It was weird, but the last time she’d felt this sick she’d been pregnant with Samuel—but she couldn’t be pregnant because she was on the pill. She pulled her phone from her pocket and looked up the efficacy rates of the contraceptive pill. She knew they were pretty high, but right now, when she was feeling this rough, it wouldn’t hurt to reassure herself, right?
More than ninety-nine percent effective. Good! She read on. If taken regularly. Which she did. Didn’t she? Okay, sometimes she’d come home from work and flop right into bed. But she always tried to remember to take it before going to sleep. It hadn’t been a huge priority as she hadn’t been sleeping with anyone. Perhaps she had missed one...maybe two...
Surely not?
But the possibility that she’d made a mistake kept niggling at her. And the nausea that kept coming in waves made the worrying worse.
She couldn’t be. That would be just ridiculous! For her to fall pregnant from just one encounter.
Technically, she was a few days overdue. But she’d never had a regular cycle! That was another advantage of being on the pill. It regulated her cycle and stopped her periods from being so heavy, too! Otherwise some months it could be twenty-eight days long, others over thirty!
There never seemed to be any rhyme or reason to it—it was just the way it was with her. Being a few days late meant nothing! It certainly didn’t mean she was pregnant!
I’m reading too much into this. I’m panicking because of Samuel. I’m fine! Of course I’m fine!
But the niggling voice wouldn’t go away.
Of course there was an easy way to settle it. Just take a test. It would be over in a minute and she’d be able to see with her own eyes just how silly she was being.
Ellie swung her legs over the side of the trolley and stood up gingerly. Maybe her blood pressure was low, because she felt a little dizzy, but she put that down to having just passed out, not for any other reason.
There were bound to be pregnancy test kits in the hospital. All she had to do was find one.
Easy, right?
CHAPTER SEVEN
‘SHOULDN’T YOU BE taking it easy?’ Logan caught her making her way through The Nest. ‘You look really washed out.’
Seeing him froze her into position, but she managed a weak smile. ‘I thought I’d get some fresh air.’
‘Okay. Want me to come with you? In case you pass out again?’
He genuinely looked concerned, and she wasn’t sure how to deal with his concern when all she wanted was to take the test and put her mind at ease. She certainly didn’t need the father of her possible child showing her kindness. Not at a time like this, when everything was so uncertain. He had no idea of the turmoil battling it out in her mind.
Being pregnant would not be good. It would not be welcome. She had vowed never to get pregnant again. Not after what had happened to Samuel. The risk that it could happen again was too great even to contemplate...
‘No, no. You stay here. You’re needed here.’ She swallowed. ‘The babies need you. Not me. I’m just...’ she pointed in the direction of the exit ‘...going that way. I won’t be long, and then I’ll be back, good as new.’ Another weak smile.
‘All right. Try and eat something—it might help.’
She nodded. ‘Yes. I will. Yes...’
Why was he looking at her like that? As if he cared? As if he was really worried about her? There was no need for that. She wasn’t any of his business. At least she hoped not. If she were pregnant, then—
No. Don’t even consider it.
She grabbed her jacket from her locker. It was getting cold outside. It would look odd if she said she was going out but didn’t take her coat. She used her ID card to go through to Labour and Delivery, nodding a greeting at one of the midwives she vaguely recognised and asking where her equipment cupboard was?
‘What can I get you?’
Her cheeks coloured. ‘I have a mother in Neonatal. Thinks she might be pregnant and—’
‘A mother?’ The midwife laughed. ‘Isn’t it a bit soon for her to be thinking she’s pregnant if her child is in Neonatal?’
Ellie blinked, not having thought through her quick lie thoroughly. ‘Er...well, yes—you’d think that, but the baby has been in Neonatal for a couple of months and...’
‘Ah, I understand. Well, we don’t have pregnancy tests on this unit. Women are usually already pregnant by the time they get here! But you could try the Fertility Clinic.’
‘Where’s that?’
‘Down this corridor, through the double doors and it’s the first door on your left.’
‘Thanks. I just want to put her mind at rest, you know?’
‘Sure. She must be pretty stressed, having one in Neonatal and thinking there’s another on the way.’
Ellie nodded. ‘Stress plays havoc with a woman’s cycle. I’m sure she’s not, but I said I’d try to help.’
‘I hope she gets what she wants.’
Well, what Ellie wanted was to take this test and prove to herself that she wasn’t pregnant! But the evidence was beginning to mount up the more she thought about it. A late period, passing out, feeling sick, avoiding coffee, tiredness... And didn’t she often need to pee, now that she came to think about it?
It’s psychosomatic. I’m imagining things!
The mind was a powerful thing. If you believed something enough you could make yourself feel that way.
She began muttering to herself as she made her way to the Fertility Clinic. Her cheeks were flushed, her heart was pounding and her light-headedness was not helping matters.
It’s the chicken. It’s food poisoning. It’s got to be. It’s got to be!
