by Kat Brookes
“Hannah,” he greeted with a warm smile, and then stood, placing his cowboy hat atop his graying head. He walked over to plant a quick kiss on Emma’s cheek. “I’ll be out in the barn. Give a holler when you’re ready to leave for church.” With a tip of his hat to Hannah, he strode from the room.
“Emma,” Garrett’s mother said, drawing Hannah’s attention back in her direction. “No more ‘Mrs. Wade.’ I’ve already told you there’s no need for formalities here. How did you sleep last night?”
Hannah had mentioned at dinner the night before that she hoped she would be able to sleep that night, because her troubled thoughts had kept her tossing and turning until the wee hours of the morning the night before. Garrett’s mother had then fixed her a cup of chamomile tea right before she turned in for the night, and it seemed to have helped. “I slept much better. Thank you again for the tea.”
“You’re quite welcome. I’m glad it helped.” She motioned toward the kitchen table. “Have a seat. The tea water is still warm. I’ll fix you a cup. Unless you’d prefer coffee instead.”
“Tea is fine.” She’d never acquired a liking for coffee, which she had tried a few times during her college years.
“Sugar or honey?”
“Honey.”
With a nod, Garrett’s mother set to making her a cup of tea. “How are you doing?”
“I’m getting my strength back,” Hannah told her.
Emma looked to Hannah, a soft smile on her face. “I meant emotionally. I know you try and put up a strong front around us, but I also know how hard it is for a mother to be separated from her child.”
Hannah recalled the conversation she’d had with Garrett on their way to the ranch. “I’m sure you were worried sick when Jackson was injured so badly.”
“I was,” she agreed. “But I was referring to a more permanent separation. My boys had a little sister,” she explained. “Her name was Mari and she was the light of our lives. But the good Lord called her home when she was only six years old. Meningitis,” she said, a slight catch in her voice.
“I’m so sorry,” Hannah said, her eyes filling with tears. Life was so unpredictable. Even those far too young to die did, leaving behind so much pain and sorrow. How had Emma gotten through the loss of a child, of all things? Austin had only been in her life for a few short days and Hannah knew she would be lost without him.
Garrett’s mother set the cup of tea she had prepared for Hannah onto the table in front of her and then placed a comforting hand over hers. “Oh, sweetie. I didn’t tell you this to make you sad. I told you because I wanted you to know that I understand how you feel, and that I am here for you if you ever need to talk.”
She was so much like her own mother, Hannah thought longingly. So open and caring. Oh, how she missed her mother. “Thank you for sharing what has to be such a heartbreaking part of your life with me. I don’t know what I would do if...” She let the words trail off, too afraid to speak them.
“Austin is going to grow into a big, strong young man. Just like my sons,” she told her. “Have faith, sweetie.”
“I’m trying,” she replied with a tired sigh.
“I know you’re still recovering from having given birth to that precious little boy of yours, but, if you feel up to it, Grady and I would love to have you join us for Sunday services this morning.”
Church. How had she forgotten that it was Sunday?
“We’ll be leaving for church at nine o’clock,” Emma continued, “so you have a little over an hour to get ready if you decide to go. The boys and Autumn and Blue will all be there.”
Hannah knew that despite the painful losses she had suffered in the past couple of years, she had a lot to give thanks for, and even more to pray for. She didn’t understand the Lord’s reasons for taking her mother the way He had, and then, so soon after, her sister and Brian. Those losses had shaken her faith, had pushed her into a place of despair and sometimes resentment toward Him. But she had found herself turning to Him during the storm, and God had listened to her prayers, sending Garrett to her rescue. And He had allowed Austin to be safely delivered, even if he wasn’t physically ready to face that world yet. And He had brought Garrett into her life and allowed him to remain. If only for a very short while. It was time to make her peace with the Lord and ask for His continuing grace where her newborn son was concerned.
“As soon as I finish my tea, I’ll go upstairs and get ready. Thank you for inviting me.”
Emma smiled. “Tea alone is not going to help you keep your strength up. You need to eat. I made blueberry waffles for breakfast. It will only take me a second to warm some up for you if you’d like.”
Hannah felt an instantaneous pull of grief and looked away, trying to quell the emotion.
“If you don’t care for blueberries...” Garrett’s mother began, misreading Hannah’s response.
“It’s not that,” she replied, shaking her head. “I love blueberries. My mother used to make Heather and me blueberry pancakes every Sunday morning before we left for church when we were growing up.”
The older woman’s face filled with worry. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. I never meant to stir up sad memories for you. Let’s forget the blueberries, even the waffles. I could fry you up a couple of eggs instead. They’re fresh from the henhouse.”
Hannah shook her head. “There’s no need. Waffles will be fine.” Emma looked as if she wasn’t sure, so Hannah added, “I promise. If I were to avoid all the things that brought back memories of my mom and my sister, I would find myself living in a colorless world.” She smiled up at Garrett’s mother. “And I would be very, very hungry.”
