THE BLACKBIRD
[_Simply._] How could I? The ground is all you can see through that
little black hole. [_Pointing at the flower-pot._]
CHANTECLER
Did you see the mountain-tops tremble and turn crimson?
THE BLACKBIRD
While you were crowing, I had my eye on your feet.
CHANTECLER
[_Sorrowfully._] Ah!
THE BLACKBIRD
They were performing on the soft sod something choice in the line of
fancy dances!
CHANTECLER
[_Giving up._] I pity you! Back to your darkness, obscure Blackbird!
THE BLACKBIRD
Your obedient servant, illustrious Cock!
CHANTECLER
My course is toward the sun!
THE BLACKBIRD
Take along smoked glasses!
CHANTECLER
Blackbird, do you know the one thing upon earth worthy that one should
live wholly for its sake?
THE BLACKBIRD
There I draw the line. I won't enter the debate!
CHANTECLER
That thing is effort, Blackbird--effort, which uplifts and ennobles the
lowest! For which reason, you, contemner of every sublime aspiration, I
contemn! And that fragile roseate snail, struggling unaided to silver
over a whole fagot, I honour!
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Snapping up the snail._] I'll make him look silly!
CHANTECLER
[_With a cry of horror._] Abominable! To point a joke--put out a little
flame! An end. Here we part. You have no more heart than soul.
[_Going._]
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Hopping up on the fagot._] I have mind, however!
CHANTECLER
[_Turning, disdainfully._] That is open to discussion.
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Acidly._] Oh, very well! I was administering, in my merry little
characteristic way, a grain of antidote against lunacy. But I wash my
claws of you. Go ahead, justify the report of your enemies.
CHANTECLER
[_Returning._] Who? What?
THE BLACKBIRD
Strut about with your bill-board: "I'm the whole show!"
CHANTECLER
You associate with those who hate me?
THE BLACKBIRD
Do you object?
CHANTECLER
No, you pitiful jester! The habit has grown so strong, you can no more
be in earnest about friendship now than anything else. [_Going nearer to
him._] Who are my enemies?
THE BLACKBIRD
The Owls.
CHANTECLER
You sorry fool! Can't you see that to believe in my destiny becomes all
too easy if the Owls are against me?
THE BLACKBIRD
Rest happy, then. They have a deal on--your lighting of the world being
a trifle flashy for their taste--a deal on for cutting your throat.
CHANTECLER
Through whom?
THE BLACKBIRD
A brother bird.
CHANTECLER
A Cock?
THE BLACKBIRD
A Saint George of a Cock, who is to meet you--
CHANTECLER
Where?
THE BLACKBIRD
At the Guinea-hen's.
CHANTECLER
What a farce!
THE BLACKBIRD
Wait! It's one of those Cocks bred and trained for fighting, who would
make just two bites of either you or me. [_As_ CHANTECLER _abruptly
starts toward the back._] Where are you going?
CHANTECLER
To the Guinea-hen's.
THE BLACKBIRD
Ha! I forgot our knightly spurs and helmet! [_He makes a feint of
preventing him._] Take my advice, don't go!
CHANTECLER
But I will go!
THE BLACKBIRD
Hold on!
CHANTECLER
[_Stopping beside the flower-pot, as if amazed._] How singular!
THE BLACKBIRD
What?
CHANTECLER
Did I understand you to say you came out of that flower-pot?
THE BLACKBIRD
You did.
CHANTECLER
[_Incredulous._] But how could you possibly have got into it?
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Getting into the pot._] I told you, and tell you again! Through that
little black hole I was looking at the--[_He thrusts his bill through
the hole at the bottom._]
CHANTECLER
The earth! And now through a little blue hole you shall look at the sky!
