by Lyn Forester
When her eyes shift to me, they resemble hard chips of ice. “Caitlyn?”
I pat her cold arm in passing. “He had an altercation. We’re taking care of it.”
She chases after us up the stairs, her long legs keeping pace easily. “With who?”
I only consider for a second whether to tell her. She’ll notice Garrett’s absence soon enough, anyway. “With Garrett.”
“Bastian,” she growls.
“I will take care of it,” the behemoth rumbles.
“There’s no need.” I glance over my shoulder. “I’ve dealt with him already. He won’t be on this level much longer.”
“Do you think he’ll abide by the agreement?” Connor murmurs too low for the others to hear.
The same worry crossed my mind already, but I waffle on my options. As action tied Nikola’s hands in revealing he was being bullied, so action ties mine in long term threat over the repercussions of immediate action.
I meet Connor’s steady gaze. “I’m considering my options.”
He studies my face. “Haven’t you already decided?”
My heart lurches, my world tipping sideways. Have I?
He touches my arm, offering something stable to grasp onto. “You’re going to stay, right? Take on the council seat? Make changes from the top?”
“Yes. I’m staying.” My dreams of running feel like smoke right now, the panicked scrambling of a naïve child.
My fantasy of running away with Declan was never going to happen. Too much hinges on me staying, and I was foolish to believe my family would ever let me escape to begin with. If I’m not Caitlyn Lonette, then I’m not anyone, and it’s time I grow up and plan for the future.
We clamber into the bathroom, and Felix bodily shoves out the second year who stands at the sink, cheeks glowing blue from the cleaning wand clenched between her teeth.
He steps back in and points at Nikola. “Strip.”
Nikola’s dark eyes flicker around his audience. “That seems excessive.”
I step up to Felix’s side. “Strip.”
Nikola twitches, hands automatically rising to his shirt before he freezes. “Is this really necessary? I assure you—”
“Now, Nikola,” I cut him off. “I want to know how much you’ve been hiding.”
With a sigh of resignation, Nikola plucks at the buttons on his shirt, then lets the soft white material flutter to the floor. On top of the bruises we glimpsed this morning, new welts crisscross his sides, as if he got on the bad side of Mr. Baresly’s ruler. Or someone’s belt.
When did those happen? After class? Before I ran into them after dinner? Red splotches bloom on his abdomen and right shoulder, the beginnings of what will turn into deep bruises.
Nikola pulls his belt free and undoes the front of his pants, letting the material fall to the ground.
He reaches for the waistband of his boxer briefs, then glances back up at me. “These, too?”
I stare in horror at the welts on his upper thighs that disappear beneath the dark hem of his underwear, and tears sting my eyes. All of his wounds are strategically placed so the school uniform hides them easily. If not for our chance encounter this morning, I never would have guessed at the damage he sustained. How did he walk around, day after day, without a sign of pain?
I will away the pity before I meet his eyes, knowing my horror won’t help him. “Is there more to see?”
He blinks slowly, a fine tremor shaking his hands before he stills them. “If I say no, will you believe me?”
“This is monstrous,” Myrrine whispers, and I flinch, not realizing she followed us in here. “Why would you keep this a secret?”
“My lady,” Bastian murmurs. “We should leave. This is a private matter between Caitlyn and her malnupti.”
I turn to see Bastian pulling Myrrine toward the door. When my friend resists, he physically picks her up and takes her from the bathroom.
When I turn back, I find Felix at Nikola’s side, examining the damage. They whisper to each other, their voices low, and when Felix gently touches Nikola’s hip, a question on his lips, Nikola shakes his head in firm denial.
Some of the tension eases from Felix, and my stomach rolls at what he must have asked. That he even thought of the further horror Nikola may have been subjected to brings bile bubbling up my throat.
Nikola said he was trained in pleasure, and I never once questioned what that meant, who would have trained him, or if he had a say in even taking the classes. He made it sound so common, so expected, that I took it in stride, just one more skill in his arsenal.
