zoegirl:
there is that
mad maddie:
did she tell u what happened in math?
zoegirl:
does it have to do with devirginization?
mad maddie:
no, it has to do with her being all mopey cuz she’s NOT gonna be devirginized.
mad maddie:
and before i explain, u’ve got to understand that usually in math class angela IS THE BIGGEST CHATTERBOX EVER.
zoegirl:
no!
mad maddie:
yes! mr. miklos is CONSTANTLY trying to make her shut up. well, today, mr. miklos said to the whole class, “what test do u want on friday, a 1, 2, or 3?”
zoegirl:
huh?
mad maddie:
oh yeah, ur in smart math so u dunno about this.
mad maddie:
in dumb math, whenever we have a test, it can either be a series 1, 2, or 3, with 3 being the hardest. not that a 3 would be hard for U, but for us dummies, it can be quite traumatic.
zoegirl:
maddie? shut up and finish the story.
mad maddie:
so mr. miklos asked that about the test, and when no one answered, he said, “in that case, shld i choose, or shld we play a game of chance?”
mad maddie:
we certainly didn’t want the devil choosing, so we took the game of chance. he put three marbles in a bag and said that if he pulled out a red marble, we’d have a 1, if he pulled out a blue one, we’d have a 2, and if he pulled out a white one, we’d have a 3.
mad maddie:
first he pulled out a blue one, and we all yelled, “no fair! rigged! rigged!”
zoegirl:
you have a strange math class.
mad maddie:
so he tried again and pulled out a white one, which meant the HARDEST test, and this time everyone said, “cheater pants! do-over, do-over!”
mad maddie:
he was half frustrated but half having fun, so i offered a brilliant solution. i said, “hey, mr. miklos, how about if angela doesn’t say a word for the entire class. THEN will u give us a series 1?”
zoegirl:
did he go for it?
mad maddie:
HA! mr. miklos thought there was no way angela could do it, but angela sat there glum and depressed for the WHOLE CLASS! it was awesome!
zoegirl:
did angela think it was awesome?
mad maddie:
i teased her about it afterward, and she got all grunty and spouted off.
mad maddie:
but, hey—if she’s going to be depressed, we might as well get something good out of it.
zoegirl:
like i said: a verrrrry strange math class.
zoegirl:
so how’d the driving go? all set for your license?
mad maddie:
don’t u know it. today i drove on northside parkway for the very first time. there were SO MANY CARS BEHIND ME, and i was like, “ahhh! pressure!”
mad maddie:
the moms screamed, “slow down! slow down!” and her foot kept pumping away at her own pretend brake on her side of the car. it didn’t work, tho. her pretend brake.
zoegirl:
because it was pretend?
mad maddie:
bingo!
mad maddie:
hey, i’m forwarding u and angela a quiz called “what pattern r u?” go take it and then come back and tell me what u r.
zoegirl:
i’m supposed to tell you what *pattern* i am? um, what pattern are you?
mad maddie:
i am LEOPARD PRINT, baby. rebellious, independent, and unique. and here’s ten zillion diamond points saying yr going to be tan, or beige, or… i dunno. burnt umber.
zoegirl:
those aren’t patterns. those are colors.
mad maddie:
take the quiz: quizilla.teennick.com/quizzes/23851466/what-pattern-are-you!
Tues, Sept 21, 5:58 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
i’m STRIPES! refined, classic, and modest.
mad maddie:
stripes, eh? i can see that. beautiful beige and tan stripes.
zoegirl:
yeah, and i can see you as leopard print—when you’re not wearing jeans and your shit-stomping boots, that is.
mad maddie:
i love my shit-stomping boots!
Wed, Sept 22, 9:02 PM E.D.T.
mad maddie:
u will not BELIEVE what just happened.
SnowAngel:
does it have to do with rob and tonnie? cuz i don’t think i can take anymore. she’s trying to steal him away from me. i KNOW she is.
mad maddie:
god, angela, cld u be more obsessed? no, it doesn’t have to do with rob or tonnie. has to do with jana. i ran into her just now when i was shuttling the moms around, doing my learner’s permit escort service of glory.
mad maddie:
the moms is in kroger doing some grocery shopping (i.e. getting the pops more beer), so i’m killing time at 7-11. i’m still here, but jana and terri have left.
SnowAngel:
did you scare them away?
mad maddie:
i wish.
mad maddie:
jana and terri were by the magazine stand when i came in. margie walker was there too, altho she wasn’t with jana and terri, of course.
SnowAngel:
of course
mad maddie:
so jana and terri start checking out margie’s new do, and jana’s all, “god, margie. u have got to stop screwing with your hair!”