[_With a vigorous blow of his wing he turns the pot over the_ BLACKBIRD,
_who is heard fluttering beneath it, with smothered cries._] For you
hate and shun the blue sky, you Dwellers in Pots! But one can force you
to see at least as much as would cover a corn-flower, by overturning
your pot, now and then--with the sweep of a wing! [_Off._]
CURTAIN
ACT THIRD
THE GUINEA-HEN'S DAY
_Corner of a kitchen-garden, enclosed on the sides by hedges. At the
back, espaliers. Vegetables and flowers of all kinds. Cold frames. Among
the fruit trees, an upright pole, rigged in an old frock-coat, pair of
trousers, and opera hat, fills the function of scarecrow._
SCENE FIRST
_The_ GUINEA-HEN, HENS, DUCKS, _etc.; the_ PHEASANT-HEN, _the_
BLACKBIRD, _later_ PATOU.
_At the rise of the curtain, multitudinous clatter and confused swarming
of_ HENS _and_ CHICKENS.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Going impetuously from one to the other._] How do you do? How do you
do?--There is scarcely room to move! My guests reach all the way to the
cucumber patch!
CHORUS
[_Up in the air._]
_Busily buzzing_--
THE GUINEA-HEN
A regular crush!
A HEN
[_Gazing at a row of huge pumpkins._] What attractive objects!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Art pottery! Rather good of its kind, if I do say so!
A CHICK
[_Listening with his bill in the air._] Singers?
THE GUINEA-HEN
Yes,--
CHORUS
_Busily buzzing_--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_In her sprightliest manner._] The Wasps! [_To a_ CHICKEN.] How do you
do? [_She flits from one guest to the other._]
THE WASPS
_Busily buzzing
Estival glees.
Fill we with murmurs
The mulberry trees_!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Passing with the_ BLACKBIRD _and laughing._] So you were caught?
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Finishing his story._] Exactly as if a hat had been plumped down over
me. But I managed by beating my wings to throw off the beastly pot.
[_Looking around him._] Chantecler has not come yet?
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Surprised._] Is he coming?
PATOU
[_Suddenly appearing on the wheelbarrow, from whence he can watch the
scene as from a pulpit._] I still hope he may change his mind.
THE BLACKBIRD
Patou there, in the wheelbarrow?
PATOU
[_Shaking his surly head, and a bit of broken chain hanging from his
collar._] Chantecler told me everything Blackbird, as he went by. In a
towering rage I broke my chain, and am here to keep an eye on the wicked
lot of you.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To the_ BLACKBIRD.] Has he invited himself to my party, that
moth-eaten old thing?
CHORUS
[_Among the trees._]
_Our praises, Sun, our praises!_
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Looking upward._] Music?
THE GUINEA-HEN
The Cicadas!
CHORUS OF CICADAS
_We simmer in thy gaze,
We bask beneath thy blaze,
Receive our grateful praise!_
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
[_Low and quickly to his mother._] Tsicadas, mother. You must pronounce
it Tsi!
A MAGPIE
[_In black coat and white tie, announcing the guests as they arrive
through a hole such as Chickens dig at the foot of hedges._] The Gander!
THE GANDER
[_Entering, jocularly._] What's all this fuss and feathers my lady? Our
names called as we enter?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Demurely._] Yes, you see, expecting some rather great people, I
thought it well to stand an usher at the blackthorn door.
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing._] The Duck!
THE DUCK
[_Entering, impressed by the elegance of the occasion._] Here is style
and grandeur indeed! Our names called!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Yes, you see, expecting some rather great people--
THE MAGPIE
The Turkey-hen!
THE TURKEY-HEN
[_Entering, after a supercilious glance._] This is quite more of an
affair, my dear, than I was anticipating.--Names called!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Yes, I had in the Magpie to supplement my usual staff.
CHORUS
[_Among blossoming branches._]
_Boom! Boom!
From bloom to bloom_!
THE TURKEY-HEN
[_Lifting her bill._] A Chorus?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Breezily._] The Bees!
CHORUS
_Make distant flowers
Bride and groom!_
THE TURKEY-HEN
Wonders on every side!
THE GUINEA-HEN
The Bees here, the Tsicadas yonder--[_To a passing_ HEN.] How do you do?
How do you do?
BEES
[_At the right._]
_Boom!_
CICADAS
[_At the left._]
_Our praises!_
BEES
_Boom!_
CICADAS
_Our praises!_
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] My garden produces the most remarkable of
everything!
