"I don't think he meant that. Harley."
"Yeah, well." he said, walking on. "he should have called your mother. Sometimes. I think he worries more about her than he does about my mother, his wife."
"No, I..."
"You don't hear what he says to us. Summer," Harley blurted. spinning on me. "What he says to my mother, I mean. As long as I can remember, he's compared her to your mother, made her feel she wasn't as pretty or as good. If my mother ever complained about anything, anything at all, his comeback was always. 'You should be glad you're not in a wheelchair, Glenda.' He's been holding up that picture of your mother for years and years, using it like a whip to keep my mother down like some caged animal."
He continued, imitating Uncle Roy.
"'Why don't you take as good care of yourself as Rain does? She's a paraplegic, and she's still concerned about her hair, her face. She still takes care of her health and does what exercise she can.' Stuff like that."
"I never heard it," I said.
"No, he wouldn't do it in front of you or your mother or father."
"Maybe he thought it was good, that it would help." I suggested weakly.
He stopped again and smiled at me, but a wry smile.
"C'mon, Summer. You're smarter than I am, even though I'm a year older. You know Roy idolizes your mother. He doesn't just treat her like a stepsister. She just has to look at something she wants done and he's leaping to do it." I looked away quickly.
"I'm not saying your mother doesn't deserve his devotion. She's done a lot for him. but I know there was a time when he thought he could be her husband.'"
"What?" I said spinning back to face him. "How do you know that?" I asked. astounded. He had never so much as suggested such a thing to me.
"I heard a conversation between them once when she was at the house visiting my mother. My mother was in the kitchen, and he thought I was upstairs.
"Your mother didn't encourage him or anything, but I never heard him whine like he did that day, moaning about cruel fate playing a dirty trick on them, making them think they were real brother and sister."
"I know." I admitted. "Mommy's told me about that, but that's over. That's long over."
"It's never over," Harley said. "When you fall so deeply in love with someone, it's like your heart's been scarred forever. Summer. You can do all sorts of things to distract yourself and try to forget, but every time you have an unoccupied moment in your thoughts, she'll come rushing back in like the tide."
"How do you know that?" I asked. impressed.
"I know because it happens to me with you," he confessed. "You're always asking me about other girls I've been with.
Well, that's why it's never worked for me. I see you when I kiss them. You asked. so I'm telling you." he concluded.
I didn't know what to say. I just stared at him. He looked at me and then out at the lake.
"I've got to get home. See you tomorrow," he said and hurried off.
"Harley," I called.
He turned.
"What?"
"I hope you have a good night." He laughed.
"Keep Alison out of the lake and we'll all get some rest," he said.
I watched him walk through the shadows toward his house, toward the deeper shadows that waited within. It filled me with such pangs of sadness: my awn tears, hot and heavy, came flowing down my cheeks. As soon as I entered the house. I ran up to my room and closed my door.
When I looked at my bed. I was suddenly afraid to go to sleep, afraid of my own dreams.
I heard a peal of laughter coming from Aunt Alison's room so I went back to my door and peered out. She was dressed in her shorts and halter. She and Harper were headed for the stairway. I opened my door farther.
"Where are you going. Aunt Alison? Why aren't you resting. like Daddy told you?"
"Resting is for old people. We're heading for the beach. Harper has an uncle who owns a small hotel, and we called ahead and made arrangements to occupy the honeymoon suite."
"Honeymoon suite?"
She laughed and touched my cheek,
"Summer, honey, you don't have to be married to have a honeymoon."
Harper laughed harder.
"Does Mommy know you're leaving?" I asked,
"We're just going down to tell her. I know she'll be heartbroken," she said. Then she leaned closer to me. "Don't let that stupid incident at the music school ruin your sex life, and don't let my little escapade prevent you from going skinny- dipping with Harley. If I was your age. I'd go with him," she added, then laughed and started down the stairs.
I stepped back and closed my bedroom door.
