It was just an added bonus that the search for Felim would keep my boyfriend and my parents busy – because I knew that, otherwise, they’d spend the whole time I was gone biting their nails.
≈
Before entering Darina’s mansion, we had to go through half a dozen security checks. They tested our blood, checked us for magical signatures, doppelganger potions and glamour spells, performed some telekinetic tests, and even fingerprinted us.
The guards doing the checks were Roger Balfe’s guards from Stoker House, still carrying lances and wearing their old-fashioned armour. They were thorough, and more than a little bit rough with the checks, but the Púca transformation seemed to beat all of their tests, and we eventually walked through to the mansion.
Darina’s enormous house was filled to the brim with vampires and witches, all dancing, drinking and carousing as though tomorrow’s battle had already been won. When we’d left my grandmother’s realm our friends had either been planning, training, or unashamedly panicking. The scene here made quite the contrast.
Roger’s old butler and partner in crime, Jack Burns, had clearly been released from Witchfield, because he was now attending to Roger’s every need (albeit with a constant roll of his eyes).
A glance around the party told me that a lot of criminals had been released from the prison since Gunnar’s appearance on Wyrd News in the Afternoon. That was no surprise, considering how strong Vlad’s Boys had become. But while it might not have surprised me, it did scare me. Being in this house made it all too clear what we’d be up against tomorrow night. Even if we did kill Greg tonight, we’d struggle to win this war.
We had to get to work straight away. Jared and the others were directed to the kitchen, while Jack Burns finally left Roger’s side to give me my instructions for the evening.
‘Esmerelda,’ he said with a tired smile. ‘You’re looking beautiful, as always.’
Wendy had been right about Esmerelda’s mannerisms and responses coming naturally to me. Straight away, I knew how she would reply. ‘And you’re looking tired, honeybuns. I heard your little gang sprang you from Witchfield. Shouldn’t you be off enjoying the dark anywhere but here?’
He chuckled, squeezing my shoulder and looking into my eyes. ‘Oh, Essie, you always know exactly what I want. I have to say I’m surprised to see you here. Last we talked, Vlad’s Boys wasn’t exactly your cup of tea.’
A memory slammed into my mind, one of Esmerelda’s. She and Jack Burns were talking behind the Fruit of the Vein, while he waited to drive Roger and Rita home from a dinner date. Jack was leaning close to Esmerelda, telling her he wanted her to call him Jack instead of Radu. Radu, he said, was a stupid name given to him by a stupid man. As they talked, he was looking at Esmerelda with longing eyes.
‘Nor yours,’ I said slowly. ‘But we do what we must to keep our hearts from being staked, don’t we, Jackie boy? So … where do you want me?’
He chuckled once more. As he did, his severe face looked younger and happier. ‘You know where I want you in an ideal world, Essie. But I’d never get that close to you. I want you to stay as far away from this gang as your gorgeous legs will take you, so just do your job, go home, and make sure you’re somewhere safe when everything goes down tomorrow night.’
He gritted his teeth. ‘And in the meantime, just … point the richer-looking guests to the library and the riffraff to the bar. In an hour’s time, move everyone to the dining room. Toffs at the north end of the table, dregs at the south.’ He sighed. ‘And no, that’s not the way I see these people, Essie. You know me better than that, I hope. But I can’t help but think …’
‘What?’ I asked softly. ‘What can’t you help but think, Jack?’
He moved closer. ‘Esmerelda, what do you think of Bella and Darina? Deep down in that wise old gut of yours?’
I narrowed Esmerelda’s eyes. ‘Probably the exact same thing as you’re thinking, Jack. That the second they’ve used us in the battle with the fae, they’ll turn on us, too. They chose well in giving Roger such a senior position, didn’t they? His vanity won’t let him see the truth.’
Jack let out a little groan. ‘Once again, you know what I’m thinking. They need the stupid fool for his money right now, and they’ll flatter him until they don’t need it anymore. But it makes no difference. This whole mess has already taken on a life of its own. Every single vampire in this house will fight tooth and nail for Vlad’s Boys. But maybe with Gregariad’s power, we might have a chance to stay on top when the fae are gone.’