The bathroom door bangs open, and Myrrine strides back in, deep purple and blue swirling in her cheeks. Silent, she shoves a cold stone jar in my hand, glances at Nikola one last time, then storms away, the door slamming shut once more.
Connor stares at the jar in my hands. “What’s that?”
“A precious gift.” Unscrewing the top, I set the lid on the counter as a pungent, sour odor wafts out.
Connor’s nose wrinkles, but he follows as I approach Nikola and Felix. The two men fall silent when I stop in front of them, and Nikola watches me cautiously.
Felix cups a hand over his nose. “Ugh, what’s that smell?”
Ignoring him, I dip two fingers into the jar to scoop out a dollop of the precious green goo. “It only hurts for a second, then it will just tingle.”
Nikola holds still, not even breathing, as I reach out and trace one of the deeper welts along his ribs. He sucks in a deep breath, and a surprised, “Ah,” escapes before he holds still once more.
With broader strokes, I slather the stinky goop over the patches of red where Garrett’s fists landed and the healing bruise under his arm that I saw earlier in the day.
“Amazing,” Connor murmurs as the first welt I applied the salve to slowly fades before our eyes. “Is this the same stuff Myrrine used on you when you got hit with the ruler?”
I nod, cheeks turning pink when I remember how Declan and Connor demanded to see the proof, and I ended up with my shoulders bared in the classroom. “It comes from the Rothven colonies. Myrrine says it’s hard to make, which is why it’s not available in the cities. I don’t think she’s supposed to have it with her.”
“This would revolutionize the medical industry.” Connor’s hand lifts toward Nikola’s body before he freezes, then clears his throat. “My apologies. You’re injured, and I’m treating you like a specimen.”
“Ignore my brother,” Felix adds. “He’s a huge nerd.”
I eye Nikola’s torso for any wounds I missed before I move to drop to my knees to tend the marks on his thighs.
Nikola hurriedly reaches out to grasp my elbow, strain in his voice. “Caitlyn, please. While I appreciate your concern, perhaps Felix could help me with the rest?”
I step back in alarm. “Oh, I’m sorry, was I hurting you?”
“In the sweetest way possible.” Gently, he takes the stone jar from my hands. “But you have indulged me enough for one night.”
I frown and glance at Connor who refuses to meet my eyes.
“Here, I’ll get the ones on your back.” Felix takes the ointment and moves behind Nikola. “Then you can sit while I do the rest.”
Felix makes quick work of covering Nikola’s other wounds, probably using more of the precious salve than necessary, before Nikola moves to sit on one of the benches.
As Felix kneels in front of him, Nikola leans back on his hands. “How long do I have to keep this stuff on? It’s really quite pungent.”
“It should soak in soon. The smell dissipates after that. I’ll message Myrrine to see if you can shower after.” I pull out my palm-port, typing out a quick message.
Caitlyn: how long before Nikola can shower?
Her response comes immediately.
Myrrine: He can use the water shower as soon as the ointment soaks in.
Myrrine: Do not let him use the sanitizer for 24 hours.
Myrrine: It would be best if he
left it in place overnight.
Myrrine: Is he well?
Myrrine: Should I send Bastian to assist?
Myrrine: I will return to check that the salve is working correctly.
I smile at her rapid-fire messages and quickly type back.
Caitlyn: He’s doing fine thanks to you. Stay in our room.
Myrrine: If you are sure.
Myrrine: It is no trouble for me to come back.
Myrrine: Or for Bastian to come watch over him.
Caitlyn: Stay put. I’ll see you in a bit.
Caitlyn: Thank you for bringing the stinky stuff.
Myrrine: You are most welcome.
I tuck my palm-port away. “She says to keep it on overnight unless you really can’t handle it. If that’s the case, wait for it to soak in, then you can use the water-based shower, but no sanitizer for twenty-four hours.”
“Here, spread your legs more.” Felix pushes on one of Nikola’s knees. “This one wraps around.”