Blood couldn't mean all that much. I thought. She shared some with Mommy, but they were as different as the spring and the fall. Yet, what she had said had titillated me in an unexpected way. It frightened me. What if I was more like her than I thought?
The demons that slept in her blood might be sleeping in mine: nudged, they, too, could rise to the surface like bubbles and make themselves snap and pop when I least expected it. Perhaps we had no one more to fear than ourselves. Maybe that's what frightened Uncle Roy.
And Harley. And me.
I rushed myself into sleep like I had rushed into the relief of the lake, seeking to be soothed, seeking to forget.
Grandmother Megan buried secrets in the yard. The rest of us buried them in our hearts. Who was better off?
I woke to the sound of a screaming ambulance siren. My next thought was Aunt Alison has done something else. I heard a great deal of commotion below in our house. For a moment I just sat there listening. Then I rose and went to the windows. The ambulance was making its way toward Uncle Roy's home, but what I saw was Uncle Roy, Daddy. Harley and two of our grounds workers standing in a small circle.
"What's going on?" I asked myself aloud and hurried to get into some clothes and down the stairs. "Mommy? Mrs. Geary?" I called at the foot of the stairway. There was only silence in response. More frightened than ever. I rushed outside and saw Mommy with Mrs. Geary standing beside her. Mommy was holding her hand and they were both looking across the lake. The ambulance had stopped and the paramedics were kneeling beside someone.
"Mommy!" I shouted and ran to them. "What's happening?"
"Oh honey. it's Glenda," she said. Her cheeks were streaked where tears had traveled and were still traveling.
"What? What happened?"
"We're not sure yet. Summer. Uncle Roy called for Daddy and then they called for the ambulance."
"That poor woman." Mrs. Geary muttered.
"Harley," I cried and started toward them.
"Summer. wait!"
"Oh no." I broke into a trot, not feeling my feet touch the around.
As I drew closer. I saw that Harley had turned his back on everyone else and had his head down. Roy stood beside him talking to him. but Harley just kept shaking his head.
"Daddy!" I cried when I stopped running and broke into a fast walk.
The paramedics had Aunt Glenda on the stretcher and were lifting her to carry her to the ambulance, only... they had the sheet over all of her!
"Summer, don't go any farther," Daddy said and enveloped me in his arms and body to keep me from getting any closer.
"What happened to her?" I asked through my flood of tears. "The lake finally claimed a victim," he said in response and turned as the doors of the ambulance were being closed. "How?"
"Some time early in the morning, she rose quietly and went down and out of the house. In her nightgown, she walked into the lake. When Uncle Roy realized she was gone, he went running through the house and then he came out but couldn't find her. He sported her in the lake, face down," Daddy said. Tears weren't coming from his eves. but I knew he was crying inside. His voice cracked. He took deep breaths to keep his sobs contained.
After the paramedics closed the ambulance door, they stopped to talk to Uncle Roy, who listened and nodded. Harley, who had his back to us the whole time, broke away and just start
ed to run toward the woods.
"Harley!" I screamed after him. He seemed to run faster. I broke free of Daddy's arms.
"Let him alone for a while. Summer." Daddy urged.
"No, Daddy," I replied with firmness. "This is the worst time for him to be alone."
I started after Harley. Daddy didn't try to stop me or call me back anymore. I glanced at Uncle Roy. His tears had drawn streaks of salt down his cheeks and his chin. Harley disappeared into the woods, but I continued. When I reached the perimeter. I called for him. He didn't respond. but I continued after him. I could hear branches cracking ahead. I called and called and listened, but all I heard were more branches and sticks being smashed in his path.
The woods grew thicker and darker. When we were younger, Harley and I did come here often, but we never went too far into the forest. There were acres of it in this area of the surrounding terrain. We did have a favorite spot, a collection of large rocks near a stream that sometimes ran heavy and sometimes was practically dried up. We collected some of the more colorful polished stones, which we pretended were very valuable jewels. He seemed to be heading in that direction, so I plodded on. hopefulId catch up with him there.