‘He’s really powerful enough to keep Darina and Bella in their place?’
‘More,’ said Jack. ‘He’s more powerful than everyone in this house put together.’ He grasped Esmerelda’s hand. ‘Stay on Gregariad’s side. That’s what I’m going to do. He’s the only chance the vampires have in all of this.’ He released his grip. ‘Now go on. Move those beautiful legs over to the door and greet the guests.’
≈
For the next hour I did exactly as the butler had directed, thinking over our conversation as I worked. When he’d first said he detested his boss, it had seemed as though it might be nothing but an act – a little something to make his story more believable, seeing as Vlad’s Boys needed to use Jack’s arrest as a distraction. But I’d suspected there was a lot of truth when he’d said he considered Roger a ridiculous man. Now, I knew that I was right. Jack loathed Roger. And he didn’t think much of Darina or Bella, either. He was here to save his own skin, and was clinging onto Greg as the vampires’ only hope when the battle was over.
And Greg would be their only hope, I was sure. Without him, Darina and Bella would dump the vampires as soon as they were no longer needed. Which made me wonder … why had Bella wanted Ron so much? She was already going to have Greg and his ego to overpower once the fae were dealt with. Did she really need another powerful and egotistical vampire to keep under control?
Just as I was thinking that, the very woman came my way, dragging Ron behind her. Alvis was flying a couple of feet above Bella, but she still hadn’t noticed the owl.
‘You!’ she screeched. ‘Hostess! All of the guests are already inside, you moron. What are you doing propping up the doorway for? Get your behind to the kitchen. I have a little job for you.’
I followed Bella and Ron into Darina’s enormous kitchen, where the servers were lining up, ready to bring the food to the guests.
I glanced over at Jared. He was working hard to get the food out quickly, and was easily mimicking all of Malachy’s mannerisms as he ordered his staff about. I always knew his cooking skills were amazing, but today he was better than ever. My Esmerelda-stomach growled as I smelled the blood soup that was simmering on the stove. No doubt I’d be voicing a vehement ‘Ew!’ later on, when I was no longer in this vampire body.
‘That’s wonderful, Niall,’ Jared said to the vampire who was ladling out the first bowls of soup. ‘But make sure you get the timing right. We don’t want the blood to dry out, do we?’ He turned to me. ‘Esmerelda, Esmerelda!’
Once again, an Esmerelda-type response thundered into my mind. ‘I’m right here, you silly little control freak,’ I told Jared with a toss of my hair and a jut of my hips.
‘Don’t sass your boss,’ said Bella, pushing me towards Jared. She turned to Ron. ‘And you, Ron-Ron, keep your eyes off her legs.’
Ron looked at the floor. ‘My eyes were nowhere near her legs, Bella. You know I’m only interested in one woman, and she’s not you or the leggy hostess.’
Bella squinted dangerously at him. ‘Still with this? You know, I thought you would have come around by now. This was all your idea, after all.’
‘A silly drunken conversation about how vampires and witches would do better to work with each other isn’t quite the same as this horror show you’ve got playing out, now is it?’ retorted Ron. ‘The only reason I’m still here is because you’ll use that stupid Staff of Wrath to kill my wife and children if I leave.’
�
�I’ll kill them anyway if you don’t get on board. And you can stop pretending to be Mister Innocent, too. You were once Ronaldo the Righteous, a man who killed anyone who stood in his way and started the Knights of Darkness cult. Get back to being that Ron will you? Because if you don’t use your power, you’ll lose your family. Oh, and by the way – Nollaig is not your wife. I nipped that little disaster in the bud when I ruined your wedding, remember? No need to thank me.’
‘I won’t thank you!’ Ron spat. ‘I’ll hate you until the day you die. And if it weren’t for the fact that you were souping up your power with that infernal staff, I would have killed you by now.’
Wow. These two argued even more than Ron and Nollaig had. At least now I knew why Bella had taken him here – it was nothing but some lingering nostalgia for the affair they’d had in the Year of the Walrus. I really wished Ron would at least try to play along, though. It was his family who were at risk if he didn’t. Then again, I couldn’t have expected much better from a man who’d stolen Fuzz’s tuna.
