now, let’s just hope that you’ve got plenty of work for her because I’m not sure I’ll be able to hire her anytime soon,” I said.
I’d been thinking about that a lot over the last few days. While I wasn’t exactly reconsidering my choice to try and start my T-shirt business again, I began to wonder if it had been a wise choice to share it with Cal and Demi. It wasn’t that I wanted to hide what I was doing from my friends, but offering a future job to Demi when I hadn’t exactly been successful the first time around seemed a bit foolish. At the time, I’d only been focused on wanting to make her feel better about her choice to leave a place that was making her unhappy.
“I’m proud of you,” Cal’s voice filtered into my thoughts.
I lifted my gaze from my plate and met Cal’s intense stare. “Pardon?”
He smiled at me and answered, “I’m proud of you, Sam. I’m proud of you for deciding to get back into doing what you love. And I think you should know how reli
eved I was to hear you say you were going to try again.”
That meant everything to me. Hearing those words from anyone would have been lovely, but to listen to them from Cal made me feel more than I could have ever imagined. It was then that I realized just how much I missed having that in my life, having him and his undying support.
Even still, I was wary about starting up again, and I thought he was the best person to share my feelings with about it.
“I’m nervous,” I confessed.
“Nervous?” he parroted.
Nodding, I explained, “I don’t think I need to reiterate just how much I want to have a successful T-shirt business, but I’d be lying if I said I haven’t second-guessed the decision to start again.”
“Why?” he wondered.
I looked away and murmured, “I don’t want to try and fail again.”
Though the conversation between us had been easy from the moment Cal picked me up this morning, I was now starting to feel the pressure. It was building inside me in the form of sadness, anxiety, and quite a bit of fear. None of that was attributed to the fact that it was Cal I was talking with. In fact, it was quite the opposite.
He made me feel comfortable.
He made me feel safe.
The only reason I was able to even consider sharing my fear was that I was sitting across the table from him.
But just because I was sharing it with him didn’t mean that I didn’t feel any nerves about it. It was scary to think about experiencing that same disappointment with myself that I felt when I took my website offline. I didn’t want to endure that all over again.
“Sam?” Cal called gently.
I brought my eyes to him again. The sweet look on his face had me on the verge of tears. Luckily, I managed to stave them off.
Then, Cal insisted, “You didn’t fail. You never were. You gave up, and I hate that you did, but you didn’t fail.”
“I think that’s the same thing,” I noted. “Besides, it’s not exactly like I was successful before I gave up the dream.”
“You did it,” he countered. “That alone makes you a success. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t accomplish everything you hoped to accomplish with it just yet. You still did it, and you should be proud of that.”
My eyes slid away from his again. I could feel myself getting emotional, and I didn’t want to break down here. I didn’t want to break down at all, but Cal couldn’t begin to understand what hearing those words did to me.
“Demi was right,” he declared, cutting into my thoughts.
“What?” I asked, returning my attention to him again.
Cal searched my face and hesitated. He waited so long, I grew impatient. “Cal, what do you mean that Demi was right? About what?”
He swallowed hard before he shared, “You lost yourself.”
My brows pulled together.
Understanding my confusion, he clarified, “With Mitch. You lost yourself and so much of what makes you Sam when you were with him.”
I bit down hard on my lip, hoping it would redirect my focus to the physical pain there instead of what I was feeling in my heart.
Cal continued, “Maybe I’m overstepping here, and maybe I’m going to regret this later, but I think you should know the truth. I know he meant something to you, but you weren’t you when you were with him.”
“I know,” I rasped. “I see that more and more with every day that passes now.”
“That’s good,” he insisted.
“You think it’s good?” I questioned him.
Cal chuckled as he reached across the table. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze and maintained, “Yes, I think it’s good that you see it. I wish it hadn’t happened, but the fact that you realize it now means you can get back to being you. And that’s all I’d ever want for you. That’s all you should want for yourself.”
God.
He was the best man I knew.
He was smart, successful, supportive, and still so incredibly handsome.
I tried not to focus on how much I liked the feel of his hand on mine and replied, “Thanks, Cal. Thank you for always being there for me.”
With one more squeeze on my hand, he promised, “Anytime.”
For the next few minutes, we finished eating our food in comfortable silence. Once I set my fork down and finished off my glass of juice, Cal asked, “Can I ask a personal question?”
“Sure.”
“Did Mitch at least try to talk you out of making the decision to close your store?” he wondered.
I shook my head. “No.”