At first I didn't see him. Then I caught sight of his sneakers and the bottom of his legs behind one of the larger rocks. I walked slowly around it and then stood there looking down at him. He wasn't crying. He was sitting on a rock, staring at the water and fingering a small branch nervously. He didn't look up, but he knew I was there.
"Harley," I said.
"Isn't it strange how water that we need to live can also be deadly. Look at it, how pretty it is rushing over those old jewels. Put your hand into it today, and it will feel so good, so cool. Then put more of yourself until you're completely in it and it will claim you and smother the life out of you.
"Do you think that's true of everything. Summer, everything that's pretty, that tempts you?"
"No," I said.
He nodded, a crazed smile on his lips.
"What happened to her. Harley? Why did she go swimming in her nightgown so early in the morning?"
"Swimming?" He laughed. "You think she went swimming?"
"I don't know. Daddy said Uncle Roy said..."
"She didn't go swimming. Who knows what she saw in the water? Maybe she saw Latisha calling her or maybe she looked out at the lake and thought this was a cool, beautiful way to get back with Latisha. Maybe she saw what had almost happened to your aunt Alison and it gave her ideas.
"My mother wasn't much of a swimmer. Summer. You know that. You could count on the fingers of one hand how many times you and I ever saw her go swimming. And she never swam anyway. She just waded."
He paused and looked down.
"Maybe she was walking in her sleep. I don't know. No one knows. They can only do what I'm doing. guess."
"What did Uncle Roy say?" Harley didn't respond.
"Harley?"
"He said it was his fault for falling into such a damn deep sleep. He was exhausted from working all day and then spending all that effort and energy on your aunt Alison. So he didn't hear my mother get up and go off, but he still expected she would be in the house, maybe in Latisha's nursery pretending she was holding her or maybe downstairs making something for her to eat. When he didn't see her in the house, he thought she was up at the grave, and when he didn't see her there, he started to get worried and frightened. That was when he turned his eyes to the lake.
"His scream woke me." Harley said. "It was the most god-awful scream, like an animal. I actually shook for a moment. Then I got up and pulled on my pants, grabbed a shirt-- practically tripped and killed myself getting my feet into my sneakers-- and ran out to see what was going on.
"By then he was pulling her in and then carrying her in his arms. 'Call Austin!' he shouted and I called your father. He was over here in minutes and tried the same CPR stuff on my mother, only it wasn't working so he told Roy to call the paramedics. You saw the rest, I guess."
I nodded and sat beside him.
"Maybe she's better off." he muttered. "Oh Harley, don't say such a thing."
"I don't know what else to say. She wasn't getting any better; as you know, lately she got worse. But there used to be times when she would stop mourning, stop praying, stop thinking about Latisha for a while and look at me as though she really saw me."
He smiled.
"She had this look on her face sometimes, this look like she had just woken from a long, long sleep and realized I had grown up.
"'You're going to be a handsome young man. Harley.' she would say. 'Your daddy was very handsome. Poisonous handsome,' she called it because all he had to do was smile at a woman and she would weaken in her knees. I'd be her to tell me more about him, but she would shake her head and remember her religion, 'No, he was the devil. The devil can have a very pleasing face.' she told me. 'Don't think about him. I shouldn't have spoken like that. God forgive me,' she would say and go pray for a pardon.
"When she saw me like that, really saw Inc, she would talk to me like my mother should, asking me questions about school, about what I liked to do. It was a torment though, a torture that I grew to hate, Summer."
"Why?"
"Because she would soon return to her dark, depressing state of mind, and when I spoke to her, she would look at me as if I was just a dream. I stopped talking to her, stopped asking her questions, sometimes stopped seeing her. She became a ghost long before she drowned today, Summer. My mother died a long, long time ago. I've been an orphan longer than I care to remember." he said.
He tossed his little branch into the stream and we both watched the water carry it off.