It seemed I wasn’t the only one sick of their antics. Jared clapped his Malachy-hands in Bella’s face and said, ‘Hey! Cut it out, children! You dragged my hostess in here and interrupted my cooking just so you could have a domestic in front of me? That is not on, Bella.’
She choked out a laugh. ‘Malachy! How dare you speak to me like that?’ She shook her head. ‘You know that all that back-talk makes me wish you weren’t playing for the other team. Of course you’re right, my darling. And I am glad you came over to our side, you know,’ she said. ‘My Ron-Ron said you’d never join Vlad’s Boys, but I told him he was wrong.’ She gave Jared a little squeeze, picking up a piece of diced chicken and beginning to chew. ‘I just love the food at the Fruit of the Vein! This is your best yet.’
Jared smiled tartly. ‘Well, you know me, Bella. I’m a businessman at heart. And if I want my restaurant to stay as successful as it’s been so far, then I’m going to have to be the sort of owner that my vampire customers respect. If that means joining Vlad’s Boys, then that’s what I’ll do.’
It was the perfect response, and I was ever so impressed. Ron, on the other hand, looked like he’d just chewed a wasp. ‘I would never have thought this of you, Malachy, I really wouldn’t. Nollaig counts you as a friend.’
Jared turned his attention to a simmering sauce, stirring it carefully. ‘If you don’t want to be a part of this, Ronaldo,’ he said, ‘then you know where the door is.’
Bella let out a rather manic laugh. ‘Oh, he’s not going to leave, are you Ron-Ron? He loves me, not Nollaig.’ She pinched Ron’s cheek, and he scowled. ‘He’ll soon get his old vim and vigour back, won’t you Ron-Ron?’ Her eyes narrowed. ‘Or at least he’d better. Now, as it happens, I did drag this vain hostess of yours in here for a reason.’
‘And?’ Jared crossed his arms and tapped his feet. ‘Out with it, Bella. Because let me tell you, when all of those people in the dining room start complaining that their meal is running late, I’ll be pointing them in your direction.’
‘Oh, they can wait. The most important person in this house today is Gregariad, as you well know. That’s why I need the hostess. We can’t have just any old server seeing to him this evening, now can we? And while I can’t see the allure myself, Esmerelda is your most popular member of staff. So I want her to bring some blood to Gregariad and Pru.’
She moved to a cupboard and took out two goblets. Though both were incredibly ornate (translation: ugly as heck), one was even more ornate than the other.
‘This is Gregariad’s personal goblet.’ She picked up the ugliest of the pair. ‘He will only have his blood served in this. Nothing else. And it must be served at body temperature. Pru, well … she’s not very fussy, to be truthful, but she ought to have an equally good-quality meal, I suppose, seeing as she belongs to Gregariad.’
Oh dear. My Aisling-brain was battling with my Esmerelda-brain. Pru did not belong to Gregariad. She didn’t belong to anyone. I forced a comeback back down, twirled Esmerelda’s hair and said, ‘Okay, okay, I’ve got it. I give the fancy goblet to the big guy. His little hanger-on gets almost as good treatment. So where are they seated? Head of the table?’
Bella rolled her eyes. ‘Good goddess, no! Gregariad isn’t eating with the plebs. He’ll be eating in his room in order to collect his thoughts. He will be joining us at the end of the meal, though, to give us all a rousing speech. Quite a compelling speech, if you know what I’m saying.’
‘The lettuce on the witches’ starter plates knows what you’re saying, Bella,’ said Jared with a roll of his eyes. ‘Just tell us, then. If Gregariad isn’t eating with everyone else, where do I send Esmerelda with his blood?’
‘Why, to the basement, of course. As a true vampire, Gregariad has chosen to house his coffins and his entourage in the darkest room of the mansion.’ She stared at me. ‘Well? What are you waiting for, Miss Legs Eleven? Bring him his blood. Now!’
≈
A few minutes later, I teetered down the steps to the basement in Esmerelda’s stupidly high shoes. How did she work in these things? If I didn’t break my ankles, then I’d be counting this evening a success. Already I’d passed by the guards with no problem. Now, there was nothing between me and murdering my friend but a thick, wooden door.