SnowAngel:
typical. geez, let margie shave her head if that’s what she wants to do. what skin is it off jana’s nose?
mad maddie:
actually, it *was* the tiniest bit funny. i mean, i’m surprised margie has any hair left, the way she’s always dyeing it and cutting it and shit. she might end up shaving it for real.
mad maddie:
anywayz, margie left with her coffee and a scowl, and i walked past jana and terri to get to the slurpee machine. i gave them a quick nod, but that’s all.
SnowAngel:
good. she needs to know that not everyone’s gonna fawn all over her.
mad maddie:
yeah, but then terri left, and it was just me and jana. jana strolled over to the slurpee machine and said, “hey, maddie. what’s up?”
SnowAngel:
???
mad maddie:
i know! she was… normal! and then we had an honest-to-god conversation. it was so weird.
SnowAngel:
what’d u talk about?
mad maddie:
random stuff, like how she wishes they’d bring sour cherry slurpees back and crap like that. and i was like, “i am so with u. enough of this strawberry-kiwi garbage! bring back the real flavors!”
SnowAngel:
then she asked if i’d driven to 7-11 myself, meaning did i have my actual driver’s license, and i told her no, but that i’d be getting it in october. she was all, “i am soooo jealous. i hate having to depend on my mom for rides, and my bday’s not till april.”
SnowAngel:
too bad for jana. zoe and i, on the other hand, will have the luverly mads to chauffeur us around IN TWO WEEKS!
mad maddie:
u got that straight
SnowAngel:
that’s bizarre that jana lowered herself enough to talk to u, huh?
SnowAngel:
u know i’m kidding
mad maddie:
i’m sure she’ll go back to ignoring me at school tomorrow, so don’t worry.
SnowAngel:
why wld i worry? i don’t give a damn what jana does.
mad maddie:
right. me neither.
mad maddie:
HEY, did ya take the pattern quiz?
SnowAngel:
u wld have to ask, wou
ldn’t u? u cldn’t just let it go.
SnowAngel:
YES, i took the pattern quiz, and u know what it said i am? TIE-DYE! *pulls hair by roots*
mad maddie:
what’s wrong with tie-dye?
SnowAngel:
UM, EXCUSE ME.
SnowAngel:
do i wear tevas? noooooooo. do i smell nastily of patchouli? nooooooo. do i write all my english papers on the legalization of marijuana? noooooooo and nooooooooo again!!!!!
mad maddie:
u liked what the quiz had to say, then. u agreed with its assessment.
SnowAngel:
please. tie-dye is SOOOOOOO last… what’s the word for lots and lots of decades ago?
mad maddie:
pelt-woman wears tie-dye all the time.
SnowAngel:
pelt-woman?
mad maddie:
mark’s girlfriend, remember?
SnowAngel:
ur comparing me to the chick who doesn’t shave her pubes. lovely.
mad maddie:
i’ll bring u a hemp necklace tomorrow.
SnowAngel:
NOT funny!!!
Thu, Sept 23, 3:01 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
zoe, what is wrong with the world?! *wails and gnashes teeth*
SnowAngel:
rob asked tonnie wyndham to go to carl’s party with me and him on friday!!!
zoegirl:
what?! i was JUST talking to u and rob. when did this happen?
SnowAngel:
just now. i haven’t even left the hall. my legs won’t work.
zoegirl:
your legs will work, angela. tell me what happened.
SnowAngel:
ok, so u left, and i was getting my books together, and rob was keeping me company cuz he is just that sweet.
SnowAngel:
and then! out of nowhere! tonnie flounced up and starts telling rob how he was soooooooooo funny during english and how it was soooooooo great that he got mr. kirk to give everyone an extension on their papers.
SnowAngel:
i was like, “go away, tonnie! u r soooooooo annoying and that t-shirt is soooooooo ugly!” it was super super tight and had the word “trouble” written across it in sequins. *gag*
zoegirl:
did you really say that to her, that she was annoying?
SnowAngel:
no, but i wanted to.
SnowAngel:
so tonnie says, “what r u two lovebirds up to this weekend?” and very sweetly i grabbed rob’s hand and said, “nothing much, just hanging out.”
SnowAngel:
rob goes, “what about carl’s party? aren’t we going to carl’s party?” and tonnie squeals, “carl balkin? r his parents going out of town?”
SnowAngel:
and then, out of utter cluelessness, rob goes, “yeah, u should come, right, angela?”
zoegirl:
ick!
zoegirl:
what did you say???
