about his addiction to hookers. Therefore, he gave him a few tips on how to give a classy woman paradise. “Dude, chicks just wanna feel safe, they don’t want your money-”
“Monsters…!”
“Oh sh’’…” With ease, Ruien put his blade through three charging monsters with a single spin. Then, he carelessly thought to himself about where he was before he was “interrupted” as if those were the last monsters ever.
“Flying monsters…!”
A, massive, light-winged and heavyweight set of roaring gargantuan steel-bogeymen - were also no match for Ruien’s lazy-spin incisions.
“You gotta know how to whisper into her ear, they like that.”
“Woman, you gotta earn these whispers!”
“That’s it! Now, be a little less Cosmo when you actually embrace this or she’ll think you’re a friggin’ perv.” Ruien paraded back and forth as Todd sat and took note. “Never make her feel like a trophy, ya know? – She’s human. If she doesn’t like listening to you, she’s not the one. If your breath stinks, eat an apple or something. Don’t take them for a joke, that’ll hurt the crap out of ‘em unless you’re an expert like me.... Let her tell you who she is. Be gentle, gentlemen. A puzzled monster stood behind Todd wondering why Ruien was so calmly speaking to him so friendly. Todd noticed, turned around, and jumped up fear stricken. “HOLY, JUNKIN’ JUNK, DUDE!” Ruien smacked the steel monster and it ran off crying like it had lost its best friend. “Where was I…Last, but not least, never lie to her. It’ll only make things awkward.”
“Copy - ya old sicko…”
“Now I gotta show you how to scrap like me, ‘cause if you can’t protect your wife she won’t give you any.”
“That was WAY T.M.I., Ruien. How’d they get to your wife, dude? You should’ve put that lazy slash on their asses…”
Ruien looked into Todd’s eyes - ashamed of letting Todd down - and shed a few tears. He began to explain, but his emotions overwhelmed him. He dropped his blade. Then, he nearly fell to his knees but Todd caught him and steadily settled him into the sand.
“She was SO beautiful-” cried Ruien. He sobbed; it was as he was speaking to himself. He sniffled and wiped his eyes with his right hand. He slapped and grasped his sword with his left hand to assure that he had Todd’s back. “I was ordered by an angel to write a book that would introduce Amolvia to his power. Amolvians are very hard-hearted people, so, I wrote powerful doctrines to be sure they’d be influenced. My younger brother, Yuity, found my journal and read it, just as the angel said he would. MY life is already over. My sons have never been to war, but the youngest can crush a billion men with his eyes closed while moving in slow motion. You don’t want to know what the other two can do. Hopefully they’ll find my journal and begin New Amolvia... If they do, our magic abilities will convert to miracles. Then, we’ll be a new race of humans and I think he said we’d all move into a magic lamp or something. It’s hard to listen to someone that gives you a warm sensation from head-to-toe with every word. That’s how I knew it was God. I felt like a kid again.” Ruien cried and stated. He wiped his tears from his cheek with both hands. Todd looked up and both ways for monsters.
“Hey, you’re like the big brother I never had, did you know that? I’m so sorry, Rue.”
“You need an apple.”
Ruien sniffled and told Todd. Todd paused and grinned. He looked down at Ruien. “HA-YOU need an apple. You need a hundred apples!” Todd replied. They both laughed and Ruien felt a sudden sharp pain in his chest. He placed the palm of his hand into his throbbing ribcage and croaked aching. “I think I just stabbed myself.”
“You’re having a heart attack, lay there I’ll go find a nurse,” urged Todd.
“No, I don’t think that’s a possibility. We’re in the middle of the middle of the middle of nowhere so-”
Ruien died that night and Todd went on to his homeland. He evaded every prostitute in his village, found a very classy woman, and gave her the playbook. Amolvia was doomed. Its princes battled its king for hours. Little had Yuity by one of his eyelids, Joelnaq had been axing through his broad tail with his blade all while Yuity’s followers were still out cold. Most of the children of Amolvia were watching since their parents didn’t come home. Ezequador was trying to morph and get it over with... “Ghantihaw Mole...” It didn’t work. “Aww crap...! I knew I should have tried this earlier.” Ezequador gave up and drew his blade as he thought of the last thing his father told him, “You’re a man before you’re a prince, people are going to be hard on you anyway. When a woman rejects you, don’t get mad at her because you don’t have the balls to try again.” Then, he began chopping down the trees of life that were near Yuity. Slashed in half, the trees remained alive and still worked. Joelnaq endlessly rotated his sword while performing one-hand-stands and back flips around Yuity’s back. He was as light as a feather. He pushed his featherweight body upward with one of his hands. Then he flipped backward and quickly hopped over his blade as he persistently rotated its hilt around his hand. Ezequador looked at the unconscious Amolvians, internally forgave them, and willed their children a chance to be a part of his father’s plan. He didn’t want to have to murder them all. “CHILDREN OF AMOLVIA - HELP ME AND MOVE THESE TREES AWAY FROM THIS MONSTER!” The children began to look at their parents. “Your parents could have been finished off hours ago, but I will spare you all if you help.” Ezequador assured the children as he fired a dreadful warning shot. All of the Amolvian children immediately began grabbing the trees and moving them away from Yuity. Yuity lowered his head as far as he could. With a strong thrust, the dragon threw Azarban into the air as he opened his mouth wide to devour him. Ezequador dashed across Yuity’s back, leapt up from his upper-lip, and grabbed Azarban just as he was about to fall into Yuity’s mouth. Witichkin – the kid with the ears – had unsuspectingly grabbed the last tree and plunged it into Veunic’s gut. “Here,”
“PHUOGH...! WHAT THE F- HEY- Sh’’!”