My inspiration hadn’t yet arrived. If not now, when?
I stared up at the ceiling, my hands pressed together in prayer, and whispered, ‘If you’re there, oh great and wondrous Triple-Form Goddess, then now would be a good time to send me an amazing idea, don’t you think? Or a sign, maybe? Something? Anything?’
I waited, and waited …
If I didn’t get a wriggle on, the guards would come down here and ask me what I was up to. This was it. The moment of reckoning. I could either save Greg, or save the rest of the world. Because much as I wished otherwise, this Greg, the one with the stupid cloak and the coffin collection … he certainly wouldn’t hesitate to kill me if I got in his way.
So I had to do this, didn’t I? It really was kill or be killed. He was Gregariad now. Someone who thought it was okay to compel Pru to be his girlfriend. Someone who thought face powder looked good with his complexion.
My Greg … my Greg might still be in there, somewhere deep inside, but without that flash of inspiration, I simply didn’t have the time to bring him back.
With a hollow feeling in my stomach, I twisted my earring, opening up the false pearl in order to drop the Shake and Stake powder into the goblet of blood. Fighting back tears, I pointed my finger at the blood and hummed the short note my grandmother had taught me. Below my finger, the blood began to oscillate, soon settling down again.
That was it, done. The poison was ready. Greg’s death was on my hands. With a smile pasted on my face, I knocked on the door and entered his private suite.
There were coffins aplenty and another ugly fountain in the suite, just as I’d expected. Pru was there, too, lounging on a sofa, eating grapes and reading a book. As soon as she saw me, she jumped to attention. ‘My master is in his boudoir,’ she said. ‘I can bring his drink to him.’
The door to the so-called boudoir was jerked open, and Greg stood there, glaring at Pru. ‘No need to be jealous, my love,’ he said. ‘You know you’ll always be my number one girl.’ He gave me a flirtatious wink. ‘But Esmerelda, now there is a girl I’ve always wanted to get to know.’ He crooked a finger, and I felt myself walking more quickly towards him.
Criminy! I really was Esmerelda. I had her blood, her DNA, and apparently, her susceptibility to compulsion. This was one of those things Wendy really should have warned me about beforehand. Ahem.
I took a deep breath, trying my best to balance myself. I needed enough of my fae self to resist Greg’s mind power, but not so much that I’d set off the mansion’s sióga sensors.
‘I like my blood served at body temperature,’ said Greg. ‘But my women …’ He pulled Pru in for a kiss. ‘I like them as cold as death itself.’
I suppressed the urge to vomit. Maybe that was sexy-talk in vampire circles, but it sounded pretty weird to me. ‘Where shall I place your blood, Gregariad?’ I asked.
He chuckled, patting the bed. ‘Place it right next to me. I’m in deep concentration, preparing to win the battle against the fae and the – very few – friends they have left. I’ve compelled almost everyone they thought they could trust, so it won’t exactly be a difficult battle. But still, I like to make sure I’m prepared.’
With the goblets shaking in my hands, I headed for the bedside table. ‘That’s so impressive,’ I said, grinning in an (I hoped) Esmerelda-like way.
There was a sudden, loud noise from his phone, which was lying on the bedside table. Just before he snatched up the phone, I caught sight of the screen. There was a picture of a large purple and green dragon, patting its belly, burping, and saying, ‘Thank you so much for all those lovely fireballs. As a reward, collect five dragon eggs.’
‘Oh, you like to play Hungry Dragons, Gregariad? I love that game.’
Greg’s face grew purple. ‘Gregariad does not play games. It must have been that silly Pru.’
‘Oh, of course,’ I said. ‘My mistake.’
Or was it? If Greg was still playing games, then surely that meant that he was still Greg. And never mind the games. That bed was rumpled, which meant he was sleeping in it, not in one of those creepy coffins. There was something else, too, something my Esmerelda-nose could smell in the air. It was sweet, familiar and totally Greg. Could it be …? I subtly sniffed again, just to be sure, and there it was, stronger than ever – the smell of strawberry flavoured Chomp-Chomps, Greg’s favourite lollipops in the whole wide world.
A Little Bit Vampy Page 12