“He didn’t?” he pressed.
“I don’t know why he would when he never thought it was going to amount to anything meaningful,” I said.
The moment the words were out of my mouth, I saw something flash in Cal’s face. Anger, maybe?
Whatever it was, it quickly vanished and was replaced by a much softer expression. “I’m sorry he didn’t give you what he should have,” Cal lamented.
“What?”
Evidently dumbfounded by my confusion, Cal countered, “Sam, you were his. It was his job to love and care for you. He was supposed to support you. At least now I understand why it was so easy for you to walk away from your dream. He wasn’t there for you.”
I pressed my lips together because I couldn’t exactly argue with anything he’d said. Mitch should have been there to love and support and care for me. He wasn’t. At least, not in the way that I deserved.
“I was such a fool,” I whispered.
Cal shook his head. “No, you weren’t. He was.”
I loved that. I loved that Cal saw it that way.
Unable to do anything else, I smiled at him.
“Okay, enough about him,” Cal declared. “I need to know what I can do to help you dive back into this again.”
My brows shot up. “My T-shirts?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“Well, the website is simply a matter of signing on to the back end of it and switching it on,” I started. “Beyond that, there’s not much else.”
That wasn’t enough for Cal because he pressed, “What about new shirt designs?”
Chuckling, I shared, “I kind of need to wait for the inspiration to hit me. I can’t just force it.”
“Where do you find inspiration?” he asked.
“In life. People and places, mostly. Sometimes, movies. Rarely, songs.”
Cal’s eyes narrowed, and I could tell he was deep in thought about everything I’d just shared. A moment later, he declared, “You’ve had enough of people over the last couple of days, so that’s out of the question for now, especially if they haven’t given you any sort of inspiration. And since I promised you that we’d spend some time outdoors today, I think I have an idea for how we can spend the rest of our day.”
“Yeah?”
He nodded. “Yeah. We’re going to get you some inspiration.”
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“You’ll see.”
At that, Cal sought the attention of our waitress and asked for the bill. After he refused to accept any contribution from me for our breakfast, he stood and held his hand out to me. I placed my hand in his and allowed him to lead me out of the diner to his car.
And just over an hour later, Cal delivered on another promise. He helped me find some inspiration by taking me to Mount Washington. He figured if I was going to dream, I might as well do it big. Since Mount Washington was the highest mountain in the northeast, he wasn’t wrong.
While we were there, it was safe to say I found not only a ton of inspiration but a lot of something else I never expected.
Something worth far more than any successful business could ever bring me.
Something that only Cal could give me.
Calvin
“Melissa just called in sick.”
Shit.
“How is it there?” I asked.
“Steady. Not too crazy but busy enough that Melissa not being here is go
ing to be a problem,” Billy answered.
I sighed. It figured this would happen today.
I looked over at Sam. She was sitting in the passenger seat, staring out the window with a look of contentment on her face. She looked beautiful. The last thing I wanted was to cut this day with her short, but I had no choice.
And I knew Sam wouldn’t be okay with me blowing off my responsibilities.
So, I told Billy, “I went out of town today, but I’m on my way back now. I’m about forty-five minutes out. I’ll be in soon to help out.”
“Thanks, Cal.”
“No problem. Thanks for calling, Billy.”
With that, I disconnected the call and glanced over at Sam again.
“Is everything okay?” she asked.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Sam,” I apologized. “I’m going to have to reschedule pizza night with you. One of my servers is sick, so I’ve got to go in tonight to help out.”
“That’s okay,” she assured me. “We can make pizza night a different night.”
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Positive,” she promised. “Besides, it’s not like I don’t have anything to keep me busy now that I’ve gotten all of this inspiration.”
Though my eyes were focused on the road ahead of me, I could feel Sam’s gaze on me. And I knew if I turned to look at her, I’d see a smile on her face. I knew this because I could hear it in her voice.
As the day progressed with her today, I’d heard it more and more. While I didn’t believe she was suddenly back to where she’d been before her last birthday, I was confident she was making great strides to get there.
For now, that was enough for me.
I was disappointed about the fact that I had to go to Granite tonight, though. Because I had every intention of telling Sam precisely where things stood for me when it came to her. Although I was sure she wasn’t ready for things to go to that next level between us, nor did I want to rush her to get over her recent breakup, I didn’t want to risk her not knowing exactly how I felt.
But because what I wanted to share was important, I didn’t want to do it not only when I was driving, but I also didn’t want to do it when I had to leave her as soon as we made it back into town.
