by Emma Vikes
He left me alone and Max ran back to the room to say goodbye to me, hugging me tightly. My heart dipped at the warmth of his embrace and suddenly all the anger I felt dissipated. But when I walked him down the stairs, I saw Eleanor, still on her phone and she had a bright smile on her face. I’d never seen that bright smile since they got here and whatever sunlight that Max brought me by the hug was thwarted by stormy clouds once again.
When they left, I marched to the bar and opened the bottle of whiskey, poured myself a drink, uncaring of the fact that it was only after lunch and there was the possibility that I would probably be wasted by the time the rehearsal dinner rolled in and Megan would kill me. But I needed to dampen the simmering rage that I felt. It was so unfamiliar and foreign that I didn’t know how I was meant to deal with it.
I went back to the room that I left the laptop in and brought it in the living room where I was. I looked at all the pictures of Eleanor, the way she looked at me and how brightly she smiled. A memory tickled the edges of my mind until it was too overwhelming to stop my brain from remembering it.
“So you really want to become a lawyer, huh?” I asked her. We were lying on the grass and my head was on her lap. She was studying. Ellie was always studying. “I’m pretty sure you’ll look absolutely breathtaking in court.”
She rolled her eyes and slapped my face lightly. “Actually, there’s another thing I want most in life rather than being a lawyer.”
Curious, I looked up at her. “What?”
A shy smile spread on her lips. “I want to find the perfect guy, fall deeply in love, get married and start a family. I don’t care if I become a lawyer or not. I just want to have my own family.”
Suddenly, my throat felt dry. “That’s simple.”
She looked at me, golden eyes filled with so much hope. “It’s possible.”
And she got both now.
I resisted the urge to throw the glass I was holding against the wall, the alcohol content in my body rising as time ticked by and as the memories of Eleanor haunted me more and more. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been in the living room, nursing glass after glass until my brothers arrived. “Holy shit, what the fuck is wrong with him?”
Everett groaned and walked over to me, snatching the glass from my hands. He crouched in front of me. “You’re staying here, Leo. Milo will kill us if we let you come to the rehearsal dinner drunk.”
“I’m not drunk,” I muttered, shaking my head. I glanced at the bottle. I’d downed half of it. I wasn’t precisely sober. Tipsy, but not drunk. “I’ll...I’ll go change. I’m fine.”
Standing up, I pushed past my brothers and headed upstairs. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, wanting to make sure that my breath didn’t smell like whiskey. I got dressed and made sure that I looked presentable and headed downstairs. Everett and Julian were ready and both of them looked at me with concern.
“Not sure what’s going with you but bro, I really think staying at home is a better idea,” Julian said, looking at me worriedly.
I shook my head and shrugged on my suit jacket. “It’s my big brother’s rehearsal dinner. This is an important event.”
Before I could step out of the house, Everett blocked me. He looked at me with narrowed eyes. “You better not ruin this or else Milo will skin the three of us alive.”
I looked at him levelly. “I’m tipsy, not drunk, Ev.”
He scoffed. “You were jealous and now you’re a fool.”
I clenched my jaw and the three of us left the house, Everett drove us to the venue of the rehearsal dinner. Julian was by my side for half an hour, making sure I didn’t get my hands on any more alcohol. I was doing well, keeping myself in check too. Everett wasn’t kidding when he said that Milo would probably skin us alive if I ruined this for him.
And then I saw Eleanor.
She was talking to Morgan and they were both laughing. She was in an orange dress, flowy but still hugged her curves. Her brown hair was tied in a messy bun, strands of hair framing her golden eyes. I swallowed, my hand itching for a camera when there was none. And then Eleanor pulled out her phone again, a bright smile spread on her face as she answered the call and even from afar, I could see her mouth the name ‘Red’.
