~~Easton~~
I don’t belong here?
I froze, unable to move as Caro’s words sliced deep, like a dagger to the heart. She didn’t waver. The coldness on her face didn’t thaw. She was upset and taking it out on me. I was the easiest target because of her guilt over what we did last night.
Understanding her behavior didn’t make me feel any better.
“They’re my children too.” If she wanted cold, I could do cold. My words dripped ice, and my face froze into an emotionless mask.
We stared each other down, both poised for battle, even if we weren’t sure what we were battling over. If this was how parenthood with her would be, we had a long way to go. With my parents, it had been a collaborative process, not a combative one. Caro hadn’t had the good examples I’d had from her own dysfunctional family.
“Not yet, they aren’t. They don’t know who you are. I’m sure they have questions, but as you can see, now is not the right time to introduce a new man into their lives. I knew better, and I let my own selfish desires get in the way of what’s best for my children.”
What was she saying? Was she telling me to butt out of her life and my kids’ lives? I wouldn’t do that. Not now that I’d gotten a taste of fatherhood. I didn’t care how uncomfortable my presence made her. My kids needed me, and I needed them. I wasn’t backing off. I wasn’t going away. They were my flesh and blood.
“You want me to make this easy on you and disappear?”
She narrowed her eyes and glared at me.
Before we had a chance to say another word to each other, Hailey marched out of the bedroom with Heath at her side. One look at their faces and I suppressed a cringe. They were furious. Mona, sensing the tension in the air, quickly went to Heath’s side. He wrapped one arm around her neck but didn’t bat an eyelash.
“Why didn’t you have us call Grandma yesterday? She’s sad. We miss her and Grandpa. We miss our daddy.” Hailey threw back her head and wailed. Tears streamed down her face. Accusation and the agony of loss dulled her blue eyes. Her sobs were heartbreaking, and I was at a total loss, but I had to do something.
“Hailey, honey, your mommy didn’t mean—”
“You’re not my daddy,” she screamed at me, and her words punched me harder than a puck to the gut.
She stomped down the hallway to her bedroom. Heath glared angrily at both of us before racing after her, Mona loping behind him. A few seconds later, the door slammed.
Caro turned on me. “I told you to leave. Please go, and let me take care of this mess.”
I was completely out of my comfort zone. I didn’t know what to do, so I did what she asked. I paused with my hand on the door. “I leave tomorrow for a road trip.”
“Fine. Contact me when you return.”
I’d been given the boot out the door and told quite clearly not to come back in the near future. With my tail tucked between my legs, I slinked out the door and back to my own condo.
I was shaking by the time I entered the condo. Steele was home, and he glanced up as I entered. “You look like hell. That’s not what I expected after you spent the night at Caro’s.”
“We had a fight this morning.” The most incredible night of my life had been ruined by one of the most upsetting mornings I’d ever had.
“What kind of fight?”
“Over the kids. She wants me to back off.”
“You are getting pretty tight with them.”
“They’re my fucking kids,” I almost shouted, and Steele’s brows shot upward as he studied me.
“You don’t have to rush this. You’re pushing too hard. Back off. They’re all dealing with a tragic death. Give them time.”
“Spoken like someone who knows.”
“Yeah, I know. It hurts. You lost your own dad. How would you feel if a new guy tried to take his place within a few months of his death?”
“Pissed.”
“Yeah, well, cut them some slack and give them some space. You’ve been hovering ever since they moved in. This road trip will be good for you.”
He was right. I’d give them space. I didn’t have much of a choice considering we’d be gone on a road trip for a few days, returning on New Year’s Eve. I’d been so looking forward to the new year. Now things weren’t looking quite as bright.
I’d been pushing. I’d back off and give everyone some space to grieve.
Chapter 26—Control
~~Easton~~
Hockey, I needed to concentrate my energy on hockey.
The Sockeyes had won the Cup last season, and all eyes were on us this season. We were also rebuilding, having lost key players to free agency and retirement. We were still in the hunt with over half the season to go. The defending champs would make the playoffs, but doing a repeat on the Cup was next to impossible.
Regardless, our captains wanted to win it all again, and so did the rest of us. As rookies, Kaden, Steele, and I all had lifelong dreams of one day hoisting the Cup high over our heads and skating around the arena with it while the crowd cheered.
My team was battling for the second spot in the division. We won the first away game of the road trip. Tomorrow we’d fly to Vegas.
Despite the upheaval in my life, I was playing well, one of the top rookies of the year. Coach Coop was pleased with my performance as was the head coach. I’d had a good game tonight, and I was proud of myself. My troubles with Caro and the kids hadn’t affected my play. I guess that meant I was growing up and turning into a true professional.
I walked into the hotel lounge after our away game, whistling a tune I’d probably picked up from one of the kids’ television shows. I’d planned on going straight to my room, but I was too wired to sleep, so I was left with nothing to do but seek out my cohorts. I was missing Caro and the kids way more than I cared to admit. I’d fallen for her again. The sex had been better than ever, and I adored her company.
Several heads turned toward me. The Puck Brothers sat at a table, their expressions grim.
“Easton, come over here.” Ziggy motioned me over.