She felt like a thief, an interloper in the Fertility Clinic. This was a place where women came because they wanted to get pregnant, and here she was, walking its halls and praying that she wasn’t. She hoped she wasn’t leaving behind any bad vibes for anyone else. She wanted to get in and then out again, so she could go and hide in a toilet and reassure herself that all was as it should be.
She found the testing kits and slipped one into her pocket, then slipped out of the clinic again.
This felt weird. Weird and crazy. She’d never thought she’d have to take one of these tests ever again.
She remembered finding out about Samuel. She’d been at home alone. Daniel had already left for work and she’d been about to go too. The book store and coffee shop was doing really well. They’d just been featured in the Evening Standard as one of the most hip and happening places to be seen.
She’d been hoping back then that she was pregnant. There’d not been many obvious signs, except for the absence of a period, and when the stick had shown her two blue lines she’d been ecstatic! Scared, but thrilled. Their whole world was about to change.
She’d vowed to work for as long as she could, so she could take a decent amount of maternity leave before returning to the shop, or to do the baby-wearing thing and put her baby in a sling. Would that be possible? She hadn’t known. She’d guessed as long as she didn’t serve hot drinks it would be safe.
To think that was my greatest concern—hot drinks.
How little she had known...
Ellie slipped into the nearest toilet and closed the cubicle door after her, pulling the test from her pocket and staring at it for a moment.
That little bit of paper was going to tell her everything. Either it would put the world right again or it was about to tip the whole thing upside down.
‘Don’t be positive...don’t be positive...’ she whispered as she used the test strip and then laid it on the back of the toilet as she got dressed.
Nervously she picked it up and stared at it, her heart thundering and making her feel as if she was going to pass out again.
Ellie stared at the strip in disbelief. ‘Oh.’
* * *
Logan was on the phone to a consultant in A&E when he saw Ellie come back onto the neonatal ward. She still looked pale, and there was something weird about the way she was moving. As if she was stunned. Or as if she’d just heard some bad news or something?
His heart immediately ached.
He was really worried about her as he watched her go into the staff room and wondered if he ought to have told her to go home. She was certainly off today. Not her usual self. Things hadn’t been right with her for a while. She was definitely withholding something from him and he didn’t like it.
He returned his attention to the phone. ‘Sure. Yes. I’ll come down and talk to her in the next few minutes. What are the complications with her baby?’
‘Thank you, Dr Riley. I’m not sure, to be honest. The woman is upset and crying but she says there are issues...’
‘Okay. I’ll be down as soon as I can.’
He put down the phone and got up to see if Ellie was all right. He really needed to know that she was okay. It was as if his head was muddled. He was being torn between wanting to do his best as a doctor and a teacher, and also just wanting to be with Ellie. Get her to talk to him about what was going on.
There was definitely something, and he hated it that she was dealing with it on her own when he was around to help her. But would he be helping her as a mentor, or something else? He couldn’t stop thinking about their time together after the accident. How right she’d felt in his arms.
He could take her with him down to A&E—maybe they could talk along the way? Then she could observe his chat with this prospective new mother who was apparently experiencing contractions at twenty-three weeks.
The consultant had said they didn’t seem regular, and they were hopeful they could stop them, but it wouldn’t hurt for him to just go down and reassure the woman that they’d always have a room in Neonatal and would be ready for her baby if need be.
Hopefully not. Twenty-three weeks was awfully early to deliver...
He went to the staff room and noticed that Ellie was just standing in the kitchenette, staring at the floor.
‘Did it help?’
‘Huh?’
‘The fresh air? Did it help?’
She looked at him as if he’d just said, Purple elephants are playing bassoons in space. As if what he’d said didn’t make any sense whatsoever. Either that or she hadn’t really heard him, and that was kind of hurtful.
‘Er...sort of.’
‘Good. Well, we’ve got a consult down in A&E. If you’re up to it, I’d like you to come along.’
She nodded. ‘Sure.’
‘Are you okay? You seem a little...spacey.’
Ellie blinked and forced a smile. ‘I’m fine.’
‘All right. Be ready in ten minutes? I’ve just got to check on the Williams baby first.’
‘Okay.’
He decided to trust her. Something was wrong, but he couldn’t work out what it was and he had to trust that she would tell him if she needed to. Was it just her illness? Or something else? She still hadn’t told him what she’d meant the other day with her cryptic comment about it not being about one death. And now she was ill. She had fainted in surgery and she hadn’t been right since they’d slept together.
Also—although he wasn’t sure—it looked as if she might have been crying. Her eyes looked a little red. But maybe that was tiredness, if she’d been up all night with a dodgy stomach.
Even if he didn’t know what was going on, he did trust that Ellie wouldn’t put her education or her patients at risk. But at the same time he wanted to scoop her up, carry her out of here, lay her on her bed at home and take care of her. Do what he always should have done.
Be by her side.
He had no doubt that she would prove him right when they went downstairs for the consult. She would spring back to life with a patient in front of her and become the curious, interested, productive Ellie that he knew and loved.