SnowAngel:
i said, “oh, i wish u could, but it’s only for ppl who don’t wear sequins. sorry!”
zoegirl:
REALLY?
SnowAngel:
no.
SnowAngel:
so now tonnie’s coming with us to carl’s tomorrow night. we’re even picking her up! *bangs head on locker*
zoegirl:
is she honestly hitting on rob, or is she just being… i don’t know… friendly?
SnowAngel:
do u even have to ask? as soon as tonnie walked off, i said to rob, all jokey, “guess u’ve got a date with 2 girls now. ooo—menage a trois!” he laughed, but he shot me this look like he was kinda nervous.
SnowAngel:
BUT HERE IS THE POINT OF EXTREME IMPORTANT-NESS:
SnowAngel:
if tonnie’s coming to carl’s then u and maddie have to come 2, cuz i’ll need u for moral support. ok?
zoegirl:
angela…
SnowAngel:
what?
zoegirl:
i hate those kinds of parties, you know that. where everyone gets trashed and i feel like a loser because i don’t drink.
SnowAngel:
u have to come. plz? u can just hold a beer and take little sips every so often.
zoegirl:
i don’t want to take little sips every so often. i hate beer.
SnowAngel:
then i’ll pour a sprite in a cup for u and we’ll tell everyone it’s a wine cooler. no one cares!!!
zoegirl:
i don’t know. my mom would kill me.
zoegirl:
have you already asked maddie?
SnowAngel:
not yet, but i’m sure she’ll come. please, please, please, please, please? u can spy on tonnie and rob for me!
zoegirl:
grrrrrrrr
SnowAngel:
PLEASE??? yr support in this time of need *might* just make it so that my legs work again so that i can leave this stinkin hallway!
zoegirl:
fine, all right. but i’ll have to tell my mom we’re doing homework together and see if she can give me a ride to your house. and maybe i just won’t mention the party at all.
SnowAngel:
*SUPERFLYINGTACKLEPOUNCE!* yay! it’s gonna be so much fun—we can make snide remarks to each other and roll our eyes whenever tonnie says anything!!!
zoegirl:
wh-hoo!
SnowAngel:
OH! and speaking of parties, we have GOT to plan maddie’s surprise party. her bday’s two weeks from tomorrow!
zoegirl:
yikes, you’re right
SnowAngel:
i think we should have it at collier park. everybody can bring food and we’ll have a twilight picnic.
zoegirl:
who should we invite besides megan and kristin and mary kate?
SnowAngel:
tonnie? *throws head back and laffs maniacally* jana whitaker? *collapses in a heap of amusement*
zoegirl:
having fun?
SnowAngel:
oh, i crack myself up.
zoegirl:
did you see jana and maddie in the cafeteria line, though? they were chatting away like it was perfectly normal.
SnowAngel:
yeah, that was creepy. later i said, “maddie? is there something u want to tell me?” and she goes, “jana’s not as bad as i thought she was. she’s actually kinda funny.”
zoegirl:
OMIGOSH SHE’S BEEN TAKEN OVER BY AN EVIL SPIRIT
SnowAngel:
i know!
SnowAngel:
i was kidding when i said we should invite her (obviously), but let’s start telling ppl tomorrow.
zoegirl:
okay. only don’t worry if i’m not at school right on time, because i might be a little late.
SnowAngel:
cuz of friday morning fellowship?
zoegirl:
last week we didn’t get back until the beginning of first period
SnowAngel:
what did ms. andrist say?
zoegirl:
she didn’t care.
SnowAngel:
hmmph. she would if it were a coven meeting.
SnowAngel:
did u hear that announcement about the shakespeare festival? “this year we will not accept any booths concerning witchcraft or fortune-telling unless they specifically pertain to shakespeare’s plays.”
zoegirl:
bummer. do u care?
SnowAngel:
no
zoegirl:
all right then. and how about your legs? do they work again?
SnowAngel:
*wiggles legs experimentally* hey hey! i can walk! i can WALK! I CAN WALK!!!!
Thu, Sept 23, 11:15 PM E.D.T.
mad maddie:
hello, zo. i am txting u out of boredom even tho i know yr asleep. why d
o u go to bed so frickin early, fool?
zoegirl:
i don’t ALWAYS. i’m finishing some research for my english paper, thank you very much.
mad maddie:
ooo, for mr. h? kissy, kissy.
zoegirl:
shut up
mad maddie:
ur not going to that fellowship thing again tomorrow, r u?
zoegirl:
i am, and please don’t make fun of me.
mad maddie:
well… since you asked so nicely. but can we make fun of angela and this dumb party she’s dragging us to?
Ttyl Page 6