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
The brightest flowers!
THE GUINEA-HEN
The big potatoes!
THE BLACKBIRD
And peaches! Perfect peaches!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Inconvenienced by the movement and the crowd, to the_ BLACKBIRD.] Let
us stand out of the crowd a moment, behind this watering-pot.
THE BLACKBIRD
The watering-pot, alias the Intermittent Baldpate, so called because
there flows from his copper scalp when he is tilted a marvelous growth
of silver hair.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Spying the_ CAT, _who, outstretched along an apple-bough is watching
with half-closed eyes._] I have among my guests the Cat.
THE BLACKBIRD
Tomkyns de Tomkyns! [_A_ BIRD _is heard warbling in a tree._]
THE GUINEA-HEN
I have the Chaffinch!
THE BLACKBIRD
Let him chaff inchworms, what care we?
THE GUINEA-HEN
The Darning-needle!
THE BLACKBIRD
She shall mend up Ragged Robin, now's his chance!
PATOU
[_More and more disgusted._] All that is supposed to be funny!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Pecking a cabbage leaf from which roll drops of dew._] I have the Dew!
PATOU
[_Grimly._] Your witticism for her?
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Brightly._] Fresh-water pearls!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Pointing out several_ CHICKS _walking among the crowd._] Have you seen
them? I have several of the A.I.'s Chicks!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
A.I.?
THE GUINEA-HEN
The Acme Incubator.
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Oh, have you?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Presenting the_ CHICKS.] All from the topmost compartment!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Indeed?
ONE OF THE CHICKS
[_Nudging his neighbour._] She is dumbfounded!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Contemptuously._] Eggs hatched by the old vulgar method, fie!
THE BLACKBIRD,
Good Lord, exempt us!
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing._] The Guinea-pig!
THE GUINEA-HEN
It's the famous one, you know! The Guinea-pig who was inoculated--surely
you remember the case--very well, that's the one! There you see him. I
made a point of getting him to come. Everybody is here! I have
everybody! I have--[_To the_ GUINEA-PIG.] How do you do? [_To the_
PHEASANT-HEN.] I have our great philosopher Tur-Key--Yes, it should be
written with a hyphen--who will give us a little talk among the currant
bushes under the tea-roses--[_To a passing_ HEN.] How do you do? [_To
the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] Educational Tea or Currant Topics! [_Whirling from
one to the other._] Everyone is here, everyone of the slightest mark or
consequence! The Pheasant-hen is here, in a frock from fairyland. The
Duck is here, who is so good as to say he will recite for us by and by.
The Tortoise is here--[_Noticing that the_ TORTOISE _is not there_] I
was mistaken, the Tortoise is not here. She is late.
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Affecting deep concern._] What is the little talk she seems so
regrettably likely to miss?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Suddenly serious._] The Moral Problem.
THE BLACKBIRD
What a pity!
[_The_ GUINEA-HEN _goes to the back, scattering greetings, in ecstasies
of sociability._]
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_To the_ BLACKBIRD.] Who is the Tortoise?
THE BLACKBIRD
A hard old character, impervious, I fear, to moral problems, who goes in
for walking matches in a loud check suit!
[_Murmur among the hollyhocks._]
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Listen, a Drone!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Briskly returning._] The Drone is here! In the bright light overhead,
what a stylish figure of a fly!
THE BLACKBIRD
No "at home" complete without it! Ladies cry for it! Won't be happy
until--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Jumping up in the air toward the_ DRONE.] How do you do? How do you
do? [_She follows his flight with excited leaps and hops._]
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Touching his brow with his wing._] She is dotty!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_At the back, with shrill_ GUINEA-HEN _cries._] It's my last day! How
do you do? My last day until August! Mondays in August, don't forget!
A HEN
[_Seeing cherries dropping around her._] Oh, cherries, look!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Looking upward._] It is the Breeze!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Fluttering forward again, excited as ever._] I have the
Breeze, who
now and then shakes down a cherry! I never ask her. She comes unasked.