I grabbed a beer from the bar and ambled over. Cautiously, I studied each one of them. Something was up. I pulled a chair from the table and sat down in it, grinning at them.
“Somebody die?” I asked.
They continued to stare at me, not one change of expression. This group was all about a good time, and they were being way too serious for my taste.
With Axel still in the minors, Ziggy appeared to be the spokesman of the group. He cleared his throat, not seeming to want to broach the subject, but he finally spit out the words he’d been holding back. “You’re not behaving like a Puck Brother.”
“I guess that depends on how you define Puck Brother. I’m not married. I’m not living with a woman. I’m just spending time with my kids, and she happens to be their mother.” What I’d been doing was way more than that, but my feelings for Caro were private and sacred, and I didn’t want to reveal my innermost thoughts to these clowns. They’d use anything they perceived as a weakness for fodder to harass me or play jokes on me. I didn’t care to be the brunt of their jokes.
“You’re hot for her,” Kaden said.
“Yeah, so? You’re hot for the mystery woman.”
Kaden scowled, but that shut him up. Steele said nothing. He didn’t throw me under the bus like he could’ve, mentioning I’d been kicked out of Caro’s condo.
“I’m still a brother. I’ll always be a brother, even if I’m no longer single. We’re all buddies, right?”
“Yeah, right,” they mumbled and nodded as one. We held up our beer bottles in a toast to each other.
“Besides,” I added. “We’ve decided to cool it for a while so she can concentrate on her education and I can concentrate on my game.”
All eyes studied me skeptically. They didn’t buy what I was selling. I shrugged. They could take it as the truth or leave it. Didn’t matter to me.
“Is being in love grounds for being kicked out of the
Puck Brothers?” Kaden mused.
“We didn’t discuss that point,” Steele said with total seriousness. “I knew we need to write that shit down, like our rules and stuff.”
A collective groan reverberated around the table.
“I’m not losing the bet.” Not yet, anyway. “And I’ll still be a Puck Brother. We’re all brothers on the ice, and we play with a puck. And Kaden is just as guilty of monogamy as I am.”
No one disputed my statement, and I successfully diverted their attention to Kaden.
“So, Kaden…” Cave turned the attention to my roomie, and I sat back to watch the fireworks. “Who is this mystery woman?”
Kaden’s smile faded, and he closed off completely. “No one you fuckheads know.”
“Why the secrecy? You bringing her to Ice’s New Year’s Eve party?”
“I don’t know. I’ll ask her. She doesn’t like parties much.” Something in his eyes indicated he was lying, and one of the guys jumped on it.
“How the hell did you ever meet her then?”
“At a club in Portland.”
“She lives in Portland?” Ziggy asked.
“I don’t know.” Kaden took a long pull on his beer and avoided our astonished gazes. He didn’t know where she lived? His response was mind-boggling.
“What’s up with this woman? Is she in witness protection or something?” Cave asked.
“She’s very private. I don’t ask too many questions, and neither does she. She doesn’t even know I play hockey or my real name. I probably don’t know hers either. This is fun and secretive and sexy. That’s all.”
We exchanged glances with each other and dropped the subject.
~~Caroline~~
The next few days were tense, but finally the kids worked their way out of their funk, and I was no longer public enemy number one.
“When is Easton coming back?” Heath asked me at the dinner table, as he shoveled in enough spaghetti to feed two teenage boys, or so it seemed to me. Mona lay under the dining table at Heath’s feet. She’d figured out pretty fast the kids spilled stuff and slipped her goodies during their meal.
Heath’s question surprised me. Neither of my children had mentioned Easton since the phone call with Fran. I’d broken Fran’s heart with my selfish actions, and I hated myself for it. She’d never been anything but good to me. This holiday had to be hard on them after the death of their son, and I’d spent the day without giving them or their son a thought, while fucking Easton that night.
I’d tried to call Fran and Howard a few times since, but my calls went unanswered. My kids loved the Mills and so did I. They were the only grandparents they had. My own parents had been nonexistent in their lives. They needed as many stabilizing factors as possible. And Fran and Howard were stable examples. They were good people, and I knew they’d get over their hurt and come around. I even bought a card, wrote a heartfelt note, and mailed it to them.
We finished our meal, and the kids curled up on the couch with Rusty and Mona to watch a movie. Junie helped me wash dishes and clean the kitchen.
“Have you heard from Easton?” She knew all about the issues with Fran and me kicking Easton out of the condo that morning.
“He’s texted me a few times. Just asked how things were going.”
“Did you respond?”
“No. I let him too far into my life. Now it’s time to back him out. He might be the kids’ biological father, but he hasn’t earned the right to be called Dad.”
Junie arched a brow and shook her head.
“What?”
“He hasn’t earned the right? Listen to yourself.”
“I don’t know what you’re getting at. Spell it out.”
“You want him to be part of their lives, but you want full control. Isn’t parenting a combined effort?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Mark let you deal with the kids. He was the fun dad who didn’t discipline them. He left the hard stuff to you. Maybe Easton wants more of a partnership. Have you discussed this with him?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Because you’re not willing to give up full control.” When Junie’s voice took on that superior tone, it grated on my last nerve.