"Oh. Harley. I'm so sorry. It's so terrible." "Yeah," he said. "Terrible."
He leaned over and scooped some water into his palms.
"You happy now?" he screamed at it. "You satisfied? You've got her! You've got her!"
His face was so red, the veins in his neck straining and tightening against his skin. He looked like he might explode if I touched him. but I did. "Harley."
Suddenly, he just started to cry, his whole body shaking. I put my arm around his shoulder and he brought his head to mine and sobbed. I kissed his hair and held him tightly.
"Why did I sleep so deeply? Why didn't I hear her walking out?" he moaned through his tears.
"She was probably barefoot, gliding over that floor. Harley. You can't blame yourself for that, no more than Uncle Roy can blame himself"
"We should have been watching her more carefully. She wasn't right in the head. We should have expected something like this."
He sat up, grinding the tears out of his eves with his balled fist. Then he nodded to himself and stood, his face filling with that stoic determination.
"Cmon." he said. "There's no point in trying to run away from it.
I rose and he let me take his hand. We didn't speak. We walked through the forest. Birds fluttered from branch to branch around us like a curious crowd of onlookers wondering about the intruders. When we stepped back into the sunlight, the ambulance was gone. There was no one standing about Harley's house.
"Maybe it was just a dream." I whispered.
"A dream we both had? Not a chance," Harley said walking faster.
"Where are you going?" I asked as we drew closer to his house.
"Up to my room. I guess."
"Why don't you come home with me and have a little breakfast or at least some coffee? Mommy would want you to. Harley."
"Not now," he said. "I've got to be by myself."
"Will you come in a while?"
"I don't know."
"If you don't, I'll come back for you. okay?"
He didn't answer. He walked to the front door and went in. I stood there for a moment and then folded my arms under my breasts and walked with my head down all the way back to my house, feeling so empty inside. I had to keep wondering myself if all this was really happening.
Mommy and Mrs. Geary were in the kitchen. Mommy
was sipping some coffee. They both looked up quickly when I stepped in.
"How is he?" Mommy asked.
I shook my head and started to cry again. Mrs. Geary rushed over to embrace me and hold me.
"Did he tell you what happened?" Mommy asked and I described the events as Harley had related them to me.
"That poor woman," Mommy said. "Where's Daddy?"
"He went with Uncle Roy to the hospital. There are many legal things to look after. Maybe you should have asked Harley to come here, honey." she said.
"I did. He wanted to be alone."
"I'll call him," Mommy promised. but I didn't think Harley would answer the phone and told her so.
When Daddy returned, he looked pale and tired. He knelt down to embrace Mommy, and they held each other for the longest time while I sat waiting. Then he sat and looked at both of us.
"Roy's pretty broken up, blames himself. He says he should have brought her to a doctor, maybe had her in some sort oftherapy."
"She wouldn't have gone to a doctor, and she would have just died away from here. Austin."
"I told him that, but he insists this happened because he ignored too much."
"I'll go over there now." Mommy said.
Daddy nodded. "Ill drive you."
"I want to go too. Daddy," I said.
"Okay, honey."
"You don't need to drive me. Austin. Summer will push me in the wheelchair. It's more trouble to get in and out of the van," she decided.
I wheeled Mommy out. Daddy said he would join us in a while after he made some business calls. He had some things to do for Roy as well.
A long time ago. Uncle Roy had built a small ramp at the rear of his front porch just for the times Mommy would visit. She wasn't there all that often, but he built it anyway. I came to realize that he had built it hoping she would come to visit more.
I knocked and called through the screen door, Uncle Roy told me to come in, not expecting Mommy was with me. He was sitting by himself in the living room. When he saw her, he got up quickly.
"Oh Roy, I'm so, so sorry," Mommy told him. She reached up for him and he fell to his knees and buried his head in her lap as if he was a little boy. She stroked his hair. He didn't cry. He just held himself against her. She looked up at me.
The End of the Rainbow Page 17