It would be nice to have that Ellie back. He’d missed her. It had been a huge shock to have her walk back into his life like this, but now that she was here, and he’d got used to it, he actually really loved it. It felt as if she was here for him. And he liked that. It was his guilty pleasure.
Together they walked down to the lift and he pressed the button for the ground floor. They were alone. ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ he asked.
She nodded. ‘Yes.’
‘You seem distracted. Still feeling ill?’
She looked up at him. ‘I’m not feeling ill any more. I’m fine. Who are we going to see?’
‘A pregnant woman in A&E has come in with some early contractions. Apparently there are already some complications with the pregnancy, but the consultant couldn’t get anything more out of her, so we don’t have any details. Perhaps you’d like to have a try? She might feel better talking to a woman.’
Ellie nodded. ‘Okay. How many weeks is she?’
‘Twenty-three.’
She grimaced. ‘That’s early. No wonder she’s scared.’
‘I’ll do the initial introduction, but then I’d like you to take over and find out what the other issues are, okay?’
He figured that if he threw her in at the deep end to take control of a consult, it might bring back the hard-working, attentive student he recognised.
‘Right.’
He reached out, stroked her arm. ‘You can do it. I believe in you.’
She managed a weak smile. ‘Thanks.’
Mrs Rowena Cook was sitting on a bed in a cubicle, her face pale, tear-stained. She was hooked up to a drip containing some medication that they hoped would stop the contractions.
Logan closed the curtain behind them. ‘Mrs Cook—I’m Dr Riley, I’m a neonatal consultant, and this is Ellie Jones, a third-year medical student. They tell me you’ve been having some early contractions?’
Rowena nodded and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. ‘Yes...’
Logan turned to look at Ellie, expecting her to continue with the questioning.
She stepped forward. ‘How long have you been having contractions?’
‘For about three hours.’
‘How often?’
‘About every twenty minutes.’
Logan nodded. Good. Ellie was doing what he’d expected.
‘And how long has each contraction been lasting?’
‘About half a minute. They’re painful. Crampy. I’m sure they’re not Braxton Hicks.’
‘Okay. The first doctor who saw you said that you mentioned some complications with your pregnancy. Can you tell me what those are?’
Rowena’s eyes filled with tears and she sniffed and dabbed at her eyes again. ‘She has ectopia cordis.’
Logan saw Ellie turn to look at him with questioning eyes. She didn’t know what it was and he had no time to explain. This was serious.
He stepped forward. ‘When was your last scan?’
‘Two weeks ago.’
‘Okay. We do have the facilities to take care of a baby with her condition, but I’d like to make sure I have the best minds on board in case of an early arrival. Hopefully you won’t need us just yet, but I’d like to get you to take a walk around Neonatal when you can—just so you’re familiar with everything if you have to come to us. It can be a bit scary. If you’ll give me a moment, I’ll call a specialist friend of mine and chat through your case with him.’
Rowena nodded and he indicated to Ellie that she should follow him out. They headed towards the A&E doctor who had examined Rowena.
‘Ectopia cordis.’
‘What is that?’ asked Ellie.
‘It means the baby’s heart is either partially or totally outside of the chest.’
‘Oh, my God.’ She looked sick. ‘Can it be fixed?’
‘Yes...but it’s risky.
’
‘Is the baby’s life at risk?’
Logan looked at her and gave a brief nod. ‘I’m afraid so.’
He didn’t notice the look on Ellie’s face as he began to chat with the A&E doctor, talking over Rowena’s case. He had to focus on how he was going to help his patient and her baby.
‘Are her contractions slowing at all?’ he asked the consultant.
‘We think so. Since we started her drip the contractions have gone to more than thirty minutes apart.’
‘Let’s hope they stop, then. I’d hate for a baby with such a condition to be born at twenty-three weeks. The longer the baby stays in the womb, the better its chances.’
‘Logan...’
He looked at Ellie then, and saw her face, and he just knew that she needed to talk to him. In private.
He waited for the other doctor to go and then he turned to face her. ‘What is it?’
She looked strained. Awkward. ‘We need to talk.’
‘Okay. We’re alone right now. Whatever it is, you need to tell me, Ellie, because—’
‘I’m pregnant.’ She looked at him with her eyes filling with tears, but he almost couldn’t process that—because she’d said she was pregnant and that wasn’t right. It couldn’t be!
‘What?’
‘I’m pregnant.’
‘Pregnant.’
He continued to stare at her, his mind spinning away in all directions as his thoughts bombarded him. She meant pregnant with his baby. But she’d said that she was on the pill. She’d said... He leant back against the wall in shock. He already had a daughter, and he loved her, but autism was a risk. Could he cope with another child with a disability?
‘How?’
‘I don’t know. I might have missed a pill. Maybe two.’
‘How did you miss taking them?’
‘I was exhausted! Or upset! Or... I don’t know! I had that bad headache after the accident. I took painkillers but I think I forgot my contraceptive!’
Pregnant by the Single Dad Doc Page 11