When I glance over at them, my breath catches, suddenly realizing why Nikola didn’t want me to tend to the wounds on his thighs. The two men make for an intimate tableau, both dark haired and beautiful in their own way. As Felix’s strong hands slide over Nikola’s slender thighs, heat fills my cheeks, and I jerk my eyes up only to be caught in Nikola’s dark, knowing gaze.
“If you’re trying to use this to seduce my girlfriend, I will punch you,” Felix murmurs as he slathers on more goop.
“I can’t help what Caitlyn likes to see,” Nikola returns, eyes still locked with mine.
Felix twists to glare at me. “Avert your eyes, woman. Dammit, Connor, why are you just standing there? Cover her eyes!”
“You’re the one who told Nikola to strip,” Connor points out, but he steps in front of me, nonetheless.
With the visual contact broken, I snap back to embarrassed awareness. I’ve never once looked at Nikola as anything less than a childhood friend. What is wrong with me that my mind would choose this specific moment to flip that switch? Why when Nikola is wounded and in need of care?
Connor’s fingers grip my chin to bring my head up. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Emotions are high tonight. It’s a natural reaction to want to reaffirm life when put under stress.”
“I’d hardly call what happened stress.” The sobering words bring back my worry from earlier. “Even if Garrett stays silent, he could do this again to someone else. Such wounds aren’t a one-time lashing out.”
“No, they’re not,” Connor agrees calmly. “This is the behavior of an abuser. He will find others who are weaker than himself to prey on.”
And the threat of him seeking retaliation against my family still hangs like a guillotine over my head. If driven to the point of desperation, a flimsy document with his signature on it will mean nothing. He can do so much damage to me and mine before the courts silence him. If his accusation of genetic manipulation holds any truth, it will ruin us.
Certainty settles over me as I pull out my palm-port once more and dial a number I’ve rarely had reason to use.
Pressing it to my ear, I wait for the other line to pick up.
A smooth, cold voice slides over the line. “Daughter, I trust you have good reason for this intrusion.”
“Father, there has been a development.” Silence fills the bathroom as the others listen in. “Garrett has proven unfaithful to the Lonette name and has gone as far as to make accusations of illegal genetic modifications within our house. He will be on a shuttle off level come First-Light.”
“Understood.” The line goes dead.
Connor’s fingers brush my cheek in silent commiseration, understanding my action and accepting it fully.
Felix slams the jar of salve onto the bench and bounds to his feet. “Did you just order a hit on Garrett?”
I tuck my palm-port away, then meet Nikola’s steady gaze. “If his accusation holds truth, he will not make it to Level 12. If there’s nothing to worry about, he’ll be escorted to the nearest deportation department. Either way, we’ll have an answer.”
“That easily?” Felix strides toward me, hands rubbing against his pant legs to wipe off the goop. He stops with only a foot between us, vibrating with pent-up energy. “You can order a life taken just like that? Zero remorse?”
Calm settles over me as I meet his eyes. I’m at peace with my actions, whatever their outcome. “Did you think I was lying when I told Garrett I could make it so he never existed?”
“Yes!” Felix throws his arms in the air. “You were threatening him, and he didn’t call your bluff!”
“Because he knew I wasn’t bluffing.” I step up toe-to-toe with Felix. “See me, Felix. This is who I was raised to be. This is me no longer holding back. If I stay in Leton, I can’t continue to hesitate. That’s how people get hurt, and I won’t stand to the side as anyone else I care about comes to harm. If you’re with me, you’re with all of me.”
“What do you mean leave Leton?” He lunges forward to grasp my arms. “You’re not planning to leave, are you?”
“No,” I say with full honesty.
The minute I made that call, I committed myself to staying. Even before that, I committed to staying in that moment I spoke to Connor on the grassy field about my hopes and dreams and realized how shaky they were.
Felix searches my face. “But you were at one point. Planning to leave.”
“I was many things at one point.” Rising onto my tiptoes, I press a kiss to his parted lips. “But this is me committing fully. I’m in this partnership, and I’m willing to do anything necessary to keep us safe. Are you?”
