Aidan refused to look at me. He was right to be angry. Everything he said was justified. Mayflower put her arm around my shoulder, but I gently shook her off. I wanted to be alone in my misery.
When we reached the car, Manuel was waiting for us.
‘Take them directly to Dallas, Manuel, and make sure they are safe inside the house before you leave.’
‘Si, señor,’ said Manuel.
Aidan stood watching us as the car drew away, his lips drawn tight in fury. I looked back at him for a moment, then I slid down in my seat and closed my eyes. For a while Lily sat sullenly beside me, then she moved closer and put her arms around me, resting her head on my shoulder. It was as if she knew as well as I did what would be the consequences of this day. Mayflower tried to comfort me, assuring me that she was to blame.
‘No, Aidan’s right, Mayflower,’ I said in a low voice. ‘I should never have let her out of my sight. I should have gone into the café with her instead of sitting gazing up at the hotel, wondering which room was his. I was too busy with my fantasies to pay attention to the child.’
After a while, Mayflower spoke again.
‘And what was this lie you told Aidan in New York?’
I wanted to tell her it was none of her business, but I was too weary to fight. Instead I recounted the whole story. Mayflower let out a sigh.
We lapsed into silence for a time. Lily had fallen asleep, her soft breathing a comforting sound, like a purring cat. I was left with my own thoughts.
‘He won’t change his mind this time, Mayflower,’ I said at length, expressing my worst fears. ‘He’ll send me back to New York. And I deserve it. Aidan is a good man, and he has principles that he will not betray. He expects everyone to live up to them.’
It was late afternoon when we arrived in Dallas. Manuel carried a sleeping Lily to the house and gave her to Rosa. Mayflower embraced me, tears in her eyes. After she and Rosa had gone upstairs with Lily, I sank down into a chair. Ma had been right. I was a useless chit. I sat for a while, then dragged myself up to my room.
I pulled out my bag from under the bed and threw my belongings into it. It didn’t take long. I had acquired little in the way of clothing or other possessions. As before, I cradled my books in my arms, my tears splashing on their tattered covers, before putting them in the old satchel I had brought from home and clasping it shut. I moved about in a trance, scouring the room to make sure there was no trace of me left.
When I was finished, I sat down on the bed, breathing hard. Even though I was anxious to be gone before Aidan arrived home, I allowed myself some time to mourn. How could I have been so careless? Now, I had lost everything – my grand adventure which had just begun in this strange and wonderful new place, my growing self-confidence and sense of freedom, my lovely wee Lily and, most of all, Aidan. Whatever feelings he may have had for me were surely gone, dissolved under the weight of his anger and disappointment. The future I had dreamed of for us was also gone. It struck me then that the loss of a fantasy is a greater loss than the loss of the thing itself.
When I had composed myself, I picked up my bags. I intended to take the trolley to Dallas and get on a train there. I didn’t really care where it was going. I tried to ignore the voice whispering that I was running away. I had come so far, the voice said, from the shy, stuttering girl who had grown up believing no happiness would ever come to her, and now I was in danger of letting her inhabit me again. I set my bags down and a strange sensation overcame me. I realized it was anger. How dare Aidan O’Hanlon banish me to New York? It was none of his business where I went after I was no longer in his employ. Texas was where I wanted to be, and Texas was where I intended to stay. With that, I picked up my bags again and went down the stairs, my head held high.
Mayflower jumped up from her chair. ‘What’s this, child? Surely Aidan didn’t mean for you to leave tonight!’
‘Maybe not, Mayflower, but the sooner I go the better. I don’t want any more confrontations with him. And, besides, it would be better for Lily. Where is she, by the way?’
‘Poor little thing was exhausted. Rosa and I put her to bed.’
I nodded. I wanted to say goodbye to her, but maybe it was better this way.
Mayflower looked at me intently. ‘And where are you fixin’ to go, missy, at this time of the evening?’
‘I’ll take the trolley to Dallas, and book into a hotel there. Not the Adolphus, of course, I don’t have the money for that. After that I’ll sort out what to do. One thing I know for sure, I’ll be staying in Texas.’