“They’re my children. I have control. He does not.”
“I don’t think he sees it that way. You gave up full control when you contacted him. Don’t you see that?”
I hung my head. I did see that, but I fought it every step of the way.
Chapter 27—At an Impasse
~~Easton~~
The next day was a travel day and then we’d play a game in Vegas the following night and return to Seattle after the game and in time for New Year’s Eve.
Once we landed, I deposited my bags in the room and ran into Ziggy in the hotel bar. Most of our teammates had taken off to a casino across the street.
“What are you doing here?” I was surprised. Ziggy was the biggest partier on the team. He never missed a chance to party it up.
“Just taking it easy for once.” Ziggy shrugged. Something was bothering him, but I wasn’t one to push. If he wanted to tell me, he would. As far as I knew, he might be nursing the mother of all hangovers. A guy had to take a break once in a while.
“What about you? You’re not hanging out with the bros either.”
Ziggy and I had never been tight, but for some reason, I unloaded on him about the kids and Caro. He was a shockingly good listener and didn’t say anything until I was done with the entire sordid story.
“So, she’s pretty much kicked your ass to the curb this time?”
“Seems like it.”
“Are you still in love with her?”
I frowned, opened my mouth to protest his use of still and in love, then thought better of it. I didn’t know if what I felt for her as a teenager was love or lust or a combo of both, but it’d been real and intense and all-consuming in a way that only teenagers could love. This thing I felt now was more mature and scarier in its ability to deeply hurt me. Then there was the complication of the kids.
“I don’t know if what I feel is love.” I was being brutally honest or so I thought. “Besides, I’m a Puck Brother.” I grinned at him, attempting to lighten the mood.
“Yeah, so? You need to protect your interests in those kids. You said you have some temporary papers signed?”
“Just outlining the amount of monthly support until we settled everything.”
“Have you considered adopting them?”
I ran a thumb over the stubble on my chin, considering his words. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead.”
“You want them to have your last name, don’t you? You need an undisputable claim to them as your children, don’t you?”
Possessiveness swelled within me. They were my kids, damn it, even if they didn’t know it. “Yeah, I do.”
“And when are you going to tell them you’re their father? Time’s a wasting, buddy. As long as they don’t know, she maintains the ultimate control. You need to get a handle on that. You’ve waited long enough. Waiting much longer is only going to make it worse.”
“You know, Zig, you’re right. I’m glad you were hanging out here tonight. I needed someone with a fresh perspective to help me see through this mess.”
“I’m your man.” Ziggy raised his beer glass, and we toasted, each taking a long pull before setting down our glasses.
“She’s going to hate me when I approach her with all this.”
“Maybe, but put the kids first, not her feelings. She’s collateral damage.”
I didn’t like his words. He made this sound like a battle, and I didn’t want a battle. I wanted us to be on the same page and supportive of each other’s decisions. Maybe I was dreaming and that’d never happen.
“What’s the deal with Kaden?” Ziggy swiftly changed the subject, and I was grateful for the respite. I needed more time to think this through, figure out the right approach that’d do the least amount of damage.
“No one knows. He has a secret lover. They sneak off to hotels together at the oddest times, and no one has seen them in public.”
“She’s married. I’ve had a few relationships like that. All the telltale signs are there, especially the secretive meetings and minimal information about who she is. All red flags.”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking.”
“A hookup is one thing, but he’s gone way beyond a couple nights. Getting mixed up with a married woman leads to nothing but grief. I don’t have too many rules when it comes to dating women, but avoiding the married ones is at the top of my list.”
“Mine too,” I agreed, but my mind was elsewhere. Ziggy focused his attention on one of the bar TVs showing highlights from the night’s game, in which I’d scored a goal, and Ziggy had an assist. The coach put us on the second line together, along with veteran Scott Monet, and we’d been on fire. Usually it took several games for a line to gel, but we played as if we’d been together for years. Maybe we’d gotten lucky tonight and were in the zone, but I’d take it, whatever it was.
My professional life was on track, and I needed to fix my personal life once I figured out how I wanted to fix it. Did I want to pursue Caro, despite her resistance to being with me, her need to stay in control, and her stubborn refusal to listen to reason?
Yeah, I did.
I’d make her listen. Living in limbo wasn’t fun for any of us.
~~Caroline~~
The morning of New Year’s Eve, I woke to a typical gray Seattle day. I didn’t have any plans to celebrate other than hang out with my kids and maybe drink a glass of cheap champagne at midnight. Junie had plans to go out with Steele and Kaden, which was fine with me. She’d been hovering, and I’d been so despondent about the kids’ meltdown and my conversation with Fran.
Our doorbell rang. I looked up from the game I was playing with the kids and shot Junie a questioning glance. She shrugged and went to the door to answer it.
Easton walked into the condo, and the kids immediately leapt to their feet and ran to him. Mona bounded to his side, her entire butt wagging and drool flying. He hugged Heath and Hailey, patted Mona, then turned to me, one large hand on each child’s shoulder. I was struck one more time with how comfortable they were with Easton and how right they looked together.
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