What's-his-name is here! And What's-her-name is here, and--[_To the back
tumultuously._]
THE BLACKBIRD
And Thingumbob, and Stick-in-the-mud! [_He has arrived without
appearance of design beneath the tree where the_ CAT _is lying, and asks
rapidly, under breath._] Cat, what about the conspiracy?
THE CAT
[_Who from his tree can see beyond the hedge._] It is afoot. I see the
interminable file of phenomenal Cocks approaching, headed by the Peacock
who comes to present them.
A CRY
[_Outside._] Ee--yong! [_The_ CROWD _throngs toward the entrance._]
PATOU
[_Grumbling._] That abominable concertina cry--
THE MAGPIE
The Peacock!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_To the_ BLACKBIRD.] Have you a fancy name for him?
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Imitating the_ PEACOCK'S _cry._] Our great Accordee-yong!
SCENE SECOND
THE SAME, THE PEACOCK.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To the_ PEACOCK, _who enters slowly, with his head borne very stiff
and high._] Master, dear Master, would you be so extremely condescending
as to come and stand with your back to these sunflowers? Peacock!
Sunflowers! A study for Burne-Jones!
ALL
[_Crowding around the_ PEACOCK.] Master! Master!
A CHICKEN
[_Low to the_ DUCK.] A word from him can make one's fortune in society!
ANOTHER CHICKEN
[_Who has succeeded in forcing his way to the_ PEACOCK, _stammering with
emotion._] Master, what do you think of my latest "cheep"? [_Suspense.
Religious silence._]
THE PEACOCK
[_Solemnly, letting the word drop slowly from his beak._] Definitive.
[_Sensation._]
A DUCK
[_Trembling._] And my "quack"? [_Suspense._]
THE PEACOCK
Ultimate! [_Sensation._]
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Delighted, to the_ HENS.] I may say that it is at my days most
especially he throws off these specimens of a verbal art which might
fairly be called--
THE PEACOCK
Lapidary.
ALL THE HENS
[_Rolling up their eyes._] Wonderful!
A HEN
[_Coming forward, faint with emotion._] Master, high priest of taste,
what do you think of my dress? [_Suspense._]
THE PEACOCK
[_After a glance._] Affirmative. [_Sensation._]
THE TUFTED HEN
[_Same business._] And my bonnet? [_Suspense._]
THE PEACOCK
Absolute. [_Sensation._]
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_In a burst of emotion._] Our bonnets are absolute!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Affecting exclusive interest in the_ BEES.] Ah, there is the Choir
Invisible striking up again!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Presenting the young_ GUINEA-COCK _to the_ PEACOCK.] My son!--What do
you think of him?
THE PEACOCK
Plausible.
CHORUS OF WASPS
_Busily buzzing_--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Overjoyed, running to the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] Oh, he said he was plausible!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Who was?
THE GUINEA-HEN
My son!
CHORUS OF BEES
_When July
Too holly glows
Seek the shade
Inside the rose_!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Returning to the_ PEACOCK.] Does not the rhythm of that chorus impress
you as--
THE PEACOCK
Asunartetos!
A HEN
[_To the_ GUINEA-HEN.] Your guest, my dear, can fit an epithet!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Pontiff of the Unexpected Adjective I call him!
THE PEACOCK
[_Distilling his words, in a discordant haughty voice._] True it is that--
THE GUINEA-HEN
Ah, this is most pleasant, most pleasant! He is going to talk to us.
THE PEACOCK
--a Ruskin rather more refined, I hope, than the earlier one, with a
tact--
THE GUINEA-HEN
Very true!
PEACOCK
--a tact for which I stand largely in my own debt, I have constituted
myself Petronius-Priest and Maecenas-Messiah volatile volatiliser of
words, and that, jeweled judge, I love by my cameos and filigrees of
speech to represent the Taste of which I am the--
PATOU
Oh, my poor head!
THE PEACOCK
[_Nonchalantly._]--shall I say guardian?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Effervescently._] Do say guardian!
THE PEACOCK
No. Thesmothetes. [_Respectful murmur of delight._]
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] Now you have seen our Peacock! Aren't you
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