A huge grin crossed Mayflower’s face. ‘Good for you, darlin’. You got more spine than I gave you credit for.’ She paused for a moment. ‘And I’ve got me an idea.’
I was wary. Mayflower’s last idea hadn’t worked out so well.
‘I’ll take you out to my ranch. You can stay there as long as you like.’
‘Ranch?’
‘My daddy’s ranch over in Van Zandt County. I inherited it after he died. Hans and I go there to get some peace and quiet. It’s between here and Shotgun City, so it’s often easier for Hans to meet me there instead of our house in Dallas.’ She tilted her head and winked at me. ‘We’re like two lovebirds when we’re alone over there, lovin’ on each other like we was still young’uns.’
I blushed, and Mayflower laughed.
She walked towards the door. ‘Well, come on now, before it gets dark.’
Without waiting for an answer, she strode outside, pulling me with her to the car. It all happened so fast it was a blur. I couldn’t think quickly enough to come up with a reason not to go with her. I got into the car and Manuel started the engine. I looked back at the house for the last time. A small figure stood at the window of the bedroom under the eaves, her arm arcing back and forth in a wave. I waved back.
‘Goodbye, Lily,’ I murmured.
NEW YORK
1913
NORA
I booked into the same hotel near the docks where I had stayed before I sailed for Donegal. I was grateful to be back on dry land. I wanted to go and see Dom right away, but I was exhausted from the journey, so I decided to wait until the next morning. I deliberately hadn’t written to him that I was coming because I wanted it to be a surprise. I was dying to see the look on his face when I showed up at his door.
The next morning, I set off for his lodgings, following the directions given me by the hotel clerk. The sun was shining, and I was in better form than I’d been for weeks. Dom was renting a room in a boarding house in Hell’s Kitchen over in the west part of the city near the Hudson River.
Inside, the house was dark and dreary, and smelled strongly of boiled cabbage. I knocked on his door and waited. He was taking his time opening it, I thought, but there again he didn’t know it was me. I was about to knock again when the door opened a slit, and Dom peered out.
‘Nora!’ he cried. ‘What in God’s name are ye doing here?’
‘I wanted to surprise you,’ I said. ‘I’m just after arriving yesterday.’
He stared at me, his eyes wide.
I’d expected he’d throw his arms around me the minute he saw me. But there again, maybe he was just in shock. I laughed. ‘Are you going to let me in, or am I to stand here all day?’
He bowed his head and opened the door wide. I stepped in and looked around. There was only a bed, a dresser and a couple of chairs. A faded curtain was drawn across an alcove. Probably a wardrobe, I thought. It was hardly posh, but enough for a lad on his own. He had photos of his ma and da, and another of his sister Maeve on the dresser, and on a small table by the bed was one of myself that I’d given him before he left Donegal. I smiled when I saw it.
A sudden rustle behind me made me swing around. A buxom dark-haired girl wearing a bright red satin petticoat and matching lipstick stepped out from the alcove, a defiant look on her face. I turned to Dom in confusion.
‘Em, Nora, this is a friend of mine, Kathleen. Kathleen, this is Nora.’
He
stood, his eyes lowered, and his face flushed with colour. He looked like a schoolboy who’d been caught doing mischief. The girl, Kathleen, showed no such shame. She glared at me, bold as brass, and stuck out her hand.
‘Nice to meet you,’ she said in a thick Irish brogue.
I ignored her hand and turned back to Dom. ‘Who is this?’ I said.
‘A friend,’ Dom said again.
Kathleen moved closer to Dom and put her hand on his arm. ‘Och, we’re much more than that, aren’t we, love?’ she said. ‘Tell her, Dom.’
He pulled his arm away from her grasp. ‘This is my friend Nora Sweeney. I know her from home.’
Kathleen glanced at the dresser. ‘She’s the one in the photograph?’
Dom nodded. ‘Nora and her sister Delia and me, we all went to school together. I expect she’s come to New York to find her sister, Delia. Isn’t that right, Nora?’