I wasn’t sure why I felt another stab at my heart but I slipped from Julian’s van point and grabbed a glass filled with whiskey, downing one glass and then grabbing at another, uncaring of how fast I seemed to be drinking. No matter the burning sensation that the whiskey left my throat, it was nothing compared to the inferno that my heart seemed to be in, the simmering rage in my veins so overwhelming that I felt like it was on the verge of turning into a firestorm.
“Leo!” Someone grabbed my drink and despite the haziness that I now felt, I knew that the Hudson gray eyes I was staring at were of Milo’s.
Uh-oh.
He grabbed my wrist tightly, dragging me out of the room. “What the hell are you thinking?”
I blinked, staggering back and shaking my head. “It’s your wedding! There are drinks! Fun! Fun, fun!”
Milo gritted his teeth in annoyance. “If I see even a strand of your hair inside, you’ll be banned from my wedding.”
He pushed me to the side, forcing me to sit on a bench and I pouted, staring blankly at the open space in front of me. The breeze felt cool and I tried my best to will myself to be sober. But then the door swung open and a familiar brunette in an orange dress came out. She was fiddling with her phone and her back was turned to me and all I could do was just stare at her.
“Ellie,” I whispered, drawn to her still.
Maybe it was the alcohol in my system. Maybe I was really drunk like my brothers had told me. But I stood up from my seat and walked to where Eleanor stood with alcohol-fuelled confidence and wrapped my arms behind her. She gasped, spinning around in my arms. “Leo?”
I closed my eyes and inhaled her scent. Cinnamon and apples. Seven years later and she still smelled like cinnamon and apples. “Leo, get off of me, please.”
But I refused. I held her in my arms. Suddenly I felt like my heart would burst now that she was in my arms and the familiarity of her body pressed against mine made me want to spontaneously combust. “You came to me like sunlight and you made me feel warm and tingly all over. You made me feel alive, Ellie. And the past seven years has been so dark without you. I...I felt like I died without you. I need you back, Ellie. Please, come back.”
She stared at me, her golden eyes filled with so much confusion. “Leo...”
But whatever it was she wanted to say, she didn’t get the chance to do so because I placed a hand gently on her right cheek, my eyes flickering to the familiar plump lips and then I leaned in, my lips pressed against her soft ones and I moved mine gently over hers, coaching her lips to kiss me back. Slowly, gradually, I felt her start to kiss me back. And then I pulled her closer, my lips beginning to move desperately, wanting to send one simple message.
I need you back, Ellie. Please, come back.
CHAPTER 6
Eleanor
You came to me like sunlight...
You made me feel alive, Ellie...
I felt like I died without you...
I need you back...
Come back, Ellie...
“Eleanor!” Blinking, I looked up and met Morgan’s concerned gaze. “You’ve been staring into space for almost ten minutes!”
I chewed on my bottom lip and flashed her a weak smile. “I was just thinking about going back to Irving.”
It was a lie. Irving was the last thing on my mind right now. The only thing that was filling every crevice of my brain was the thought of Leo’s lips on mine, his hand splayed flat on my back, pulling me closer to his body, the familiar warmth, and the musky, masculine scent. The way our lips moved against each other, a proverbial dance that our mouths still remembered.
Morgan narrowed her eyes slightly and I tensed, wondering if she had seen me and Leo last night. As far as I could remember, no one was outside but us.
But Morgan smiled at me and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “You used to live in Irving, Elle. It’s like coming home.”
“If it still feels like home,” I answered quietly, standing up and flattened the pale orange dress I was wearing. Megan wanted her bridesmaids and maid-of-honor to wear warm colors. Morgan looked gorgeous in her salmon gown.
There was a knock on the door of the room we were in and simultaneously, Morgan and I said, “Come in.”
It opened slowly and Megan peeked in the room. My eyes widened, a giant grin spreading on my face and whatever issue I was dealing with earlier because of Leo, suddenly went out of the window as I focused on my friend. She came in, wearing her wedding dress and my heart skipped a beat. She looked absolutely breathtaking.
And I couldn’t help but imagine myself in one too.