The Real Caitlyn
Felix’s hands flex on my arms, fingers kneading into my muscles as emotions war on his face. Anger, desire, fear, confusion, but no revulsion, which brings a sense of relief. He’s not repulsed at the idea of basically sentencing someone to death; he’s just not sure how he feels about it coming from me.
I can live with shattering his illusions if the pieces he puts back together reflect a more complete image of who I’m capable of being.
Leaning into him, I feel the tingle through our clothes that always comes when he’s near. “If Connor had done the same, what would you feel right now?”
Felix’s eyes flicker over my shoulder to his twin, then back to me. “Connor wouldn’t have waited as long as you did.”
No, I don’t imagine he would have. He’s always calm and collected, thinking out the paths quickly and taking decisive action. It made him a calculated racer and will make him a formidable ally in the High Council.
I search Felix’s grass-green eyes, so precious and so confused as he struggles to process this change in view. “And what would you have done?”
“I would have beat Garrett until he couldn’t speak again,” he answers with a fiery hatred that makes me marvel at his self-restraint at allowing me to handle the situation.
My heart races, unsure I want to know the answer to my next question. “Then why do you expect less from me?”
“Because you’re Sprinkles.” Bewilderment fills his face. “You’re vanilla frosting and sweetness. You’re cheeky and fierce and competitive, but you’re not a killer.”
“Oh, Felix.” Gently, I push away from him. “I wish that was me, but if it were, I wouldn’t be staying in Leton. I’d have no chance of holding the First Council seat, nor would I deserve to.”
Thrusting his hands through his hair, he stumbles away.
I go after him, needing him to understand. “I’m a panic filled mess. You’ve seen that. You were there.”
He shakes his head in denial, his voice cracking. “Stop, please.”
But I can’t stop. I need him to finally listen to what I’ve been trying to tell him. “I’ve kept too much bottled up, but I’ve never been sweet, not in the way you want. Connor knows this. Nikola knows this. I’m sure Declan knows it. Why are you purposefully blinding yourself?”
“Because I need something clean in my life!” he
yells, the words bouncing off the bathroom walls. “Everyone I touch is stained, but not you. You don’t want me in your bed for sex. You don’t demand I change, be better. You fight with me when I push too hard, but then you make sure to let me know you’re not rejecting me. If that goes away, if you become this cold, calculating person... If you learn to smile when you don’t mean it, and be kind when you hate, how will I know which mask I’m facing?”
My hand curls over the ache in my chest. “I already do that, Felix. Hiding our true feelings is the entire core of the Lonette family. I was a statue when I arrived here. You’ve been helping me change that. You, Connor, and Declan. Without you guys, all I am is a mask. I’m willing to take drastic measures with Garrett because I’m finally allowing myself to feel.”
I step closer, and when I stop in front of him, he remains rigidly in place. Distant while not distancing himself. I resist the need to touch him, afraid he’ll break and run.
My voice drops to a whisper, my lips numb as they form the words. “But feeling makes me so anxious. If I care about people, that means losing them will hurt, so I will not apologize for the decisions I make to protect those feelings. I will not feel guilty if Garrett suffers to ensure the safety of my family. If I could have bloodied my fists to silence him, I would have. I took the action open to me, and I will not suffer a sleepless night over it.” Slowly, I reach up to touch his hard cheek. “But I will not sleep at all if you continue to look at me like I’m a stranger.”
Felix’s expression remains shuttered and confused, and I realize no amount of talking tonight will sway him. Only time will tell if he can fit this part of me into the box he built in his mind for me or if this will be the end of us.
Turning, I brush my hand against Connor’s, stealing some of his strength before I walk over to where Nikola sits.
I stare down at my childhood friend, the wounds on his body all but gone now. “Why didn’t you simply arrange for an accident to remove Garrett?”
Nikola shakes back his fine black hair to gaze up at me. “At Tri-Worth, there were people worse than him. Better the devil I knew. Here, he was more limited, but so was I. The quarters are too tight, the opportunities too few, and I ran the risk of dealing with him only to lose you, too.”