“Your words couldn’t be more true,” Garrett’s mother said, a touch of melancholy filling her eyes. “Especially, the part about living in a colorless world. I’ve found that memories, both good and bad, tend to be tightly knitted together. If one attempts to tug an unwanted strand free, they risk causing some of the good strands to fall away as well. Therefore, we must learn to live with all the memories of the moments our lives have been made of and trust in God to give us the strength to continue on.”
Emma understood the pain of loss. She had lost a daughter. Eyes stinging, Hannah nodded, unable to speak as she fought to hold back the tears that filled her eyes.
“Oh, honey,” Emma said, moving to wrap her arms around Hannah in a warm, motherly hug. “Don’t cry. You’ll get me going, too.”
“I’m sorry,” Hannah said with a muffled sob. “I’m just feeling a little melancholy this morning.”
“What can I do to help lighten your heart?” she asked as she stepped away.
Hannah brushed a single tear from her cheek. “Just having someone to really talk to helps more than you could ever know. I tend to avoid sharing my feelings with my father because he’s already struggling to deal with his own emotions. But I miss him. And I really, really miss Mom and Heather.”
“Of course, you do,” Emma said with an empathetic smile. “There’s no need for you to ever apologize for what you’re feeling.” She hesitated for a moment, before adding, “Hannah, I know that no one can ever replace your mother, but I would like to be there for you while you’re here. Any questions you might have about being a new mother, or if you just need to talk, know that you can always come to me.”
Her words touched Hannah’s heart. “Thank you, Emma,” she said with a soft sniffle. “Thank you for everything.”
“No,” she said. “Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. If you hadn’t come into our lives the way you did, I don’t know if Garrett would have ever forced himself to face his past and step into that hospital that day. But he did, and that’s a step toward healing. I pray that my son will finally begin to move on with his life.”
“Mom?” a male voice, one deliberately hushed, called out.
“In here,” she called back with a smile.
> A second later, Garrett stepped into the kitchen, his attention fixed on his mother who was standing directly across from him. “I know I said I’d meet you at church, but...” His gaze slid in Hannah’s direction and a smile formed across his tanned face. “You’re awake?”
“I am,” she said, pushing her own troubles aside as she returned his smile. I pray that my son will finally begin to move on with his life. What had happened in Garrett’s life that he needed healing from? Not that his past was any of her business, but she knew what it felt like to bottle up the pain. She hated to think that Garrett’s big, beautiful grin masked some sort of long-withheld emotional suffering.
“I’m warming her up a couple of my homemade blueberry waffles, and then Hannah and I are going to go get ready for church. Have you eaten?” she asked him.
“I’ve had two cups of coffee,” he answered.
“So now I have to worry about both you and Hannah keeping your strength up?” she said, shaking her head. “Grab some silverware and a couple of napkins for you and Hannah while I fix you both a plate.”
He did as she asked and then slid the items, including a bottle of spring water, in front of Hannah as he took the empty seat beside her. “I know you have tea, but I thought you might like some water as well.”
She smiled up at him. “Thank you.” Her thoughts grabbed on to what his mother had said about having to worry about him keeping his strength up. Did that mean there was no one special in his life to watch over him? How that was even remotely possible was beyond her. Garrett was caring and kind. And so very handsome, she thought, feeling warmth blossom in her cheeks.
His mother turned from the stove where she had warmed several waffles in the microwave just above it, and carried two plates of blueberry waffles over to the table and set them down in front of them. “Toppings are right there.” She pointed to the ceramic butter dish and bottle of maple syrup that sat against the wall at the edge of the table.
“They smell delicious,” Hannah said as the aroma of warm blueberries drifted upward.
“Believe me,” Garrett said, cutting into one of his waffles, “they are.”
Emma smiled at his response and then looked to Hannah. “I’m going to go start getting ready for church. I’m so glad you’ve decided to join us for this morning’s services. Now, if there’s anything else you need, I’m quite sure Garrett knows where to find it.”
When his mother had gone, Garrett turned to Hannah. “So, you’re joining us for church this morning.”
“Your mother asked, and I told her I would go,” she answered with a nod.
Garrett’s gaze shifted to the plate in front of him as he sank the side of his fork into a syrup-covered chunk of waffle. “Are you sure you’re up for it?”
Hannah said, “If you’d rather I not go, I could stay here and take a leisurely walk. I’ve been wanting to see more of the ranch anyhow.” The last thing she wanted to do was be the cause of his having to revisit something that had caused him emotional pain in his past.
He paused between chews to look at her. Then he swallowed the bite he had taken before saying, “Why would you think I wouldn’t want you to go?”
She couldn’t really explain her reason, so she settled for another truth. “You’ve been forced to spend hours on end with me since coming to my rescue. It only stands to reason that you might prefer to spend some time alone with your family for a change.”
He lowered his fork as he looked her way. “Hannah, no one is forcing me to do anything. I spend hours with you because...” He paused, as if trying to figure out the reason for himself.
“Because you’re a good Christian,” she finished for him, something she found both admirable and attractive. “And it’s the Christian thing to do.”