We gushed over her and then had photos taken with her and then with the rest of the bridesmaid entourage. We still hadn’t seen the groomsmen at this point and I was kind of relieved. After kissing Leo last night, I wasn’t sure if I could even look at him without remembering the taste of his mouth on mine, the feel of his warm body against mine.
God damn it, Eleanor, this was Leo Hudson. He broke your heart, left you at the lake house with only a note stating that you should give the key back to the owner and then wrote what bus you were meant to take. There wasn’t any goodbye or any explanation. So he kissed you last night- and he was drunk! And now you can’t stop thinking about him? Are you seriously dipping your foot on that dangerous water again, knowing that you drowned the first time around?
I was on autopilot for the rest of the morning, following whatever instructions Morgan and Megan had me do. As for Max, he was being taken care of by Mrs. Barrymore, Violet’s old nanny back in Irving who came for the wedding and volunteered to take care of the kids while everyone else was busy with the event. I saw him for a bit at the venue, whilst having some pictures taken and took a sneak picture of the two of us.
Max tugged at my hand. “Can I go to Leo?”
Had Max not mention his name, I wouldn’t have seen him around but there he was, talking and laughing with his brothers. He seemed so relax and carefree, and sober, he was definitely sober. It made me wonder if he remembered what happened last night, of his lips pressed against mine, moving in a familiar rhythm and my mouth responding to the familiarity.
And then I pulled away, forcefully, ending the kiss and whatever emotions that kiss brought back.
“No,” I whispered, looking at Leo’s alcohol-glazed eyes. There was a quiet desperation in them, a longing that made me want to believe that what he just told me was real. There was a part of me that wanted to believe that it was real, that everything he just said was true.
But just as I was a shy away of believing every word, I remembered how I woke up in that lake house the next morning, alone in bed, Leo nowhere to be seen.
“I’m not letting you hurt me, Leo. Not again.”
Leo turned his head and I quickly turned back to Max, flashing my son a smile and nodding. I wasn’t the biggest fan of the relationship he was developing with Leo, considering that Leo broke my heart once and I didn’t want him to break my son’s too. But Max adored him. I’d never seen Max look at anyone with the same adoration as he did with Leo and I wasn’t in any position to deprive my son of that.
“Sure, bud, just make sure that you come back to Mrs. Barrymore after, okay? Leo’s part of the entourage too.”
“Is he your partner?” His question made me freeze. I wasn’t sure if Leo was my partner. If he was...crap.
I watched as Max ran to where Leo was standing and Leo grinned widely when he saw Max. He crouched down and touched the boy’s hair, fixing it and smiling. He was always good with kids and it wasn’t surprising for Max to adore him the way he did. Morgan called me after a moment and told me that the wedding would start in twenty minutes and led me to where Megan was staying in.
“Hey,” I greeted Megan when I came into the room. I was gushing at how pretty she was earlier and I still wanted to tell her that she looked ethereal but gushing didn’t seem to be the right thing to do at the moment. “Nervous?”
Megan nodded meekly. “I always thought that between the two of us, you’ll get married first and I’m the one in your position.”
I giggled and then placed a comforting hand on top of hers, ignoring the slight pang that the teasing comment brought me. Aside from becoming a lawyer, I always wanted to start my own family, find the perfect guy to fall in love with, get married and then have a child together. When I was with Leo, I thought that he was it. We would go through the odds of life and love together and emerge victorious. I was naïve. Leo was only meant to be my first in everything. First love, first person to sleep with and he was also set to be my first heartbreak.
“I kind of skipped the first two steps in my plans and got Max instead.”
Megan’s eyes softened. “I used to wish that you would make things right with Max’s dad. You never spoke about him but I knew he hurt you really bad. When I had Atlas and Milo was there for me, all I could think about was how hard everything must’ve been for you to do it alone. It made me wish that Max’s father could’ve been a lot like Milo.”
I turned away and stared at my heels and then turned back to Megan and flashed her a weak smile. “Wishful thinking but it’s been six years. Max and I are fine without him.”