I didn’t answer. I was so confused I didn’t know what to think or say. I suddenly felt faint. The small, stuffy room began to close in on me. I slumped down on a nearby chair. Dom poured me a glass of water. He was about to speak when Kathleen broke in.
‘Is your sister the one who worked for Aidan O’Hanlon?’
‘What?’
She turned to Dom. ‘Am I right, Dom?’
Dom nodded.
‘Did you know she passed herself off as you?’
I found my voice. ‘How did you know that?’
‘Because I worked for O’Hanlon as well.’ She gave me a smirk. ‘Your sister was a liar and a schemer. She even tried to steal Dom away from me. Didn’t she, Dom?’ She didn’t wait for him to answer. ‘She had her claws into O’Hanlon as well. Got him to agree to take her to Texas. But I tried to put a stop to that. A letter had come from your Ma telling him you were drowned and wondering if he’d seen Delia. Well I put two and two together and I gave it to himself so he’d see what a liar she was.’
‘That’s enough, Kathleen,’ shouted Dom.
‘And do you know what that conniving wee bitch did then?’ she said, ignoring Dom. ‘She sweet-talked the daughter into telling him she’d not go to Texas without your one.’
‘And have they left?’ I said.
Kathleen shrugged. ‘How would I know? I was sacked a few days after I gave him the leter. That’s what I got for me trouble! If they haven’t gone already, I’d say they’ll be gone soon. He wanted to leave while his father-in-law, James Sullivan, was away in Ireland. You see Sullivan would have stopped them. He wanted the child here.’
‘Was anyone else working there? A housekeeper maybe?’
‘You’re a nosy one aren’t you. Aye, there was the housekeeper, Mrs O’Donahue. She’d have been kept on until they left. After that,’ she shrugged, ‘who knows? I’m not a bloody fortune teller!’
I stood up. The room swirled around me and I took several deep breaths. I made my way unsteadily to the door and pushed through it leaving it swinging open behind me. I hurried as fast as I could down the stairs, afraid I would die if I didn’t get some air. Outside, I leaned against the wall of the building. Suddenly, Dom was beside me.
‘It’s not what it looks, Nora . . .’ he began.
But I turned away from him. ‘Don’t bother, Dom. I know what I saw with my own eyes.’
Somehow, I found the strength to walk away.
I wandered along the streets, not knowing or caring where I was going. I felt sick to my stomach. I could hardly take in what had happened, and just then I didn’t want to. I tried not to think of anything at all.
The sound of church bells rang out and I looked around me. I was passing a beautiful stone building with stained glass windows. I realized then that this must be St Patrick’s Cathedral. I’d heard about it all right, but I’d never seen it. On impulse, I climbed the steps and went in. The place was cool and dark, and filled with the scent of burning candles. It reminded me of our church in Kilcross, and a sudden homesickness came over me. I had never been religious, going to mass only because it was expected, but now, in this cathedral, with the familiar comfort of burning candles and stained-glass windows, I fought back tears of loneliness.
When I got back to my room in the hotel, I turned off the lights, drew the curtains and climbed, fully clothed, into bed. I drew my knees up to my chest like a child. I freed the tears that had been welling up in me all day and began to sob – loud, convulsing sobs of despair.
It took me two days to get up the courage to leave the hotel and go outside. By that time, I had no more tears left. I had wept for everything I had lost – Mrs Shaw, my fantasies of a rich husband with Sinclair, the comfort of my old life in Donegal, and now Dom. I even questioned if I would have been better off if I had drowned. At least I would have avoided all this sorrow.
I realized that in all my life I’d never been alone. In Donegal I had Ma and Da and was surrounded by friends. Even on the ship, Delia had been there even though I had ignored her most of the time. After that, I’d had Mrs Shaw to look out for me. And in coming back here, I’d expected I’d have Dom to rely on. Now, the fear of being alone gripped me and wouldn’t let go. Eventually, I realized I couldn’t hide from life forever. I told myself that I was not totally alone in the world. I still had a sister somewhere. I tried not to think what might happen if I found her and she wanted nothing to do with me, but she was all I had left. And so, the next morning, I set out to find her.