“Well, I like to think I’m a good Christian, and that I’d help anyone in need. But that’s not the only reason.” He let his gaze drop back down to his plate. “I’m doing it because I enjoy spending time with you.”
She laughed softly, but inside butterflies were fluttering about in her stomach. She felt the same way about him. “You enjoy having your work schedule all thrown off, spending long hours at the hospital and my using your shoulder to shed my tears on?” Because she had done that more than once while they were there together at the hospital.
“The answer to your question is yes,” he told her as he pushed away from the table and stood. He walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed a water bottle from the top shelf.
“Why would anyone—”
“Because it feels good to be needed again,” he said, closing the refrigerator door. He stood with his back to her, as if he regretted his words.
Hannah’s expression softened. “It feels good to need someone,” she admitted. So good. “And to know that I can trust that person to actually be there for me. I haven’t trusted another man since my husband walked away from our marriage.”
He turned, surprise widening his dark green eyes.
“I was married once,” she admitted. “We met at the rehab facility where I worked as a physical therapist. He was an administrator in another part of the building. We dated for nearly a year before getting engaged and married six months after that. I thought we both wanted the same things in life. Especially, a family of our own, when we took our vows before God, but my husband decided not long into our marriage that he wasn’t daddy material. Or husband material, as it turned out.” She paused to collect herself, because revisiting the past was hard. Not because she still had feelings for her ex; she didn’t. It was painful because she had wasted so much precious time trying to build a life with a man who hadn’t wanted the same things and hadn’t been honest enough with her or himself to realize that before they’d wed.
“Had you tried counseling?” he asked and then shook his head. “Never mind. That’s not any of my business.”
She didn’t mind answering his question. Garrett had been so open with her. “My husband refused to waste his time going to counseling when the lines had already been drawn. I wanted children. He wanted none. To drive that fact home, he took steps medically to make sure that it could never happen, informing me of it after the fact. Then he filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Garrett said solemnly. “He should have been honest with you about his feelings before marrying you.”
She nodded in agreement. “At least I didn’t have to go through the divorce alone. I had my parents and Heather and Brian to lean on. After my marriage ended, I moved back home with Mom and Dad, planning to stay there only a few months while I got back on my feet again. But then Mom died unexpectedly of an undiagnosed heart condition and I couldn’t bring myself to leave Dad to deal with his grief all alone.”
“I’m glad you and your father had each other to lean on through tough times.” He searched her face, his expression one of concern. “Do you still have to see your ex at work?”
“No. He took a job elsewhere. And I took a leave after Heather and Brian died, needing time to recoup from yet another loss. Now I’m not sure I want to go back. I failed at marriage. I don’t want to fail at being a parent, too.”
“From what you tell me, you’re not to blame for what happened,” Garrett said in all seriousness. “And while I’m not a big fan of divorce, there are times when a future together is just not meant to be. Like Tucker’s marriage to Summer. He never intended to marry again, hadn’t even sought to put a legal end to his non-existent marriage, but life has a way of making those decisions for you when you least expect it.”
“I’m glad he was able to find true happiness,” Hannah said. She’d seen Tucker and Autumn together and they were very clearly two people deeply in love with each other. Something she prayed she would find for herself someday. A true and genuine, lasting kind of love. Like her parents had found together. Like Garrett’s parents sh
ared.
“You will, too, someday,” he said, as if reading her thoughts.
It took her a moment to reply, to separate her thoughts from what he’d actually been responding to. “Garrett,” she said with a sigh and a slight shake of her head, “how many men do you think there are out there who are actually willing to date a divorcée who has a newborn to raise?”
“They are out there, Hannah,” he said. “I promise. Truth is any man would be blessed to have such a special woman come into his life. And Austin is just an added blessing. Don’t ever settle for less than you deserve.”
“And that would be?” she heard herself asking.
“A man who will make it his life’s goal to keep a smile on your face. One who wants children, just like you. A man willing to love a child that isn’t his every bit as deeply as he loves those the Lord sees fit to bless the two of you with. And he definitely has to be a man who likes dogs,” he added with a lone-dimpled grin. “Because you come with those, too. Buddy and Bandit if I remember correctly.”
She laughed softly. “Yes. My boys.” Not only did Garrett have an impressive memory, he always seemed to have a way of lightening her mood when she truly needed it.
“And now you have one more to add to the mix,” he said with a smile as he pushed away from the table. “You’d best eat up. I’ll be in the doghouse with Mom if I kept you talking so long you didn’t have time to get ready for church.”
Hannah stabbed at another bite of waffle, while Garrett carried his fork and plate over to the sink. She expected him to set it there and then head out to the barn, but he surprised her by washing his dirty dishes. Something her husband had never done. It might have been nice to have Dave lend her a hand in the kitchen once in a while.
Garrett turned from the sink, drying his hands on a paper towel. “I’m going to head out to the barn before we leave. If you want, you can ride with me. We can go straight from church for the hospital.”