“What if he comes back?” Megan asked, the curiosity clear in her emerald eyes.
I shrugged. “He left. That was his choice. The door is shut for the two of us. That’s it.”
Megan looked at me sadly and then I squeezed her hand. “It’s your wedding day. Can we just be happy about the fact that you’re getting married?”
“To be honest, I thought I’d end up being an old maid because of all my responsibilities,” Megan admitted coyly and we laughed, waiting for the time to pass until she was meant to walk down the aisle and be with Milo.
The wedding started smoothly and even as an entourage, I could fill the love that the guests had for both Milo and Megan. Most knew that Milo lost his first wife in an accident and as far as everyone else had told me, when Milo lost his first wife, he lost himself too and it was in finding Megan that he found himself again. Everyone was grateful for Megan. I was grateful that she found Milo.
I was already in my position when everyone rose for the bride to come in. I let out a small gasp as I watched Megan walking slowly towards the aisle, towards where Milo was standing beside Everett, crying. My heart melted at the sight when she was finally near him because both of them were in tears at that time. But my brain played tricks on me because for a brief moment, I saw myself in a flowing white dress, a bouquet of yellow tulips in my hand, my hair was styled into a crown and a gorgeous feather hair accessory wounded around my hair. And beside me stood Leo, in a crisp maroon suit, his curly hair shorter and loose- the way it was when I first met him- looking at me with tears in his eyes.
I blinked, the image disappearing from my mind as I turned and saw Megan and Milo standing in front of the preacher. I swallowed, because I could feel eyes on me and I didn’t need to look around for it, knowing that the person staring was right across from me, in a black suit and salmon bowtie, hair tied in a man-bun and his piercing gray eyes solely focused on me.
By the time that Megan and Milo shared their vows, I was already in tears, incredibly happy for Megan for finding the right guy for her and having Atlas and even Violet in her life. Milo cleared his throat and it echoed all over the microphone. He wasn’t done yet with his vow and he looked at Megan, his gray eyes filled with so much adoration to her that it made my knees go weak for my friend.
“It was the little moments that mattered most to me, things that should’ve gone unnoticed but made me notice you even more. The little things, the tiny gestures that you did. The smallest thought that I’d share with you and you would remember. It made me realize why we worked. You got me, Megan, in a way that no one
else did. And I can only wish that everyone here will be able to find someone who can do the same to them.”
“What’s this?” I asked, staring at the small music box that seemed familiar to me, tickling a memory in my brain. Leo picked it up again and turned it around, letting the gentle music float around us, as the ballerina spun in circles, her leg arched flexibly behind her in a pose. I looked at him, curious. “What is this, Leo?”
He shrugged and sat across from me, cross-legged on the grass field. “You told me last night that you wrote down a ballerina music box for your secret Santa to give you but instead, the kid got you a keychain. Sometimes it’s nice for old wishes to still come true, even if it’s years late.”
All I could do was stare at him. It was something I mentioned last night, in passing, just a little bedtime story. “I didn’t ask you to get me one.”
A shy smile spread on Leo’s face. Sometimes, when he did that, it was hard to believe that he was a Cassanova that my friends kept warning me about. “I know. But I wanted to make you smile during your hell week.”
I was in a daze for the rest of the wedding and at the beginning of the ceremony; that memory, along with the kiss with Leo last night, triggered the part of me that I’d shut down for years. We were already at the reception and I was in my seat, Max beside me. He was chatting with Violet, trying to work on his stutter but Violet didn’t seem to care that he was struggling to make sure that there wasn’t a pause in his words each time he said something.
Megan and Milo were having their first dance as a couple and the host- Julian- began to invite more couples on the dance floor. I remained rooted in my seat and I watched as Max and Violet joined the other couples, dancing with each other, uncaring of everything else in the world. It made me smile, the carefree innocence that only children had.
“Dance with me,” he said, holding out a hand for me to take.