It was a beautiful, bright morning and I decided to walk. I had memorized Aidan O’Hanlon’s address and asked the hotel clerk for directions. I tried to push away my anxiety as I made my way up Fifth Avenue. I blessed myself as I passed St Patrick’s Cathedral, more out of habit than anything else. Everybody I knew in Donegal blessed themselves when passing a church. I thought maybe I should go in and say a wee prayer but decided against it. I couldn’t stop now, I had to keep moving.
The O’Hanlon house wasn’t anywhere near as grand as the other houses on the street. Some of them were even bigger than the Van Cline mansion where I’d gone to the Christmas Eve party with Sinclair. I broke out in gooseflesh at the memory. I shook the feeling off and went back to staring at the O’Hanlon house. It was white with black shutters, three storeys tall with windows that reached from the ceiling to the floor, and a wrought iron balcony on the second floor.
I straightened my shoulders and walked up the path to the front door. I let the brass knocker rise and fall with a thud. When nothing happened, I knocked two more times. At last the door opened about six inches and a pair of eyes squinted out at me.
‘What are ye after wanting? If you’re selling something ye may be on your way.’
I pushed on the door to open it more. Standing in front of me was a sour-looking girl about my own age, dressed in a maid’s uniform. I smiled at her, hoping to win her over.
‘Oh, please forgive me, miss,’ I began. ‘My name is Miss Sweeney and I’m looking for my sister, Delia Sweeney, who works here as a governess. Is she about?’
The girl stared at me as if I was astray in the head. She gave a tired shrug as if the effort of talking was too much for her.
‘There’s nobody by that name here.’
‘Delia. Delia Sweeney,’ I said again.
She tried to push the door closed in my face, but I put out my hand to stop her. I was desperate to get an answer. She must have seen she was not getting rid of me that easily. She heaved a lengthy sigh.
‘There was a governess here,’ she said in a flat voice. ‘But her name was Nora Sweeney.’
I realized my mistake. Of course, she had called herself Nora.
‘You say was,’ I said. ‘She’s gone away?’
‘Aye, she and the child and himself. I never saw them. I was taken on after they left. But that’s the story I heard.’
‘Do you know where they went?’
She shrugged. ‘How would I be knowing? I’m after telling you they’re not here and they’re not expected back. Now if that’s all, you nosy bitch, you may be on your way.’
Stunned, I stepped back, and she shut the door with a bang. I stood there for a moment, not knowing what to do. After a while I turned and went back out on to Fifth Avenue and walked in the direction I had come. I was filled with frustration and disappointment. What if I never found Delia?
I went back to the hotel to collect my thoughts. Delia had gone, that was certain. The maid, rude as she was, had no reason to lie. I believed too that she had no idea where they went. Was it to Texas as the Kathleen one had said? I was determined to find out.
I reasoned that since O’Hanlon and Delia had left the house empty someone else must now either own or be renting it. And surely that person would know where Aidan and Delia had gone. But how was I to meet him, short of standing outside the house day and night? I realized it would make more sense if I went in the evening. There would be a better chance that the new owner would be at home.
The next evening, I retraced my steps up Fifth Avenue and past St Patrick’s. I’d expected the streets would be quiet – it was teatime, and everybody would be at home. But I was wrong. This wasn’t Kilcross, this was New York City and people were out and about at all hours. I was excited at being part of the crowd, all of us rushing to one appointment or another. It made me feel alive.
When I reached the O’Hanlon house, I knocked loudly on the door. The same sour-faced maid opened it a crack.
‘You again,’ she said, scowling at me. ‘I told ye everything you wanted to know yesterday. What’re you doing back here annoying decent people? Go on about your business before I call the police.’
I held my temper. ‘I’m here to see the owner of the house,’ I said. ‘Would you kindly let him know that Miss Sweeney is here to see him.’
‘He’s not here!’
She seemed to have gained more strength than the day before. No matter, I thought, I’m not leaving until I’m sure the owner’s not home.
The Titanic Sisters Page 21