“That’s the last tree!” The children chorused.
As Witichkin sprinted back to the garden, Veunic watched him ‘get little’ with his heels nearly touching his back with every tread. As Witichkin got further away, Veunic watched and criticized him. “Ahgh, Witichkin – You ole bat-eared p’’’y…! Biggest ears in Amolvia, can’t hear someone yelling at you. HH-AHHH…SH’’!” He groaned and continued, “You ought to be embarrassed!” as he hurled the tree away from Yuity. Yuity became dust and ashes. He dissolved and fell to the ground. When they got up, the three princes were all grown men, and their clothes were too small, and ripped up. “We’re gonna need some of dad’s clothes.” Azarban said. After they changed out and cleaned up, they called for a town meeting.
“AMOLVIANS, BEHOLD, OUR NEW SHORT-TERM KING - AZARBAN. HE WILL BE GIVING THE ROYAL COMMANDS UNTIL MY FATHER RETURNS.” Ezequador informed the Amolvians.
“LISTEN UP – G’’-D’’’IT AND LISTEN CLOSELY - OUR MOTHER WAS JUST SLAIN, AND WE DON’T APPRECIATE IT. ALTHOUGH WE WANT TO SET THE ALUMNI ON FIRE FOR TEN MINUTES AND THROW THEM INTO THE OCEAN, WE KNOW THAT PEOPLE CAN CHANGE.” The crowd cheered at the surprising decision of the temporary king. “Thank you.” Little told the crowd with a big grin on his face. “MY FATHER ONCE TOLD ME THAT THIS DAY WOULD COME, AND THAT I’D BECOME A NORMAL HUMAN BEAN,” Veunic began easing off. “HELL - THE TRUTH IS - WE’RE ALL HUMAN BEANS! I CAN CHANGE…YOU CAN CHANGE... THAT’S WHAT BEING A HUMAN BEAN’S ALL ABOUT- I DON’T KNOW IF THAT’S WHY WE GET A LITTLE GAS EVERY SO OFTEN BUT…IT’S ALL GOOD BABY!” The crowd cheered. “NOW, I DON’T KNOW WHOSE FAULT IT IS THAT I’M NOT A CUTE LITTLE BOY ANYMORE-” He looked over at Yuity’s ashes, paused, and began speaking again. “BUT I APPRECIATE ‘EM MAKING ME A CHARMING MAN!” The cheering grew louder and the sun began to rise. When the sunlight hit the crowd, Ezequador spotted Veunic. He was chatting with a priest Ruien recently hired during a war with another village. The priest’s name was Shepherd, he was Christian, and he was a
very well developed sorcerer. Ezequador walked over to chat with them. “Veunic, what was the name of that attack uncle Yuity just did?”
“It was a Gawndihowl, sir. His spirit and his body became inside out. If he were a full-time walk in the light type of guy - like your father - his Gawndihowl would have looked a lot more like a uhh…human bean, but a very powerful one. What do you call that thing sheph?”
“What junkin’ thing?”
“You know - the thing the humans say works for God…God’s pets…”
“Oh you mean an angel…”
“Yeah, an angel…”
“Thank you, Veunic. That was real sweet of you to give my father a compliment.”
“You’re most certainly welcome, his highness. Now, there are many different Gawndihowls in spiritual evolution, but to narrow things down a bit... God enables; Lucifer disables. God makes the soul evolve; Lucifer makes it devolve-”
“So that’s why uncle Yuity’s was so ugly!”
“For the degree of positivity, there is a degree of negativity set to decrease the soul’s power or devolve it. Whatever your soul has evolved into when you say ‘Gawndihowl Morph’ while in the tree of life region is what you will look like when you morph.” Ezequador heard
Super Musicians Breakthrough Do Page 7
